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anita

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Viewing 15 posts - 196 through 210 (of 4,176 total)
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  • in reply to: Seeking clarity about a relationship #450028
    anita
    Participant

    I will reply best I can, Going Through Life, Sun morning (It’s Sat night here).

    🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Compassion and respect during times of conflict #450022
    anita
    Participant

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    in reply to: Threefold Breath #450009
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa:

    I have to quote you here because what you wrote only 17 minutes ago hit me strong:

    “I think that what is really important and often overlooked in adults is a need for unconditional love.”-

    So very, very true, Alessa. This thought didn’t occur to me until I read your words right above.

    “Love is given freely to children and pets, but for adults, nope. If they do something wrong they don’t deserve love anymore. I think it’s such a shame and perhaps the wrong approach to life.”-

    My goodness, Alessa, you are so right.

    “No wonder we all feel so separate.”- I keep quoting you because what you are saying, in my mind, tonight (here, morning where you’re at) is revolutionary.

    Let’s give each other, Alessa, the adults that we are- the unconditional love we needed for too long. Here. Now and forward… ❤️

    Anita

    in reply to: Seeking clarity about a relationship #449996
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    You wrote that you are confused about these aspects of your life: career/ job, money, relationships and the future.

    Can you pick one aspect, for now, and explain best you can what the confusion is about, as concretely as you can?

    🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Stressed and anxious #449994
    anita
    Participant

    Good morning (here) Q:

    As to why the effect of loving oneself isn’t as strong as being loved by another person, that is, why external validation feels better or stronger than external validation-

    I think it’s primarily so because we are social animals who are born to interact with others, to love and be loved by others. But seeking love externally does not preclude seeking love internally. Both can take place at the same time.

    When you gave your ex a gift and she received it with appreciation- that’s external reciprocity. When you give yourself a gift and you receive it with appreciation- that’s internal reciprocity. In both cases, love is about giving and receiving.

    I think of the part of me that I want to give love to, as the child within me (aka inner child). If I give her a gift and she doesn’t receive it- then mission failed, so to speak. No love took place. There has to be a receiver within.

    External receiving is visible (ex’s genuine smile, a loving gaze) and audible (ex saying: “thank you”, “I love you”), but internal receiving is invisible and inaudible (unless you look at yourself in the mirror, or talk out loud to yourself).

    I think that many are not in the habit of loving oneself, but it’s a good habit to practice because it makes people less desperate for the love of other people.

    in your second post you wrote: “I don’t get to hear a lot of positive motivating words like ‘Things are hard now and you’re trying your best it’s okay keep going.’. So because I rarely heard those things, I think in my head I felt like yea maybe… I deserve to be in my current state”-

    Imagine that instead of thinking “I deserve to be in my current state”, you’d be thinking (saying to the boy within Q): “Things are hard now, and I’m trying my best”, and then Q the boy receives this emotional gift, feeling calm and relief as a result..?

    🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #449988
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tom:

    I am going over your posts in this thread.

    You started this job at the end of April, or the very beginning of May 2024, a year and 4-5 months on the job.

    You coped by reading, practicing gratitude, using a calm app, exercising, going out for fresh air, and posting here, in your thread.

    On May 15, you wrote that the company you work for includes more than 150 departments, lots of people involved in what you’re doing there, and if I understand correctly, you’ve been feeling micromanaged and fearing criticism..?

    Also, you feel alone at work: lots of people involved, but not a friend among them (“I don’t feel like I have any real ally’s in the team”), and no support on the job (“you are left to fend for yourself almost and learn as you go”).

    I wonder if there’s an ER department where you work, if there are parties or social gatherings for employees?

    The purpose of an ER dept (I am reading) is to foster a positive work environment: to ensure that employees feel respected, heard, and supported, to fairly and constructively handle disputes between employees or between staff and management, and to support employee well-being.

    ER often organizes social gatherings for employees, or they collaborate with HR or Culture teams to make it happen. These events are strategic tools for boosting morale and engagement because when employees feel appreciated, they’re more likely to stay motivated and loyal. Social events allow people from different departments to connect, to feel part of something bigger, to reduce stress and burnout, and to cultivate emotional safety, team cohesion, and a culture where people feel seen and valued.

    None of that in your workplace, Tom?

    🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Seeking clarity about a relationship #449980
    anita
    Participant

    Will read and reply Fri morning, Going-through-Life (Thurs night here)… Take good care of you!

    in reply to: Free coaching offer #449975
    anita
    Participant

    Thank you, Neil. I hope that you have a great weekend too!

    🙏 🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Stressed and anxious #449969
    anita
    Participant

    Adding: Does the above resonate wit you to any extent, Q?

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #449965
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tom:

    Reading your most recent post made me think of something I read long ago, don’t remember where. Paraphrased, someone asked: How do I get out of this prison cell? (it’s similar to you feeling/ being trapped), and the answer was: don’t try to get out, or don’t desire to get out anymore.

    What it means to me is that when you are in a situation where you really are trapped, objectively speaking (having to pay mortgage and bills, and this job is the only job available that makes it possible for the mortgage and bills to be paid), then radically accepting the situation, for now, to no longer resist it, may free you from useless, harmful stress.

    Does this make sense to you?

    🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Seeking clarity about a relationship #449964
    anita
    Participant

    * Forgot to add: I am sorry she cheated on you 😔

    in reply to: Seeking clarity about a relationship #449963
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Going Through Life:

    I hope that soon, going through life will be a more rewarding experience for you, and it will, with better understanding and more awareness (more of these two things is making my life more rewarding 😊)

    In regard to SS, we talked about her back in June 2024. We also talked about the fearful- avoidant attachment style.

    I know this attachment style personally. For me, it started with a parent who “loved” me at times and deeply hurt me at other times. So, I learned to associate love (affection, emotional closeness) with pain.

    Anything like that, in your experience?

    🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Safe and Brave #449962
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Alessa:

    It made my day to read that you are starting to feel better and that you don’t want to leave the forums ❤️ ✨❤️ ✨ ❤️

    Thank you for your understanding and support and for helping me become a better person ❤️

    Nothing for you to apologize for, as far as I am concerned ☘️

    Again, I will do my best to promote safety and kindness in all the threads I participate in.

    🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Stressed and anxious #449961
    anita
    Participant

    Hi again Q:

    From my personal experience, it didn’t feel good or rewarding for me to.. love myself because I didn’t feel that I deserved love. I was waiting until such time that I’d be worthy of love..

    🌿 Anita

    in reply to: Should I Forget about him, or was he the one that got away? #449959
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Emma:

    I am sorry that you’ve been going through a tough time since we talked last 😔

    As I read through our communication since June this year, I could see how I heavily I used Copilot (AI) in my replies to you, which explains the perfect grammar and upbeat attitude when I didn’t feel upbeat. I’ve been using Copilot for ten months (in my ten years of participation in the forums) and most recently, I stopped and what you get is just me, back to my imperfect grammar and expressing .. me.

    I thought that AI- in the context of replies to members- was working with me as a team, enhancing my intelligence, but what I found out, after 10 months of daily use, is that it dimmed my personal intelligence, so now I am recovering.

    You wrote yesterday, “Wow, what you are describing about how healthy boundaries can feel like threats”- I tried to locate where I shared about that but couldn’t find it. Can you tell me what you mean by this sentence?

    Thank you for your continued empathy, Emma! In regard to my mother, I don’t feel like talking about her anymore, not at this point anyway.

    In regard to OCD.. did we talk about you receiving professional treatment for it? I don’t remember..

    Please feel free to express your thoughts and feeling about any part of what I shared here.

    Looking forward to reading back from you

    🫶🌿 Anita

Viewing 15 posts - 196 through 210 (of 4,176 total)
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