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New and Improved: the journey, rebirth, a new world

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Viewing 15 posts - 241 through 255 (of 298 total)
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  • #319035
    anita
    Participant

    Dear cali sister:

    A reminder: 18 days of NC. Sleep well, good night New and Improved you!

    anita

    #319101
    cali sister
    Participant

    dear anita,

    Thank you for the reminder. I hear what you are saying loud and clear.

    I think one of the first steps is to also realize that reality is not in fact boring, and this is just fine. Parrot lived in a world that sucked and was always trying to escape it- saying other worlds were better.

    I know, like you said, easier said than done. But – it is a step that I can take.

    About to see some patients. Write soon.

    #319105
    anita
    Participant

    Dear cali sister:

    For parrot “other worlds were better”- better than her world: better than her husband, better than her two daughters. This is why she kicked you out of the house when having company, accommodating that other world (guests) at the expense of the less-worthy world- her daughter. But all in all, the World she accommodated almost exclusively is Parrot. She is her World.

    anita

    #319111
    cali sister
    Participant

    Yes-

    growing up – she repeatedly told my sister and I – that America is horrible. And India was better. So we grew up thinking that another world that is better than the current one existed. We grew up thinking it was a tragedy to be in this world. So everyday was mourning. HOW insane !

    remnants of that still exist of course.

    also random – but sometimes throughout the work day, I remember that I don’t have anything to worry about and I feel free and happy. Sounds silly doesn’t it?

    #319157
    cali sister
    Participant

    ^above did not reflect

    #319159
    anita
    Participant

    Dear cali sister:

    Yes, your previous post didn’t reflect, so anytime you wonder why it is taking me long to reply to you, check if your last post reflected, if it didn’t- I don’t know you posted. I check sometimes but this morning I figured you are busy and didn’t post.

    “sometimes throughout the work day, I remember that I don’t have anything to worry about and I feel free and happy. Sounds silly doesn’t it?” –

    -in the context of living with/being in contact with Parrot it is silly because she is right there to rain on your parade of life at any time by reminding you, by the sound of her voice, if not by her words, that there is something to worry about! So why bother with a moment of no-worry.

    This is why NC is a necessary step for you.

    anita

    #319161
    cali sister
    Participant

    anita,

    Yes – I shall do that.

    Yes – a necessary step. Today, I realized – I no longer have to worry about them, and it was this cool feeling (cool meaning temperature) – like a whoa, free, crisp cooling feeling. It was a moment of…relief. And..aha! I was on one of the medical floors with my medical team. And I looked around and smiled. It was a moment of freedom. Went away pretty quickly, but I became aware.

    Baseline boredom and not forcing feelings I think go hand in hand. That is my daily homework. Also – to not assume hostility.

    #319169
    anita
    Participant

    Dear cali sister:

    A “crisp cooling feeling” of freedom, unlike the uncomfortable heat and stagnation of worry. We really don’t have to live the same-old-same-old life experience we had in our childhood homes.

    The world is so much bigger than that one house, so many more people  than those two, in that one house. “a new world”- you stated it yourself in the title of your thread. The first birth was in that small context of that one house, those two people. Your “rebirth” is into this new world, a way, way bigger world. So much more and better in it for cali sister to experience!

    anita

    #319171
    cali sister
    Participant

    How wonderful. The fetal position in yoga class is called the pose of rebirth. I am going to a joint yoga/meditation class later today. It’s been difficult for me to find the energy or motivation to exercise since NC.

     

    #319175
    anita
    Participant

    Dear cali sister:

    I didn’t know about the fetal position in yoga, didn’t hear about it before, strange because I participated in yoga classes for over two years, a few times per week. Well, as you know, babies cry when they are born because it is not a pleasant experience for them to take that first breath. It will be difficult for you too, this rebirth,  but that “crisp cooling  feeling” of freedom makes it worthwhile!

    Especially when you experience more and more of it.

    anita

    #319181
    cali sister
    Participant

    Yes. the first breath. Tearful at first. But then fascination. How amazing.

    1. Self parenting – I want to talk about this more  how to do this – there’s so many books on this but I wonder what it means for you

    2. Positive energy – I think my energy has been very negative these past couple years. This fear. Letting go of the fear – is essential. Do you believe this to be true? That there is such a thing as vibes and energy. And good attracts the good?

    #319187
    anita
    Participant

    Dear cali sister:

    I do believe in energy, of course. It is a scientific fact. Emotions are energy-in-motion(E-motion), energy that motivate us to motion, or action. This is how animals operate, not by logic, but by emotion: fear-> run, anger-> fight or threaten, sexual excitement-> mate, curiosity-> investigate, experiment, affection-> wag that tail, lick person’s nose. And so forth.

    Regarding good attracting good- you were nothing but a good little girl- didn’t attract the (non existing  by then) good of Parrot, did it. On the other hand, most people have some good left, so ones good attracts the other’s good, at least at this moment or the other.

    Regarding self parenting- I mentioned yesterday, be that parent you needed to yourself and to others, meaning be everything Parrot wasn’t: particularly, be empathetic toward yourself, not aggressive and not hostile like she was. Don’t pressure yourself to feel this or that like she did. Don’t scare yourself like she scared you.

    You know what she did to you- don’t you do that to you!

    Makes sense?

    anita

    #319205
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    I like that perspective because it takes away from this societal belief of “good vibes”

    Not sure if you know – but it has become this huge thing on social media. Pressuring people to have this positive energy. Again. The pressure.

    Im Walking to my yoga class now. Today has been a day if lots of tachycardia(rapid heart beat). I have days like this often. It’s not comfortable. This baseline anxiety. I remember when we first started talking – you had said it’s impossible to feel anxious at all moments. But I can tell you – that it sure feels like it. Whether it’s possible or not.

    #319213
    anita
    Participant

    Dear cali sister:

    Societal pressure to produce “positive energy” and “good vibes” is negative energy and a bad vibe, says I.

    I know you did not exaggerate about how anxious you are and have been, that baseline anxiety. I know this kind of anxiety, but not too long ago I wasn’t aware myself of how anxious I was throughout the day because I was sort of spaced out and distracted.

    Seems like I will not have that photo link ready tonight, tomorrow I hope. I will leave the computer on in case you post in the next hour.

    anita

    #319221
    anita
    Participant

    Dear cali sister:

    It is 9 pm your time, I hope you sleep well and read from you in the morning. Good night, cali sister.

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 241 through 255 (of 298 total)

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