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Need some advice, as im so frustrated

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Viewing 15 posts - 136 through 150 (of 185 total)
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  • #385989
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

     

    I’ve read the strategy that u suggest me, i’ll try and see how it went.

    I wanna share regarding yesterday. Yesterday is my bachelor’s graduation… because of covid it’s conducted online.
    As you know most people celebrate their graduation by posting on their social media right, after 110 days of being inactive on posting, i decided to post again… to post a pic of me graduating… i didnt do it to impress people, i just want to share that i’ve graduated…. So i posted a pic of me with the certificate and also a flower (only 1) that is given by my parents….
    There are several people congratulate me, and i feel thankful….

    I feel relaxed at first, not until i saw most of my colleagues has more people congratulate them, and they get dozens of flowers…. I really dont want to get triggered, but i think this is human nature… Although i can control it better than before, but i still feel less…. People might saw me as a person who doesnt have any friends… i only get one flower from my parents. It’s not that i feel low in self-esteem, it’s just that i dont want them to look at me as a less person.

    Previously i’ve said that i prefer being alone as having friends won’t let me focus… but seeing those pics yesterday, idk why i feel sad…

    After being inactive on posting for 110 days, the feeling of comparing with others is still there when i dont intend to….

    There’s also a person who intentionally ask their friends to bring flowers so that she can take a pic with those flowers and show to people that she got many flowers….

    Why is society like this? Why is social media like this?

    This is why i feel frustrated on my birthday 4 months ago… I posted a pic of my birthday and i counted how many people wish me a happy birthday and i compare it with my friends…. This is so wrong…

    I cant believe i’ll have to count how many people congratulate me on my wedding day if i post on social media….
    I’m sure this is not just me, i’m sure people who’s active on social media has this issue… comparing to others when they post something… e.g. who has more friends, etc

    When i thought i’m on the right track on my life… these things happen…. Society is such a struggle.

     

    #385993
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    *continuation from previous post*

    As what i said above, it’s not that i’m depressed again… i’m still on my mindset to be a better version of me…

    I just wanna say that when we are trying to be good to ourselves, improving ourselves… there’s always obstacles… even our own human nature is the obstacle….

    I just remembered why i was never serious in my uni days, how i never get good grades… it’s because i choose society and friends rather than achieving my targets….. If at that time i choose to achieve my targets, maybe i will have less friends than now… i guess everything has their pros and cons.

    But it’s better to achieve our targets than having many friends to impress society right?

    #386009
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Can someone pls help me…

    Why am i always feeling this way…
    Every time i wanna decide to do something i’ll always make sure that i dont regret it… but in the end i’ll always regret it…. Especially when i saw other people…

    I cant continue living my life this way, it’s eating my mind…

    Yesterday and today is graduation day on my uni… yesterday i only posted a pic of me and a flower from my parents on my instagram story… i didnt post a pic that my friends posted for me to congratulate because i felt that if i posted it, i’ll end up regretting just how i used to… because some of the pics they posted i dont look good….

    And today i saw most people posting their graduation pics a lot…. Even the silly pics of them on graduation from their friends….

    I suddenly get so much regret, why didnt i post it…. All of those graduates posted even silly pics….

    I’m so tired of competing with people….. i really do…. But my mind always prevents me from being less than people, it drives me mad.

    And i only posted a pic of myself, like i have no friends…. I really wanna scream right now….

    Why do i always regret on everything i decide in this kind of situation… especially on social media…

     

    I’ve done healing with myself by not posting for 110 days… and when i’m back to posting on social media… this issue occurs again…

    Is this a fear of losing out? I think this is already occurs when i was a kid, when i saw other kids have video games i feel like i need to own it too…. Not because i really enjoy it, but because i dont wanna lose out…

    I thought i’ve cured myself from that 110 days of not posting on social media.

    My mental health is really messed up right now.

     

    Before the graduation day, i was so motivated in learning some skills to improve myself…. And now i’m messed up just like 3 months ago….

    It’s so so tiring.

    #386012
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Due to the problems i mentioned above, right now i feel worried and afraid… idk why….

    I feel like i wanna hide from people…. I can’t handle competing…. It’s draining me…

     

    I just ordered a digital pad for me to learn drawing few days ago… and now this issue slapped me and i’m feeling so anxious right now that i dont feel like doing anything.

    #386021
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    I am sorry you’re feeling anxious again, now triggered by your graduation ceremony. It seems that social media do trigger comparison in you, and it makes you feel bad about yourself.

    Every time i wanna decide to do something i’ll always make sure that i dont regret it… but in the end i’ll always regret it…. I cant continue living my life this way, it’s eating my mind…

    You may wait a few days to calm down, you can try to talk to your internal saboteur as I suggested, but if it doesn’t get better, I suggest you visit a therapist. Lots of times self-help isn’t enough, but we need to talk to a professional. I encourage you to do that, if you can’t stop this cycle or regret and self-condemnation.

     

    #386036
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear TeaK

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

     

    Do u think regarding the graduation ceremony issue, this is due to the usual saboteur?

    I used to be so happy on social media, especially when i used to brag… i post anything without hesitation.
    But now every time i post something i’ll always end up regretting, even when i think 100 times before deciding it. I dont know what happen to me, it all when downhill since i regret that building development post.

    But when i read in some blogs, it says that there’s a possibility that people in social media dont really give much of a thought what we post… just like we wont remember most people’s post.

     

    #386042
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    Do u think regarding the graduation ceremony issue, this is due to the usual saboteur?

    Yes, you have a very low self-esteem and the need to be liked by others. Even though you haven’t been posting for 110 days and have been isolating yourself from your friends, this need (and the fear of rejection) didn’t go away, it just wasn’t active since you weren’t posting. Now that you posted, it got reactivated again.

    But when i read in some blogs, it says that there’s a possibility that people in social media dont really give much of a thought what we post… just like we wont remember most people’s post.

    That’s true. Lots of people care much more about their own posts and the feedback they get, than they care about other people’s posts. You believe everyone is judging you when you post something, when mostly people are neutral and don’t care too much.

    Before the graduation day, i was so motivated in learning some skills to improve myself…. And now i’m messed up just like 3 months ago….

    I am sorry about that. In the past more than 4 months of communicating we’ve covered all of these topics, including the reasons for your low self-esteem and the ways to overcome it. If you feel bad again, I can only recommend to read our communication again, and then if that doesn’t help, to see a professional. At this point I don’t have anything else to advise you, I’ve shared all that I know and that I think can help you, so if your problems persist, please seek professional help.

     

    #386626
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear TeaK

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

    I’m feeling better now regarding the situation i mentioned previously.

    This happens just like the situation on my birthday 4 months ago, i overthink lots of things but after a few weeks… i realize that what i did is mostly harmless.. it’s just me overthinking lots of negative scenarios.

    I re read ur previous advices and it indeed has impacted my recovery, and i’m thankful for that.

    Is it okay if i still share about my life here? As i believe u are one of the people who really understands me.

    #386703
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    I am glad you’re feeling better and can look at the events more calmly now… Sure, you can share about what’s going on in your life, and I’ll try to give you feedback, specially if it’s a new situation and a new problem that we haven’t talked about before.

    How is exercising going on? And learning to draw?

    #386724
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

    Regarding the exercise, i’m still doing it… although sometimes i skip my exercise because i feel lazy and unmotivated 🙂, i end up doing something unproductive such as watching tv, play games. Any ideas how to keep getting motivated every day?

    As for the drawing, it was really hard for me to learn.

    I’ve bought a digital pen and pad to help me draw digitally… but it’s so hard (i dont think i have the talent for it). I tried learning from watching youtube videos. One of the reasons i wanna learn drawing digitally because i wanna earn money from it…. But i never though it was really hard when u have no talent for it, my hands are very stiff.

     

    You could say my daily weekdays are: going to the office, then at evening when i go back home i do the exercises, and then at night i practice drawing.

    As for my weekends, i only stay at home… as it’s still not safe to go out freely due to covid.

    #386852
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    I am glad you’re keeping up with the exercise, even if not every day. Don’t beat yourself up for skipping sometimes, but try to make it a habit though because it’s doing you good, both mentally and physically. We all get lazy easily, but think of the benefits, and just do it 🙂

    About the drawing, is it something you like? Perhaps drawing with a digital pen isn’t your medium (or you just need some more time to get the hang on it), but in general, is drawing something you like and you feel you’re talented in?

    You could say my daily weekdays are: going to the office, then at evening when i go back home i do the exercises, and then at night i practice drawing.

    As for my weekends, i only stay at home… as it’s still not safe to go out freely due to covid.

    This sounds fine, considering the situation with covid. You’re doing something productive, hopefully something you enjoy too (drawing), and working on your sense of accomplishment. There will be time for socializing once the restrictions are lifted…

     

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Tee.
    #386948
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear TeaK,

    Thank you once again for ur reply.

    Sorry for skipping what we discussed above.

    Yesterday i attend my high school friends gathering…. And long story short we took a pic… and in that pic i look so short, more shorter than usual… because in most pics i always find a good angle for me to look taller but in yesterday’s situation i failed. I look really really short, and the girl beside me was the same height as me and the boy beside me was 15cm taller than me…. It couldnt have gotten any worse.

    And yet again because there is one of my high school friend who attends the same uni as me, we have almost the same mutuals on social media… and she posted that pic.

    It really triggers me, and i scream last night…. I really feel like i wanna cry… why do people have to keep embarrassing me like this.

    Like really what should i do right, i dont even do anything to embarrass myself and it really cause something to trigger my self-issues.

    I just got better a few days ago, and once again this happened… i even think that i should isolate myself completely to avoid getting embarrassed, i wont go to any of my friends reunion anymore… i’ll just hangout with my really really closest friend.

    I apologize if this is something we’ve discussed before, but i’m so sad right now… like why is this world really hard on me, i tried my best to be happy but i never get that…. I’ve been given to many self issues and i really cant take it anymore.
    What should i do then, stop existing from social media? Isolating myself from friends?
    It’s really hard for me to go forward in life, right now i’m trying to contain my sanity… because if i dont, i really might scream and try to beat myself up again (like really trying to punch something, like the wall or my bed).

     

    #386949
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    *continuation from previous post*

    As someone with more experience in life, can u tell me how strong do i need to be in this world? Because my inner self is at it’s limit now, it really really hurts.

    #386950
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Also one of the reasons that i’m so down due to that situation is that, my mom told me… You have to eat more.. look at urself in that picture you look small (my mom followed that person’s social media).

    Even my mom comments like that, what makes other people cant comment like that? I’m screwed.

    #386953
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Felix,

    my mom told me… You have to eat more.. look at urself in that picture you look small. Even my mom comments like that, what makes other people cant comment like that? I’m screwed.

    I am sorry that your mother is so insensitive, and she has been like that all along. She has been criticizing you and worrying about you ever since you were a small child. You grew up with a notion that something is wrong with you – your eating habits, your height, your weight… You were never good enough for her. And now you are never good enough for yourself. This is the core of your self-esteem problem.

    It really triggers me, and i scream last night…. I really feel like i wanna cry… why do people have to keep embarrassing me like this.

    Like really what should i do right, i dont even do anything to embarrass myself and it really cause something to trigger my self-issues.

    It’s not people who are embarrassing you – that girl simply posted a group photo, with no intention to hurt you. For you everything is a trigger, even something completely innocent. It’s because of your emotional wound that you react to everything with a sense of doom. You feel like you’re falling apart because you cannot bear the feeling of not being liked. It’s too painful, you don’t want to live with that pain. I understand you.

    But the solution is not to isolate yourself completely from people. You could do that only by becoming a monk and living in a far-away monastery, but even then you’d compare yourself with other monks and how they are better than you. You could become a hermit, living alone in the desert. But even then, the thoughts of not being good enough would haunt you…

    What I am trying to say is that isolation and running away from people won’t help you. What will help you though is to heal that childhood wound. You’d need to heal that inner child. You need to become a good, positive, encouraging parent to that little boy who was always hearing how weak and insufficient he was.

    You have been hearing that something is wrong with you since at least 3 years old, maybe even earlier. And you are still hearing it. Your mother is still making such belittling comments…. And they hurt, because you are still identified with that little boy who wanted his mother to praise him and appreciate him.

    For you to heal, you’d need to praise and encourage that little boy. You’d to tell him you love him. You’d need to take him into your arms (in your imagination) and tell him how beautiful and precious he is, and that there is nothing wrong with him. You need to be your own good parent.

    This I believe is the way out, the way to truly develop self-esteem.

Viewing 15 posts - 136 through 150 (of 185 total)

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