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4 Lessons About Love and Long-Distance Relationships

By

“Distance means so little when someone means so much.” ~Unknown

People tend to think long-distance relationships are one of the hardest possible ways of loving someone. I live in one: As a young European, I am deeply in love with my African boyfriend who pursues his career in Asia.

I met my love about two years ago. After dating for a few months and sharing a wonderful time in an Asian country, we split up, as he had many doubts about things that seemed to separate us. At this point in time, our differences seemed to be too wide to merge them into a happy, long-lasting life together.

This period was very painful for both of us. After one year—when I had already returned to my home country—he approached me again, explaining how wrong he was, and asking for a second chance.

I didn’t know what this implied, but my heart was saying wholeheartedly yes as I was confident the differences weren’t stronger than our love. My heart felt embedded in his, and I still loved him deeply.

So we started fresh again—this time with an extreme distance between us.

The first months felt easy, as the bliss of being back together melted the distance away. Even though different time zones and tight budgets influenced our ways of communication, it only mattered that we had found our way back to each other.

We missed each other dearly; but there was a certain peace with the reality. I could feel him being on the other side, thinking of me and being in love with me. This was all I could ask for.

However, I knew this serenity would come and go; frustration could kick in eventually and challenge us. Around one year and two visits later, the downsides of the distance did indeed knock me off. I missed my boyfriend during days and nights, and fear crept in.

What if this would lead us only to a big disappointment?

My mind dug through tons of questions and my world felt not as open and wide anymore. We knew we would need to deal with lots of issues if we wanted to be together—ambitious career paths and different work/life-balances, immigration papers, money, languages, intercultural differences, a worried family on my side.

It‘s not easy to keep up with the constant uncertainty of the future, and I often feel tired of external factors that hinder us.

But it has also dawned on me that I can’t make myself the victim of circumstances. We need to keep putting our heads up high and take the distance as our current external state that shapes us but will change eventually.

I don’t deny we live on two different continents, and can‘t have breakfasts in bed or spontaneous weekend trips to the sea. But I always wished for a wonderful man with a beautiful character who loves me for who I am. Now I got my wish—just totally out of my comfort zone.

I’ve learned some lessons along the way—and they may help even if you’re not in a long-distance relationship:

1. Communicate.

It‘s important that you speak, listen, write, fight, and laugh with your partner about everything that’s meaningful to you. I use different channels for communication, and surprise my honey from time to time with a postcard, a colorful photo, or an unexpected call.

We don‘t hear from each other every day; sometimes we can‘t Skype for days due to clashing schedules or bad Internet connections. This is annoying but okay.

We remember to respect the other person‘s schedule and space; we don‘t expect the other one to be available all the time. I think it’s important to keep it light to a certain degree so that there’s no need of constant (virtual) presence that would be draining at some point.

Also, I feel much better after sharing my struggles with my boyfriend; it’s a way of being honest and authentic. Make yourself a team in this. If you take on challenges together, it’s easier to handle the physical distance, and you get closer and surely learn a lot about each other.

Even if you aren’t miles apart, you want to find the right balance of interaction, and spice up communication with surprises here and there. You want to handle challenges as a team and become closer through them.

2. Challenge your doubts.

I can‘t make the distance define my feelings for him. It is what it is, and we can only do our best today in loving each other, and work toward a life together with patience and faith.

Distance doesn‘t kill love; doubts do. Therefore I give my best in choosing love over doubt.

Sometimes I’m not strong enough and let fear creep in. Then I share my frustration with him, talk to a close friend, or do something uplifting just for myself.

Then the feeling of love comes back on its own and laughs gently on my worried mind.

Every relationship faces challenges, and doubts may plague us sometimes. It’s our mind that causes doubts, so we’re the ones who can choose to take on a different perspective.

I’m not suggesting oppressing worries (that may be reasonable in unhealthy relationships), but I’d like to encourage you to choose a positive outlook when it’s healthy, instead of blocking yourself with limiting thoughts or labels.

3. Become clear about who you are and what you want.

If you love whole-heartedly it’s easy to put the other one on a pedestal and treat him/her like a superhero.

In a long-distance relationship it may even take more time to realize the other one is just as human as you.

Keep learning from each other, and don’t be afraid of discovering the flaws or challenges the other one may have. Try to first see what it is in you that makes you irritated, and exchange thoughts about it calmly and respectfully.

Always keep curious and ask lots of questions. Be willing to open up just as much.

Also, talk about where you want to head together and how you want to live. It’s important to create a vision together to know you’re on the same page.

As long as you respect and love your partner, you will always find a way to deal mindfully with conflict and disagreement.

4. Spend quality time together. 

You don‘t need to talk every day. Just make sure the time with each other is well spent. Laugh a lot.

Try to treat the distance as a friend, not an enemy. Be creative, play with the technical possibilities—celebrate occasionally with a dinner on Skype, watch a movie via shared screen, or dance to some good music. Your joy about sharing those day-to-day things may be very high, as you do not take them for granted.

Visit each other as often as you can, and spend time just the way you want. Save up money for visits, split costs, and plan activities you want to do together. This is crucial for you as a couple, and it refuels the batteries.

Even if you see your loved one often, you still need to consciously choose to spend quality time together.

I’ve learned that physical distance does not equal emotional distance, and there is so much to explore. It’s really what you make out of it.

The point is to not deny the hard parts, but also to not feel paralyzed by them.

These are just a few ways to find strength and happiness in a committed long-distance relationship. What’s your biggest love challenge, and how do you overcome it?

Photo by garryknight

Avatar of Criola

About Criola

Criola loves her friends, inspirational blogs, novels and fashion, dance, coffee and croissants—and she’s deeply in love with her boyfriend who lives on the other side of the world. Criola often finds herself at crossroads in life, ready to pursue her passion and all-day happiness.

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  • Samantha

    As an American girl dating a French guy living in London I really appreciated your story. It’s always nice to know you’re not alone! Best of luck to you both!

  • Camille

    I know how you feel.

    While teaching English in Brazil, I spent an incredible 6 months with the best man there. I returned to New York City and we are still together, even having been apart for a year. Our biggest challenge is trying to find a job for him here in NYC. It’s difficult to rely on others for sponsorship when our economy isnt doing well. We keep trying and hoping. Patience and persistence is key. We love and adore each other and believe the challenge is worth it.

  • JJ

    Your article couldn’t have come in a better time. I live in California and dating a man in Canada. It’s not easy, quite frustrating and the doubts are killing me! Trust is big, and I lack that….I’ve walked away from it, but he came looking for me, but I can’t shake of the doubts. Fear definitely consumes you! Gives me hope and to know Im not alone.

  • mike

    2 yrs ago i re fell in love with my childhood love. she lives on the other side of the country.The love is there but the timing is bad. after reading this it definatly changes perspective on how to deal with the distance. Im glad I came upon this post. great advice

  • Criola

    Dear Mike, JJ, Camille and Samantha
    Thank you very much for reading and commenting; I’m so glad you enjoyed the post and even found some comfort in it. It feels good to know we’re not alone in this – I especially feel this when reading blogs or books on the topic. I wish you all the best and also pray that the universe has got our backs.
    Much love and light to you all :)

  • Naea

    Best wishes to you both from someone who has walked a similar path. My husband and I spent the first three years of our relationship across the Atlantic from one another. Dating takes on a whole new meaning when it requires a plane ticket just to share space. You speak of the many lessons we learned as well in communicating, setting realistic expectations, and understanding doubt. We now have over a decade together, the last eight years of which have been spent physically in the same space. We’ve made a home here, on my side of the ocean. We love, we work, we play, and we face challenges head-on as that is how we learned that they are best overcome.

  • Criola

    I love that Naea :) I’m so happy for you guys and I do wish the same ending for me and my boy. I can feel the strength and commitment with which you showed up in order to being finally together ~ what a wonderful reward. Your story gives me so much hope; thanks! I also like you point out that challenges don’t magically stop when you finally spend a daily life together ~ it’s a new chapter to begin. Much love to your side of the ocean xx

  • CJay

    What happens if the other person keeps doubting though? How do you make them see that your love is something that should be cherished?

    My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. He is in the Marines and I live in the US. His first two years were spent stationed in Japan. During those two years, he went through hardships (I know) that I will never be able to relate to, but so did I. However, I stayed strong and believed that we would end up working while he, although strong most of the time, would slip into what we called “a funk” where he would doubt the power of our relationship/love. This third year he is in Europe (I can’t say where because that would really narrow it down) and although miles-wise we are closer (6000 instead of 8000), relationship-wise he is farther away than ever. He’s broken up with me three times, all doubting his ability to be a man and (more so) be my man. He has an issue with not being able to “protect” and “provide” for me and worries that if he’s not preforming at top notch, someone else will.

    In reality, my heart belongs to him. I’ve always known that, and I still feel it. However, I’m getting exhausted from always having to be the one who is strong or the one who believes in us. How do I fix things before they completely tear my heart up to shreds? Today he went from (10am) “we’re going to get through this amount of distance because I need you in my arms” to (9pm) “I don’t know how I feel right now”… and it’s horrible. He’s always scared of hurting me (see the “Toxic relationship” post for those details) but I’d rather be strong through those pains than him questioning our love’s strength and value.

    I’m so lost and tired. I love him, with all my heart, but don’t I deserve some effort and faith from his side too?

    P.S. I am very happy for you and your love, you (as well as the other success stories commented below) give me hope.

  • http://www.zencaffeine.com/ Kaylee

    While I’ve never been in a long-distance relationship, I can still relate these lessons to my own cohabitation situation.. Something you said at the end really struck me: “I’ve learned that physical distance does not equal emotional distance, and there is so much to explore. It’s really what you make out of it.”
    Equally, I think that physical closeness does not equal emotional closeness. It’s so easy, getting to see my love every day, to take that for granted and neglect the emotional side… Thank you for the reminder to pay closer attention. Best wishes to you and your love!! =)

  • Shauntay

    I found this article just on a day that I needed to. It’s bad enough to deal with normal insecurities like one’s self image but factoring in someone you’re interested in who is 2100 miles away sometimes drives me nuts.

    We actually met via FB through a mutual friend so we have in fact NEVER met in person. That he is “interested” I believe there is no doubt since we have been texting and or emailing everyday–it will be two months 1/6/13. With the time difference, his job with a huge telecom company that has him on call frequently and him being a part-time dad with a full-time attitude to his 7-year old daughter, talking on the phone has been a challenge. Sometimes I’m afraid he will get bored but so far that hasn’t happened. We check in with each other as if we are “dating” and it’s actually really nice. Righ now I am merely enjoying the exchange but I would be dishonest if I said it was enough but I tend to be a hopeful person by nature. I found the timing of coming across this article quite serendipitous and am so happy that I did.

    Thank you for the wise words and for sharing your insight.

  • Marie

    I needed this. I’m struggling right now but there is a voice inside me that tells me to take it day by day. The doubts just drag me down. Thanks for the positivity.

  • http://www.facebook.com/christiandee.usares Christian Dee Usares

    Hello, I am in a relationship with my boyfriend from Tennessee and we have never met/hold each others hand yet but I do know that I love him and I know that he loves me too we’ve been together for 3 years now and we are still going stronger but we really cannot deny that all relationship goes through hardships like arguments and misunderstandings sometimes he refuses to listen and when i ask him why i annoy him he refuses to answer.

    sometimes when he is mad I give him time but I also loos the guts to talk when the time comes that he is willing to talk. I always keep on having doubts about our relationship especially when I feel that he is cold.

    But I really love him and I always tell him how much I love him!

    I will do my best to keep him happy and in love with me until the very end.

    We are in a gay relationship by the way.

    I just felt so sad when he said to me once that there is no way for us to meet in person. I felt like I lost hope and cried the whole week since we both know he is the only one who is capable of traveling here to my country and if he thinks like that then it means he is not willing to come here and there really is no way for us to meet in real life .

    He is the only one who made me feel loved and I now he will always do but I am so scared and getting impatient of when is the right time that we meet.
    :’(

  • Criola

    Dear Christian,

    thanks a lot for your comment! i can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to being in a relationship of three years with the man you love and haven’t even met him yet. Is it visa issues that make it so difficult to see him?

    I don’t know your relationship and I can’t really say anything about it.. but I feel a bit as if you were hiding behind this relationship and don’t think you’re worth more than that. You are! And your boyfriend should see you, meet your friends, family, places that are important to you, your culture. It’s so important to experience the other one in real life situations right next to you as this makes you see who he really is – with his good just as his less perfect sides ;)

    Long distance relationships take a lot of energy and they can fuel you with just as much love. But the positive energy only comes through joint memories and the prospect of creating new memories together. So go, and fight for him and your love. But don’t don’t settle for a situation that doesn’t mirror your worth.

    Sending much hope and light xx

  • Criola

    Dear Shauntay,
    thanks a lot to stopping by! I hope things fell into place for you and your man and you’re happy! Much love

  • Criola

    Hey Little Fighter,
    I trust things calmed a little down and you found back on your path! I know how much sorrow can come from this uncertainty.
    Sending you much hope and strength

  • Criola

    Thanks Kaylee for your sweet words! I should answer you in a personal message soon ;) Wishing you and your love much happiness

  • Criola

    You’re more than welcome Marie! I hope you will be ok! Taking it day by day is a wonderful way of seeing it! Let me try this too ;)

  • Titi

    I loved this! My beloved is in West Africa, me on the east coast mid-atlantic of the U.S. We are not rich and communication costs add up. Internet and phone connects are unpredictable at best BUT it is all worth it. He is my dream come true and is the best man I can ask for. We communicate as much as possible and are always together in our minds and hearts. He surprises me with calls, emails, texts, and planned as well as unexpected gifts…as I do him. We are a team, he is my rock and I’m his cheerleader and we face everything together. LDRs are hard and not meant for all but when it works it works. Not everyone understands it, they doubt us but we don’t let that stop us because we know how what we share is as real as it gets. Don’t let the distance define your relationship if your hearts are pure the love needs no help in defining what you have. TRUST-PATIENCE-UNDERSTANDING-COMMUNICATION are essential and can’t be overlooked. Don’t take eachother or limited communication time for granted. Laugh and cry together, say ‘I love you’, be careful of those who may try to sabotage you because they don’t understand or are envious. ALSO, realize that LDRs can move faster/slower than a local relationship due to the types of conversations we share (we can tend to talk more, learn more, bond more quickly because we aren’t going through ‘silent moments’ like if your went on a movie date), cultural influences can also affect the pace of the relationship….MAKE YOUR OWN RULES.

  • Criola

    Hi Titi
    Thanks a lot for your thoughts and story! I’m sure it helps many who are in a similiar situation. Maybe you wanna leave ur Email address so we can connect over a personal message? Hugs, Criola

  • Titi

    Hello Criola,
    I hope this response finds your well. Here’s my addy: hunnydropps73@gmail.com plz feel free to mail me :)
    Hugs Back at You, Titi.

  • Jim

    I can honestly say that I am 100% in love with my long distance girlfriend. This is the first time I’ve ever had feelings this deep for someone. I recently was able to visit her in her hometown of new York and have plans to go back in a few weeks to visit. My only fear is that maybe she is unsure of her feelings towards me. She warned me at the beginning of our relationship that she want one to express feelings and say or do lovey dovey types of things so I knew what I was getting into ahead of time. So how do I know if she’s really in love with me or if its.more of a wait and see thing. I really want a future with this woman because she is the most amazing person I have ever.met and I fall in love with her more everyday.

  • jim

    I think its hard to trust but everytime I have ever had even the slightest doubt about her I push it away. I just think about something amazing she did or said that made me smile or happy and those doubts disappear

  • Stacy

    loved this article. My boyfriend and I just went recently went LDR two months ago; he has a busy work schedule and i’m afraid that not being able to talk as much will tear our relationship apart. I feel like the next time I see him i wont feel the same because of our speration. he is the only one I want and i dont want this to happen, how can i prevent this?

  • Danielle

    Hi criola,

    I’ve been in a Long distance relationship now for almost 4 years. We actually met online and have been dating ever since. He lives in Massachusetts and I live in California. I’ve visited him many times and I love his parents and his parents love me. His mom and I are very close. However, he’s only been to California a couple times and sometimes I feel like its better to visit him because he has more privacy at his 3 story house than my 1 story house. I love him so much and I know he loves me, but he’s my first serious bf. he’s 23 And I’m 21 but we’ve been dating since I was 17. I sometimes feel like I want to date other guys to get more experience with dating but I’ve found someone who loves me for me and idk I guess I’m confused. Any advice?

  • Amy

    Hi Criola,

    I need help!

    I’m currently on foreign exchange in Spain (I’m 16) and I’m dating a Spanish guy (17). It might sound kind of silly for my age but honestly I feel so in love with him. We’re constantly together and we can talk about anything and we have the most open relationship in the world (as in we’re open with each other… not an actual “open relationship” ^^). But in a month and a half I have to go back to Washington and finish my junior and senior year of highschool.

    We’ve only been dating for 7 months but we love planning out our future and all that and we talk about it all the time. We graduate college at the same time (in six years!!) and we plan on moving in together and tackling the world together after :)

    Obviously I know six years is a long time and it seems stupid to even hope. I mean, Spain – West Coast is a really really long way. If we both work for it we feel like we can see each other three times a year. We can spend the entire summer together and then during the year 2 other 2-3 week periods.

    Could you give me any advice? Is it even possible to hope? I love him so much I cannot describe. Maybe it’s stupid to people who are more mature in the dating world but for us it’s so, so real and it breaks my heart to think that this could possibly end. Because right now is bliss, but I feel as if in one and a half months everything will come crashing down.

    Thanks a million,

    Amy

  • Criola

    Hey Amy

    Thanks for taking the time for reading and commenting as well as for sharing your story. My answer is very simple and straightforward ;) You’ll give it a try and stand up for your love with your boyfriend!

    I know, it will be challenging but you better keep walking and building a path rather than thinking and worrying and not doing anything about the situation.

    Have you thought of building up a professional life in Spain? You could spend the summers working there, or you could take up internships, volunteer work etc. to earn some money while being with each other and gain work experience. You could also think of doing an exchange – or even study in Spain. Of course, the same goes for your boyfriend; he could try and come to the US as a student.

    I’m confident you both will find a way. And as you say, you’re still very young, and you can always reconsider your path when you feel it is not what you truly want.

    Wishing you much happiness and strength! xx

  • elie

    how can I make a girl from outside of my country to love me in a long distance relationship ?

  • elie

    please someone help me …:$

  • elie

    thanks mike

    But I think she will lose attraction as you are far from her …that what happened with me ..

  • Irene

    I just entered into a relationship (2 weeks ago) with a guy that I haven’t met yet in person. We’re friends in Facebook and I met him a year ago since he’s my brother in law’s best friend. Just this April we communicated again, after losing contact for almost a year. I fell in love with him and same goes with him. Now, we always talked over the phone for hours every single day and night, every time we get a chance to. We laugh a lot and shared secrets too. I think it also helps that my guy is sweet like he used to sing me a song everyday, do whatever request i asked from him and he even make a song just for me. I know it’s too early but we are talking about our future together like marriage or having kids. This makes me hold on to him till the time that we meet (he promised that we will see each other personally within this year but no exact date yet). I believe in him and we trust each others too. I can feel it and I know that he loves me too every time we talk. I don’t let anyone discourage me about our relationship though I know they have a point. As what he always told me, our fate lies in our hands and no one else.

  • Criola

    Hi Irene
    Thanks for your lovely comment! Your mindset is wonderful, and I’m wishing you lots of love and magic with him. Take care xx

  • catalia

    I been in a LDR for 1 year and 9 months, I met him on facebook….I’m here in florida and he is in nicaragua, am from there also, and what surprised me was that we’re from the same neighborhood, but we never seen each other, his grandmother has this store that I use to go shopping too, he said he was always over there helpung his grandmother out, but the thing is I’ve been over there and never once I saw him…Anyways our relationship right now is real healthy, we laugh, argue, we say we love each other all the time, we have doubts…
    I think am going back to visit my family over there, I told my boyfriend and he got all happy, he wanted to tell everyone but I told him not too, because well one detail I missed out of all this, is that my family and his have bad history in the passed…they don’t want us together :( well his family don’t have a problem with it, but mine does and it hurts me that they don’t want me with him, he said he won’t give up on me, that he will fight for me, because I came in his life when he really needed me….
    What do you guys think I should do about that problem with my family not wanting us together? Pleasee help me, I love him and I don’t want to lose him

  • Lost

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. My boyfriend will be leaving the country in 2 months and his career plans don’t see him returning. I obviously want him to be happy and I want both of us to pursue our goals. But, I am so conflicted right now that I can’t make any decisions with respect to my own life and career choices. I torture myself constantly with thoughts of whether I should align my career to the relationship so that we can be together or go ahead with my dreams, which are completely opposed to his. It is difficult for me because our relationship is one of the best things I’ve ever experienced but now I don’t know how to reconcile my relationship and the plans I always had for myself.
    I know the sensible thing to do is to take care of myself first (” you’ll never wake up one morning and have your career say he doesn’t love you anymore) but I’m so scared of making a mistake and losing something that gives me so much joy.

  • Nur

    Hello Criola, How are you doing today? can you please hook me up with someone … I’m presently working in Dubai. I want to love and be loved.

  • Criola

    Hola Catalia

    Gracias for your comment. How wonderful you’re in such a sweet and healthy relationship (although it must feel a bit like Romeo & Juliet lately). I know your problems, I also face them. It’s very painful (and shameful too) if those who are supposed to love and support you turn into “Nay-sayers” and make it even harder for you – particularly, if you already deal with a tough situation as the distance and all that comes with it.

    I’m sure it’s very tough on you, and your strategies probably depend a good deal on the importance of tradition and loyalty in your family. In my part of the world the traditions are not as strict as in other cultures but I’m still in your shoes. My parents are/were very opposed to my relationship due to prejudices and sorrows on my (long term) happiness. I told them about my relationship straight-head onwards, talked to them, explained them many times how happy I am with my sweetheart, and that I won’t give up on us just because our bond throws them out of their comfort zone.

    After one long heated discussion I got to the (exhausting) point, where I realized the talking won’t change their judgement, and I told them “Ok, I realize, you have your thoughts, and I can’t change them. Let me walk my path then, I know it’ll make me happy”. Lots of uncomfortable silent moments followed, and I just hated the awkward silence between us. By now, my parents have met him during his first visit in my country, and it helped tremendously. There are still prejudices and doubts, but we jumped a big step ahead.

    So, from my experience I know how challenging and uncomfortable it can be, and you may loose a great deal of the relationship you used to had with your family – doubts in your decision can be so hurtful. But, on the other hand, I feel it’s so important to stand up for yourself, for him and your joint feelings.

    You may start talking to your mum or dad (the one you have a closer bound to or who shapes the decisions in your family), and explain them your situation. Then work from there. It’s also helpful to find some “allies”, such as a sensitive auntie or a supporting sibling. They may have an influence on your parents, and can help a bit. I also always tried to show my parents that I wanted an open, and honest communication with them, and that this is why I made them know about my relationship. I always hoped that this shows them I mean it well, even though the decision itself is not their cup of tea.

    I hope this helps a bit Catalia. All the best to you both!! Keep on being happy with each other and have a great summer xx

    We’re grateful about other readers’ thoughts.

  • Criola

    Hey Miss Lost
    Thanks for posting! I’m sorry you’re facing such a challenging time these days! I understand your feelings, and I know how puzzling they can be.

    What does your bf say about it, is he willing to find a compromise? Could you both try long-distance for a while and pursuing your career plans apart from each other for a certain time? In a long distance you could also “test” how much you want to be with the other one, or if your lives grow apart from each other. Finding this out can be very painful too, but at least you would have tried, and knew, it’s not meant to be for now.

    On another note, are you sure you can’t follow a career in his country/region? It may give your education an interesting (and important) edge to learning about your field in a different environment?

    These are just ideas that might be worth the effort. But just do it if he is willing to working on it together – you certainly can’t bear the burden on your shoulders alone. Sending you a big optimistic smile!

  • Blanca

    Thank you so much for this post. I am exactely in the same position. I am European, he is African. Due to papers our future is unknown. Well, part of our future. I know I want to be with him and he wants to be with me. We tried many different ways for him to be able to come to EU. Until now all failed. A lot of time and money have been spent. This is why I have doubts. I don’t doubt our love, I doubt our situation. I have been with him in the various offices and saw their “willigness” (irony..) to help.

    The situation as it is right now drag me down. I can’t even skype with him, cause my family doesn’t know about us – and he can’t because of the bad connection.

    Did you find a solution concerning the papers and/or your situation? Maybe I oversee what is so clearly in front of me. Or anyone else here knowing some opportunities for him to get out of Africa? thank you so much…

  • Blanca

    thank you for this too. I told my mum and my sister, but they are far away from supporting me. I am now back with my family, living in a very ignorant neighboorhood but will move away from here soon..

    I know my dad would not speak to me for a while if I tell him.

    How was your parents’ reaction first? How did you tell? I am now at the point where I think I never can tell… and it drives me crazy too (apart from not knowing if my bf will ever be able to come to EU).

  • Dodo

    This is so inspiring..but what if he does not share the same optimism as I do?Is it really woth the fight if it’s only one sided?

  • Criola

    Hello Dodo!

    Thanks for dropping by!

    I guess in every love – if near or far – the key is both face the same direction and really want to be with each other. Sometimes, it surely takes a while of adjusting to a long-distance, and developing the energy needed for it. Being in a long-distance is a particular challenge, and couples can really grow with it. But, if you gave it some time, and your partner doesn’t commit to the same level you do, you probably set yourself up to much pain. Maybe it’s not the right constellation at this pint in time?

    Take good care of yourself!

  • Criola

    Hey Blanca

    Thanks for your lines! My boyfriend and I face exactly the same challenges as you two do – immigration rules that seem super high to overstep, lots of closed doors (and faces) as well as financial burdens. We are constantly (re-)considering our options of different visa types, and go through every possible option we know of.

    So far, I travelled his way (which is easier); a few weeks ago my boyfriend also came to my part of the world with a visit visa (after a first refusal by the embassy, our appeal, and an approval after only 24 hours).

    It’s very sad, but international couples with visa challenges often get married much sooner than other couples – simply because they need to have the married status in order to be allowed to live together. I have refused this option so far as I want us to feel ready on our own timeline.. but it more and more seems like the only option – unless we win the lottery, or have an influential friend in some embassy ;)

    I wish you both all the luck in the world! Keep us posted, will ya?

    Loves and light
    Criola

  • Blanca

    I know exactely what you mean by closed doors and closed faces. For now to get the visit visa, he has to work for more than 2 months to even have chances to get it. I am so nervous. I dont want a refusal again. So, now I have no idea how he is doing, cause he is on the sea for at least 45 days. I just know he is sad, and it makes me sad too. I can’t reach him via internet or phone.

    Makes me crazy! I am not the kind of person sitting in front of the phone to get messages/calls. I have my own life, meet friends. But in this case, now I changed. – cause missing a call could mean it was the only chance to talk to him for another couple of weeks.

    And yes, the marriage thing. We feel exactely the same.I dont want to marry because i HAVE to. I want to marry because I WANT to. and because I feel ready.

    Where is your bf from? Where are you from?
    Do you have other visa options in mind? The only option we have is the tourist/visitor visa. But that is not a solution forever. As first he worked and lived in EUrope (when we met), we didnt really think about the visa things. Well, we didnt want to. But now .. we have to..
    Any news about your relationship? all the best!!!!!

  • Criola

    Hey Blanca!
    Have you considered a student visa which is also applicable for language courses?

  • Blanca

    can you give me more info about the language course opportunity? I already thought about it, asked several language institutes – but they didnt reply. Is it dependent on the language institutes or only on the embassy in Africa?

  • ann

    I met my boyfriend through a summer school in Canada. Unfortunately, he lives in Mexico and I live in Holland. We fell deeply in love and we try to communicate as much as possible, even though our timezones won’t really let us communicate that much (7 hours difference). I’m planning to go to Mexico next year, even though the flying ticket is kinda expensive. But I would do anything to see him again.. Even if I have to wait 11 months. I just really miss him but your article really made me feel better and I want to thank you for that. And to the other LDR people out there; have hope. It may seem all worthless at some points, but think about all the good things. When I skype with my boyfriend (we usually skype once a week on saturday night and whatsapp almost everyday) I always have loads and loads to tell him and so does he because we don’t ”see” eachother that often! It keeps our relationship interesting. And we always send random pictures of our nights out so we can both laugh about ugly party pictures. And even though we’re both very young, I’ll just wait and see where this relationship will take me. Deep in my heart I know I’ll always love him no matter what. And we have one thing in common; we don’t like the boys and girls in our own country : ) Thanks again for this amazing wonderfull article!

  • Criola

    Thanks Ann, for your sweet comment! I’m wishing you many exciting trips to Mexico and beautiful things to come to you and your man!

  • Criola

    Hi Blanca
    Somehow our threat is not allowing more replies; let me write you in a new comment.

    I suggest you consult the online services of the embassy of your boyfriend’s country (as well as your country’s foreign office or academic exchange service) and check how student visas may be granted and if language courses count as studies. If this option exists, there will be language institutes matching the formal requirements; try to call them up or check their websites on what they offer. You also may want to get in touch with the foreign student offices of the main universities in your country – they can help you in finding out how to apply for a student / language course place. Maybe you do fit the requirements and could try this!

    Best of luck for you two! =)

  • Blanca

    Yes I did that in the meantime. Thanks. I didn’t get any reply until now .. But hey, yesterday my bf was able to call me after 9 days of not hearing anything from him. (he is on a ship). He also told me he decided to quit his job right after the ship comes back to land. He is in a high position on the ship so quitting the job is somehow a huge step for him. Because he will be unemployed – and trying to get a visa. He said he couldnt be like this without even hearing my voice. I feel so relieved, cause I wanted him to quit his job, but didnt want to let him know directly. Now when he told me he will quit, I felt so relieved :) But now, the visa needs to work out!! ;)

  • Criola

    ;)

  • cforyourself

    Thank you for writing this article. I will share some of these on my next blog. I hope you visit my blog too. Thank you Criola! This really helped. <3 (cforyourself.wordpress.com)

  • Criola

    Hi – cool :) Please link the content you take directly from my writing back to this post, many thanks ;)

  • urbaby

    oh gosh…u dont have any idea how much i needed this..i am a girl at my 20s and my bf is a year older than me..our relationship is 5 years old and we have been doing great since he left in America,Ny…I live in Europe…ITs hard..very hard and i feel like i cant do it anymore..is killing me…

  • Christina

    This really puts me on a different mindset. I feel a little bit of relief. My boyfriend is in the Army. So it puts a huge hold on our relationship. It’s tough. But reading this will hopefully help me out. Thank you for having the time to write this out.

  • Jeff Schaller

    Good for you. :) I live in the U.S. and my girlfriend is European. She is the love of my life. What is amazing is we have so much in common that we to this day have a hard time figuring out what our differences are. We are each others best friend. There is no one single thing that we cannot express to one another. Even our future careers goals are the same. She picks out my work clothes for my current job. I tell her I love her and that she is so beautiful I bet at least 30 times a day. The things you wrote about are so true. Communication is very important. One key thing you left out is respect. I tell her that I love her for her physical beauty but that her personality comes first. I did not know that true love existed until now. Everything happens for a reason.

  • Jeff Schaller

    It will happen. You two will be together someday. :) My girlfriend and I are in different countries and our bond grows stronger every single day. She’s Romanian and I live in thee good old USA. You have nothing to worry about. Stay strong. :)

  • Guest

    What happened to my post?

  • Criola

    Thanks Jeff, I appreciate your kind words very much.

  • Angela

    Your blog is really inspiring! I am going crazy right now about how far me & my guy are. He lives in Germany & I live in California. I did a summer internship from June 10th to August 16th and I met this guy that works at the same place I wored. We started hanging out a lot which eventually turned into us dating. I fell really hard for this guy because when it came down to me leaving, I didn’t realize how much I’d miss him. He wrote me a letter and gave me one of his favorite shirts as a goodbye present. This is the first week without him and I miss him so much! I am not good at long distance relationships, but I think I’m going to see where this goes.

  • Adam

    My fiancé surprised me with this candid and insightful article. I asked her to take a look at her behavior while I’m out of reach. At times, keeping myself constantly available to her while battling my own environment is overwhelming. She insists that I need to keep talking but she mostly keeps her fears to herself. I haven’t got this thing under control anymore than she has but I always encourage honesty and do my best to lead by example. Thank you, Criola. You totally nailed it.

  • abarlow03

    Wow…I really needed this read today also. I’m really struggling bad
    myself right now, with missing my guy, who just left his job in Iraq for
    another in Afghanistan. I was supposed to see him in September, but now
    it won’t be until December. The doubts here lately are what’s got me bad. When he was in Iraq…we would Skype everyday, which made my WHOLE day. He’s been on “stand-by” in the UK (where he is from…..I’m in the U.S.), for almost 2 weeks now (was supposed to only be a week) waiting to fly out to his new job, and we have only Skyped twice cause he has been busy catching up with friends and family. It actually makes me soooo happy for him to get to do that….It’s just been killing me is all!! *sigh* I’m just sooooo glad I came across this article. I totally cried
    tears of hope. I’m keeping it, to read when the doubt hits. I just wish we were back to at least talking everyday! I never comment on blogs either. NEVER. It sure feels good to get some of these thoughts off my chest though. ^_^ I hope all is well with you and your guy!! :)

  • Umair

    Hello my friends i am in a same condition..cariola plz contact me..i need.tp take suggestions from.u..my email.is umair.muzamil@gmail.com

  • Umair

    and I am sure when you will hear my story..it will motivate u more…

  • Christina B

    Criola,

    Thanks so much for such a thoughtful, mature article. So much of what can be found on LDRs is sensationalized junk with no depth at all. It was a breath of fresh air to read your article. I have been in a LDR for over a year and a half. I am from California and I met my love on a vacation in Costa Rica. We have not only the challenge of the distance, but also cultural differences and different primary languages. Communication is complicated by the fact that he lives in a very remote rainforest area where internet is rarely available and phone connections are not always great. We generally talk every day anywhere from 5-10 minutes to a half an hour or more.

    It helped me to hear you say that it is okay not to talk everyday. While I want us to speak daily when we can, sometimes we go for 2 or 3 days. I start to get really frustrated after about two days especially if I have texted with no reply or made repeated attempts to contact him. The burden to contact is mostly on me because he truly can’t afford it. I am tired of having to carry that load for so long now. Every time I have started to feel extremely frustrated or angry that he hasn’t communicated with me and I tell him this, there is almost always a really good legitimate reason for it – very busy work days, no signal, sick. I let insecurities start to creep and then feel bad for having any doubts after we do finally connect. I think he could do better at times, but the bottom line is I know he loves me.

    I met his family and we got engaged in July and are now going through the fiancé visa process. He was denied a tourist visa to come here on vacation and meet my family. I remind myself daily that this man is willing to change his whole life to come here and be with me. When I do this it seems to balance out the thoughts I have about being tired of carrying the primary communication responsibility. When I do get frustrated he always calmly disarms me and reassures me that everything is fine. When we are together it is absolutely wonderful. I am looking forward to spending three weeks with him on a European vacation this fall and we expect he will get the visa around January so at least it feels like the end if the distance is in sight and our wedding and the beginning of a great life together is almost here.

    Best of luck to you.

  • susan

    I have had my relationship now for 6months. He lives in Cali I live in Ariz.we were going to get together soon but now he’s stuck in Jakarta we dont know how long. God lead him to me he said. We love one another desperately. However I find myself increasingly wanting to be physically with him an its so hard. An him the same . we love each other more then words can say an speak 2times a day plus a little texts we send. Its still very hard an we love each other deeply. I’ve never loved someone so much an know we are tobe together . Please help me tho I’ve never been thru this

  • Caleo Drahirit

    I just found the love of my life. She is from the Canada and I’m from
    Denmark(Europe). I’ve had other distance relationships that failed
    because the “sparkle” wasn’t there. But now I finally feel truly in
    love. The time difference is 6 hours so I have to call her 5AM in the morning to speak to her haha <3 But damn, is it worth it <3

    We love eachother so much, we have laughed together and cried together <3
    But
    I'm just so afraid of losing her or something like that D: That thought
    is just killing me.. I spoke to her about it and she swore to never
    leave me :) We made promises to eachother.

    May god bring us together one day.

  • Chris

    I have recently met a girl who lives about 300 miles away in another state. We have known about each other for over ten years but never met. We finally met at a funeral of all places and there was an instant attraction. We talked after the funeral and decided to meet for dinner later that night. We talked for over five hours and feelings that I never knew existed came over me. Our phones erupted with texts and phone calls for two weeks. I went and visited her and we had a wonderful time together. She came down with a very bad cold when I was there so not all things went as planned. We texted for two days after I was back home and then communication started to dwindle. I knew she was very sick and missed several days of work. I would check in on her and only received one text saying she was feeling better. I sent a text that went unanswered for three days and then I sent another one telling her to have a great day and I haven’t heard from her in four days. She was going on a business trip so I know between missing work, getting ready for a trip, and raising a son she has a lot on her plate.
    Reading this article gave me some reassurance about respecting each others space, which I think I have done, but I have a fear she may not respond to me. She has captivated my heart and as each day passes that I don’t hear from her my heart sinks and I feel the emptiness I had before start to return. I hope by being patient she will come around and at least say hi.

  • Selina01

    Hi everyone i will never forget the help the priest of JAYEMA temple render to me in my marital life. i have been married for 4 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how the priest of JAYEMA temple help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of priest JAYEMA i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self i did after 30 minus he called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 48 hours. he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their JAYEMA home anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don’t you give priest JAYEMA a try they work surprises because i know they will also bring back your husband. contact him via jayemamagictemple@gmail.com

  • rhonda

    I have decided to try this dating online thing. Me and this guy NEVER met before!! Wet off of this dating site, spoke maybe twice. Well, a couple of days had passed and then all of a sudden he responds to my last message on the site!.. He had informed me that he was shipped to Iraq for an assignment, and that the reason he couldnt respond sooner was because he couldnt get signal to get to the site and end up having to pay for it, but the point is he made effort to get back in touch. Afterwards, he made it clear that he wanted to talk more so we began to kik. After the 3rd day of texting he advised that we began a relationship ( no lies, no secrets, be all in and give our all) and this was right after i told him that was done rushing into anything as far as a relationship goes. However because he boldly put it out there, and he stated that he was tired of looking and he think he found exactly what he was looking and this was his last year in the reserves that he was ready to come home get married and start a family.. of course that excited me so i figured one more try I guess wouldnt hurt. Well, here we are 3 weeks in and we’ve gotten pass our first argument… Im so into him but my only concerns is and are: 1. Although he reassures me from time to time that this is what he wants Im just scared that when he gets home that it could be a different story.. and 2. Although his finances are together and he is pretty much settlede he dont really ask me about my life or life style and that leaves me to believe that he may not be that interested in me. Last night I brung up plans and goals of his and found that we have some things in common but he never asked me what were my goals and or plans. Its hard enough for me to belive that this will have a happy ending but am I really getting ahead of myself with these instants doubts??? I am very inspired by your story and feel you might can help!! I dont want to start building resentment because he is not asking all of the right questions or saying the right things but i want clairty! Thanks for reading and really apologize for being long winded.

  • Are U Listening

    Most men are like this, Its not that they don’t want to know, its just they do not think to ask, don’t take it personal as of course he interested if he was not he would of used the word Marriage and found what he looking for. I find with my own sometimes he will ask or I will tell him and he will say I was going to ask about that, its not that he not interested its just the way some men communicate, as I read earlier men are more hands on and do not communicate as well as women do. Its nothing personal as long as he talks of the future and you in it then know you are the one he wants. Men do not say they want to marry someone unless they do. DO not let fear ruin it. I bet if you asked he the question he would say how silly you are for thinking that. You must also accept him how he is but if its a big problem for you then tell him.

  • rhonda

    I love it, and thank u for responding. After I post this the next day I implied to him, that if he was into astrology and zodiac that he should read up on my sign.. he said he wasn’t into that type of stuff, I replied ok.. I just thought since u don’t ask that u should read a little about me lol. He then said because he didn’t ask doesn’t mean he’s not interested. All I could do is smile. Im actually over coming my fears day by day and its only because he makes me comfortable to do so!! I appreciate ur feedback and thank u for reading my post, it meant alot and as I said before I really admire ur story and I pray that mine last a long time. He will be coming home soon so I’m definitely looking for new beginnings!!! THANK U!!!

  • Criola

    Hi Rhonda,
    I’m glad you’re all excited about him coming back soon :) Sorry for not responding earlier, my man was just here at my side of the world and I always somehow disappear from the radar during these weeks ;) Another TB reader already gave some advise *many thanks* and I can’t add much more to it.. All the best to you two!

  • Criola

    I hope so too Chris! You seem like a very gentle and patient man and she would be lucky to have you! I keep fingers crossed for the two of you!

  • Criola

    Dear Christina

    Your post (*thanks for that*) really touched me – I felt connected to your story in so many ways (language and cultural differences, communication tools, visa processes…). We do deal with those challenges too, and I also know those creepy moments when fear comes in and the ego snaps. You do reflect a lot though, and you know your mind is the trigger.. that’s already very helpful.

    You two seem like a great team already! Maybe.. when you get tired and frustrated remind yourself that it is a giving and taking, and that he is giving what he can. He seems like a wonderful man that is proving his love with coming to you. I wish you all the best for the coming weeks and a wonderful wedding and an even better life afterwards :)

  • Criola

    Hi Susan,

    I’m sorry things are so challenging for you – I know how it feels. All I can do is reassuring you when the two of you want to be together it will happen eventually. You love each other dearly – this is the most important piece of the puzzle! Keep hanging in there, and do what it takes to get back together. All the best to you two! And sorry for not responding earlier, my man just stayed with me for a few weeks and I was under the radar ;)

  • Chelsea Clark

    It’s nice to know that there are still
    people who believe in long distance relationships. I am in one and it sure is not a piece of
    cake. It entails a lot of hard
    work. But come to think of it, all kinds
    of relationship have its own challenges that couples need to overcome. Anyway, true love will always find its way
    for you two to get through any obstacle that may come your way, even long distance issues. So, like you said, have faith in each other. This way, things will be easier for you
    both. I find your advice of having
    dinner together via Skype cute and sweet… I will definitely try that one! =)

  • Blanca

    update: study visa didnt work. EU does not accept his A-levels. Whatever. Now, tourist visa (90) days to ask for. TOmorrow is the appointment. Wish me luck.

  • Yilvina

    Hey and a big thank you for you post. It is especially the communication part about not having to talk everyday that hits me. It isn’t news to me, and in our relationship, we always say “real life” before internet conversations, but still, if we have to do close to a week without actually talking, it’s not that easy, I’m easily frustrated.
    Basically I met the love of my life during my exchange year in Belgium in 2011 (I’m from Finland myself). We very very quickly fell in love and have been happily together ever since. Yes, one year physically together followed by a time x spent apart, it’s tough, but it’s also very much worth it. We talk about everything, pretty much literally everything. And even though we can be very busy, we try to find the time to exchange thoughts through Facebook at least. Communication is fairly easy, I learnt fluent french when in Belgium and she speaks great English aswell. Our families support us and I’ll be starting my studies in Belgium next year. She’ll then spend a year in Costa Rica, which will be our biggest challenge. But I stay confident! We work so well together… =)

  • ARUNRAJ

    Really feeling good after reading the article .Thanks Criola sharing such refreshing thought.I am going through such a situation that my relationship is going to stop,Its right that everyone are human and has flaws .My girlfriend is not sure about the feeling towards me she was lovable and careing at the beginning of our relationship but things are changed now and more over my doubts are pushing me from her i dont want to loose her .i am trying my best to keep her .Thank you once again criola

  • Gabriella

    This is a very nice read, but I just found out yesterday that my online boyfriend left me for someone far as well (he lives in Germany, I live in the Philippines, the new girl lives in Texas)… now I don’t understand his logic about that but I’m taking the courage to move on…

  • heartbroken

    This article was bitter sweet for me. I was just in a long distance relationship that lasted 4 months. Sadly, he let the doubt get to him and closed his heart to me. He decided he did not know me, and could not get to know me without proximity and access. My heart is broken because I was willing to try, to see the positive and he gave up. The rational part of my brain understands how he let that happen. The hurt part does not understand how he is letting me go after telling me that I was so peaceful and supportive and that we have such a balanced chemistry. We will most likely never speak again… I wish he would have seen it like you do.

  • Littleblue32

    Thank you so much for posting this. I’ve found it really hard to find people who are in a similar position as myself and I found this really helpful. I’ve been feeling very down the past few days as it’s so close to Christmas and my partner, who lives in Asia and is from Indonesia is spending it away from me for the second year. The biggest challenge for us is trust – how do you really know everything is true? I want to believe all we say to each other is true but that doubt thing you talk about above keeps on trickling in. Why is that? Is it normal do you think? I also seem to be doing too much questioning as I feel insecure which drives the poor guy mad! We have a wonderful spark and energy between us and I love him to pieces. I just hope we can find a way forward. Thanks so much for sharing.

  • Ray

    I’m feeling so depressed and i feel this distance will kill me coz he is stronger and trying so hard to end this distance :( but I’m missing him every single moments … :( what should i do ? any suggestions ? coz I’ve tried most of the above :(
    thanks alot in advance for helps

  • Ella

    So nice, I’m also romanian, with a similar ldr story, currently in the craziness of doing something to move in together with my bf, so can only wish you two tons of luck with your relationship!!!

  • Ella

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your article, Criola!! I also am deeply in love with my sweetie, who’s a bit older and who moved out of the country quite some years ago. We’ve been together for 3yrs now while each other living in different countries, and now as I’ve finished my university and him deciding to re-orient himself professionally we want more than anything to move in together. The thing is it’s proving to be quite challenging, because we came to realize we have different ways of perceiving this step. I’ve accumulated (or it stirred up) such a huge fear and anxiety after this long distance period that I just got to say I have to do whatever to be with him, and by knowing he does not want to come back to love in our country, I have actually taken the difficult part upon me by saying ok, I’ll move. But the thing is I now see that that’s a very difficult thing for me to do, so I am just extremely anxious right now because I simply don’t know what to do, I love him very much and I truly feel we need to move in and be together. But we have to do it in a very harmonious way, it’s so important to truly understand each other and support each other cause otherwise the relationship once having moved together wouldn’t function properly.
    So great to talk about this, would love to contact you personally and share more insights, it truly helps to connect with people on the same page :)!!

  • charis

    Your words really helped me. I just got back from visiting my bf this afternoon and I held my tears the whole day but after that in the shower I just burst into tears and basically cried my eyes out. I miss him so much. A week before the last day I would be spending time with him until the next holiday I mentally prepared myself for it, and I was so sure I got it, that I was going to be ok and happy. Then the plane landed, and I realised I’m no longer in the same country as he is, and fear crept in, sadness was too overwhelming, I just missed him so much my heart literally hurts. I can’t focus on anything else. This is really unhealthy and I try so hard to be strong. I get strengthen for 5 mins, and then I feel sad for an hour. It’s so hard not having him here. He’s my everything. I wish I had someone I could talk to who understands it, and lets me cry when i need to. He;s my best friend and usually its him I run to when I feel bad or sad, but for this, I really don’t want to start being the crazy gf who calls him every 5 mins crying. Usually, I just pray. But I’m gonna print this article out because your words really helped. thank you.

  • Nathanial

    Have the same goal as he does. The stress of not knowing or having a plan is harder when you don’t have an idea of the end goal. One day gone is another day closer to the plan. Keep faith and try to keep positive that he misses you just as much.

  • Nathanial

    I am in the same situation. We both live in Canada, but 19 hours from each other. Sometimes I have doubts and fears because we don’t speak as often as I would like us too, also I don’t get to see her on webcam as often. I am 100% in love and dedicated to her, but the uncertainty of when we can end the distance is hurtful. It seems at time I want this more than she does and she can’t give me a clear answer on anything really, just that she can’t make it all happen now… she doesn’t plan, but lets time run its natural course… but I am a realist and know that time is short for anyone and don’t wish to be away from her, to live a happy life with her… but not knowing anything is hard for me to keep positive.

  • Mandy Leija

    I seriously needed to read this, since I’m in a long distance relationship and I get those occasional doubts. Thanks again for the positivity.

  • ray

    Too bad it didn’t work out on my 2 years relationship. I was in a long distance relationship with my (ex)gf for only 3 months. We were so in love wIth each other. Then she went to the UK to pursue her studies. The first two months was okay. But in the third month, she started to be closed to a Frenchman, which no girl couldn’t resist. Within a month they’ve been sharing love words, and the Frenchman being a Frenchman, my girl fall for him and in the same month she dumped me. She was so sure about this guy eventhough that guy has a girlfriend in his hometown.sigh. Your story was so inspirational though..

  • ray

    I feel you. Same thing happened to me. Except, she left for a Frenchman.

  • emmery

    Thank you bunches :) I have been crying myself to sleep at nights missing my boyfriend who I almost never get to see in person as were a 7-8 hours fight away, we do Skype
    every day and currently he’s working and I am job hunting so that fact that he’s been so much more busy then me had been giving me doubts about things as in was he really working or was he really helping family after I head talked to him about how I was feeling we worked things out :) my mind is sort of just going nuts as well cuz I just need to be working and keeping busy as well and then we will Skype on are free time together but i currently have all the free time in the world so I keep thinking doubting things
    Reading this has help me Thank you :D

  • Kerysa

    I really need your help to see my long distance boyfriend… http://www.gofundme.com/6g1hbg

  • annonymous

    I and my husband were always fighting and never close. I was always fighting with my husband. Priest Hallifat helped bringing me and my husband together. Hallifat is amazing, he rules.priest email is lifecentre@live.com in case you need help

    Danny (Oklahoma City, OK)

  • Martins

    I so much needed these motivation for not just myself but on how to help
    my Fiance too. I am an African from the west leaving in Germany while
    my Fiance is a German but leaving presently in Western part of Africa
    but not in my country. We have being in a very close contact in
    communication ever since she is in Africa while I am in Germany. She
    loves me and I love her very much and we have plans of getting married
    before the end of the year in Africa. The problem now is that, she has a
    strong stress related sickness in combination with a strong Malaria
    that has kept her in the hospital for a week though she is out from the
    hospital but the stress related sickness is still there and is affecting
    our communication badly for the past 1 week. I have plans already of
    leaving Germany next week because I have booked a flight already to see
    her and then go to my country to stay a little. Right now as I write to
    you, she manage to write to me to let me know that she wont like me to
    visit her while she is still so sick and also anything that will give
    her more stress or pressure, she wont want it. I seem to be confuse on
    these statements but I also know she is going through hard times and I
    want to be there for her no matter if she is not her best self. I
    believe in love in challenging times, worst times and also happy times.
    She wants me not to visit her now that she is so sick but when she is
    fine and she will tell me to come.We could hardly Skype for the past
    days now or write. She wrote to me that she is not her self and she is
    on stress medications and also Malaria medications. Please what do I
    need to do, am so much in love with her and I want to be there for her
    as well. We have being on different Continent for 5 months now though
    the communication is so strong not until these strong sickness sets in 2 weeks ago.
    I send her messages everyday and pray for her health as well but now I
    don’t know if she needs some space and also if she means that I don’t
    have to send her messages too.

  • Martins

    I so much needed these motivation for not just myself but on how to help
    my Fiance too. I am an African from the west leaving in Germany while
    my Fiance is a German but leaving presently in Western part of Africa
    but not in my country. We have being in a very close contact in
    communication ever since she is in Africa while I am in Germany. She
    loves me and I love her very much and we have plans of getting married
    before the end of the year in Africa. The problem now is that, she has a
    strong stress related sickness in combination with a strong Malaria
    that has kept her in the hospital for a week though she is out from the
    hospital but the stress related sickness is still there and is affecting
    our communication badly for the past 1 week. I have plans already of
    leaving Germany next week because I have booked a flight already to see
    her and then go to my country to stay a little. Right now as I write to
    you, she manage to write to me to let me know that she wont like me to
    visit her while she is still so sick and also anything that will give
    her more stress or pressure, she wont want it. I seem to be confuse on
    these statements but I also know she is going through hard times and I
    want to be there for her no matter if she is not her best self. I
    believe in love in challenging times, worst times and also happy times.
    She wants me not to visit her now that she is so sick but when she is
    fine and she will tell me to come.We could hardly Skype for the past
    days now or write. She wrote to me that she is not her self and she is
    on stress medications and also Malaria medications. Please what do I
    need to do, am so much in love with her and I want to be there for her
    as well. We have being on different Continent for 5 months now though
    the communication is so strong not until these strong sickness comes in.
    I send her messages everyday and pray for her health as well but now I
    don’t know if she needs some space and also if she means that I don’t
    have to send her messages too.

  • Sue

    Unfortunately, mine ended. It’s hard to be with a person even an hour away. It was just too great a distance for me and I didn’t want to move to his city and vice versa. I also didn’t want any kids we were going to have to go through what I went through… always longing for his physical presence, worrying about him and so on. And what if t here was an emergency on either parties?! And either of us couldn’t get there in time? Maybe in casual friendships it could work, but intimate and more personal relationships, It’s quite hard. In the end, it seemed as if he was looking for ways out of the five month relationship… it sucked and I was very disappointed but what could I have done. I was quite shocked his total 180 on me but I could only control myself in the end….

  • Criola

    Hi Martins

    Thanks for writing! I’m sure it’s a very difficult situation for both of you and the distance is so painful :( Your words are very sweet, and everyone can feel you love her very much and wanna support you the best you can.

    I don’t know what her sickness entails, and how well she could take excitement now… Maybe she feels very low and unhappy, and thinks she can’t give you much right now..? Maybe she also retreats into a shell because she needs some time for herself.. Anyhow, make sure she knows you are there for her, that you don’t judge her and love her no matter what! Malaria symptoms can be so frightening.. I had them once and remember how silly I felt while being with my boyfriend. It felt like being on drugs and I wasn’t myself.. maybe it is a bit similar for her and she doesn’t wanna make you see a darker side of her she hardly understands herself.

    Show her that everyone goes through these times from time to time, and that you are there to stay at her side, that you won’t go away.

    And of course.. fly to Africa, and definitely spend time with your family and friends in your country. Make sure she knows you are there, and wanna see her badly. But don’t forget to have some fun for yourself too. Hopefully she feels much better soon, and sees the wonderful opportunity of meeting you after such a long time being apart. Then you go and see her ;)

    Also, do remember her of the end of the tunnel – your wedding – and make her smile with little surprises – just a cute email or a picture from you.. It helps me so much when I had a bad day and am sad to be so far from my love. I’m sure she feels healthier soon again, and you two will be fine. Much love to you two!! And enjoy your trip to a sunny Africa :)

    May I ask where you wanna live after you got married?

  • mery

    My boyfriend love me as i do ,we have been dating for 17 months. But the problem is that he called me just once in a week , and whenever i complained about it he said(we do not need to talk every single day just to miss each other ..) i really tried hard to keep in touch with him ,but i can’t . what shall i do ?

  • Criola

    Hi Mery,

    Thanks for reading! I don’t know if you are in a long distance relationship or not, how your schedules look like, and if you communicate in other ways than the phone (Emails? Whatsapp? Skype chats?). It’s true – missing the other one can be a bitter-sweet feeling (and we all experienced that feeling of pure pleasure when meeting the partner after a bit of an absence – that’s love-normality I think ;)). But it never replaces a real conversation. In fact, just missing the other one can lead to a false vision of the other one that has not much to do with the real partner.

    Your bf can tell you he loves you, but he also needs to act like it and show you in actions. If he knows you need more touchpoints he should try, and meet you half way.

    To me, having a phone call once a week would be a no-go. I once had such a “bf”, who enjoyed keeping me on a short communication span, and in the end I figured out why – he had a few other irons in the fire :/

    Be careful and don’t let yourself be fooled. xo

  • Criola

    Hi Sue, I’m sorry your relationship ended and I wish you a brighter time! Take care!

  • Criola

    Thank you Emmery, I’m glad the post brought you some joy! :D

  • Criola

    Hey Ray, ouch :/ I’m sorry about what happened and I keep fingers crossed for new beautiful experiences!

  • Criola

    Thanks Mandy and all the best to you :)

  • Criola

    I know what you mean Nathaniel, and I share your frustration and fear. Not knowing when the distance is over, can be hard to deal with. I hope life helps us a bit and together with our commitment we will get there sooner than later. Greetings to Canada!

  • Criola

    Hey Ella, I’m glad you liked the post :) If you feel like, please leave your email address and I’ll try and get in touch xo

  • Criola

    Greetings to Asia – and you will go through it! I know what you mean, I also had trust issues, and we fought a few good fights about them ;) The thing is.. this is also part of the relationship and you will figure it out together. You say you have a great spark and you love each other dearly – that is wonderful and half way.
    My honey is very good in listening and staying calm when I have my moments, and he doesn’t get tired of showing me his sincerity. I now trust him fully and we grew with each other. I’m sure your bf is a similar wonderful kind, and if you share your struggles with him, he will help you to making things easier. Best of luck and I hope we both can celebrate Christmas this year WITH our loves! xo

  • Criola

    Kudos to you, Gabriella!

  • Criola

    You’re very welcome Arunraj! I hope you found some answers and are doing well!

  • Criola

    Very globetrotter-style you two =) Have a wonderful 2014 and stay as positive as you are! I’m sure you keep growing together and stay happy and healthy!

  • Criola

    Hehe, nice! :)

  • Criola

    I wish you the best energy to make your wishes come true! Stay happy and hopeful xo

  • Criola

    Yes Angela, you will figure it out together :) Have you thought of coming over to Germany? California seems a bit sunnier to me, but hey.. there are some pretty cool places in Germany too ;) Good luck!

  • Criola

    Thank you Christina for taking the time to read and comment, and best of luck!!

  • Criola

    :)

  • Criola

    I’m with you Charis and understand you too well. It IS hard and it so often sucks! All we can do is making the relationship beautiful despite the odds, enjoying and appreciating the other one in our life and work towards a future together. I hope you know you’re not alone.

  • Ella

    So very sweet of you, it’s wizella@yahoo.com!! Lots of love to you, will be waiting for your precious insights!!

  • Criola

    Thanks Ella, I’ll write you soon. But I’m not an expert at all, just trying to figuring it out myself the best I can ;) Good night xo

  • Ella

    Same here, but maybe two great insights will equal a really wicked one!! It’s always so lovely to have people sharing and learning from each other <3 <3 Good night to you too!!

  • Criola

    Haha, agreed :) Talk soon!

  • Criola

    Wow, being separated from each other this way must be so hard too and I take my hat off to your bravery and commitment! I hope your bf is safe and you are back together already/soon! Loves & light and thanks for the good wishes :)

  • Golden Roar

    Criola this was an amazing article. I wish I’d discovered it sooner. Ive actually not been in touch with my ex for just over 1 month now but I’ve been thinking I’d really like to work out how to get it back or in a position that maybe we could pick it up later and it sounds like you’ve been in a similar situation and got back together. The people close by all say the usual “Distance blah, plenty more” Maybe you could get in touch and share a little insight on how you handled that initial period so I can see whether what I have done so far can
    help the chances. I imagine you get a lot of messages like this so if you don’t have much time that’s cool but let me know if you can help.

  • monyet@windowslive.com

    hi i’m nanik my boyfriend living in paris am in newzealand ,is so hard to have long distance relationship, i cry lot’s because i am scared that not going to work out i love him to much, but i won’t put my fair and my doubt controlling me ,i think our love strong enough to hold on, but if it mean to be we will get married and one of us have to sacrifice to move to his country or mine,,thanks for your tip help me so much i wasn’t so sure if i want to continue my relationship until i read your advice ,ones again thank you so much.

  • Ruth

    Thanks Criola- this was really helpful. Im also in a long distance relationship with an african. I miss him terribly. I love your quote about distance not killing love but that doubt will. How often do you recommend keeping in contact?

  • Criola

    Hi Ruth :) No rules – as much as it feels great and as you both need to ;) We try to hear at least once a day from each other (mostly via Whatsapp), and skype as soon as (work)schedules and time difference allows it (mostly during the weekends and occasionally throughout the week). But no stress.. today for example we were not able to catch up directly. It’s ok because I know we are thinking of each other and have each other close in our hearts and minds. Tomorrow is a new day ;) Lots of love & light your way xo

  • Criola

    Thanks Adam and good wishes to you!

  • Criola

    Hi hi :) Thanks for reading :) I’m surprised myself how much echo the posts gets lately.. I was wondering of how i could help and all I really can say — give it some space. talk with your heart. don’t manipulate. trust. dive deep. know if it is truly worth it. say what you need to say or do and then let go. don’t forget the fun in your own life. believe in second chances. pray. laugh. cry. talk to friends. dream. listen. be open for surprises. — In our case we were separated for a year over two continents, barely in touch, and we found our way back together. We didn’t do much or fought with big bangs, it was rather like our inner voices were whispering with each other and decided to take charge again ;) something like that. He and I basically just spoke the truth and listened. Patience also had a big role in it. When we both were ready for the second try, it was easy. I wish you a brave heart and sweet surprises xo

  • Golden Roar

    That has helped me feel a bit better. It’s good to hear a female perspective. You’re amazing for taking the time to help people like that. So far I’ve given space so that’s good. I have been going over the things I want to say and drafted it in a message. I’d love to hear a relatable woman’s view about what I’ve said in it. Let me know, my email is: goldroar87@gmail.com

  • Golden Roar

    That made me feel better about being somewhere along the right lines. You’re an amazing person for taking the time to help people out like this. Its really good to hear a female perspective. I knew something was up and I’ve given space and been working on a shortish message of what I want to say but it would be good to hear a relatable woman’s view on what I have said because I really want to give it the best shot I can. Who knows? Maybe my situation can inspire another great article for you :D Let me know if I can email you the message. Thanks again!

  • Criola

    My Email is criioolaa@gmail.com ;)

  • Criola

    Hi Ella, sorry it has been very hectic at my end and I didn’t manage to write you so far. My email is criioolaa@gmail.com in case you want to get in touch ;)

  • Tim

    I needed some help, After been in a long distance relationship with my gielfriend for around 3 years, my girlfriend has returned home. However she said that she doesn’t know if I am the right person or not. She said she has lost the feeling of love towards me and is unsure if I am the person that she can spend the rest of her life with.

  • S

    Hi. I have a long distance relationship. He is from Chile, and I’m from Spain. (almost 11.500 km / 7.145,7 miles apart) We met on youtube, I uploaded a video and he saw it, he sent me one message with his facebook and skype, and I added him. This happened 21 January 2011. We became friends and we talked every day. I remember the first time I heard his voice. I was speechless. Since that moment, I’ve loved his voice, and his laugh. He was so nice and sweet since the first time we talked.
    On 3rd May 2011, we decided to take a step on our relationship and become boyfriend and girlfriend. This is the best choice of my life. We’ve been together since that day, almost 3 years now. We haven’t met yet. We have no money to travel to each other’s country.
    I have no friends, I thought I had, but when we started our relationship, they decided they didn’t want to be friends with me.. They hated my boyfriend so much. My parents don’t want me to go and meet him, because they know that if all goes well, I’ll never come back here. So they don’t want to help me.
    I did this on a moment of extreme need of a kiss, a hug, a look into his eyes.. Extreme need of him. It’s an extreme situation. I’ve would never do this if this wasn’t at that point when I don’t even know if I’ll be able to see him someday..

    If you can, please, share my story and this link to see if anyone can help me… I’ll be so thankful, with you and anyone that helps me.

    http://www.gofundme.com/5xxrpc

  • Maie

    I feel at ease knowing there have been people who have had to go through the same ordeal as me and have made it. We live 7,300 miles apart from each other with a 12 hour difference in timezones yet have been going strong for 2 years and more. I needed to read this today (bookmarked it) because he visited me for 3 weeks and just went back yesterday. I miss him terribly. Good luck to all the other couples having to go through the same thing and thanks for this article!

  • Madi

    Thanks Criola this inspire me a lot because my Boyfriend is in Dubai UAE and im in Los Angeles California

  • Aversa

    I am in a long distance relationship and I love my boyfriend very much I see him as the partner of my life, I want to talk to him see him, and I miss him a lot, but he doesn’t miss me, he can go without talking to me, phone or skype for very long period of times, he says he loves me very much but he doesn’t have the need and urge to skype or call me every week. I feel so disheartened even though we stay in touch the whole day via whatsapp, I feel very sad that he doesn’t feel the need to talk to me or see me via skype. He says his feelings and his love doesn’t change only because he doesn’t feel my same need to skype. Is it normal? We don’t get to see each other very often, once a year last year. feeling very sad tonight, because we just had this conversation few hours back:( maybe missing someone is not related to love, maybe you can love without missing …. i am so confused:(

  • disqus_pbSgREGJBN

    Thank you. I am currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I am in the US and he is in Australia. We are both quite young, but I know in my heart of hearts that he is the perfect man for me. My friends and family think I’m crazy, which granted long distance definitely is, but 10,000 miles doesn’t seem too far when you love someone as much as this. Thank you for your article. It definitely reaffirmed that for me.

  • Missing Him

    I want to thank you. This literally dried my tears. & gave me a new outlook. <3

  • junemvc

    This article is SO fab! Love everything you guys post and this in particular. As someone who’s ‘been there, done that’ it sits well! Thanks so much. I hope you don’t mind but I will defo be sharing this with my fans on our product blog :)

  • Criola

    Hi, thanks for your nice feedback! :) I’d rather would like you not to share my post on your product page as I didn’t intend publishing my text for these purposes and solely wrote it for the TB community. Thanks for understanding!

  • Criola

    :)

  • junemvc

    No worries Criola! Would you be interested in putting together a guest post for our audience?

  • Maureen Saturne

    I needed to read this article at this very moment. Thank you! Currently in a LDR w/ the love of my life who lives in Switzerland and I in New York. We been together for about 6months now and I will be meeting his family in France next month. We both are on the same page as far as what we want out of the relationship, but I think the biggest hurdle right now is since we are both career minded people, we want to secure work life to be together and we all know the horrendous world of work visas are :-( …Hopefully we’ll be living in at least the same time zone soon……Best wishes to you!

  • Criola

    Hi Maureen, all my best wishes and good luck for you guys to building up a life together – wherever this may be! I’m sure you can find a way together! Me and my sweetheart are facing tough times as his visa gets not approved (although he fulfills all the criteria on paper). It is so very frustrating and saddening, and I’m angry on the injustice that sometimes comes along with (work) visa and immigration. I do hope you guys will be lucky, and you will be having a wonderful time à la France! xo

  • Mari

    Hi, Im glad I stumbled upon this :)
    I live in Costa Rica and my boyfriend is in California, we both knew there was a big chance of us to end up having a LDR when we met, given our circumstances. I have to say I wanted to meet someone nice with a genuinely good heart, capable of loving and accepting me with my flaws and all that, and I guess I did (we personally met just 3 months ago so I don’t want to speak to soon). Bottom line is: even though LD relationships have a further worse reputation than what they really can be, I personally have days of days… some days it’s like even though we are separated miles away I feel Im in this little world I’m sharing with him and this makes me feel very secure and I fear nothing. However, there are other days (like right now) where I even wonder if there is anything wrong with me for wanting a relationship where I miss his gestures, his voice, his touch and all that. I fear that for not spending physical time together as often as in a normal relationship then we might both be missing important things form each other that can determine part of the success of the relationship, but I have real feelings for him; he is a nice guy who wishes good for others and he is veery cute, sometimes a bit of an idiot with some things but it makes him real cute and I certainly want more of all of this… This is so new to me, I guess even though we share some similar experiences while being in a LD relationship, it’s a very unique and personal thing, it requires patience, effort, maturity, bravery, confidence, trust, communication abilities (boy! that’s a tough one for me) and lots of love.

    I hope this doesn’t sound anything like “misery likes company”, because well: 1. It isn’t misery, there are some miserable moments but those are a 10% out of 100% and 2. It’s comforting to feel that one isn’t alone in this journey, I mean we are the brave ones who care and don’t waste precious time on insignificant things, aren’t we? I swear this perception has extrapolated to all aspects of my life where I no longer worry about senseless things, but focus on bright greater stuff.

    Anyways, namaste, Criola. Thank you for your kind and wise words. My heart feels thankful.

  • Criola

    Hi Mari
    You described these emotional waves so beautifully; I totally know what you mean! I’m thankful for your comment, and for reading my post, and truly hope we both will be with our sweethearts together together soon. xx

  • Dave Logan

    Thanks to the great man called Dr Ijebu for getting my girl back to me. i am Dave Logan from Los Angeles. With so much joy in my soul and body i want to tell the universe about this man called Dr Ijebu, He is capable of bringing back lost love and lost family back together. My GIRL came back to me begging me to accept her back. If you are desperately in need of getting your lover back contact him via email ancientijebudespelltemple@gmail.com Get in torch with him and you will have a better relationship.

  • john anderson

    Wow my fiance is in korea and my worries and doubts drag me down all the time i know shes faithful but past relations make it hard for me but this is amazing helps me see what i am doing to her, of course im the emotional one and sometimes i worry if she even feels the same way i do but this reassures me thank you

  • Criola

    Thank you John for reading! High Five to you – I wish you a beautiful future with her despite the (at times) rocky road. Warmly, Criola

  • Angel

    This is very beautiful. When two people are in love that no distance can keep them apart. Love is to strong. I love my beautiful lady. She is the world to me and I feel so bless having her in my life

  • Kelvin

    Hey there Criola this far distance thing I know is not easy. Me and her are not officially dating but we hanged out for about a week before she left back to school in Florida and everything was great while she was here and she showed many signs of interest and my family loved her and the same for her as well. While she’s in Florida I would send her a gift card every month to show caring and memories we had and I always get positive feed back. We talked on the phone here and there about our future and she texted to me on my birthday she can’t wait to spend every last birthday together. She also told me she would be busy with school and such but at times she would ignore my texts and tell me she would call back but majority of the time she doesnt. Can a girl really be this busy? To even just send a simple text or a minute call to let me know she is busy. Am I just over reacting? She also told me she was going to come back and visit me for sure this summer. Very great article btw!

  • Debora

    Wow! Thanks for the wonderful article! I really needed this.
    I met my love on a exchange to Buenos Aires last year.I wasn’t expecting to meet anybody special in this travel but what I wasn’t waiting for happened.
    I’m Brazilian and he is Paraguayan and since we met there we wanted to be together every time, it was like “love at first sight”. Our time together was simply amazing. After living wonderful moments with him I had to come back to my country and that was REALLY painful. After 4 months we still keep in touch but the distance is terrible. I miss him so much and I know he misses me too.I would like to take the next plane to Bs As and to be with him again. He is a wonderful person and he makes me feel loved and safe. He was even planning to come to my city to live with me but my parents would never allow it. I think of him all day and sometimes I cry a lot. The pain of the longing and the distance is big. I’ve never thought I would be in this situation. The problem is that I don’t know if I will see him again. We don’t have enough money to travel and my parents wouldn’t support me. What do I do?? I want to be with him! I feel like my hands are tied. I don’t know what will happen but I’d like to have the opportunity to see him, hug him, talk to him, kiss him again. I don’t want that all we lived finish in a bad way. Everything was and still is so special. But anyway I know that whatever happens I will never forget him.

  • Shraddha

    Hey, I am in india and my guy is in the states. We have been together for 3 years but haven’t met since long. He tends to get worried and tired about the uncertainty of our future, but I never want us to give up. I read this and thought I would make him read it too.
    Thanks and very well written.

  • UStoMaputo

    Oh my god I could have written this. My boyfriend lives in Mozambique but so much of this is so true. Keep going girl!

  • cherry johnson

    Am Mrs Benita obaba from USA,i want to testify of the good work of DR FRANK.
    i was humiliated by my ex husband and also treated like a commoner because he got in contact with with a harlot who turned him against me totally.
    i need vengeance by all means so i got in contact with DR FRANK who help fight against the harlot and the two of them had a serious marital breakdown and confusion was now their breakfast and all and everything went down the drain and he is begging me now like seriously,as am saying this right now my husband is even more 100% in love with me again but i don’t want to give him any chance again because i don’t want to get hurt.
    so whatever your situation look like just email the below address now.
    zooloozospellcast@yahoo.com

  • xylem myrtle

    Exactly! I guess the most important thing when it comes to long distance relationship is trust and always have a means of communication in every way you can. Just like engaging in a thai dating website you can see the person but you can feel them.

  • Lucy

    For some reason I would read this and I would think “yes! its going to work out” but in the end it doesn’t. I read it as a lesser feel of bitterness. not worth having. if it wont work dont bother long distance its not for everyone.

  • Criola

    Hi Lucy. Thanks for your comment :) On Monday, my boyfriend will re-settle to my city, and we will be living together. It was a very tough and tiring fight with immigration and visa but it worked out at the end – just as @jeffschaller:disqus said ;) Kudos

  • Marguerita Gomez

    One of the best reads on LDR. And you’re absolutely right. It’s not about denying the hard parts but it’s also not being paralysed by it. Your words just breathed positive feelings into my own LDR. Sometimes it’s great to have people out there who understand just what you are going through and you feel less alone ❤️

  • Scott

    Thanks for these helpful words because I needed this. Me and my gf are in a LDR and we love each other very much but these doubts of the future tends to make things down. Im sure i can make things work but how can I assure her we could make this work and have a future together. I was wondering if you could email me: darkwarrior445@gmail.com
    Thank you so much Criola!

  • CYNTHIA

    hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify also. i saw a post on how a lady got her husband back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him because i was desperate but to my greatest surprise this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my husband now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn’t love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com of a truth he really helps again his email his prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com

  • viana

    I would like to say thank you Dr .OBODO for your help with the ex back system. I followed your advice and my ex came back to me and got married within 4months.if necessary reach here templeofanswer@hotmail.co.uk or cell +2348155425481 for help

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  • carmen

    I have an experience… I met my boyfriend on line…he is from United States… I left everything for him..he is divorced with two kids and share custody….. I went to United Sates witb the pourpose of get marry… bur for me was very hard to.life there, away from my country, 50% of the time with his kids, I felt unconfortable with all the trouble with his ex around his kids the mother did not want to know me because cultural prejudices…. and well I felt deppressed… i had a bad moment and I returned to my country… we love each other, but I dont know if I could life there sometime

  • irti

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  • Sleepy Jan

    Thanks Criola, your awesome!

  • Andy

    Thank you so much I really needed to hear that , Doubts and negativity they are just driving me down ! Thanks

  • Ashley

    I’m so happy for you!! I’m glad that you two made it work after a long distance relationship :) It’s wonderful and gives hope. Congratulations and I wish you the best

  • carolina

    you can not imagine how these post calme me down, i have a boyfriend in the other part of the word and yesterday we said see you soon again, and these got me back on my feet

  • carolina

    you make me see that we can do it! it put my hope up to 100% again

  • Nicky

    You put into words exactly what I’m feeling and thought. I’m book marking this page so that I can re read in the hard times.

    Thank you for sharing!!!

  • M

    We live in different countries of Europe and we are deeply in love but I keep tumbling on the fact I initiate EVERYTHING in this relationship. I am the one who sends cards, letters, poems and lyrics I wrote, homemade cookies and gifts and calls the most.. and keep in mind I am a person that love personal space and its not clingy. It’s difficult for him to express himself to the point he sometimes seems like an iceberg. I am not a mind reader and distance is killing me, I had been controling my doubts for so long it gets frustrating and tiring. I love him with all my heart but he must understand he is the man and freakin do something.. anything. :(

  • Mell

    You are right. I’m having this difficult moment where my boyfriend is an international student who studies in my country are going back to his country to work. We’ve been together for 1 year and 7 months, we have our own space, little fight, and stuff we do to make it work. i know he really loves me..but you know I’m scared if he ever find someone else, like you said, i’m having little bit of doubt. i love him so much, i couldn’t take my mind off him. i’m happy that he is going home to see his family after 4 years apart and all..i don’t wanna be so selfish about this. HELP. what should i do?

  • Shari

    Thank you Criola! This is a beautiful article! It hits home for me :) I have never been more happy with mine

  • Criola

    Thank you very much Ashley for your lovely comment! :) The life together is beautiful and sometimes a bit challenging; we are very thankful for the chance :) All the best to you, enjoy summer! xo

  • Criola

    Hi Debora! Thanks for commenting and sharing your story! May I ask how old you are? Is there a chance to be independent from your parents soon, so that you can be more independent in terms of job/finances, your own place, travels? xo

  • Criola

    Thanks Shradda, it would be so cool if your bf reads this and gets inspired :) Have a wonderful day!

  • Criola

    Hi M!

    I understand you! I sometimes also got a bit frustrated about this; I wrote the most beautiful cards (in my opinion) and rarely got one back. It made me a bit sad, and (worse) I lost joy and confidence in writing. On the other hand I always knew my bf smiled when a card arrived and really appreciated the gesture.

    Maybe it’s true and many guys are not so good in this – it doesn’t mean they don’t love us. Maybe there are even lazy.

    My advice is to wait for a loving, sweet moment (maybe when he thanks you for a card) and telling him in a gentle way that you will be happy receiving his card soon :) Maybe, you could also initiate something like a story on cards, where you start with a story and he is supposed to continue it and write you back.. something playful where he needs to get involved.

    On another note, you mention you write him poems, lyrics and letters. I remember the beginning of my relationship – I was sooooo happy I was literally overfloating with beautiful words, letters and gentle gestures. Keep in mind that he may express his feelings differently, and that he might just not be born to write poems. That is ok. It doesn’t mean he does not share the same feelings for you ;)

    I’d be happy to hearing from you; let me know how you two are doing.

    Loves & light

  • Criola

    Thanks Nicky, and your most welcome :)

  • Criola

    Thanks Carolina, it makes me smile I can support a few like-minded hearts here :) Stay strong, and work towards the goal together. My boyfriend moved to my country two months ago, and we enjoy every day! Also when we fight, we know this is a real chance for us and we fought hard for it. Immigration was super-stressful, but we got what we wished for at the end. Don’t give up, and enjoy the path.

  • Criola

    You’re most welcome Andy! Stay strong!

  • Criola

    Thank you!:)

  • Criola

    Hi Carmen, are you two still in touch and plan to meet again?

  • Criola

    Hi, may I ask where you two live and how often you communicate/see each other?

  • Criola

    Hi Kelvin, thank you so much for commenting! How is it going at your end – will she be with you for the summer time? Wishing you a bright Sunday!

  • Criola

    Hi Mell, I understand your heart feels very heavy these days. Just thinking of being separated again must be so hard to bare. Will he stay in his country for good, or do you guys plan to be living together again after his work post ends?

  • Criola

    Thanks Marguerita ❤️

  • Lily Wong

    Thank you Criola for this great article that you wrote. I am in love with a someone far away. I live in Asia while he lives in Iran. Just like you, i wanted someone who with good character, respect me and accept me the way i am. Just i never thought that he would be so far away. Your article giving me encouragement and i never know there are so many people out there that have the long distance relationship as me. Thank you…

  • Mercy Johnson

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  • Sophia

    Hello, I like your post. I am glad to hear I am not the only one. I have never been in a position where I can not just walk away. Why? can I just forget about it and find someone near. I have never felt connected with anyone like I am now. :(

  • LuckyGirl

    Oh wow. Reading your article and all of you guys stories made my heart swell and sink at the same time. Criola your words do put back some rational thinking through my overwhelming emotions, and thank you so much for that.
    Yet I wonder if i’m not just plain crazy somedays. My man works in conflicts zone in Africa, I live in Australia. Just to make it even simpler, I’m not from Australia, and his cultural background is also from another continent, between us two we’re mixing 5 different cultures. It’s a miracle our paths even crossed somehow. On top of this, because of the nature of his work and the remote places where he spends most of his time, he’s pretty much never reachable, I actually received only 3 emails and one phone call in over 9 weeks. We do not know when he’ll be able to come back as his works commitments and career are priorities at this stage, probably another 6 months or so. Yet we both know what we share is so real, so rare and so precious, I have accepted to give my best shot to a LDR with him. But the no news is killing me somedays. If only i only had to deal with the distance! Sometimes not even knowing if he’s safe gives me such anxiety i find it hard to breathe. He’s the best and most extraordinary man I could have ever dream to meet, he’s all I ever wanted, nobody ever made me feel loved before him, and he feels the same about me. However the fact that I barely ever get to communicate with him makes me wonder way too often if he actually even remember I exist while he’s caught up in all this violence and horrors. I know he needs to disconnect emotionally to be able to cope with the things he sees, so even when he does communicate, his heart is locked up and no loving words make it through his mouth anymore. I do not dare writing to him too often as I’m so aware of coming across as dependent and needy, when he already has enough stress in his life and just long for simplicity, easiness and comforting times whenever he gets a break from his work. But those days, i pretty much feel like i’m walking across a desert, on my own, and blindfolded. He warned me how hard and complicated it will be, and asked me if i was really really sure I wanted to do this, and he’s very understanding about how painful and difficult it is for me, but he almost expects me to give up anytime soon or be taken away by another man who can be by my side everyday. Rather than being reassuring, he’s terrified of being responsible for my hurting when he can’t physically do anything about it, so he sorts of let it be hoping that I still be his by the time he comes back here. I know my heart is his and i’m a damn stubborn case. Yet all i have on my side is that faith in our love.
    Am i nuts to even try? Does anybody else out there has ever been or is going through similar LDR? I’d love to hear how you deal with the silence on top of the distance!! Thank you so much for reading my essay!! Good luck with all of your beautiful love stories people from around the globe! May we all find that healthy balance between distance and closeness, here and there.

  • Coryna Gooey

    i ever felt like i want to give up on this long distance. but i know that my love is too precious to be ended, i know i can through this long distance. this is just temporary.
    i really love this post. this post is help me. made me even more confident that I could get through it all. thankksssss

  • Christie

    I live in the US, in North Carolina and the love of my life lives in Toronto. While it may not be half way across the world, I miss him as if he is.

  • Little Lady

    We’re both still extremely young college students at the moment, to make things even harder, we’re both new to relationships and ended up having our very first relationship with anyone as a long distance relationship. He lives 13 hours ahead of me and we end up talking in the morning or at night. We have had fights here and there but end up reconciling after much explanation and sorting since this is first love situation after all with little experience. We love each other very much but sometimes it can be difficult to understand him since we met through a language exchange situation, his English is not very well but he appreciates me enough to try and take time to understand him. Sometimes communicating can be the hardest thing especially when we’re so new to this and at times shy to open up.

  • Jared

    I’m leaving my gf today in Japan. It sucks…..
    I love her so much