My friend..

Take some time to quietly contemplate what I share..

 

Your ideas about life, death and suicide are full of mistakes from not seeing clearly the Laws that control each life.

 

The mistake of everyone in Suicide is that they only see the appearance of their suffering. From emotions attached to the appearance of the life they suicide thinking they escape all troubles.

 

But my friend..

 

You do not escape.

In Suicide only the body is destroyed.

But the Soul continues to pay everything.

 

Your life, my life and everyones life follows the Law of cause and effect.

Meaning..

 

Everything that is your life, and absolutely everything within it is the appearance of your effect from causes you put before.

 

When you begin to see and understand this Law. You then discover the courage and confidence to face everything that is your life and accept everything that you feel is not.

 

My friend..

 

A person is born for example with the cause and effect of 70 years of life. But in that time.. They must pay through many difficulties..

Let’s say at 40 years of age.. They suicide.

What is the effect from the 30 years they cut away and lost?

The effect is they do not escape. They create deeper suffering for the Soul. Sometimes the Soul is lost forever. Or they are born again in darker circumstances..

 

Without the body the Soul did not have an occasion to practice to grow and pay everything.

 

The life always has 2 spaces. 2 opposites.

The person who suicides can not imagine that only one more day everything would change.

 

Suicide is not the purpose of any Soul. It is the mistake from delusion of not seeing clearly the purpose of the life and the Law of cause and effect.

 

Emotions Kill! Emotions are like the dirt that covers the mirror of awareness.

 

Clean the mirror my friend.

Come back to awareness.

 

So I share with you..

 

Do not against your life. As it is your effect and effects always come right without any discrimination.

 

When you can peace inside with this idea. You begin to allow for new conditions to begin growing. You begin to change your life from within and with patience, courage and confidence..

On the time, you will overcome and escape the inner prison from your false seeing, habits and thinking.

 

You only practice to put down your attachment and discrimination of seeing your life as good or bad.

 

The only true right you have in this life is to practice grow up your Soul.

 

Before I Enlightenment.

My life was also full of darkness and suffering caused by my own delusions and habits.

Many dark forests and hells I had been through.

 

Until.. I had payed enough.

 

Patience my friend. Relax with difficult situation and know that the life is always moving and changing.

 

Emotions attached to suffering or the feelings that the life is against you is a thief of your energy. Vital energy that is needed to overcome everything and begin to see clearly the possibilities that wait you.

 

Suicide is volunteering your own Soul to enter the dark space of suffering on a level you can not imagine.

You do not escape.

 

Everything in this life moves to follow the Law of the time.

 

On the time.. Everything Opens and appears.

 

Behaviour is important detail. Your behaviour in difficult situations are the seeds for tomorrow.

 

My friend..

 

Keep going.

Always remember ITS OK.

 

Its ok means we are not against our circumstances and accept everything that is right now.

 

Then.. In the peace of acceptance.. The space of change begins to appear.

 

Courage.

 

Thank you so much.

Dear Murtaza:

“I remember the first time I actually thought I loved her, not at the beginning of our talks, but lately, I just woke up I remember, and I said ‘I want to marry Sara’. It just came to me, and I was ready to work.. I wanted to buy a motorcycle since its essential for work in Iraq”-

– It was a beautiful sentiment, to feel love for her and to want to marry her. It’s a good thing that we get a chance to reconsider our sentiments and make choices considering the bigger picture. The bigger picture includes your values and her “no response”: no response to your expressed emotions for her and to your expressed impulse to marry her (?)

You reacted to my sentence: “love and anxiety/ pain go together, hand in hand”, this way: “I’m glad that you shared this with me, this is true for me too, whenever I think about her, I feel anxious, my stomach/chest hurts, it actually been this way for a long time, whenever I actually love someone, but lately, it’s been clear, when I love her, and know that I can’t do anything for her, it hurts, I actually stopped talking to her out of the idea that I might bother her, and if not talking to me means less suffering so be it, I don’t care”-

– it hurts to love someone and see her suffer, not being able to help her. It  hurts when my/ your love has no power at all. I remember loving my mother so much, so intensely for so long.. and yet, it made no positive difference to her. According to her behavior- it looked like the only difference I made in her life was negative.

I wrote to you: “it is safe to love a painting. It is often dangerous to love a person”. Your reply: “I think that its because I believe that females won’t love me, in this scenario, its a one sided love”-

– I’ve been thinking for some time now about what is true for many children: their love for their parents being a one sided love, a love that’s not returned. It breaks a child’s heart when that happens. Fast forward, it breaks the adult’s heart when love is not returned by a romantic interest.

I wrote to you: “but neither one of us knows how it feels to love and/or be loved on an ongoing basis, without fear and pain being in charge, do we?”, and you responded: “And we will never will, it’s the price for living that we must pay, everyday, though I like that I have something similar with you”-

– I agree: I don’t expect my anxiety to ever disappear or to lessen drastically. I don’t expect a life of mostly calm. But my life now, on an ongoing basis, is and feels better than it used to be. Giving up on hope that life will get better, as you have done when typing the sentence above (“never will”)- is a good thing when indeed, there is no hope. Hope in a hopeless situation fuels misery.

“I value a love that comes from understanding and connection, one that doesn’t need external things in order to be met. If money is a requirement for love, then it doesn’t matter to me, since I won’t be loved for myself, but for the money I have”-

– I agree. I suppose we should have money not so to purchase love, but so to purchase food and electricity to keep the air conditioning going!

“I like myself right now, I don’t see any problem in it, and I don’t understand the need to change in order to be loved.. especially when I’m expecting unconditional love”-  makes sense, glad that you like yourself (at least when you wrote what I quotes here)!

“The last time I tried the girl said ‘not worth it’, just because I was vulnerable, ‘you are even more girly then girls themselves’, and this was a person who could speak English, and bit educated, thats why I approached her”-

– that she figured it’s not worth it for her is fair, just as you figure changing yourself so to be conditionally loved is not worth it for you. That she criticized you for being girly, that’s nothing but rude.

“she told me something ‘that’s the difference between us, I work to satisfy my goal… You will never understand how to be emotionless’, her words”- I think that you wrote earlier that she told you that she doesn’t want to love, that she just wants to live. And you mentioned that she suffers a lot (if it is the same woman)- what does she suffer from, and is she having a difficulty staying alive (?)

“This is what happens when I speak to a norime, I had so much guilt, I was suicidal, and out of self loathing and hating my life, I wanted to work, to disrespect everything that I stand for, the ultimate betrayal, to go against everything I value and like, just to fit in, and have the basic needs, maybe, then I won’t need people like her, I will buy a wife (yes, actually in Iraq it does work like that) but it wouldn’t mean anything with this mind”- better not talk to normies then. I imagine you putting together a Normie Questionnaire (NQ), selecting candidates for communication with you based on their answers to the NQ. Maybe I will be willing to answer your NQ myself, lol.

* The above rare lol is my first lol in my communication with you!

anita

Dear Murtaza:

I think that you are a true Lover (a person who loves), I never thought of you and this word together, but  now I do: love is your essence (unlike, unfortunately, too many men who lost their loving essence for trying to meet the social expectation of being tough, insensitive, uncaring.. socially-manly).

Thank you for the A+. “I don’t want a romantic relationship with (Sara), although I wish, but I know that it won’t happen, I just want to make her life easier, somehow”- I want to reciprocate  your generous grading by handing you an A+ for being a Lover.

I wrote: “It is a good thing when indeed, there is no hope. Hope in a hopeless situation fuels misery”, and you responded with: “Finally, the truth, it feels so good to hear those words”.

You wrote about Sara, a 28 year old respectful woman (not a normie) who “suffers from a lot of mental health issues, OCD, Anxiety, General anxiety disorder, OCPD (perfectionism)”:  “I cared for her, and she only felt bothered, I told her that  I want to do something for her, anything, I don’t think she wanted anything”

– read like she was/ is hopeless, that she was not able or willing to imagine that you can help her, that your love for her can make her feel better (?)

anita

Dear Murtaza:

“she thinks I don’t care about anything (which is true) but for her I can care, I don’t know how can I explain this to her”, “for example her liking to philosophers, in our conversation before I was dumb enough to say I don’t like them”, “for her I can care”-

Ibn al-Haytham was an Arab mathematician, physicist, and astronomer of the Islamic Golden Age, born July 1, 0965 in Basra, Iraq, died at 75 years old. He is best remembered for his contributions to the principles of optics for which he is called the father of modern optics. He was the first person to explain visual perception. He also wrote influential books on philosophy, medicine, and theology.

Abu Yūsuf Yaʻqūb ibn ʼIsḥāq aṣ-Ṣabbāḥ al-Kindī was an Arab Muslim philosopher, physician and musician, called the “father of Arab philosophy”, born in Kufa in 801, educated in Baghdad, died at about 72. He was a prominent figure in the House of Wisdom, also known as the Grand Library of Baghdad. His greatest contribution to the development of Islamic philosophy was his efforts to make Greek thought both accessible and acceptable to a Muslim audience. There is a whole entry on him in Wikipedia.

anita

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by .

Dear Murtaza:

“She is more into western philosophy, specifically existentialism, such as Albert Camus, Freud, Fredrick Neichze, also nihilism, since she feel like it could help her”- if Ibn al-Haytham, an Iraqi, is “the father of modern optics” then he is the origin of western optics. The western philosophers you mentioned studied the published work of pre-modern Iraqi philosophers.

I will be writing the following because it interests me, you are welcome to skip any of it that doesn’t interest you:

You mentioned Albert Camus, a French philosopher born in Algeria who died in 1960, at 46 years old. In the plot of his  novella, The Stranger- the main character, Meursault, a French settler in Algeria, killed an Arab, but in court, the prosecutor, trying to prove that Meursault was guilty, focused not on the killing, but on the socially condemning fact that Meursault did not show any indication of grief after his  mother died. Albert Camus wrote in 1955: “I summarized The Stranger a long time ago, with a remark I admit was highly paradoxical: ‘In our society any man who does not weep at his mother’s funeral runs the risk of being sentenced to death.’ I only meant that the hero of my book is condemned because he does not play the game”-

– the hero of his book is a Stranger, he does not play the social game.. he is not a Normie (Murtaza’s term!)

Wikipedia: “Philosophically, Camus’s views contributed to the rise of the philosophy known as absurdism, a movement reacting against the rise of nihilism. He is also considered to be an existentialist,  even though he firmly rejected the term throughout his lifetime”.

Absurdism is about people looking for a special meaning for human existence while the world/ nature is indifferent to human life, it does not participate in a human’s search for meaning.

From Wikipedia (this is very relevant to the title of your thread and to a lot of your thoughts expressed in your thread): The question then brought up becomes whether we should resign ourselves to this despair. As beings looking for meaning in a meaningless world, humans have three ways of resolving the dilemma. These 3 ways are described in The Sickness Unto Death (1849) and in The Myth of Sisyphus (1942, Camus).

They are: (1)  “Suicide (or, ‘escaping existence’): a solution in which a person ends one’s own life… Camus states that it does not counter the Absurd. Rather, in the act of ending one’s existence, one’s existence only becomes more absurd”, (2) “Religious, spiritual”- taking the “leap of faith” that although this world is meaningless, the next world (heaven, and any such intangible and unproven world) will be meaningful, “Camus regarded this solution, and others, as ‘philosophical suicide'”, and (3) “Acceptance of the Absurd: a solution in which one accepts the Absurd and continues to live in spite of it. Camus endorsed this solution, believing that by accepting the Absurd, one can achieve the greatest extent of one’s freedom”.

Back to quoting from your recent post and commenting: “I  read the first half of The Stranger by Camus, I just didn’t like it, I can’t read it just because she likes them.. in general I don’t like books.. I don’t see it interesting to read a man thoughts about the world, two that I know that everything that they say, is somehow a product of their life and age, back then they were very influenced by religion and traditions”-

Camus referred to religion as “philosophical suicide”, that’s somewhat a product of his time, and of earlier times, and it is somewhat independent thinking (I say “somewhat” because no thinking can possibly be independent of current and past times because no thinking individual has ever lived in a vacuum).

“I really think that if I get in a relationship I would be a good partner… a proof is that my relationship with my sister… we are very open to each other, and if I get bothered by any actions of hers, I would just tell her, that easy, that’s how you build a good relationship, by communicating, the good and bad, by understanding each other”- beautifully said. I am impressed, and I too think that you would be a good partner (a very good partner, I think) to a fortunate woman (if a partnership was possible for you).

anita

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by .

Dear Murtaza:

I am taking your recent post’s thoughts with me on my hour walk outside this 9 am (before it gets too hot), and will reply when I am back.

anita