It sounds like things are headed in the right direction with your “roommate” and her kids.  My daughter’s father had a similar situation with a women he dated for 4 years and her daughter. He was kind of the only father she’d ever known and he helped raise her throughout her teenage years and she and my daughter also developed a bond, so she comes and visits from time to time, spends a weekend here and there, and it definitely has gotten lesser over time as she’s gotten older and is now in college. It’s worked out really well for all of them, so I’m glad to hear you’re open to that kind of situation, too, because it really does make it easier on the kids when splits like this happen.

 Like you said, who knows why and the intention, but you never know what could come of this.  I am not going to push for anything or try to make anything happen.  I’m just going to focus on myself and learn to love myself again.  Maybe in time i will get back to the man I was and my ex will see that and reach out? OR maybe she is truly in love with her man and she will be with him forever, Or maybe i will eventually find someone else that does fit me, or maybe in the end I will learn how to be just friends.

Exactly! This is a very healthy way to look at this situation! Just see it as a stepping stone, which is sort of the universe’s way of guiding whatever you need in and out of your life. The fact she seems to be establishing a friendship with someone who is connected to you may be the universe’s (or God, as I like to believe) way to keep the connection alive from a distance for when you’ve both reached a point in your lives where you could have a successful relationship without so many things getting in the way (and don’t forget… you weren’t the only one that needed to improve for that relationship to work. She did, too, and you need to be able to see the growth in her)…. or it could also just be a way for you to find out that she’s not what your mind has been dreaming up, but that’s to your benefit too because you’ll end up feeling better.  There’s no way to know for sure which it is, so it’s best to just go with the flow on these things until time reveals the meaning. And no matter what happens, focusing on yourself and learning to love you again will lead you to wherever you need to go to find the relationship you want. Because that needs to happen first.

In the meantime, if it hurts to see her posting, you might want to hide your friend’s wife from your feed for a bit. That way you won’t have to see it.

I really hate this.  I know it’s for the best, but part of me would rather suffer than see them all suffer.

My question to you is what good would this have really done? You’ve been suffering for the past year and a half and has anything gotten any better? or did it get worse? You letting them stay and continuing to suffer would’ve still caused them to suffer because you’ve all been suffering for a long time now. This was the only way for you all to be free of that suffering after the initial transition period.

Yes, it will take time for them all to adjust, but they will be fine and they will likely go back to living the way they did before you came into their lives. It’s just going to take some time for things to normalize, but it will, and they will be better off than you all trying to force something to work that wasn’t working.

I honestly think it would be better if you all cut contact. Her venting to you about things you absolutely cannot control (her family and her situation) is not helping you in any way and it’s also her way of being dependent on you. She is a grown woman and is going to have to handle this stuff herself because you didn’t force her into the situation she was in. She put herself and her kids there. At some point, you’re both going to have to accept that this wasn’t all you.

When my ex before her left me, it was cut and dry and DONE.  no going back.  She just left me hanging out to dry.  That was the worst feeling in the world not knowing why someone could just give up that easily.  Now i’m doing it to my current ex.

Your ex did you a favor by being cut, dry, and done. Every time she talked to you in any little way, it brought a ton of hope back and you’d obsess over it. Imagine if she’d remained in your life while continuing to see someone else. That would’ve been torture for you, wouldn’t it? Then it would’ve been “how can she talk to me every day but still want to be with someone else??” It would’ve just brought on a whole host of other issues.

Also, you are NOT doing that to your current ex. You’ve spent the last 9 months AT LEAST trying to break up with her, with her being in denial and doing everything she could to hold onto you, guilt trip you, and remain dependent on you. Psychologically, you cutting her off completely would be the best thing you could do for her because it would force her to improve in the same way your ex cutting you off forced you to take a look at yourself and your actions and improve. Struggle is sometimes the only way we learn, and you allowing your ex to continue to depend on you would be doing her a huge disservice… and I hope you take this to heart because I’m serious.  You know that my ex left me the same way yours left you… just absolutely blindsided, but that struggle I went through caused me to grow in ways that I wouldn’t have if he’d stuck around and I am extremely grateful for that growth.  Don’t deprive your ex of the chance to experience that kind of growth.  You making things better or easier or even keeping in contact with her is going to deprive her of the chance for that kind of growth. 

So do what you can to work through your feelings of guilt. If anything, you just did her a serious favor, even though it might not seem like it on the outside right now… give it time.

Meanwhile… you learn your lessons from this, too, and make sure you remember them so this doesn’t happen again… and don’t make the mistake of letting your own guilt and fears of looking/feeling like a terrible person deprive someone else of their chance to grow from their pain. Let this be a growth experience for BOTH of you.

  I honestly feel like there is only one person for everyone and unfortunately that one person may not see that in you and see it in someone else.

I disagree with you here. I believe there is more than one person for everyone and that in order for you to have a consummate relationship, the person you end up with must come from your “soul tribe.” It’s believed we have more than one soul mate, and those are just people we connect with on a very deep level. They don’t even have to be romantic. Friends (even some of your guy friends or close family members) can be part of your soul tribe, who you connect with but aren’t romantically interested in. So the point is… your ex, who you felt this deeeeep connection with was likely from that soul tribe, but she was not the ONLY ONE from that soul tribe. At some point, if you work on yourself and remain single and focus on your growth and being the best you that you can be, you will meet someone who is part of that soul tribe who will be at the same point in their lives as you are, have the same goals, etc., and who will feel the same about you that you do about them… a match.  That doesn’t mean there is only ONE match, you just need A match. So it’s okay to keep hope alive for that some day, but just pay close attention to your feelings and don’t get into a relationship with someone just to have a warm body and a distraction from your pain.

One thing i have noticed even though it’s only been a couple days.  I haven’t been thinking about my previous ex as much as I was when my current ex was still living with me.  I think all the drama and suffering i was dealing with on a daily basis, just made me dwell on the past that much more.  Now i can focus on just me and my girls.  I am defiantly looking forward to this.  I’m looking forward to being the man I used to be.

I am not at all surprised by this! All that drama just made your past look so much better and that’s why you probably dwelled on it… and now that you’re able to focus on you and your girls, I bet you’re really going to enjoy yourself and both exes will become a distant memory. AND you’ll be able to do what you want with your friends whenever you want without feeling like you’re going to be upsetting someone or having to hear about it later. Just like you said, have fun and enjoy life! I bet your girls are looking forward to this, too!

It’s eating you alive because you’re overthinking it. It doesn’t matter if she hated her 2 years ago. People change. Some of my best friends are people I did not get along with well at all in the past but when people grow, that allows them to get along better in the future. They likely just reconnected somehow, maybe ran into each other somewhere, and started talking again and realized they get along better now.  Like I said before, just think of it as a stepping stone. You could ask your friend’s wife about it to see how they started being FB friends but I wouldn’t “confront” her.

And yes, I do know how bad you want to see your ex’s FB page. I’ve thought many times about looking at my ex’s, wondering if seeing him with someone else would help me move on 100%, but it’s a bad idea for me. I know that it wouldn’t do anything for me because my ex was lovey dovey with me right up until he broke up with me, so his show of affection means nothing of his feelings for whatever relationship he’s in and that wouldn’t prove anything to me, and if he’s single, I’d wonder why he never started talking to me again. So nothing good will come of me looking, but if you think it will help you by seeing that stuff and that you won’t dwell on it by constantly wondering why she does that stuff with him and didn’t with you, then go for it. BUT if you DO look and then you start overthinking and dwelling more, that’s an obvious sign to never look again.

It’s possible you were a rebound with the lack of lovey dovey posts for you, especially if she’s done that with her current boyfriend. Literally everyone enters relationships because they are finding something they need in that relationship. If that relationship is only filling a temporary need (like a bandaid for feelings or a distraction), then they no longer feel a need to be in that relationship once that need has passed (i.e., they are feeling better about whatever they were upset about before). You may be still hooked on your ex because she filled a need in you that you now need to figure out how to fill for yourself.  This is why I think you’ll feel better about that whole situation once you start really getting into taking care of yourself and doing things you enjoy. Right now, everything about your recent situation is still reminding you of your breakup with her, but that stuff will get better too as long as you cut contact with your recent ex. Give it time.

 And honestly if she was to come back to me, i would have a hard time standing up for myself.  She really is my kryptonite.

This means she’s toxic to you. I hope you know that.  That’s probably why you aren’t together.

I see your points.  It’s just very hard.  As far as them bumping into each other.  That wouldn’t happen, we are in different towns far apart.  There is only one or two reasons I could think of.  1.  My ex was curious about me and my life and reached out to her because she couldn’t reach me.  or 2.  my best friends wife contacted her to find out for herself why she did this to me.  I really do not see any other reason why either person would have contacted each other.

It’s still possible. I’ve bumped into people I know in other STATES, thousands of miles from where we both live, where we were both vacationing in the same place at the same time and didn’t know it until we saw each other. lol. They could’ve both been eating at the same restaurant in another town or at a mall or who even knows. But it’s absolutely possible that they could’ve bumped into each other.  But yes, the other reasons are possible, too, especially if your friend’s wife decided she wanted answers from your ex and confronted her. I understand how difficult this is, but try not to overthink and wonder about possibilities too much because there is no way to truly know unless you ask, and if it’s bothering that much, I’d just ask your friend’s wife “hey, I noticed you guys are friends on Facebook now. How did that happen?” or something like that. Let it just be an innocent question due to curiosity… not a confrontation. The longer you wait to ask, though, the weirder it’s going to be… so the next time you see her make a comment on your friend’s stuff… I’d just ask her “hey… I noticed this comment… you guys are friends now? How did that happen?” etc. It’s really an innocent question, especially since you thought she hated her.

And yes, I know how timing of things can send you into a tale spin (I’ve been there) but like I’ve said before… sometimes this stuff is stepping stones toward learning whatever it is you need to know for your life to continue in the direction it needs to head. It’s happening the way it is and when it is because that is how it’s supposed to be. It’s best not to overthink the why’s and just acknowledge what it is and the timing and let that be it. Sometimes I like to write that stuff down though, when it feels like a sign or the timing is weird, just to refer back to later if I need to. Writing it down allows me to get it out of my head so I can let it go for the time being and move forward without dwelling on it.

All this being said, i think (i could be way off) that my ex, couldn’t handle the idea of me with another woman.  She hated her from the start, even though she was in bed with her man well before I even met her and she didn’t even know her.  I think that my ex did do something(cheated on me somehow-phycially or emotionally) and could never admit it and she always felt guilt for that.  She showed many signs of it when we were at the end of our relationship.

Yeah, honestly, from what you’ve said, your ex seems really quite immature and has a lot of growth to do, especially with the way she keeps coming in and out of your life, and especially if you think she’s mainly only talking to you when she’s lonely or possibly it could be a feed to her ego, knowing she still has you on a string, even when you were with someone else. That’s not a good quality for a life partner at all. I hope you’re able to use this time to yourself to build yourself to the point where you know you deserve better than that and you’ll attract someone who will give you better and TRULY be the right match for you.