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4 Reasons to Let Go of Jealousy and Celebrate Your Greatness

“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.” ~Unknown

When I arrived home after a brief stint living in another state, I was anxious to reconnect with places from my childhood and the friends I’d left behind.

But while I was healing from a heart-wrenching break-up, suffering through sleepless nights on my parents rock-hard couch, and mulling over where all my freelance writing work had gone, my friends seemed to be successful, happy, and right on track.

Realizing that I had hit rock-bottom and that it crippled my self-esteem, my friends gathered around me, taking shifts to ensure that I wouldn’t drown in my own overwhelming grief.

Yet, while their love and support was what got me through, seeing each of their lives so clearly flourishing added another emotion to my already full load: jealousy.

Jealousy is a sneaky bugger—a pot-stirrer who likes to aid the ego in pointing out flaws you’d rather just sweep under the rug. It serves as a reminder of all the success you don’t have, the experiences you haven’t had, the relationships you’d like to have—basically everything that makes you feel “less than.”

I spent the next few months wallowing in comparisons—staring longingly at couples clutching hands as they walked down the street, watching people hustle to their well-paying jobs, and picturing myself in the beautiful homes that others had the ability to purchase.

Unfortunately, while I knew with every cell in my body that I wanted to be somewhere different doing something different, jealously kept me rooted firmly in place—a place plagued by lack and thoughts of “if only.”

Once I realized that the circumstances wouldn’t change until I did, I noticed that entertaining this toxic emotion was getting me nowhere but deeper in my hole of self pity. That was when jealousy and I parted ways, leading me to some very powerful realizations.

Realization #1: Being anything less than happy for others was blocking my own chance at success and happiness.

Like attracts like, so by ruminating in the idea that you don’t have what someone else has, you’re simply attracting more of what you’re feeling: lack. This means you are actually pushing away the very things you’re craving.

Yet, if you are able to celebrate in the successes of others, you are sending a very clear message to the universe: “I’ll have some of that too, please!”

It all comes down to the energy of the emotions you’re carrying. Frowning on another person’s good fortune doesn’t feel good; therefore, it can’t be creating good things. Feeling excited for someone feels good; therefore, it can help create more good things, for you and for them.

Realization #2: Seeing the positive experiences other people were having opened me up to the possibilities.

When someone else lands a killer job with an impressive pay check, it’s easy to fall into the jealousy trap. But seeing that such a great job exists can, instead, give you something to shoot for. It can show you the amazing possibilities that are already present in the world.

This also allows us to confront one negative belief we carry with us as a society: there isn’t enough to go around. So if one person gets something we want, the chances of us getting the same thing are significantly diminished.

The truth is, there is always enough to go around if we believe it is so. We simply have to claim it.

Realization #3: Everything is temporary, and the tables are constantly turning.

Realizing that things are temporary and always changing can do wonders in all areas of your life, especially when it comes to dealing with jealousy.

The monetary wealth you see a friend experiencing could be gone within a year. The relationship you witness and long for could be over within a month. The string of unfortunate circumstances you’ve been struggling with could turn around in a day.

I’m not implying we should take solace in knowing that other people’s blessings are temporary, but rather that it helps to realize everything in life is, for all of us. We are not the only people who go through hard times.

Circumstances are constantly changing, so to spend a great deal of time and energy fretting over them or wishing for something different is, frankly, a waste.

Realization #4: Appreciating “what is” makes what “could be” even sweeter.

If you’re able to appreciate and express gratitude for the experience you are having right now—no matter how negative they may look on the surface—you’ll have a greater capacity for appreciating the positive experiences when they begin to show up.

Maybe you don’t have the career success or relationship satisfaction of those around you, but by working through anything that is less than ideal, you are achieving something great: growth. And growth will make room for the changes you’ve been waiting for.

Jealousy planted one glaring misconception in my mind: who I was simply wasn’t enough. I have since realized that the hardships I was experiencing weren’t meant to point out my inadequacies, but to create an entirely new life experience that was more fulfilling and more…me.

What jealousies do you need to kick to the curb?

Photo by www.CourtneyCarmody.com

Avatar of Kayla Albert

About Kayla Albert

Kayla Albert is a Social Media Specialist by day and a personal growth blogger by night. You can follow her on twitter @KaylaAlbert33 or check out more of her writing samples at www.kaylaalbert.com.

Announcement: Wish you could change your past? Learn to let go and create a life you love with the Tiny Buddha course!
  • http://big-zen.blogspot.com/ Big Zen

    Excellent post Kayla. I especially liked point 2, shifting our attitude slightly
    means we can celebrate other’s success and opens us up to the possibility of
    emulating it.

  • http://www.on-the-other-hand.com Lydia Schoch

    This was a fantastic post.

    I think it’s also important to remember that we don’t always know what is actually going on behind closed doors. Success in one area in no way guarantees that an individual will be equally (or at all) satisfied with other areas of life. Other people sometimes project a much happier existence than they’re actually experiencing and it’s only when you get to know them that you realize how much they struggle. 

  • Pingback: 4 Reasons to Let Go of Jealousy and Celebrate Your Greatness | Truth Is Scary

  • http://the100percentyou.com/ John Sherry

    Kayla, I used to be jealous and envious of other people’s success seeing their love or happiness or financial security as something I never had until, hey presto,  I got it. They’ve discovered who they are and what they’re born to bring to life and that’s what I should be doing in mine. So I did and it’s true and it works. Never look at others to witness the gold you hold inside yourself.

  • Lev

    “Never look at others to witness the gold you hold inside yourself.” I absolutely love this phrase!!! If you do not mind I would really like to use this …. with credit given to you of course :)

  • Lev

    And I also greatly enjoyed this post. I never used to be a jealous person. I was always happy for others when something good happened to them. It just always made me think “Wow good things really DO happen!!!” But recently I have gone through some tremendous heart breaks and loss. And WHAM there is that ugly green eyed monster hanging over my shoulder whispering in my ear.

    Thank you for writing this. It sometimes helps to see others point out the fact that jealousy IS a bad thing sometimes. Kind of like a “HEY snap out of it!!!”

  • Kayla Albert

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read. Yes, #2 is essential and helps us to actual celebrate the successes of others – and that is so much better than feeling crappy about it. 

  • Kayla Albert

    That is so true Lydia! Even those that seem to have everything together are struggling with something. No one is perfect and no one has a perfect existence all the time. 

  • Laurahodge2003

    I concur… The gold you hold is my takeaway today. Thanks John!

  • Kayla Albert

    Thank you for that awesome insight John. You can’t live the life you were meant to live if you’re always wishing you had someone else’s. Nicely put.

  • Elizabeth

    I suffered from jealousy for a long time. For me, it was caused by the fact that the only way I knew how to value myself was in comparison to others, so in order to feel good about myself, I had to feel that I was better in some way than someone else. I still have to consciously stop myself from not being happy for others sometimes. It’s a tough habit to break, but I think I’ll try saying to myself “there’s enough to go around”.

    Thanks for your essay.

  • Anne Mihalcheon

    This is such a wonderful article and came right at the time I needed it the most! (love that when that happens!).  There’s one friend of mine who seems to have it all; talent, lots of friends on Facebook, loving husband, perfect life so it seems.  Mine felt like such a struggle. Felt a little envious of her life until I realized that I really don’t know if she truly has it all, just my sense of perspective is off due to my life experiences at this moment in time.  Very happy for her and would like that happiness as well.  A little manure makes the best flowers so I believe that my life garden will be very beautiful indeed!! Thanks again for this. 

  • http://honeybtemple2.blogspot.com/ Melissa

    Great thoughts! This is really about envy, though: wanting what other people have. Jealousy is being worried that someone else is going to take what you have. Good points, though, nevertheless. I just heard from a friend whose marriage I’ve always envied that they’re having big problems. I feel bad for her, but it’s a reminder that we don’t know what life is like for other people. And even if they’re genuinely happy, happiness is not finite. It increases by being shared rather than decreases. Feeling that if someone else is successful/happy it means you can’t be equally successful or happy is a fallacy.

  • Isalina

    It’s like we’ve been on parallel tracks for a bit. I’m struggling with jealousy of the things my peers and friends have, but I’d like to say I am getting better. Jealousy is such a terrible monster because it makes me feel not good enough when I see someone I know have a socially acceptable 9-5 job, the monster wants me to forget that I never wanted that type of job anyway!
    Thank you for this post, really appreciate it :)

  • http://twitter.com/bethrago Elizabeth Rago

    I used to struggle with jealousy and an overall negative attitude, until I hit a really tough time in my life and was stripped down to nothing. At that point, all you have to get you through the day is YOU. I started to put all of my negative energy into doing positive things to get the life I wanted! What a relief! I have been working on living my own life for 3 years now and couldn’t be happier! Great post. I enjoy candid and real articles and will continue to follow your writing.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you so much for this article!! I hate admitting it, but I’ve always been a jealous person. I want to try to be grateful for all the wonderful things(that being a relative world) in my life instead of desiring what others have. I am very blessed and fortunate just as I am.

  • Kayla Albert

    As much as we try to avoid losing what we have, hitting rock bottom can be a TREMENDOUS learning experience – not to mention how much it makes you appreciate everything you do have. I’m so glad to hear you turned it all around! 

  • Kayla Albert

    YES! And I’m sure that there are things that you do have that other people would LOVE to have – that’s always the way it works. 

  • iamchola

    It is definitely hard to release the jealousy while dealing with the after effects of a tremendous breakup. I keep thinking why is this person blessed with love so quickly? Why is everything so easy for him? Why can’t it be easy for me? Don’t I deserve more?  But I understand I need to work towards accepting his happiness so I can be open for the possibilities. I’m definitely in a period of growth and hopefully that will bring the changes I am looking forward to having in my life. 

  • Kayla Albert

    Oh yes, I sure do know the feeling. I’ve always felt a little twinge of jealousy when people seem to have that “perfect” job – but the truth is, just because it works for them doesn’t mean it would work for me. 

  • Kayla Albert

    You’re right – we really never know what other people are dealing with below the surface! 

  • Kayla Albert

    I’m so glad this spoke to you. Sometimes it’s nice to think that you were given those struggles as a way to grow, expand and move to the next level in a really powerful way. 

  • Kayla Albert

    YES! There’s always enough to go around – and in repeating that to yourself you are actually making it your reality. 

  • Kayla Albert

    I bet those heart breaks have given you some powerful insights that others haven’t been able to experience – and that is a gift in and of itself. Thanks for reading!

  • Angie

    I used to be jealous of those who had more material wealth than me ,these day that is not my demon. My demos is the jealousy that I have over my ex husband’s girl friend …..not her !! the time she spends with my children. I live in the USA and they live and go to school in UK. My children are with her so much and only come to me for vacations , these circumstance are beyond my control , but I am so resentful of all that she experiences with my children.I try so hard to twist my thoughts to  be positive and grateful, that they have a nice home , cooked meals and so on . Does any one have any words of wisdom ?Ps Kayla, I love your post , and in most aspects of my life I follow your example.Thank you.

  • http://spiritofgems.blogspot.com Sanjaya Gunasena

    One thing that really helped me get over envious traits was by not comparing my situation with others – and if people i.e my friends of family gained more favorable circumstances i would practice appreciate joy. It was hard at first, but when you cultivate true happiness for the success of others, happiness follows you.

  • Erin

    Hi Angie,  I don’t know if I necessarily have any words of wisdom because honestly,  I agree with you….your children are far away and with someone else and that flat out sucks.  However, I do want to recommend someone who has a lot of words of wisdom…Pema Chodron is a Buddhist nun who has written many books and given many talks on the topic of dealing with difficult emotions, such as jealousy.  I recommend her book WHEN THINGS FALL APART: Heart Advice for Difficult Times.  It’s one that I go back to when I fall of the “love wagon” so to speak.  Good luck!!!   

  • http://www.wiseatwork.net Susie @ WiseAtWork

    Hi Kayla.

    Your post was a great reminder of the temporary status of each of our lives. Things change continuously. And although I know this in theory, your words brought it to real life — my real life again. Thank you. As soon as I hold this belief lightly then I am truly grateful for the ‘what is” of each day.

    Thanks for the inspiring post.

  • Sasalool

    thank you for this post, i liked it, especially the part about how these positive experiences people are having actually open up the idea of possibilities, and the possibility of improving my self to a point that actually exceeds what i’m jealous of. it’s important to know that sometimes you like what other poeple have but it doesn’t mean that you wish them to be less fortunate, on the contrary i hope all poeple to be fortunate and happy, and to be happy with them

  • http://twitter.com/kataclysmichaos Kaffer Raymond

    Thank you! It’s so easy to fall. 

  • Alicia_goodman

    Thank for this article ohh what a rut this emotion can and really there is enough for everyone I began to notice a pattern that I had no problem rising to the occasion of need but when one had plenty I shied away with a less than feeling but genuinly not understanding why last 8 years this has been a slow awareness painful but priceless as I continue to push through the other side

  • KEC

    Thank you for this post! I’ve been struggling with jealousy for the last five months when I found out my ex bf from four years ago started dating an old friend of mine. She seems happy due to all her FB posts and Twitter feeds and it makes me hurt that he was so horrible to me. But as my priest said, different strokes for different folks and it seems she’s willing to settle for him when I wanted morein life. Lately I’ve been realizing that it didn’t work for me and that I want something different and real and that jealousy is going away soon because I am my own person and I have different dreams and visions of what the world and my life should be.

  • Taufiq

    I know the feeling Elizabeth, hitting rock bottom is a scary and uneasy place to be in, as it was for myself a couple months ago. But in that time I have learned that once you do hit rock bottom, the only possible way you can go is up. I’ve noticed that once good things start coming into you’re life again, it begins to create a very positive domino effect 

  • Emmaspeake87

    I didnt think I was a jealOus person but my boyfriend just got an amazing job where hes going to earn loads of money.the career opportunities from this are amazing.i cant stop thinking about it as I feel so jealous.what can I do to accept this?

  • Asianicki64

    I am sometimes jelous when I think of the success of my ex boyfriend, and sometimes if I should have stayed with him because he was older an had money. I was very young and he was alot older than me and I left him because he was manipulative and controlling. It has been over a year and I still think of what he is doing and the “could, woulda, shoulda, and what ifs” I’m trying to let it go and be happy for him but I just can’t seem to. Any advice?

  • Kimberly

    i absolutely love your 4 steps….it has helped me alot..i have been able to overcome so many temptations of falling back to square 1..i hated seeing my friends having more fun than me and i started to question myself, if all i was doing was really worth it…what even shocked me was the fact that these were friends who used other people for their personal gain…but it affected me the sidelined…. THANKYOU

  • BigGRealty

    Thank you for this wonderful reflection. I feel energized!

  • Shilpa23apr

    Thank you Kayla for such a wonderful article,I am still jealous of my friend who mistreated me so badly ,but still goes around making friends so easily ,I sometimes wish I could have that ability to make friends easily,but this article has made me realize ,that life isn’t perfect for everyone and nobody can be me,I am good at what I do.Thank you.

  • Peachy74

    I used to think there was enough for everyone and I only had to claim what I wanted because there was plenty for everyone. But every time I tried to “claim” it, I failed, and failed, and failed. The rejection and failure became more painful every time it happened, so I had to stop. So, now I just watch other people and remind myself that there are some things in life I will just never have.

  • Ruth

    “Thank you for making my wish true! I was totally devastated when Frank
    left me. It was like all my world vanishing into sorrow and pain. But
    your kind words when I first emailed you gave me hope. I felt how
    sincere, honest and authentic you were from your first email. I know it
    sounds weird but out of all the casters I contacted, you were the only
    one to give me that impression of being so true and caring. More than
    your words, it’s the fantastic work you accomplished for me that I will
    keep in mind. You brought my lover back and you made all my wishes come
    true. He’s now loyal, pays attention to me, he offers me flowers every
    Sunday, and we often go out at the cinema or at the restaurant. I will
    be forever thankful for turning my life from hell to heaven!email Arikposolutionground@gmail.com

  • Lynn M

    I think #3 above is mean spirited in the sense that it implies that people who are successful or have great relationships could tank any day so be happy for that. The article is well written aside from #3 above which still appears to be jealousy in the guise of hoping for destruction on others. People who have been blessed with great jobs, relationships, etc. should not apologize for it, and should not feel any less as a result of those who have not yet had their turn.

  • Temporary world

    Kayla, I have read such wonderful things earlier as well, in many books based on the law of attraction – the secret , teachings, theories and philosophies of Buddhism, watched thought provoking , making you feel good movies as well, I tried all such things but when you have a rigid self image, perfectionist, black and white mind set and you know how bad the things have always been, have reasons to feel terrible, jealous with negative, limiting and resisting thoughts that are so overwhelming that they overpower all the good feeling thoughts that all your hard work goes for a toss. You feel let down. Obsessions, addictions and compulsions are hard to change and there probably has to be a different advise for such people ?

  • pheee

    THANK YOU SO MUCH, literally- i feel so much better :’) and thanks kayla for the article! :)

  • Daisy

    My jealousy comes from the fact that I have cousins becoming famous and other girls I am not particularly fond of that have done things that are now on billboards, not prominent ones but they are there and I feel less than because I haven’t accomplished anything yet. Yes I’m still young and I have my own dreams and even though I don’t value fame and beauty I still feel jealous.

    I was offered a modeling thing once and I didn’t take it up because I didn’t feel like that was something I wanted to do even if it was just a one time thing. Then I think how I should have done it just so I would have accomplished something. Now I feel jealous of something I didn’t even want in the first place.

    I know I feel jealous because they are accomplishing things in their life and I am not.

    I want to be an engineer and it’s hard work and sometimes I feel depressed…I also want to do a lot of social non profit work to help other girls who are geniuses become scientists and doctors. I am already working on that yet I still don’t feel good about myself because I haven’t finished getting my degree, I haven’t finished my non-profit work.

    Being successful in the public makes it much worse than if there were doctors.I am happier of course for my cousin than I am for my enemy however I still feel sad because it’s not that I don’t want them to succeed in their chosen field but that I haven’t succeeded in mine yet.

    It is really hard not to feel discouraged or more so less than.

  • Daisy

    I meant I want to help other low income girls (and boys) who are NOT geniuses become engineers or whatever they want to be.

  • Still jealous of my friends.

    this helps none. I’m still jealous that my friends are out eating Mexican without me.

  • JealousFool

    Wow I am looking for some articles on jealousy and landed here. I am amazed on how you approached the matter. Right now, I am feeling a little jealous of my little sister and a cousin because they can do what they want to do and they are about to graduate and find a job. I am working from home for a very long time now. I love them and I wish the best for them but I can’t seem to figure out why I have this feeling of jealousy. It makes me realize that there is something inside me that I must fill. But you’re right. It all depends on your point of view. Sometimes, all it takes is to be happy and attract more happiness. Be inspired rather than be jealous.

  • Adriana

    Kayla. I found this lovely website while googling “how to overcome jealousy” thank you for your enspiring message. My Situation is I work with predominately young people in an image created career, there is a lot of smooching, and sucking up to the hierarchy, and a performance review every day by our managers, I was not accepting my age (the wrong side of 40) and because I don’t smooch to get ahead I was becoming this very bitter person (Wednesday just gone being when it came to my realization) I am normally a positive person, but since being in this job it has turned me ino a person I don’t like. I have copied your strategys and they go with me everyday. Thanks heaps and heaps.

  • Roasted Gold

    Fantastic post!!
    God bless you, writer :)

  • Alyson

    This was pretty helpful to me today! I’ve recently been promoted, something I worked my ass off for the last 4 years to achieve and most of my co-workers are quite “jealous” of that. This made my day so much better! Thanks, Kayla!

  • Mc Whopper

    Thanks for writing such an honest article that really hits it close to home.

    I’ve only recently started experiencing strong bouts of jealousy towards anyone. Right now, I can’t help feeling immensely jealous of a famous Youtube person. His videos are entertaining (commenting on video games while he’s playing them), but certainly nothing that I have not seen my friends do on a daily basis, just without recording themselves. He earns millions per year for making these videos, and is currently living with his attractive significant other in another country. They have a nice house. He’ll probably be a billionaire before he reaches 25. As for me, I’m around his age and have nothing to look forward to after graduation but a 9-5 job in a cubicle for some large company. It doesn’t help that I’ve had clinical depression for most of my life and have nothing I “like” doing anyway, so a steady job is the only thing I could do now.

    It really takes the spirit out of me, knowing that happiness is so unbalanced in the world. But I’ll try and keep reading and applying what I’m learning here and hopefully things will look up.

  • http://blogging4backlinks.com/ Anirudh Bahadur

    Loved this.

  • Anonymous

    I feel this exact way, I’m at university and repeated a year and I look at others with distinctions and going at it at once and I get so jealous and it just makes me unmotivated to work

  • MoMo

    “Jealousy is being worried that someone else is going to take what you have” – what?

  • guest

    What a wonderful post!

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  • Liz

    Hi Kayla this is a great post. I’m stuck in a rut at 23. I quit my job last year and changed profession from nursing to F&B because that’s what I thought I wanted. I’m so torn now. After seeing my colleague who has just joined me and who also happens to be 4 years younger always in my bosses praises has really just left me jealous and questioning what the hell I’m doing with life. I made quite a few mistakes
    When I was younger that I wish I could take back. Now I’m just thinking why can’t I be like this person and it’s really killing me on the inside. I try to be positive and happy for other people but I know it’s fake. I don’t know how to kill this jealousy. I feel like there is no place on this earth for me whichever social group it is i just feel like I’m not meant to be

  • john

    Loved it.well done

  • ryan

    I came across this article when I typed ‘Am I jealous of other people’s success?” I am approaching 40 and over the years, I have this tendency to compare my achievements with the people i knew back in college and seeing them flourish in their chosen careers makes me question why I still haven’t found the job that would help me buy the things that I want in life? A friend would console me and remind me that my life situation is different and having helped 3 siblings finish school should be counted as an achievement already.
    Now that all my siblings have finished college and have stable jobs, i can pursue the things that I really want in life. When I woke up today, I got reminded of the time when it was difficult for me to buy a pair of shoes because of budget constraints and today, I can’t even fit the shoes that I have in my shoe rack. You are right, everything is temporary and things are constantly changing. I should appreciate what I have more than look at the things that I lack. It doesn’t mean that I am being complacent but rather, I’m just appreciating how much better life has become so far.

  • Danielle

    Thanks for the motivation! Me being a teen i get extremely jealous over people, even my friends. I get jealous when someone has nicer clothes then me, or looks better then me, so im applying for jobs around my town so i can become successful and stop worrying about other people’s success, and focus on my own future! Wish me good luck!

  • Mercy Johnson

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