October 4, 2019 at 12:30 pm #316061
Your posts continue to bring tears to my eyes.
Please do not be exhausted. But I appreciate you reading so much of the past. Saying those positive qualities about me really helps. I realize a lot of people project onto me.
I am currently walking around this beautiful area. I got out of work early and took myself here. Wish I could send you a picture! I’m thinking of buying my sister and I something. Something for her bday as well as a celebration. We enjoy wearing the same thing (like twins!).
It’s interesting. I feel weird – exactly like you said. I feel free though. Not trapped. Like my own world. They have a horrible life though – which is very sad to me.October 4, 2019 at 12:36 pm #316063
Dear cali sister:
“I realize a lot of people project onto me”- tell me a bit more; who and what? (not at length though, you are outside now)
“They have a horrible life though”- you mean your parents?
anitaOctober 4, 2019 at 1:21 pm #316073
I guess my sister. And then you had said you did. And I think my therapist may have during our last session.
I ended up buying matching sweaters and a skirt for my sister and I. Perhaps we will wear it together tomorrow!
And yes I meant my parents. I am heading home now. Getting a little scared of going near my place. Deep breathsOctober 4, 2019 at 1:29 pm #316081
Dear cali sister:
Amazing- as I read through your posts I could easily see your sister inaccurately projecting into you and .. so did I. Over time I am less and less likely to do that, with anyone, you and everyone else. But yes, I did, she did and we both hurt you that way. I can assure you one thing: I will do my very best to not do that again. And if you think I do, let me know.
I thought about your sister’s birthday, I was thinking about a (non material and through email) gift, something that is special to me to share with her, something meaningful and personal and pleasant enough. I bet she will like the matching sweaters and a skirt (or matching skirts?)
I hope you are safe home soon. And regarding your parents having a horrible life- I just went through your life story and your life has been pretty horrible, no less- if not more- than your parents, so focus on you- it is time to do right by yourself!
anitaOctober 4, 2019 at 3:03 pm #316093
Thank you for saying that. I wonder if she’s aware that she did that.
And yes that’s a very nice idea for her birthday. Her real birthday is on Monday.
Yes. My life has been horrible as well.
I’m anxious to see my sister tonight because she knows I went NC and I think she will act very frantic. But I also know I shouldn’t be alone.
When I got back to my building – the door lady told me that my father called last night pretending to be my friend. He asked if they have seen me. Thankfully my door lady said she hasn’t seen me in 2 weeks. She then offered to take a message and he said no no and hung up.October 4, 2019 at 3:13 pm #316095
Dear cali sister:
Your father is likely to call, not to show up anywhere. Calling/ texting is easy. Your sister is too involved, she is more likely to inaccurately project herself into you than a stranger would because of the proximity, growing up with you- even though 7 years apart, still you share the same parents- too close for objectivity. So better you make an effort to not overwhelm her- so that things don’t get ugly. She is going through a lot herself, these very days, and she really wanted a peaceful weekend, her birthday coming.
If you overwhelm her she is likely to get resentful, feeling that you are spoiling her time, her birthday. Be careful. Share with her of course, but in bite size pieces, not repeating and focusing with her on light topics. Don’t make the visit mostly about the NC.
I will be going for a walk next and be back in a bit over an hour.
Again (here I am repeating)- take advantage of your sister company and support but make it easy for her, she is limited in her ability to be there for you without getting distressed herself.
October 4, 2019 at 3:16 pm #316099
- This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.
. I haven’t shared anything with her. All she knows is that my number changed. I do not tell her anything. I do not overwhelm her. We do not discuss parents actually. At all I truly don’t.
She blames me even if I say nothing. So I just fear that a bit. But she has definitely lessened it.
I mean it when I say – I literally don’t share anything with her. And I think I deserve some credit for that. I don’t do anything to her.October 4, 2019 at 3:19 pm #316101
I’m sorry if that post sounded rough but I just needed to defend myself. That I do not overwhelm her. I don’t repeat anything. I have not shared anything with her. I am not trying to sound upset with you. I just feel that I owe it to myself. To say this. Mostly writing for myself as well.October 4, 2019 at 3:28 pm #316105
I’ll write a bit more. As I sit here and cry. I’m so sick of in my life being the scape goat or being blamed for everything. You know? I’m not this evil person. That’s why it meant a lot when you said that I’m genuine and honest.
I’m just me. And I’m a good person. And I care. I have respected my sisters health in so many ways. Ever since she stopped speaking to my parents – I never brought them up again. Even when I lived at home and I was depressed 12 months ago. I never ever told her. I did it all alone.October 4, 2019 at 3:56 pm #316123
Anita – I’m sorry for all the messages you have to read when you come back! I made the decision that it is not a good idea for me to go tonight. It will make me feel worse. I’ll see them tomorrow to celebrate the day. Tonight I’m about to take a hot shower. And perhaps watch a movie and sleep early.October 4, 2019 at 4:37 pm #316127
Dear cali sister:
I know all that, from what she shared, this is how it occurred to me, long ago, that I misunderstood you. From what your sister shared it was obvious that you were very, very considerate of her and not at all the histrionic person I thought you were (a projection of my mother into you, an inaccurate projection). I understood that I was wrong long ago. I thought about sending you an apology post on your old thread, but felt weird about bringing to life that thread after it’s been dormant for so long (since June 2018).
I wasn’t blaming you at all this evening, my concern was for you– I was afraid she will get angry at you this evening, the last thing you need. My secondary concern writing to you was for your sister, but my primary- in the context of my last post to you- was a concern for you.
I was wrong, thinking you were like my mother, and your sister is wrong as well, suggesting (in the past, in one of the posts I re-read today) that you are like.. her/ your mother. We both projected our mothers into you, cali sister. I regret that and apologize for it, and I mean it most sincerely, as always.
No, you are not evil. You are a good person, I have no doubt whatsoever that you are.
How are you feeling now???
anitaOctober 4, 2019 at 4:44 pm #316129
How was your walk?
Thank you again for all of your apologies. It honestly means the world. May I ask – that you perhaps make my sister aware that she also did this – OF COURSE you can say no. I just maybe think I would like her to know. Perhaps she already does and you have discussed it? But I think it could be helpful for her too, to know. That she did that. She tends to go back to it. My therapist warns me about this – but it would be healthier if she could see it and really know it. So she can see me differently too. I will not interfere at all – was just thinking your thoughts on that? If you think it’s a bad idea, I TOTALLY understand.
Right now – I took a shower and did some fun body scrub that I had bought. My pup is sleeping on the bed text to me. I lit some lights that I have for decor. I am kind of in awe as to all that has happened in the past 24 hours. And I truly feel sorry for any harm I am causing my parents.
Thanks anita for apologizing. I wish sometimes my sister could see it. I think she has though, as of recent.October 4, 2019 at 5:08 pm #316133
Dear cali sister:
Yes, I will communicate with your sister about this- I thought this same thing before I read your recent post. I knew I was wrong before but I was uncomfortable looking deeper into it. Now I am, because of our exchange. So yes, I will- Monday when she posts to me next, as she said she would. I will tell her Monday that I was wrong and explain it, that she and I were wrong about you.
You are not causing any harm to your parents, really! After all, there was always some harm your mother was complaining about and your father agreeing with her or accommodating her histrionics (she is histrionic, by the way, like my mother!)
I am on my way out to the tap room, and will keep the computer on, will check it when I return in a couple of hours or so. Post anytime, I do care about you, I really do. I want you to be okay!
anitaOctober 4, 2019 at 5:22 pm #316143
What is the tap room?! Sounds fun. I hope you enjoy. Thank you for caring for me. I care for you too. And so does my sister! I am watching a silly movie right now, and am exhausted – so my eyes will eventually close.
I hope you get some rest too, I know you said you were exhausted before. Hopefully not at my expense.
cali sisterOctober 4, 2019 at 6:51 pm #316155
Dear cali sister:
Taproom, one word- a place where they serve beers, wine and ciders, no mixed drinks, a local pub. I drink red wine only. I am very tired, had a very meaningful conversation with you since you started this thread, glad you did. I am learning new things, important things these very days, it feels special. I hope you are asleep now, it is close 10 pm your time. to read from you tomorrow morning, anytime you want to. And thank you for saying you care for me too. This is special.