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June 6, 2019 at 4:43 pm #297729
lindseyParticipantAnita,
these principals definitely make sense and reading them makes me feel better.
I feel the situation today is very similar to what happened over the weekend. Something upset him and he went silent on his phone for 2 days. What r ur thoughts?
June 6, 2019 at 6:20 pm #297741
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
He said he wants to take it slow, to get to know you (no sex during this stage). A monogamous gf/ bf relationship was not established yet. I think it may be a good idea to suggest to him a few rules, maybe a phone call every evening between this and that time, so you don’t have to wonder if he will call you. That will help your anxiety.
I am not sure about what rules will be best, maybe you can think of a few and let me know. The purpose of the rules is to minimize your anxiety at this stage of the relationship (getting to know each other) and the rules need to make sense, and only a few.
anita
June 7, 2019 at 7:03 am #297797lindseyParticipantAnita,
Ok. So I am wondering if I should try another anxiety medication that was prescribed I just haven’t filled it yet because I feel like I’m on my last leg here. He was just busy yesterday.
I’m still processing things because he texted me later last night and said 1. he is not sure what this is regarding liking me as this is new. 2. not sure he’s ready to see someone 3. we work together. He stated he’s attracted to me and wants to continue our friendship. He does not want any expectations. Then asked me to lunch this weekend. Also if I’m looking to find someone don’t let him stop me from seeing people. He doesn’t want to ruin our friendship over sex.
I feel really exhausted.
Lindsey
June 7, 2019 at 7:05 am #297799lindseyParticipantAlso I don’t even now what rules to ask him. I feel like he’s the one calling all the shots here. Almost like he’s controlling what happens in the future really. He said if we are watching a movie one night and end up spooning then it happens.
June 7, 2019 at 7:12 am #297801AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Either you take it slow with him or don’t take it at all. He is going slow, is cautious. If you can’t fit your expectations to reality and calm down, then better tell him you are withdrawing from him, no longer considering a relationship, back to being co workers and nothing more.
I think he is feeling pressure already, that is why he told you to not let him stop you from seeing other men. He knows you are rushing and he knows that he is not!
Here are the three possibilities that I see:
1. You keep rushing, obsessing, he withdraws.
2. You calm down, do not expect anything but mutual respect, have lunch with him this weekend and do not obsess about it before or after. This is your best chance for a bf/gf relationship to develop.
3. You can’t calm down, end this beginning relationship.
anita
June 7, 2019 at 7:13 am #297803AnonymousGuest* did not reflect under Topics
June 7, 2019 at 7:43 am #297811lindseyParticipantAnita,
I understand. I agree with what you are saying. I feel sad with myself for my behaviors, again. I’m going to try the very best I can. I’m only going to think of him as a friend. I let it get out of hand this week. I’m really trying. This is really hard.
Lindsey
June 7, 2019 at 8:03 am #297819AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Yes, better “to think of him as a friend”, because this is what he is, a friend.
You can’t tell the future, predict it, fast forward and be there. So don’t rush there in your mind, it is futile.
anita
June 7, 2019 at 8:19 am #297821lindseyParticipantAnita,
Thank you. I’m really upset that I allowed my anxiety to get to this point. I’m embarrassed that he probably got the rushed impression from me.
Lindsey
June 7, 2019 at 8:50 am #297831AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Try to not be embarrassed by thinking what I believe is true: he is not perfect either, far from it. If you do get to know him better, you will find out how imperfect he is. Likely, part of the reason why he wants to take it slow is for you to.. not find out right away and immediately that, in his mind,.. he is not good enough for you !
anita
June 8, 2019 at 4:32 pm #298039lindseyParticipantAnita,
i am only thinking of him as a friend and I don’t have anxiety. If I start to think other stuff my anxiety goes crazy so I don’t. This mindset is for the best. I am not ready for dating based on how my anxiety goes crazy. Not ready at all. Thank you for your guidance during this difficult week. I’m grateful I fixed myself before I messed the friendship up.
Lindsey
June 9, 2019 at 7:20 am #298091AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
You are welcome. “I’m grateful I fixed myself before I messed the relationship up”- this very thing will over time reduce your anxiety, your beginning and growing confidence in your ability to handle challenges well. You were too anxious regarding K, changed your thinking, and set yourself on the right path in regard to him. Good job, keep at it !
anita
June 9, 2019 at 3:16 pm #298145lindseyParticipantAnita,
This is going to sound a little weird but I feel like you are really the only constant in my life right now maybe besides my dad.
i haven’t spoken to my mom at all since Easter. She’s coming this weekend to visit with the kids. She has not texted me at all until now asking me to pick her up from the airport with the kids. I declined. I’m not really sure how to handle the situation. I will have to keep her at arms length but I feel like I will be very upset and that she will end up asking me to have lunch or dinner with her alone and I just feel like I cannot go back to old habits and I’m really hurt.
I’m also upset because K asked me to watch a movie Friday and I couldn’t so we decided to watch it today. Well Anita is 5:15 in the afternoon and I’ve yet to hear from him. I texted him earlier. I’m so over everything honestly. I don’t care if we don’t watch the movie tonight but Jesus return a text. So typical lately.
Lindsey
June 9, 2019 at 5:17 pm #298157AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
I will be able to read and reply to your recent post, and anything you may add to it, when I am back to the computer in about 13 hours from now.
anita
June 9, 2019 at 5:53 pm #298163lindseyParticipantAnita,
It is almost 8pm nothing from K. I’m trying not to over react but I’m pretty upset. I don’t know if it’s worth continuing a friendship at this point. I just don’t understand people.
Lindsey
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