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New and Improved: the journey, rebirth, a new world

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Viewing 15 posts - 151 through 165 (of 298 total)
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  • October 11, 2019 at 5:59 pm #317389
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    interesting you wrote that. I have a little chalkboard at home and for months I had written – you don’t owe your parents anything – on the board.

    Thank you for your words as always.

    yes – I see what you mean about the memories. And I do see clearly that those weren’t actually safe memories. The way I know this is because like I said earlier – I don’t feel sad when I think it. It just comes to mind

    I hope your walk was nice today.  I’m going to write more tomorrow. Headed to bed now – running a marathon tomorrow.

    good night my sweet mentor!

     

    October 12, 2019 at 4:25 am #317433
    cali sister
    Participant

    Good morning Anita,

    I wrote a post and then it disappeared ! Anyway – I was saying how I’m on my way to my first marathon. I haven’t been able to exercise since I went NC so I’m excited to let some energy out.

    I am hoping to write to you about the crush soon because it is anxiety inducing for me. So I am excited to explore it with you.

    I hope you have a nice weekend

     

    cali sister

    October 12, 2019 at 5:45 am #317437
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister:

    I didn’t know cali sister runs marathons! How long has this marathon you ran today (I assume you are running it as I am typing this)?

    Do post or email me about your crush .

    (and thank you for the sweet mentor words from yesterday).

    anita

    October 12, 2019 at 9:06 am #317463
    cali sister
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I am in NO way a marathon runner! I just did a 5K! But it was the first organized run I’ve done. I can do a 10K next! I did a spartan race back in April (can google it if you’d like) but it’s like a race with obstacles. Was tough but fun.

    sent you some photos of the race via email.

    October 12, 2019 at 9:30 am #317469
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister:

    Five km is long enough to run, especially if you are not chased by some wild animal. (It is not recommended to run away from a cougar, by the way. Instead you’re supposed to make yourself look as big as possible and get very loud, but I digress).

    I will look at the photo you sent me next.

    anita

    October 12, 2019 at 12:04 pm #317485
    cali sister
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    yes very true – a run is a run!

    after the race, I took a bubble bath and ate some lunch. I’m in bed with pup right now. Tearful. All my thoughts are not together. So not sure why yet. I’ll write soon.

    October 12, 2019 at 12:26 pm #317489
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister:

    Tell me about tearful, anything that comes to mind. (Tearful, by the way, is not a bad thing).

    anita

    October 12, 2019 at 1:56 pm #317507
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister:

    I will be away from the computer for a short while. I hope you are okay, tearful as you may be. Write to me anytime!

    anita

    October 12, 2019 at 4:39 pm #317523
    cali sister
    Participant

    Hi Anita-

    about to have dinner with sister and brother in law.

    thinking of you. Can’t wait to come home and write.

    the tears – I was crying the painful 27 years of life. Memories. It was cathartic.

    October 12, 2019 at 4:50 pm #317525
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister:

    Cathartic crying is a good thing. I was concerned about you- glad to get your message an looking forward to you writing to me. I hope you have a good dinner with sister and brother in law.

    anita

    October 12, 2019 at 6:50 pm #317531
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister:

    It is close to 10 pm your time, and I am about to shut down my computer for the night. Be back tomorrow morning, in 11 or 12 hours from now. I hope you have a restful night and hope to read from you in the morning. Remember you are that courageous, strong, good and beautiful person.

    (By the way, who  is the other woman at the marathon this morning- one of your group of friends?)

    anita

    October 13, 2019 at 8:22 am #317577
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    thank you for your kind words.

    the other woman is not in the group of friends. She is my separate friend. I’m invited her to wedding actually ! – we got pretty close.

    Something I’m struggling with is time. I feel like ok finally after 27 years – I freed myself from parrot abuse. And now I’m scared that tomorrow I’ll be diagnosed with something crazy. I am having a hard time being OK with that things can be ok and that I do have time. Instead – my anxiety goes to- but what if I don’t have time. What makes me think that deserve a healthy life?

    A lot of this comes from the fact that I see about 20 cancer or very sick sad patients every day. So it is quite traumatizing

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by cali sister.
    October 13, 2019 at 8:34 am #317583
    cali sister
    Participant

    Yesterday when I cried. I said goodbye to and mourned the last 27 years. My favorite park. The roads of my hometown. My old house. My school. The roads I drove on. The restaurants. The feelings. The experiences. It was painful and also sad to see some goes. But all in all – I am saying goodbye to that part of me.

    October 13, 2019 at 9:20 am #317585
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister;

    I remember you shared that with your mother death-was-upon-us at any time, or the end was. Never enough time was her message, so you shared. Wasn’t it?

    Your fear and “having a hard time being OK with that things can be ok and that I do have time”- that is an old fear. Maybe some guilt added to  it because of the NC.

    Reminds me of a poem I like that says: “Every one of us has to find a way to live with fear”. Fear- wherever it comes from and whatever it focuses on at any one time- fear itself cannot be eliminated. We cannot live a fear-free life. Fear is to be lessened and managed. Expecting it to no longer be there leads to repeated disappointments.

    anita

    October 13, 2019 at 9:25 am #317589
    cali sister
    Participant

    I’ll respond to that soon. Something more urgent. Hanging out with BJP in 15 min. The group of girls.

    sometimes recently I get angry at them when they are too smiley or talk of themselves highly. Or are too silly. I’m writing this all quickly. So I may not make sense. But – it’s like instead of rejoicing sometimes with them on a joke. I get angry that they are so .. I don’t know the word. What is this? Perhaps I am angry that they are so happy to lucky and not struggling with such a large thing? But I don’t think that’s what it is. It’s only a part of it. ESP P. The younger friend. She’s 24. And she talks of herself a lot and the others just giggle. When usually I wouldn’t dare to say half the cocky things she says. And I feel that if I were to say that- the others wouldn’t be laughing along with it.

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