Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Melissa Moore

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

My mom leaned in and gave me a goodnight kiss. The only light illuminating her face was coming from the hallway. I looked up at her, and in the confidence of the dark confessed, “I saw it.”

“It” was my birthday present, waiting patiently for me to wake up in the morning and claim it from its place in the garage. “It” was a turquoise blue Stingray bicycle with a white pleather banana seat and an extra tall sissy bar.

I’d seen it by chance, tucked back in a dark corner, and knew instantly it was for me.

I couldn’t stop myself from ruining my mom’s surprise. I just couldn’t contain my joy. That bike was the answer to my 10 year-old dreams.

And I wasn’t disappointed.

My new bike was the coolest mode of freedom I could imagine. It took me to the local pharmacy for candy and back to the school playground to meet up with my friends. Like an addict, I lusted for the feeling I got from riding past the Skerkoske’s house, Marcia Brady hair blowing in the breeze, singing “I Think I Love You” at the top of my lungs.

Riding something so beautiful gave me all kinds of cocky confidence. I was fearless. Within days, I was pedaling through the neighborhood, arms waving madly in the air, shouting “Look at me world!  I’m riding with no hands!”

I let go without ever calculating the risks involved.

Fear crept up on me gently, a part of the ever expanding feeling of responsibility that came along with growing up.  

Or maybe I’d heard “Hold on to that bike young lady! Do you want to end up in the hospital?!” one too many times. Whatever the cause, the magic of my turquoise blue Stingray was no longer enough to make me feel invincible.

I grew afraid of falling off.  Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Julie Hoyle

 “You validate people’s lives by your attention.” ~Unknown

When my husband and I lived in New Providence, the capital island of the Bahamas, we rented a charming wooden cottage with a sweeping vista of the ocean from a sweet, elderly man who was 88 years old.

Our landlord Leslie lived alone in an elegant house next door to our cottage and I made it a habit to visit him each day, after arriving home from teaching at a local high school.

Leslie was lonely and my heart would ache for him. Having lost his wife a few years earlier, he was a sad, wistful figure, who would spend the day sitting with the front door open, gazing out at traffic and wondering where all his friends had gone.

While I felt sorry for his situation, I was acutely aware of why people had stopped coming by. Leslie could barely hear a word anyone said and, as a consequence, my visits would consist of raising my voice to the highest level possible, which would leave me hoarse and physically drained.

One afternoon after making tea and settling down to attempt to communicate, Leslie started by labeling himself “a silly old fool” and then related an incident I will never forget.

Over the years I have recalled it many times as a way of highlighting the importance of being attentive and present.

As the story goes, Leslie flew to Grand Bahama Island to spend the weekend with his son Derek. When it was time to leave, Derek took Leslie back to the airport, checked him in, and said goodbye.

In the departure area, Leslie was unable to fully hear an announcement. Rather than making inquiries, Leslie followed a group of people moving toward the gate and, relying on a steward to correctly check his ticket, he boarded the plane.

However, much to his acute embarrassment and dismay, Leslie later realized the plane was touching down in Miami, rather than New Providence.

At different times in my life, I have been each character in this story, deaf to what others have been trying to tell me, unable to articulate my needs, and woefully inattentive and distracted. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Shelley Kim

“It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” -Unknown

My son has chickenpox.

It started a few days ago and today is his third day at home.

As a work at home mom who is her own boss, I’m fortunate that I can be at home with my son instead of having to ask my employer for time off work.

I have been working from home for the past five years with three young children, and it was only just a few weeks ago that my youngest child started school full-time.

I felt that I had reached some sort of milestone, having all three children at school full-time now. But I must say, I was also looking forward to having uninterrupted time at home.

Ever since I was laid off five years ago, I have been struggling to find a good balance with spending time on my home business and raising three children.

Now with my youngest finally off at school, it felt as though I had finally crossed that threshold where I was reclaiming my time back.

Not to become a lady of leisure. Not to go to the gym. Not to go shopping in search of retail therapy.

But, I finally felt as though I had the time, free from the demands of children, to spend on my own business.  I had finally reached that point that I was always trying to get to: being able to work non-stop and to gain the momentum that would hopefully let me move forward in my business.

On discovering that my son had chickenpox a few days ago, I knew I’d have to keep him at home for the rest of this week. It would—temporarily—be a return back to juggling work and childcare for a few days.

Today trying to snatch snippets of time to myself to work, I was reminded only too well how I’d really struggled, especially when the three of my children were at home during the long, long summer break. I would barely sit down at my computer only to have to go and break up a fight or find something or help them with something within thirty minutes.

After lunch today I told my four-year-old son that I had to go upstairs to work for a while and could he please watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for a little while until I got back.

My four-year-old son then said, “I wish I was you Mommy and you were me.” Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Anastasiya Goers

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” ~Havelock Ellis

Imagine that you have to move in two days. Would you be able to pack all your possessions in that time and clean out your house completely?

How about your mental baggage? If you have only two days left to finish all the important projects in your life, would you be able to do it?

Three years ago I left the country where I was born and raised and moved permanently to a different place half way around the globe.

Packing was not easy because there were so many things that were meaningful to me but of course I couldn’t take them all. But even more difficult was the part of leaving my friends and family behind. I couldn’t put my friends in a suitcase and smuggle them across the border.

However, the hardest part was still ahead. Soon after I got to the US I realized that I had to let go of a lot of habits and even my lifestyle. Everything was so different from where I grew up.

I had two choices: to hold on to my past, complain, and be completely miserable or let go of everything that was no longer relevant and start a new life while still holding on to my authentic self.

You may not have had to go through such drastic changes in life. However, we all face the dilemma of letting go and holding on.

A lot of times if we are not forced to let go of something we keep dragging 10, 20, 40 years of mental and physical baggage behind us. At some point that baggage becomes so unbearably heavy that we just decide to stop moving forward and start living in the past.

We stop having new goals and dreams. We stop meeting new people. We stop trying new things. We stop learning. But, ironically, we still keep buying and acquiring more physical clutter to fill our homes and closets.

Of course, on the other hand if you throw away everything you love and enjoy, then suddenly you lose your personality. Frankly speaking, you cease to know yourself then.

So, quoting Havelock Ellis again, how do you mingle letting go and holding on? The answer to this question will give you the ultimate inner peace and balance. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Angela Marchesani

“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” ~Hermann Hesse

We’ve all had moments when life’s demands left us feeling stressed and scattered. In these moments, it’s helpful to have some simple tools to help us gain composure and come back to our center.

Let me paint a picture for you of a scene from my daily life at its most overwhelming.

On a recent Tuesday, I drafted my evening’s “to-do” list, which contained the following items: Go clothes shopping for my son, get groceries, cook up some dog food, cook dinner, give my son a bath, put laundry away, walk the dog, and prepare for a workshop that I was to present that weekend.

Like most working parents, I have to fit a lot of tasks into a brief period of time on weeknight evenings.

Clearly all of those items weren’t going to get accomplished. But I felt compelled to try.

And then, mid-afternoon, a feeling of illness began to creep over me, starting with a headache and progressing into nausea and profound fatigue. By the time I got home, I had revised my list, and whittled it down to: Bathe my son.

I felt incapable of anything else.

Still, even with a truncated list, my evening became chaotic very quickly. Our newly-acquired dog was dripping blood all over the house, including the white slipcover. She was not sick—she was in heat.

As I tried to attend to the mess, my son called to me from the kitchen. He held his cupped hand out to me, and proudly exclaimed, “I caught it so it wouldn’t fall on the kitchen floor!”

I will allow you to draw your own conclusions about what his hand held, but I’ll give you a hint: He’s potty training.

In the mean time, my head was throbbing, my stomach was retching, dishes from the previous day were piled up in the sink, laundry from the week sat haphazardly on my bedroom chair, and the workshop I was to present in four days had not been planned or prepared for. Not to mention, I had a hungry child and dog to attend to.

Sometimes, when external factors like these seem overwhelming, we feel unable to remove ourselves from the situation long enough to gain perspective and compose ourselves in order to move forward.

Very often, these external factors become internalized, and our minds start reeling. “I’ll never get it all done, my life is spiraling out of control, I can’t get myself together…” The internal loop can be loud, persistent, and ultimately paralyzing. And once it begins, it is hard to stop. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Amanda Snow

“Continuous effort—not strength or intelligence—is the key to unlocking our potential.” ~Winston Churchill

I declared myself a mess a long time ago. I lived in a constant, dull state of fear and anxiety. My emotions were more volatile than hurricane season, and not even I could predict how any given situation would affect me.

I may not have known it at the time, but I was miserable. I was trying to be someone I wasn’t and fit into a fast-paced life that I just wasn’t made for.

I was constantly overwhelmed by just about everything—being stuck in traffic, waiting in lines, driving long distances, folding the laundry, working a full day, even doing my hair.

It seemed like life was a struggle and a whole lot of effort that didn’t really get me anywhere.

Apparently overtime, I had conditioned myself to react to the activity and obligations of my life with worry, anxiety, and exponential stress.

I didn’t crave the life I was living. I craved balance. And I lacked passion. Something had to give.

It did, almost by mistake. I found myself poking around Tiny Buddha about a year ago, and the rest was history. Over time I discovered newfound energy by changing my internal perspective on daily living.

I challenged my toxic thoughts and actions and found peace in the present moment.  I uncovered new ways to look at emotions, relationships, and situations in my life.

Instead of continuing to fight it, I made a decision to accept and flow with the monotony, bustle, and pressure of life. I made a list of what was truly important to me instead of living by someone else’s rules. Also, I stopped sabotaging my body with distorted eating habits.

I realized that I was okay, that I was enough, and it was actually pretty cool to be me.

As a result, I feel more settled. I also feel more direction and balance than ever before in my life. I still get wound up, but my lows are nowhere near as low as before. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Sarah Louise Gess

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” ~African Proverb

Sometimes, we all need to ascertain whether we’re inadvertently contributing to the struggles and challenges we face.

When we have to deal with a tough issue, it can be hard to decipher whether it is truly an objective problem, or if we have (at least some) subconscious ownership of it.

This is especially hard since the biggest challenges in our lives are typically intricate and complex. Human nature leads us to believe that other people are at fault when we experience conflict, that we have been “wronged.”

If we look closely, we’ll see that our actions and reactions are useful tools, as they provide insight into our own perceptions and can fuel personal growth and development.

I am a glass-half-full person. I operate under the belief that the more I take care of myself, my life, and my own happiness, the more I can give to others, especially my loved ones.

But recently I hit a wall. It entailed a series of events over a two-week period when every part of my life seemed to be straining under the presence of a dark, erratic storm.

I had been very busy in my job and had stopped enjoying it. My relationships with my colleagues had become so tense that I was close to jumping ship. My patience had practically disappeared, leading to stress and anxiety.

I was struggling to keep my (sometimes) short temper in check. Even when dealing with small challenges, I was seeing red at every opportunity. I was arguing with my partner, interpreting his every move as a threat to my already delicate and vulnerable state of mind.

What was wrong? Put simply, I just wasn’t right. There I was, brought to my knees by an emotional hurricane charging through my life and everything in its path, and I just couldn’t understand why.

Was it a twisted coincidence that all the areas of my life were simultaneously conspiring against me? Was life simply testing my patience, strength, and resilience? Or was there something personal going on?

After avoidance, quiet contemplation, and then much careful thought, I had an epiphany—the kind of realization that completely floors you, a “eureka” moment, if you will.

The wall I faced was actually a mirror. It forced me to confront things that I had been ignoring. I had stopped doing the things that I love, the things that keep me strong. Basically, I was in need of emotional, mental, and spiritual TLC.   Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s Note: This is a contribution by Mandy Burstein

“Letting go isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.” ~Unknown

As we welcomed the Spring Equinox on March 20^th, with it came a sense of lightness in the air—in our bodies with healthier food options, in our minds as we flirt with the idea of summer on the horizon, and in our spirits as we are able to enjoy later sunsets with loved ones.

Spring also welcomes change and renewal, creating an opportunity to cleanse ourselves of hibernating winter habits and find inspiration in nature as wildflowers bloom all around us.

What better time to introduce (or reintroduce!) yourself to the ancient practice of yoga. Let’s face it: Yoga has stood the test of time, enduring over 5000 years, consistently providing a physical, mental, and spiritual outlet for its practitioners.

Now more than ever, yoga seems the perfect escape from our increasingly complex, technology-driven, distracted modern lives.

Finding peace and contentment in the present moment is one of the most challenging things to do, and yoga provides the tools we need to find that much-desired stillness.

As a yoga instructor, my proudest moment is not when a student who once struggled with Chaturanga perfects a forearm handstand. Well, that is a pretty sweet moment! But, by far, it is watching new students unwrap their first yoga mat. Typically of the drug store, super slippery variety, but still exciting nonetheless!

This moment resonates with me because I know, in that moment, that yoga will be a part of their world (whether in a big or small way) for the rest of their lives.

You see, yoga is a lot like chocolate. If you live your whole life never tasting chocolate, you can lead a perfectly content existence, as there is nothing to miss. But, once you have had that first taste, there really is no turning back.

Sure, you might stray from your cravings as you dabble into non-chocolate permitting diets. But the pleasure induced by that familiar taste always lingers somewhere in the back of your mind, until you finally find your way back home, onto your mat.

In honor of that joy we all receive from unwrapping our very first yoga mat, I compiled a list of five rather simplistic (and fun!) ways to integrate yoga into your life this spring. Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s note: This is a Contribution by Michael Nobleza

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton

“If you have aspirin, please take it now. It might be bitter, but if you’re having a heart attack, it will help.”

If I wasn’t already anxious, hearing this advice the nurse gave me certainly didn’t help. Fifteen minutes later, I was in the emergency room—a 34-year-old, physically-fit, overachieving, workaholic, enabling control freak—having the classic symptoms of a heart attack.

As I sat on the hospital bed, breathing as deeply as I could into what was happening, my mind started to race: Was it being unwittingly thrust into the role of referee between my Dad and brother last weekend?

Was it yet another significant transition in an already fast-paced and changing work environment?

Was it worrying about where to get the money for my uninsured mother to get the health care she needed for her pre-existing condition?

What was to blame? Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton

The vast majority of people I know have two different types of work: the kind that pays the bills, and the kind they wrap their heart around.

For some people, those are one and the same, but often that takes time, dedication, and a willingness to blur the traditional boundaries that separate work and social life.

Because let’s face it: It’s not always easy to make a living doing something you love.

The first challenge is to figure out what that is; and it’s often complicated by what we think we should do based on what other people think and what we’ve done up until now.

The next step is to figure out how to do it smart. It’s all good and well to decide to you want to run an online fitness, beauty, or personal development empire, but unless you have a unique value proposition and a solid idea of who needs your services and why, you could end up just spinning your wheels.

And then there’s the easiest part, which is simultaneously the hardest: the choice to work on your dream every day, knowing there are no guarantees, and that it may take a long time to make the kind of progress that allows you to devote your full-time energy to your passion.

This has been my experience with Tiny Buddha, and it’s the same with people who have contacted me for help with their blogs. Everyone wants the freedom to do more of what they enjoy and less of what they don’t.

What makes this kind of complicated is that turning a passion into work can sometimes strip the joy out of it, particularly when you give up freedom now in the pursuit of freedom tomorrow.

Really, that’s what we’re doing when cram our hours full of tasks that leave little time for play and decompression: We’re deciding tomorrow’s possibilities are more important than today’s.

So what’s the balance, then?

How do you allow yourself sufficient time to create that thing you visualize—whatever it may be—while also allowing space for relaxation, spontaneity, connection, and the simple act of being?

I recently asked on the Tiny Buddha Facebook page, “How do you create work/life balance?” I’ve chosen the responses that resonated the most strongly with me and used them in shaping this post: Click Here to Read More…

Editor’s note: This is a contribution by Jasmin Tanjeloff

As a Libra, my sign is the scale, which signifies balance. I’m not sure how much my “signage” plays into my desire to live a balanced life, but I do know that the more balanced I feel, the more free I feel.

In my work I am often reminded that what works for some people does not necessarily work for others; and that one person’s idea of balance may not constitute anything remotely balanced from another person’s perspective.

So I wanted to address the various elements of life that can require balancing and offer some suggestions to find the mix that works best for you.

To start, what does it mean to be balanced?

To me, it means that you have a handle on the the various elements in your life and don’t feel that your heart or mind are being pulled too hard in any direction. More often than not, you feel calm, grounded, clear-headed, and motivated.

How do you find your balance? Click Here to Read More…

by Michelle Nickolaisen

“Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Your mornings set the tone for the rest of the day. We all know this. If you get off to a bad start, oftentimes the rest of your day follows suit.

The best way to combat this is to come up with a meaningful morning practice that acts as a buffer between getting up and starting your day, and puts you in the right headspace to go out and face the world. (Or do whatever it is you do, on a day to day basis.)

It gives you a space in the morning where you know you can be mindful to help you strive for mindfulness for the rest of your day and it also kick starts your body and mind.

What is a morning practice?

It can be as simple or as involved as you want it to be. I like to think of mine as a set of rituals. I get up, drink some water, and then do yoga and Shiva Nata. After that, I ground, center, and then meditate for 5-10 minutes.

Then I shower, get dressed, sit down at my desk, and do a daily one card tarot draw, recording it in my journal. After all of that, I can boot up the computer and write my words for the day.

It sounds awfully involved when it’s listed like that. In actuality, it only takes 30-60 minutes, and it has enough factors that it can be tweaked depending on how I’m feeling in the morning and how much time I have to spend on it.

You might notice that it includes not only physical activities, and not solely mental activities, either–it’s a good blend of both. It doesn’t do a lot of good to start the day mentally awake but with a stiff and sluggish body; and it doesn’t do any good to start the day with your body warmed up but your mind not. Click Here to Read More…

by Janeen Paul

The yoga class I attended yesterday included a number of balances, from simple tree pose to a “floating” ardha chandrasana. I am not certain why, but I was struggling to find a steady balance on one side.

I arrived late feeling flustered, and my mind was spinning and worrying as we worked our way into the flow. I had to struggle to make my gaze steady, and I was starting to beat myself up for the wobbling on my left leg.

Then I had a realization: This is really the whole point of balancing poses, if not yoga itself. The point is simply to be with yourself, no matter where you are at that moment. Or, as Thich Nhat Hanh said: “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.”

Later, I thought a lot about balance, and how we are always trying to find it in our lives.  I talk with patients about it almost every day, and no one seems to feel they have it under control. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Update: The winners have already been chosen for this giveaway. Subscribe to The Tiny Buddha List to learn about future contests!

“Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.” ~Elbert Hubbard

I have the utmost respect for mothers.

Their daily lives require an aptitude for all the qualities that make us good people: love, kindness, patience, generosity, and, perhaps most importantly, a sense of balance. If anyone knows chaos, it’s a mom.

With this in mind, I was thrilled to read Elizabeth Lyons’ book You Cannot Be Serious and 32 Other Rules That Sustain a (Mostly) Balanced Mom.

Make no mistake: I don’t have any children. Or friends with children. Or even access to children–there appear to be none in a 15-mile radius.

What I do have is a need for balance in a world that is never predictable and rarely calm.

Elizabeth’s book provides just the right anecdote–and it was so easy to relate to her reading it. She’s not the high-waisted jeans kind of mom who fills her days with baking and gardening (through she does both). She’s the mom who runs her own business, writes her own rules, and still manages to run a household without any hired help. Click Here to Read More…

by Lori Deschene

Yesterday morning, two of the correspondents on the news in Boston (where I’m home for the holidays) had an interesting conversation about the classic It’s a Wonderful Life.

One of them said he’s not a big fan of the movie, which instilled a sense of complete outrage in me.

How dare he take George Bailey’s name in vain? It’s such an inspirational film! From saving Harry’s life to finding Zuzu’s petals, every scene gets my little heart aflutter with renewed hope in our ability to make a difference and find happiness.

When the initial offense faded, I listened to what clearly-heartless news guy was saying. And he actually had a point.

The main character, George Bailey, sacrificed everything he wanted in life for the people around him. If he continued to operate in a constant state of self sacrifice, he’d likely always have regrets where other men have dreams.

And why should he not have the chance, at some point, to feel satisfaction that isn’t hinged upon having saved someone else’s life?

At the end of the movie, he receives the ultimate assurance that his life is best lived with everyone else’s interests before his own: a party where he receives all the gratitude and admiration he clearly felt had been lacking prior.

The implication seems to be that he should continue on this path because everyone’s life would have fallen apart if he didn’t come to their rescue. Click Here to Read More…