October 22, 2019 at 7:15 pm #319225
I hope your walk went well. Looking forward to your email.
Today, my yoga instructor stated (I cannot remember the great way he stated it) – but something along the lines of — you do not need something or someone to feel love, because you yourself are love. You are just that.
It was an intense hot yoga class with 15 min meditation after. One of the best classes I have ever been to. I’m very glad I went.
The class had a lot of Hindu influence – made me think of how my parents were the one who had that cultural knowledge – they were the ones I went to temple with and taught me all the cultural values etc. This weekend is Diwali and our new year (my state). I was saddened by this – saying goodbye to this education they were able to give me. It was very special to me – their stories. Parrot has a vast knowledge about this stuff and I loved learning about it.
Makes me think of my language too. How I speak it so fluently. I feel that NC – means I said goodbye to learning certain cultural things.
I no longer have someone to teach me such things and keep the cultural traditions. Anecdotes from India. Sad..
Good night anita.
October 23, 2019 at 7:38 am #319289
- This reply was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by cali sister.
Dear cali sister:
“This weekend is Diwali and our new year (my state)”- I am sure you can join others in nyc to celebrate Diwali. Your state then is Gujarat, in the west coast of India, the home of the Gujarati people, including Mahatma Gandhi, a worldwide figure famous for peaceful struggle against tyranny, and Vallabhbhai Patel, a founding father of the Republic of India. And it is 88.6% Hindu according to a 2011 census.
“how my parents were the one who had that cultural knowledge- they were the ones I went to temple with and taught me all the cultural values etc.”-
Prominent themes in Hindu beliefs include Dharma which includes ethics, duties, rights, laws, conducts, virtues and “right way of living”- your mother couldn’t have taught you the right way of living, or anything about ethics and virtues. Maybe your father practiced Dharma as a medical doctor, but he didn’t practice it at home. Regarding Karma- well, they should understand the NC then, shouldn’t they.
“I no longer have someone to teach me such things and keep the cultural traditions. Anecdotes from India”- your parents taught you the superficial things about your rich culture. I know it meant a lot to you because that is all you had available to you, but they didn’t teach you the #1 teaching: dharma!
I don’t know a whole lot about dharma as taught in Hindu texts, but I do know that your mother (or father, at home) is more of a stranger to Dharma than… someone who was born across the world with no connection to India at all.
anitaOctober 23, 2019 at 6:50 pm #319391
Good night, cali sister. I hope you are okay and that you have a good night sleep.
anitaOctober 24, 2019 at 10:35 am #319529
I responded to your email from earlier this AM – excited for you to read it.
Dharma – what an important concept. And how right you are about them not practicing this at home.
Superficial things about my rich culture – yes, the rich culture of India is just so exciting, so it was important to me. But trust me, I know that they don’t actually practice the philosophy. My mother would read the bhagvad gita daily. And I remember always thinking – what is she even reading or getting out of it – because she truly practices none of it. It’s quite humorous.October 24, 2019 at 11:54 am #319543
Dear cali sister:
Good. I was worried yesterday that you got nostalgic for your culture because of Diwali this coming weekend and that you entered delusion-land where your mother was a Dharma practitioner. lol.
anitaOctober 24, 2019 at 12:14 pm #319549
Never! I remember once – when we went to a yoga class together – the teacher announced a meditation class. And I said oh let’s go to that! And she said “that’s for those people. I already know everything and practice it. I don’t need to hear any of that.”
I was …. no words hahahahOctober 24, 2019 at 12:29 pm #319551
Dear cali sister:
I shouldn’t be surprised she said that, “I already know everything and practice it”-I suppose it is true, by the time she uttered that sentence she did know everything there is to know about being a Parrot and she did practice it successfully for decades.
anitaOctober 25, 2019 at 5:04 pm #319735
in response to your email, I would love to work on a relationship like that.
but – yes this work thing made me so emotional and anxious. I’ve just been in bed since I got home. Realistic thoughts are far.
I hope you enjoy the tap room. My friend R invited me out tonight, but all I wanted was to lay. So I am.October 25, 2019 at 7:23 pm #319753
Dear cali sister:
We’ll start work tomorrow then. Good night, sleep well.
anitaOctober 25, 2019 at 9:57 pm #319765
I awoke because my sisters pup is having stomach issues. He also will not stop crying. Not an easy pup to watch. Here are my thoughts:
Before I go on this vacation, we must discuss this:
1. How come because of this one unpleasant interaction – I think the result of it is losing my job?
2. How come this reaction immediately discredits all the work I do and makes me completely unfit for my job. Leaving me feeling like I don’t deserve this vacation. It’s like I have this interaction in front of my boss and I suddenly am undeserving and don’t do anything right. (There is also an insecurity there because my personal issues have been so overwhelming that it is difficult for me to put my all in work like others may be able to- of course. I mean … that is a given). You know how people who go through depression or hard times etc – they focus their energy on their career as a way to distract themselves? I have always wished I could be that person. But it’s not. In other words, I would like to be better at my job, but my life issues have made it difficult to do everything. I need to be nicer to myself. To forgive myself. And accept that this (NC and whatever I am going through) is major. Another thing is – I feel quite embarrassed because that morning I told my boss about some unprofessional behavior of a staff member. And then here I was being told that I did something similar. But- I am sure this has happened to everyone. And we all make mistakes… right?
October 26, 2019 at 12:02 am #319773
- This reply was modified 2 weeks, 5 days ago by cali sister.
Awake again. He’s having an upset stomach every two hours. My sleep is so important right now and this happens to him often.
my sister knew that I was hesitant about watching him. It’s not the best idea or restful for me. So I feel angry right now. I’m especially angry because I know she won’t like that I told her that he’s sick (because it’ll ruin her experience blah blah) – but I mean what about mine? After all this stuff, I need rest too. She should have hired someone to watch him. That’s what I’m doing for my trip. I am not having her husband watch my pup.
Rest is completely necessary for me right now. My immune system needs it. I don’t want another flare. I hate that I have to be weary to text her that he’s having diarrhea in order to protect her experience there. I told her. And she’s going to have to be able to handle it. I can’t always keep everything a secret to protect her.October 26, 2019 at 4:34 am #319793
I apologize for that rant. It was 3 am. And I was exhausted. Today is a new day.October 26, 2019 at 5:43 am #319797
Dear cali sister:
Before I respond to your recent posts, I am in an all-business attitude regarding our mentorship plan, that is, I mentoring you. I want to create something that will work for you in practical ways. I don’t want our talks to disappear into the past but instead, translate to real-life practice. So we come up with things, I suggest and you agree or disagree, then I readjust my suggestion until it is acceptable to you, or you suggest and eventually we agree. Next these suggestions need to be practiced and adhered to as we proceed. If over time adjustments need to be done, we’ll discuss and adjust. Point is that an very anxious person needs structures, rules of engagement, so to speak, rules regarding how to behave in all kinds of situations. Otherwise it is like being in a scary rides park having no say on what scary ride you find yourself in and trying to survive it. Makes sense?
anitaOctober 26, 2019 at 5:46 am #319799
I agree. But to be honest – my mind is so overtaken by that anxiety so I am unable to focus on anything else. I’m really struggling right now. So if we could focus on that work post first – and then I’ll be able to understand the mentor thing better. I don’t want it to take away from acute things that are bothering me if that makes senseOctober 26, 2019 at 6:07 am #319803
Okay, cali sister, will postpone the mentorship plan for later and discuss the current crisis (and the Monday travel to come) first. I will re-read what you posted on the matter and be back to you. I will not go to other threads until we are done.