Dear Peter:

Intrigued and finding that I have a little more time by the computer, I researched what kind of childhood can produce The Investigator, The Observer, aka Peter 😊

I read (from parts of The Wisdom of the Enneagram & elsewhere) that Type 5 individuals often (not always) grow up in environments that value knowledge and intellectual activities, having been encouraged to explore, read, and learn independently from a young age. They might have experienced situations where they felt a need to be self-sufficient or independent. This could be due to a lack of emotional support or the necessity to rely on themselves to solve problems.

Experiences that lead to feelings of inadequacy or insecurity can drive a Type 5’s desire to accumulate knowledge and competence. This could stem from being overlooked, misunderstood, or feeling unable to meet certain expectations. Type 5 children might have spent more time observing rather than actively participating in social interactions.

In some cases, becoming an observer and investigator might have been a coping mechanism to deal with chaotic or overwhelming environments. By retreating into their minds, Type 5 children could feel more in control and less vulnerable…

(While these factors can contribute to the development of a Type 5 personality, it’s important to remember that personality is shaped by a complex interplay of genetics, environment, and individual experiences. Each Type 5 individual’s childhood and development will have unique aspects that contribute to their personality).

Also, type 5s can have deep, meaningful relationships, but they often take time to develop. They value quality over quantity and tend to form close bonds with a few trusted individuals. They might struggle with expressing emotions openly, preferring to process feelings internally. This can sometimes make them appear less emotionally connected, but it doesn’t mean they don’t care deeply.

Building trust is crucial for Type 5s. They need to feel safe and understood in relationships. Once trust is established, they can be very loyal and supportive partners.

They value their independence and need for personal space, even in close relationships. This doesn’t mean they don’t value intimacy; they just need a balance between connection and solitude.

Next, I researched how to communicate online (as we do here) with Type 5: it says to Respect their Need for Space, to give them time to respond and avoid pressuring them for immediate replies, to be Clear and Concise, as they appreciate clear, logical communication, to Avoid overly emotional or vague messages and get to the point while providing relevant information.

Type 5s are intellectually curious and enjoy deep, meaningful conversations. Engage them in topics they are passionate about or interested in. Avoid Small Talk, as they might not be fond of superficial conversations. Focus on substantial topics that stimulate their intellect. Type 5s often take time to process information and formulate responses. Be patient and understanding if they need more time to reply thoughtfully. Acknowledge and respect their knowledge and insights. They appreciate being seen as competent and knowledgeable. Avoid Emotional Overwhelm: While it’s important to be honest and open, try not to overwhelm them with intense emotions. They might find it challenging to handle overly emotional exchanges.

And now, equipped with the above, I will try to respond to the first of your two posts here from yesterday honestly and mindfully:

Thank you for sharing your reflections, Peter. It readds like you’ve been on quite a journey over the past eight years, grappling with difficult questions about change, love, and the state of the world.

Your quest to find people who live authentically and contentedly is truly inspiring. It’s heartening to read about the individuals you’ve found who navigate the world with both contentment and compassion. Mr. Rogers is indeed a wonderful example of someone who managed to balance these qualities beautifully.

As a fellow investigator (!), I appreciate your insights on the energy required to move from observation to action. It’s fascinating how being seen and acknowledged can spark that much-needed energy to engage with life. Your awareness of this dynamic is a powerful tool for navigating your journey.

I resonate with your concerns about societal choices and the rapid integration of AI. These are complex and often troubling issues, and your thoughtful reflections highlight the importance of staying mindful of their implications for future generations.

The Zen quote and your thoughts on enlightenment beautifully illustrate the journey from simple understanding to profound realization. It’s a reminder that the most significant insights often bring us back to appreciating the simplicity and essence of life.

You wrote: “As a type 5 my communication style will always seem to be coming from the head, something I know can be off putting, but I like to think anyone taking the time to read or listen will see heart.”- yes, Peter, I do see your heart, and it’s a privilege.

Peter: “My answer to the question of – what love has to do with it – is everything and nothing, similar I think to what I read in a book by Krishnamurti just this year where he says, ‘Love can do nothing, but without it nothing can be done.’ (there’s a paradox for you)”-

-Love is not a tangible force that can directly do things in the physical world. It is not an agent that actively changes circumstances or solves problems. Love transcends practical utility. It is not about what love can accomplish in a measurable, concrete sense. Instead, love exists as a state of being. While love itself does not directly “do” things, without love, actions lack purpose, depth, and connection. Actions performed without love are or may be hollow or self-serving. The Paradox: while love itself does not perform tasks, it is indispensable for actions that are meaningful and transformative. It suggests that love is the underlying essence that enables all significant human activities.

Peter: “Love IS from which all things arise and return. (In the temporal playground we just mess it up by trying to possess and or be possessed by it”-

– love is an eternal, ever-present essence. It is not confined by time or space. Love is the source of creation and the ultimate destination. The Temporal Playground refers to the world of time and space where we live our daily lives. It is a metaphor for the impermanent, ever-changing aspects of existence. In our everyday lives, we often complicate or distort the pure essence of love through our actions and desires. When we try to own or control love, we turn it into something transactional or conditional. This can lead to jealousy, attachment, and a sense of ownership, which are contrary to the true, unconditional nature of love.

Conversely, allowing ourselves to be consumed by love in an unhealthy way can lead to dependency and losing our sense of self. This can result in obsessive or possessive behaviors that distort love’s true essence. Instead of experiencing love as the pure, unconditional force that it is, we entangle it with our desires, fears, and needs. The true nature of love is beyond possession and control. It is a fundamental, timeless essence.

Peter: “Love comes into being when the mind is naturally quiet, not made quiet, when it sees the false as false and the true as true. When the mind is quiet, then whatever happens is the action of love, it is not the action of knowledge. Knowledge is mere experience, and experience is not love. Experience cannot know love. – Krishnamurti”-

– When the mind is in a natural state of quiet, it can discern the true from the false. Krishnamurti distinguishes between actions driven by love and those driven by knowledge. When the mind is quiet, actions flow from a place of love, which is pure and unconditional. He views knowledge as the accumulation of experiences and information, which, while valuable, is not the same as love. Love is an innate quality that transcends mere intellectual understanding. Love exists beyond the realm of accumulated experiences and intellectual grasping. It is a state of being that cannot be fully understood or contained by the mind.

Love emerges from a state of inner stillness and clarity, when the mind is free from its usual chatter and distortions, allowing for a pure, unconditioned expression of this fundamental essence.

Peter: “Today (is this a change?) I realize that Love is the attribute of the ‘Eternal Now’ and so has no opposite. I don’t think there is a point to believe in ‘What Is’ so still say I do not believe in Love, only now I like to think I say that without disillusionment. most days 🙂”-

– It’s fascinating how your perspective has evolved over the years. The idea that love has no opposite in this context resonates. I also appreciate the humor in your question about change: it’s a clever way to highlight the ongoing nature of your exploration.

You are finding a sense of peace and acceptance in the inherent ambiguities and paradoxes of life, embracing the complexities of existence with equanimity and insight. I would like to understand this part better.

Peter: “A riddle: The observer is the observed and the observed the observer, the though is the thinker and the thinker the thought.”-
– the distinction between the observer (the one who perceives) and the observed (the object of perception) is illusory, as they are one and the same. It points to a non-dualistic view of reality, where subject and object are interconnected and interdependent. It highlights how our perceptions and thoughts shape our reality, a humbling realization that invites us to see beyond dualistic separations. I would like to think more in line with this principle.

Thank you for sharing your evolving thoughts, Peter. They add a rich layer to the conversation about love and existence, and I greatly appreciate it. I would like to respond to your second post of yesterday later.

anita

Dear Jana:

You are welcome. As far as the quote about the impermanence of all things (“anicca” in Pali): this teaching asserts that everything in life— situations, experiences, emotions, people— constantly changes. Accepting this can lead to a more adaptable, less attached mindset, and to better coping with life’s unpredictability.

The principle of anicca is applicable in the context of fear and violence in the following ways: (1) recognizing that fear is a passing state can help mitigate its impact. By understanding that the intensity of fear will eventually subside, a person can manage their response to fear more effectively and avoid being paralyzed by it.

(2) understanding that a somewhat threatening/ scary situation will pass, can help a person respond to it mindfully in a way that de-escalates the situation, instead of responding to it impulsively, and escalating the situation.

(3) After experiencing fear or violence, the understanding of impermanence can help in healing. Knowing that the pain and trauma, while significant, are not eternal, can provide hope and facilitate the process of recovery and moving forward.

Anicca doesn’t mean accepting mistreatment but rather responding to it most effectively.

For example, in the Walpurgis Night situation you shared about, the leader’s behavior was authoritative and bossy, indicating a desire for control and dominance, common in group settings where one person tries to assert power. Out of fear, you chose to comply with the leader’s demands, which led to a decrease in his aggression, while your friend resisted, standing up for herself, which led to an increased aggression from the leader.

Your compliance gave the leader a sense of control, which appeased him. However, your friend’s resistance threatened his authority, leading to aggression. After such an encounter, it’s valuable to reflect on what worked and what could have been done differently. This reflection helps in building resilience and better strategies for future situations.

Finding a balance between standing up for yourself and avoiding unnecessary conflict is crucial. In any threatening situation, it’s important to assess the level of threat and potential for escalation. While complying to avoid immediate danger, subtly setting boundaries could have helped. For example, agreeing to gather wood but politely declining additional tasks, signaling a willingness to help without becoming overly submissive. Maybe saying, in a calm and respectful tone, something like: “Sure, I can help with that,” followed by “I need to head back soon,” could have balanced cooperation with gentle assertion..?

anita

* sorry for the misspellings – typing on my phone ft

Dear Peter:

I realize that I forgot to respond to your most recent post of two days ago.

There, you quoted from “The Life Impossible” by Matt Haig (which was published recently, so I read, on Sept 3, 2024) where the author expresses a deep sense of existential struggle and hopelessness. He feels that his life is predetermined, leaving him powerless to change his fate.

He compares his life to a Fibonacci sequence (a series of numbers in which each number is the sum of the two preceding ones.It goes like this: 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, and so on. This sequence appears in many natural patterns, such as the arrangement of leaves on a stem and the branching of trees). This comparison highlights the predictability he feels, which adds to his sense of entrapment and pressure. As life progresses, it becomes increasingly predictable and monotonous.

He grapples with the concept of determinism—the idea that his life is already written and unchangeable. This belief strips him of a sense of agency and free will, contributing to his feelings of despair.

He mentions losing his faith in God, which suggests a deeper spiritual crisis. This loss contributes to his sense of hopelessness and lack of meaning.

There is a recurring theme of self-blame and guilt. He feels responsible for his perceived failures, including a failed romantic relationship, which intensifies his negative self-perception.

He does not only feels hopeless about his personal life but also about the state of the world. He perceives humanity as being on a destructive path, which reinforces his sense of despair and powerlessness.

The pressure and predictability of his life make him feel suffocated, as if he “can’t breathe.” This metaphor underscores the overwhelming nature of his emotions and his struggle to find a way forward.

The themes of self-blame, guilt, and hopelessness are indicative of depression.

The combination of personal failure, global despair, and the loss of faith creates a profound sense of hopelessness and helplessness. He feels unable to influence his life or the world around him.

In your words Peter (same post), you say that despite efforts to maintain a “beginner mind” and live in the “Eternal Now,” the fundamental patterns of life remain unchanged. Realizing the eternal aspects of life brings about a bittersweet change, which you equate to a kind of contentment. This implies a sense of acceptance of life’s unchanging patterns, coupled with the subtle, ongoing impact of recognizing the eternal.

The quote from Joseph Campbell reinforces the idea that understanding the relationship between the temporal (everyday moments) and the eternal (timelessness) provides a deeper sense of life. This realization can bring a profound sense of meaning and connection.

The mention that Richard Wagamese expresses this idea better suggests that Wagamese’s work resonates deeply with you, Peter. Key Points in the quote from Wagamese: he emphasizes that from the moment we take our first breath, we are inherently connected to everything that has existed, exists, and will exist. This connection is a fundamental aspect of our being. The act of breathing serves as a metaphor for our relationships. Inhaling symbolizes forming connections, while exhaling represents forgetting or overlooking these connections due to the demands of living.

The quote underscores that our breath merges with the breaths of all beings, reinforcing the idea that we are intrinsically linked to the entire universe. This quote beautifully captures the essence of interconnectedness and the importance of relationships in our lives.

Which brings me to my second post to you from yesterday: the importance of feeling togetherness with others, a belonging, of connectedness.. the importance of truly feeling it, of emotionally and socially experiencing it. It is the feelling Alone, Alienated, Disconnected that is in the core of depression, despair, hopelessness, the core of our societal-global sickness.

Connected, trully feeling connected (an emotional, real-life experience vs a mostly intellectual/ cerebral understanding of it), you will find a sense of AGENCY: the feeling and belief that you can influence outcomes in your life. It’s the awareness that your actions can bring about change and affect your environment or situation. It’s the feeling that you have the power to make choices and decisions, execute actions effectively and achieve your goals.

Agency is empowering. It helps individuals feel empowered and motivated to pursue their goals, and it is strongly linked to mental health and well-being. In essence, having a sense of agency means feeling that you are the author of your own life, capable of shaping your destiny through your actions and decisions.

anita

“It occurred to me the other day. That what when difficulties occur, the problem is not necessarily the issue itself… For example, when two people have a disagreement about something. It is how they choose to treat each other that is important. Not the disagreement itself. The willingness for people to work together as a team is the only way to truly win. Being right, “winning the argument”, getting what you want is not important. It is treating each other with kindness and respect that is important.”

The quote above is from Helcat in a post submitted 6 hours ago. The emphasis on Kindness and Respect, on Teamwork Over Winning is a valuable reminder that mutual understanding and empathy are key to resolving conflicts. Thank you for this insightful reminder. It’s a great lesson for all of us to keep in mind.

Love and best wishes, always!

anita

Thank you, Shinnen, and a special thank you to you, Helcat, for choosing to honor me this way, re-posting my words. I nether expected nor anticipated it, so it was a surprise, and a pleasant, heart-warming surprise. Thank you, Helcat.

And Congratulations for the new addition to your family!!!

anita