Posts tagged with “wisdom”
How I Went From the Pain of People-Pleasing to the Freedom of Being Me
“How hurtful it can be to deny one’s own true self and live a life of lies just to appease others.” ~June Ahern
Growing up I felt lost, separate, and different from everyone else in my family. After all, everyone else was a fit; they pursued the same hobbies, had the same aspirations, and even thought in the same way (everything was very black and white with hardly any grey areas). I was interested, it seemed, in everything they were not interested in.
I had a different way of looking at the world. Any task I was asked to …
Create More, Consume Less: How to Feel More Excited About Life
“Creating means living.” ~Dejan Stojanovic
We live in a consumer culture. We love to eat, drink, and be merry—while binge watching whatever’s trending on Netflix and getting a dopamine hit for every item added to our cart on Amazon Prime.
We love to take it all in—information, entertainment, status updates, news reports, substances, and an endless array of stuff. There’s never a shortage of things we can consume, often to keep our minds distracted and our feelings silenced.
Now don’t get me wrong. I love a good meal, a Jim Beam or two, and an afternoon spent zoned out on …
Say Yes to What Excites You and Make This the Year You Really Live
“I imagine that Yes is the only living thing.” ~e.e. cummings
During the fall of 2017 I began openly dating, four years after my separation and divorce of a twenty-plus year relationship. It was scary. And I was clear—I didn’t want a commitment, I just wanted the experience and some fun.
My third round of online dating, I finally went out with some younger men who I assumed lined up with my non-commitment goal. It was different and fun, but also not quite what I wanted.
In December of that year, my friend, who was interested in getting to …
Sometimes We Are the Ones Who Need to Change
“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others, it is the only means.” ~Albert Einstein
When I was younger, I had a lot of opinions about what other people needed to change.
“Why can’t people conserve more?” “Why can’t people stop throwing cigarette butts on the ground?” “Why can’t so-and-so stop being so annoying?”
Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
I’ve recently realized that as I focused on all of the things that others needed to do, I was avoiding taking a look at my own very real flaws and failures.
I used single-use plastic …
Be Kind, Retrain Your Mind: 3 Tips to Overcome Negative Self-Talk
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha
In 1990, in an early encounter between the Dalai Lama, the foremost Tibetan teacher of Buddhism, and Western students, the Dalai Lama was asked a question about how to deal with self-hatred. He was confused and didn’t understand the question. The translator translated the question again, and still the Dalai Lama was confused.
Finally, the Dalai Lama understood that the question was about how to manage negative feelings about the self. This was a new concept to him: he knew that people had negative …
Why I Focus on the Now Instead of What I Want for the Future
“The next message you need is always right where you are.” ~Ram Dass
I want you to go back to New Year’s Day 2009 with me for a second. I’d recently left a job and was embarking upon a new career, one in which I was self-employed.
I pulled out all the stops and created a vision board that contained all of the things: how much money I wanted to earn, how I wanted to dress, where I wanted to vacation, how I wanted to eat, and everything else I could think of. I thought if I created this …
How Expressing Myself Helped Me Release Chronic Pain
“Live life as if everything is rigged in your favor.” ~ Rumi
It can be frightening to experience physical or mental pain. It’s not something anyone wants to deal with; nobody wants to race against the clock hoping that some future experience will take away their pain. Nobody wants to question the purpose of anything, like seeing a friend or even traveling, just because they feel their pain will ruin it.
During my freshman year at college, I woke up one day with horrific nerve pain in my legs and in my pelvic area. What was this? My instinct told …
How I Overcame Childhood Emotional Neglect and Learned to Meet My Needs
“In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it.” ~Mitch Albom
“Your feelings are valid,” said my life coach during one of our sessions, as we were working on an issue I had with my parents.
I had to do a double take. My feelings are valid? She actually accepts them as they are?
Eventually it started to dawn on me: My parents never validated my feelings. This sudden revelation earlier this year threw me into a dark period of my life.
When I was …
Let’s Get Real: Why I’m Done Pretending to Have It All Together
“If you’re not really happy, don’t fake a smile on my behalf. I’d rather you spill your guts with tears every day until your smile is real. Because I don’t care about the show, the disguise, the politically correctness. If you’re in my life, I want you to be in your own skin.” ~Stephanie Bennet-Henry
This is the story of my inner child, the insecure part of myself that I am ready to respect and recognize.
My thoughts and views are as follows: I’m not a superior mom, probably just an average psychologist, and am way too sensitive about …
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.