What you’re saying absolutely makes sense. It does. But I do fear that with me & him it is now or never. Purely because I refuse to be stuck in the same predicament whichever way I go. I MUST move forward, whether that be with him or without him I can’t stand this place that I’m in and I refuse to stay here any longer. And for that reason I have to come to a conclusion, do I move forward and heal without him completely, or do I give it one more shot at trying to move forward with him?

As hard as it sounds, a part of me wishes he didn’t come back with the idea to reconcile. I feel like I could’ve avoided all this confusion and just continued dealing with my loss. Because I do fear that things aren’t going to work regardless. So much has happened now. Especially with his family who are oh so important to him.

Well you see that’s the thing, all the talk of change is there but so far I haven’t seen any actions because I’ve not really allowed for that to happen. I’ve still stuck to the point of him not contacting me just yet as I need time to think.

I worry that if I give him another shot it’ll just fail and there’ll be a complete lack of actions from his end yet again. But I suppose then I’ll know?

Its funny you speak of scent. Is it weird that everytime I go to do my grocery shop I always find and spray the deodorant that he used to use just to remember what he used to smell like? Weirdo alert haha!

Haha no, definitely not helping moving on aside from looking like a complete nut case in the middle of Tesco spraying men’s deodorant!

I’m going to try and give myself until the end of this week to make a rational decision. I say rational but we all know the heart will take over! But until then I’m going to journal everything and try to see where my head is at! It’s the best I can do right now.

How are you getting on today?

Shelby,

You most definitely sound like me. I over analyse  every single thing in my life. I’m also always incapable of actually coming to any kind of decision because there are always what if’s in my mind – so this is going to be particularly hard for me.

I think what you’re going through at the moment is just being absolutely drained from all the heartache. I went through that not long ago and think it is an important stage of the moving on process (it’s a shame mine has been hindered by his contact).

Its only natural that your body & mind is starting to become a bit numb at this stage. After all, you’ve been up and down for the last month! It’s absolutely draining! For me anyway, i’d much rather feel a bit numb than feel at the motions of what’s going on but I can almost guarantee you won’t feel like this for very long so enjoy it while it lasts!

Also, unfortunately I am still waiting on my counselling appointments which is a real shame because I could do with the insight now! However the advice from you and your therapist has been helpful hehe!

I honestly have no clue. I can’t see a life beyond my ex right now either, as sad as it is.

I’ve thrown myself into cleaning this afternoon trying to keep occupied with anything and everything.

I might have a listen of that!

Aww Shelby, my heart actually goes out to you right now! I can give you all of the advice in the world to not contact him but we both know I’m not very good at that myself.

The only thing I can tell you is that if you do, you undoubtably will feel worse after. Whether you still go for it or not is entirely up to you!

So im going to ask you what you previously asked me. What do you hope to gain out of the contact? And is that realistic or is it really just a hope?

Shelby,

If it’s any consolation, although it probably isn’t as he isn’t acting on it, please try to remind yourself that he too is going through this in his own way. It may be hard to believe but I am sure that he is struggling too. After all, you were together for some time! Remember that he may also be thinking you’re moving on with your life just fine.. you’re not contacting him & he’s not contacting you! There could be assumptions all round here.

Also, you’re far from desperate. You’re simply in love. And love can make people do crazy things, doing things out of character ways. It is our natural instinct to want to fight for what we love, this is your way of doing it!

I know right now you don’t see the light at the end of the road, I know I don’t even see it myself but we have to presevere.. we simply have to.

You’re hurt right now, and you probably will be for a while longer, but you WILL learn how to go on without him. If not because you want to, then because you need to.

When I was having my low moment earlier on I tried to get back into the book which you recommended me. I find it helps me rationalise my feelings a little, give it a try.

Shelby,

I am probably somewhat more determined for various reasons. One being it has been a little bit longer for me, actually thinking of it it has been about 3/4 months of the back and forth now. I think maybe the fact that he came back into my life only to leave again 3 weeks later and recently too maybe has made me a little bit more determined to commit to moving on? I don’t know.

I struggle too.. I think more than anything sometimes I put on a brave face to try and convince myself that I can do this? I’m not sure.

The thing with contact is 1.) it will make you feel worse. 2.) if you’re going to contact him at least make it meaningful. Tell him exactly how you feel. Don’t just say hey because we both know you’re not going to get much back from that. But opening up an emotional conversation means you will feel even more vulnerable. You’ve gotta think this one through.. or as you have advised me many times, wait until tomorrow!