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Need some advice, as im so frustrated

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  • #385989
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

     

    I’ve read the strategy that u suggest me, i’ll try and see how it went.

    I wanna share regarding yesterday. Yesterday is my bachelor’s graduation… because of covid it’s conducted online.
    As you know most people celebrate their graduation by posting on their social media right, after 110 days of being inactive on posting, i decided to post again… to post a pic of me graduating… i didnt do it to impress people, i just want to share that i’ve graduated…. So i posted a pic of me with the certificate and also a flower (only 1) that is given by my parents….
    There are several people congratulate me, and i feel thankful….

    I feel relaxed at first, not until i saw most of my colleagues has more people congratulate them, and they get dozens of flowers…. I really dont want to get triggered, but i think this is human nature… Although i can control it better than before, but i still feel less…. People might saw me as a person who doesnt have any friends… i only get one flower from my parents. It’s not that i feel low in self-esteem, it’s just that i dont want them to look at me as a less person.

    Previously i’ve said that i prefer being alone as having friends won’t let me focus… but seeing those pics yesterday, idk why i feel sad…

    After being inactive on posting for 110 days, the feeling of comparing with others is still there when i dont intend to….

    There’s also a person who intentionally ask their friends to bring flowers so that she can take a pic with those flowers and show to people that she got many flowers….

    Why is society like this? Why is social media like this?

    This is why i feel frustrated on my birthday 4 months ago… I posted a pic of my birthday and i counted how many people wish me a happy birthday and i compare it with my friends…. This is so wrong…

    I cant believe i’ll have to count how many people congratulate me on my wedding day if i post on social media….
    I’m sure this is not just me, i’m sure people who’s active on social media has this issue… comparing to others when they post something… e.g. who has more friends, etc

    When i thought i’m on the right track on my life… these things happen…. Society is such a struggle.

     

    #385993
    Felix
    Participant

    *continuation from previous post*

    As what i said above, it’s not that i’m depressed again… i’m still on my mindset to be a better version of me…

    I just wanna say that when we are trying to be good to ourselves, improving ourselves… there’s always obstacles… even our own human nature is the obstacle….

    I just remembered why i was never serious in my uni days, how i never get good grades… it’s because i choose society and friends rather than achieving my targets….. If at that time i choose to achieve my targets, maybe i will have less friends than now… i guess everything has their pros and cons.

    But it’s better to achieve our targets than having many friends to impress society right?

    #386009
    Felix
    Participant

    Can someone pls help me…

    Why am i always feeling this way…
    Every time i wanna decide to do something i’ll always make sure that i dont regret it… but in the end i’ll always regret it…. Especially when i saw other people…

    I cant continue living my life this way, it’s eating my mind…

    Yesterday and today is graduation day on my uni… yesterday i only posted a pic of me and a flower from my parents on my instagram story… i didnt post a pic that my friends posted for me to congratulate because i felt that if i posted it, i’ll end up regretting just how i used to… because some of the pics they posted i dont look good….

    And today i saw most people posting their graduation pics a lot…. Even the silly pics of them on graduation from their friends….

    I suddenly get so much regret, why didnt i post it…. All of those graduates posted even silly pics….

    I’m so tired of competing with people….. i really do…. But my mind always prevents me from being less than people, it drives me mad.

    And i only posted a pic of myself, like i have no friends…. I really wanna scream right now….

    Why do i always regret on everything i decide in this kind of situation… especially on social media…

     

    I’ve done healing with myself by not posting for 110 days… and when i’m back to posting on social media… this issue occurs again…

    Is this a fear of losing out? I think this is already occurs when i was a kid, when i saw other kids have video games i feel like i need to own it too…. Not because i really enjoy it, but because i dont wanna lose out…

    I thought i’ve cured myself from that 110 days of not posting on social media.

    My mental health is really messed up right now.

     

    Before the graduation day, i was so motivated in learning some skills to improve myself…. And now i’m messed up just like 3 months ago….

    It’s so so tiring.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by Felix.
    #386012
    Felix
    Participant

    Due to the problems i mentioned above, right now i feel worried and afraid… idk why….

    I feel like i wanna hide from people…. I can’t handle competing…. It’s draining me…

     

    I just ordered a digital pad for me to learn drawing few days ago… and now this issue slapped me and i’m feeling so anxious right now that i dont feel like doing anything.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by Felix.
    #386021
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    I am sorry you’re feeling anxious again, now triggered by your graduation ceremony. It seems that social media do trigger comparison in you, and it makes you feel bad about yourself.

    Every time i wanna decide to do something i’ll always make sure that i dont regret it… but in the end i’ll always regret it…. I cant continue living my life this way, it’s eating my mind…

    You may wait a few days to calm down, you can try to talk to your internal saboteur as I suggested, but if it doesn’t get better, I suggest you visit a therapist. Lots of times self-help isn’t enough, but we need to talk to a professional. I encourage you to do that, if you can’t stop this cycle or regret and self-condemnation.

     

    #386036
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear TeaK

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

     

    Do u think regarding the graduation ceremony issue, this is due to the usual saboteur?

    I used to be so happy on social media, especially when i used to brag… i post anything without hesitation.
    But now every time i post something i’ll always end up regretting, even when i think 100 times before deciding it. I dont know what happen to me, it all when downhill since i regret that building development post.

    But when i read in some blogs, it says that there’s a possibility that people in social media dont really give much of a thought what we post… just like we wont remember most people’s post.

     

    #386042
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    Do u think regarding the graduation ceremony issue, this is due to the usual saboteur?

    Yes, you have a very low self-esteem and the need to be liked by others. Even though you haven’t been posting for 110 days and have been isolating yourself from your friends, this need (and the fear of rejection) didn’t go away, it just wasn’t active since you weren’t posting. Now that you posted, it got reactivated again.

    But when i read in some blogs, it says that there’s a possibility that people in social media dont really give much of a thought what we post… just like we wont remember most people’s post.

    That’s true. Lots of people care much more about their own posts and the feedback they get, than they care about other people’s posts. You believe everyone is judging you when you post something, when mostly people are neutral and don’t care too much.

    Before the graduation day, i was so motivated in learning some skills to improve myself…. And now i’m messed up just like 3 months ago….

    I am sorry about that. In the past more than 4 months of communicating we’ve covered all of these topics, including the reasons for your low self-esteem and the ways to overcome it. If you feel bad again, I can only recommend to read our communication again, and then if that doesn’t help, to see a professional. At this point I don’t have anything else to advise you, I’ve shared all that I know and that I think can help you, so if your problems persist, please seek professional help.

     

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