Dear Murtaza:

“My definition of a non norime is similar (I think) to the definition of Frederick Nietzsche (Übermensch)”-

– as I understand it, his premise is that god does not exist=> there is no superior being who creates morality (right and wrong conduct) and values for humans/ no objective morality and values exist => the independent man/ the next step in human evolution (the Ubermensch= beyond-man/ superman) creates his own morality and values as he sees fit. He has the power to banish herd instincts from his mind, is not a slave or a master (does not follow others’ morality and values and does not impose his own on others). He is about power- not power over others, but power over himself (self-discipline).

“I don’t like that idea, because it removes my individuality, the thing I worked hard for, and just so you know, most norimes do read Nietzsche..  thus I dislike when someone compares me to a philosopher that norimes read about, I rather have the worst but original idea, then to follow a good one that most people do”-

– Reads to me that you, Murtaza, are very much an Ubermensch. You say that educated normies in Iraq read and worship Nietzsche, but it does not mean that they are Ubermenschs.

Here is a quote from Nietzsche that perfectly fits what you expressed to me for a long, long time: “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

But enough of Nietzsche, I want to read more from the living-breathing Ubermensch: Murtaza!

anita

Dear Murtaza:

The other day I listen to some Iraqi music, just now I listened (and will listen again) to the music I listened when I was a teenager, the language of my youth. This is the most personal/ vulnerable thing I ever shared with anyone in these forums, and I am sharing it with you. It’s funny in that sense that you might ignore what is so special to me, it may be meaningless to you. But here it is: listen to an Aric Einstein youtube song “Ani veata neshane et haolam”, which translates to: you and I will change the world. Unfortunately, I will not be able to be okay with you,  it if this means nothing to you.

anita

Dear Murtaza:

In my last post to you I was emotional. Some time after sending it to you, I realized that I may have come across as manipulative when at the end I wrote that “I will not be able to be okay with you,  it if this means nothing to you”. I want to explain: I did not mean by it that I will no longer reply to you if I was not satisfied with your response to what I shared. What I meant was to send you the message: please don’t treat what I am sharing with you as a Nothing, because if you do, it will hurt my feelings and it will hurt what I feel about you.

I didn’t expect you to like the music I like, but to get a feel for my greatest longing ..  how it was for me so long ago and how it still makes me feel still, feeling like I am still as young as you are now. (It is hard for me to put this emotional experience into words).

It was a risk to send you the information I did: the risk being that you will ignore it, or worse: that you (and/ or other members) turn against me because of antisemitism (hostility against Jews) and/ or anti-Zionism (opposition to the state of Israel).

In my mind, when listening to the music and seeing the images in the Youtube video, I imagined you watching it, and I imagine you enjoying it.. similar perhaps to you imagining that the therapist would help you (“this therapist.. I fantasize about asking, and in the fantasy she cared”). But now I realize that my imagining was probably my own fantasy. Like you, I am quite pessimistic when it comes to expectations of others responding to me the way I wish they did. You may not reply to me at all.. maybe for no other reason but for you being apathetic (“Here I am, no feelings, no desires, no goals, only consuming, like an animal, at least an animal doesn’t have awareness, the drugs has made me even more apathetic”).

You are welcome to not respond to me, if that’s your choice. You are welcome to respond.. if that’s your choice. My best wishes are for you and for your younger sister.

anita

Dear Murtaza:

I enjoyed reading about how your daily life is like (except for the parts of you suffering), thank you for answering my questions with so much detail, and patiently. I didn’t reply earlier because I thought you might follow with another post soon after, but maybe you will later.

“I will hear this with my full attention and power, and it means something to me, the only person in the world to me likes it, one of the few none norime person”- I appreciate this sentence very much!

Regarding the compliment of me not being a normie person- it occurred to me only a few minutes ago, that the Murtaza’s definition of the term may come down to just this: a normie is a person who genuinely likes and loves Murtaza just as he is (not wanting to change him).

anita

Dear Murtaza:

“In your recent reply you sounded excited, but in this reply you sounded bit disappointed if I may say (or less excited), did you expect me to answer something specifically?”- no, I was very satisfied with your first post today. The less-excited feeling that you accurately perceived (you are very good at it!) was probably about me thinking that you submitted your first (very satisfactory) post before you watched the Youtube video, and I was worried that after you watch it, you will no longer like me, because of where I was  born.. or for some other reason.

“It’s a mystery to me why you love me the way you do, I ask ‘why me?’ ‘From the all people she talk to, she must seen better'”- it is a mystery: I didn’t plan it, it just happened. In my interactions with members, I mostly operate from the intellect, not from the heart. Suddenly, in communicating with you (it appeared sudden but it was not, I am guessing).. something happened. I cannot explain it using intellect/ words. It is unexplainable. But it is trustworthy to stay, to not disappear.

I will look up the words to the song and send you another post with the words, later. I may take a walk next. Later I plan to go to the taproom.. it may be tomorrow morning (it is after 2 pm now) before I post to you again. It’s after midnight your time. I hope you have a good night!

anita

Dear Murtaza:

First, replies to yesterday’s posts: regarding you smoking cigarettes: I know that you want to have a life that is as easy as possible. Continuing to smoke will damage your lungs, and if damaged enough, your life will be difficult, not easy. There is a regular at the taproom whose lungs were permanently damaged by smoking for many years. He is always connected to an oxygen tank through tubes that go into his nose. Every time he gets up from his seat, it is difficult for him, walking is difficult, sleeping is difficult.. everything is difficult- not the kind of easy life you wish for.

You wrote that you sit a lot, and it hurts your lower and upper back. A couple of years ago, there was a saying I often heard: “sitting is the new smoking”, meaning that sitting is harmful for your body. I hope that you sit in a way that’s better for your body, on the right kind/height of chair, and that every 20 minutes or so of sitting, you get up and walk around some, stretch your back correctly.

About the song “AniVeAta”:  “Ani” means “I”, and “Ata” means “you” (Ve means “and”). If you combine the two words ani+ata, it sounds like my name, anita. For me, it was meaningful to have “you” with “me”, symbolically, of course. The song’s theme is: “You and I will change the world”, that’s the only line that matters to me. Growing up and onward, If felt very powerless, as in not making any difference for anyone, having ZERO power. The idea of having so much power as to change the world was/ is very appealing to me.. imagine: you and I changing the world! It is an appealing idea (not a reality, of course).

Second, replies to today’s posts: I didn’t hear about hella before and watched just a bit of youtube- I liked the hummus sign in the background, in the restaurant they were sitting in (my favorite eating experience: wiping hummus spread around a plate with oil in the middle with a fresh pita) and I liked the small coffee cups, it made me miss those little white cups. The way Hella has her hair is the way I had it as a teenager and in my 20s, same color, same shape.

I very much appreciate everything you wrote (!!!) in your two posts- you did not ignore me or what I shared with you at all, I feel heard and understood, thank you! But I now worry that you will try too hard to address everything I write to you and that can become a difficult job- and I know you don’t like difficult, neither do I want to burden you in any way. So, following showing me your great patience and attention, it is okay that you don’t address everything I say. I want you to feel comfortable.

*I noticed that you didn’t post yet regarding the email topic and that’s okay, there is no rush.

anita