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Let her go?

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  • This topic has 956 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by anita.
Viewing 15 posts - 826 through 840 (of 957 total)
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  • #344038
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    I am back earlier than I planned.

    “Maybe I should have told her my feelings for her in the past? I didn’t wanna ruin things between us”- yes, I would have told her, if I was you. Tell her now- there is nothing to ruin, so tell her now. It will be a good practice for you to tell a person you’ve cared for, for so long, how you truly feel, the whole truth. Tell her in a matter of fact kind of a way, in a confident way (not in a whining way or so). It will be you respecting yourself by doing so. She will not respond negatively and you will feel better for being true to yourself.

    “So maybe that’s what I have to do? Move on with my life, let her do her own thing and maybe down the line.. Worry about my life, how I want things and find people I want to be close with and have connections with”-

    – YES, YES, YES!

    Find people you want to be close with and have connections with, starting with one person, one special person. Be truthful with that person about how you feel and who you are, don’t pretend with that person to be happy-go-lucky when you are not. To thine own self be true— this is what love is about.Let your chosen person see who you really are and love you for it.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.
    #344072
    pete
    Participant

    I can’t tell her I love her now, I lost that chance as she has a boyfriend. She knows I used to like her when I casually told her, she kept saying several times she was flattered, which is terrible to hear. Means she did not like me back. She also said she had a feeling I did. But it wasn’t the truth…it was a little  more then “like her”.

    #344080
    pete
    Participant

    I will say 1 thing though…I think she DID like me a little but it wasn’t enough because I didn’t really do anything. Maybe I did not chase her the way she was hoping? I dunno. But she would be sad if we didn’t talk, one time she had a frowny face in text when I said “this time I wont fall asleep”, she said nobody ever tells her the stuff I tell her and that I am such a great guy and she wants me to call her ANYTIME I am thinking about her so she obviously liked the attention I was giving her, but not following up on it for more. Plus that hike she put makeup on when knowing I was near by and saying “you’re just nervous you’re seeing me”

     

    Also that night she told me nobody ever tells her this with how her voice went low we did not hang up for like 10? seconds, was pure silence…if only I had said “I don’t wanna hang up” like I was thinking, she was most likely thinking the same thing. She used to also text back “Please call 🙂 ” we would normally sit side by side leg touching leg.

     

    So I think what MAY have happened was she was waiting for me to make a move, liked my attention I gave her and I did nothing with it, then she went to this event and those 2 clicked right away and missed eachother terribly for a few months and eventually he told her and they went on a date and BOOM! While I did not have the same chemistry they have, she waited for me to make the move and he did and I didn’t so he had her and she drifted away for feelings towards me and eventually does not really even see me even as a friend which is why she does not text me anymore and does not get excited about our phone calls and never  wants to  see me anymore.

     

    If I had taken my leap? I am sure I would have got the girl. If I had told her my feelings for her, she would have shared hers with me and taken things and I would have been happy…MAYBE! When we had coffee last month she said she’s an old fashion girl, only into 1 guy. So…maybe she rather have the guy also call her unless they are a couple? being old fashion she likes to be chased and I never chased her.

     

    Just what I think happened, what do you think? it all adds up if you look at the pieces. Now she just doesn’t look at me the same way, her feelings for me changed because she thought of me as more then a friend, but now not really even a friend…an acquaintance. It’s why things between us changed, not because of the guy…HER feelings. She also said we are always going to be together getting through everything together, but I missed my chance.

     

    We are always going to BE together.

    #344116
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    I remember you telling about that party you went to, she was there too, you got drunk and hit on other women. I remember wondering why the h*** did you do that, when it is she who you want. This is why I suggested that you tell her the simple truth, no more pretending, no more calculating what you should say and what you should not say, just say the truth of how you ‘ve felt for her for so long.

    Doesn’t  matter if she knows how you feel, say it anyway, in your own words, straight from your heart.

    You can tell her first that you want to tell her how you feel, and that you don’t expect her to react to it any which way, and you can add that you are doing this to be true to yourself and to her.

    anita

    #344214
    pete
    Participant

    Yeah that woman was probably 20, don’t think she’s down for older men into younger women because her daughters. I also was talking to other young women there and was loudly talking with this other and the woman this thread is about said “you sure like talking” and I said “only when I am drunk”.

     

    What do you think though…do you think she liked me by what I posted or am I just looking at it all wrong?

    #344220
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    I am sure that she liked you, genuinely she did. I am sure about it because of how you reacted to her for so long. You reacted to her so intensely and for such a long duration of time because you noticed that she genuinely liked you, that she truly cared for you, that she felt a true connection to you,  and thought that you are a worthy individual (even if you didn’t think: she likes me, she…etc., , you felt these things, and it is this feeling, that someone cares for you, thinks of you as worthy, etc., that you’ve been chasing since 2016.

    If she was just a pretty woman that didn’t genuinely like you, you wouldn’t have reacted to her this way, she would have just been a pretty woman that you met. See what I mean?

    Maybe she felt romantically for you at one point, but you were not open to a romantic relationship with her. If she didn’t think of you romantically back then, maybe she would have developed that feeing if you were open to a romantic relationship with her, but  you were closed to the idea from the very beginning.

    Now, she is not open to a romantic relationship with you, I don’t think that she thinks of it as a possibility.

    anita

     

    #344222
    pete
    Participant

    Yeah, blew my chance. Like I said, I told her on the phone when she was with him I liked her but was never going to make a move on her. Wish I could go back, I would make my move! I’d have told her what she meant to me, but would say it more like “I have something to tell you and I hope it doesn’t ruin things between us if you don’t like it but I am crazy for you, just wanted to be honest with you and I am ok if you don’t feel the same way”.

    #344224
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Blkhwkdwn1:

    I want you to take it in: that a woman as wonderful as her, really liked you, really thought of you as a worthy man, not the undeserving man you thought you were. She genuinely liked you and  cared for you. Take it in. All is not lost if you take it in and keep it in.

    Yes, if you told her: “I am crazy for you”, yea, that sound right.

    anita

    #344682
    pete
    Participant

    Well, stay safe and healthy over there. I’m getting a temp raise at my work doing 9-10 hour shifts making overtime going to make a lot of money. But I feel bad benefiting this while so many lost their jobs and soon minds…and it’s my duty as a man and a person to help out so i’ll give my extra cash to help someone that needs it I think.

     

    As for her…I text her yesterday if we could talk and got some cool news to share but her phone is on the fritz and will call me in a few days and was curious what my news could be and now she’s taking time off work as of today (guessing to be with her family), so prob will tell me no for talking any time soon.

    #344732
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    I hope you do talk with her sooner than later. Nothing wrong with you making more money, lots of people got raises for working in these times, supermarket workers, Amazon workers, and they deserve making more money because they are out and about, in contact with other people. I hope you don’t feel guilty about it, no valid reason to feel guilty. And don’t rush to give your cash away, like you have in the past. Keep it for yourself, for your benefit, you deserve the money you make!

    anita

    #344874
    pete
    Participant

    Well we talked for 19 minutes. She’s off work until government let her back to work and told her I needed to get this off my chest and to not respond, I just needed to say it. That I was sorry for what I said, that i’ll respect her decision from now on instead of trying to take a break or ending things and especially over text, she said “thanks I don’t blame you”, asked about how she’s dealing with the virus, not dealing with it well. Asked about her family how they are dealing with it, they are doing fine.

    She is having problems with everything now and also this virus, thinks it might be the appocolypse (sorta joked, sorta didn’t but had a small aha laugh) and said she’s not worried about dieing from this (WTF!!!!!). Told her I hope she and her family are all safe and healthy from the crisis and move forward stronger and thanks for being the best thing to happen to me in my life, she was mostly laughs at the end.

     

    Also told her thank you for your service to humanity and she  said “awe” and that because what you do even for 1 hour people get to forget what is happening in the world as you heal them, you get to forget aswell as you are healing them. She then said “you have such good words”, told her I write them down because I tend to forget what I am wanting to say so it’s more notes I write what I wanna talk about. That was it (still genuine though).

     

    Oh she wont be seeing her man for 26? days because where he works, he’s an essential worker and I said “I guess you will be facetiming him everyday”, but they don’t talk much since he’s always at work, sleeps and wakes up early so when they talk it’s for a few minutes saying hey and stuff. Also 1 of her daughters is getting evicted at the end of the month and they all need to clear the stuff out by the end of the month, but car broke down so offered to get my dad to drive her there (I would pay for his gas), she really really liked that but probably would take her neighbours car but will keep me in mind. Also told her if she needs anything at all to give me a shout and I can get her groceries before everyone else piles in.

     

    But most importantly, I told her thanks for being the best thing to ever happen to me, she kinda had a small laugh at it but she’s stressed about lots of things. She, like you, said I have good words lol, I just say what I mean. I also said since you’re off work for a while call me if you really need to talk about anything, i’ll also update you on my work. Maybe she will, maybe she wont.

    #344878
    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    What a delightful conversation you had with her, tough times, of course, but a delightful conversation nonetheless. You do have good words, just like she said. It’s conversations like this that cause me to like her, conversations with her that you detailed in the past as well as this one. I will re-read tomorrow morning and write more to you.

    anita

    #344886
    pete
    Participant

    We will all get through these bad times, just stay indoors and 6 feet minimum from anyone including your family for at least a month. Go outdoors for fresh air to be in nature, but be alone in nature and don’t touch anything. We got this! 😉

    #344894
    anita
    Participant

    You are a breath of fresh air, blkhwkdwn1. Will be back to you in about 12 hours. I hope you sleep well. I am smiling now, because of you.

    anita

    #344898
    pete
    Participant

    Good night, sleep tight and glad you are smiling.

     

    I am going to try sleeping early, never knew how exhausting it can be working in these times and it’s worse if you’re working in a hospital. Had a guy come to me and say he was not sure if anyone notices but he does and appreciates everything I do for people in these times. Did not say much because the whole staying away from everyone and I don’t wear a mask and it can be spread through just talking. I don’t fear what’s going on but I gotta respect peoples boundaries, it IS mostly fear though but I just stay calm and smile at everyone. Fear is causing people to panic but stupidity is causing people to not respect the real dangers we face.

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