Hi Dear Tee 🙂:

“Your mother probably adopted the belief that she is good and you’re bad/evil. The belief born out of duality. Probably somewhere deep down she felt inadequate too, she certainly didn’t love herself. But she suppressed that feeling and that core belief (of not being good enough) and projected all badness onto you. She labeled you as the ‘bad one’, and herself as the ‘good one'”-

Said perfectly, as if you were there, observing, witnessing..

“Yes, that’s a normal reaction! A part of you believed her, but a part of you resisted her and wanted to prove her wrong. And it so happens that when we believe we’re inherently bad, we want to prove to everyone (not just our parents) that we’re good”-

Thank you for saying this because it makes me think, go back in time, and what I remember is that I was too weak, too devastated to think that I could possibly prove her wrong. She was too dominant, too loud, dominating. It was all her, no me. I was sickeningly submissive to her.. was physically there, but no agency.

“So, there is a constant battle inside of our mind: the inner critic telling us that we’re bad, while our protector part (which is another part of the ego, also caught in duality), trying to prove to ourselves and others that we’re good.”-

The inner critic repeated her message, elaborated on it, torturing me. The protector part- don’t remember having this part. I remember that you shared that you talked back to your mother. I never did.

“Basically, we’re fighting ourselves, while also fighting others, believing that they think we’re bad.”- Yes, fighting myself. Never fought her except that one time. Fighting others.. yes, later in time.

“I think that a part of you saw yourself as bad. That part was your inner critic, which is the internalized voice of your mother. Whereas another part was trying to prove (to yourself and your mother and the world) that you’re not bad.”-

I don’t remember trying to prove her wrong.. no, wait, I did try to defend myself against her accusations but she punished me for any effort to defend myself, every defense on my part was met with escalated offense.

I wonder if this has been true to you, trying to prove.. this kind of agency was severely squashed very early on in my life.

“You were very sensitive to how people perceive you, because you didn’t want that they perceive you as bad. And so even the slightest disagreement or unfavorable feedback felt like people telling you that you’re bad. And this caused this other part (I call it “protector”) to react with anger and defend your ‘goodness.’”-

This is true later in life. I suppose the “protector” part of me died early on, and then, many years later, resurrected.

“I think this was the dynamic. Let me know whether it resonates?”- yes, it resonates except for the decades of zero, or close to zero agency, living my life with no me in it.

The first time I ever stood up to her (the fighting I mentioned above) was in my early 20s.. that’s 20 years of submission. And the way I stood up to her was to grab her hands as she ran toward me to hit me, once again.. and again.. and again. I pushed against her just enough so that she couldn’t or wouldn’t get to me so to hit me.. with passion. She hit me as if she had no choice but to .. defend herself from my .. alleged evilness. The way she presented it, she was always Victim, I was always Perpetrator.

Although I have never hit her, never shamed her, never guilt-tripped her (she did those things to me.. over and over and over.. and over again)

.. I wrote: “I am making progress in this regard.”. You responded: “I’m happy about it! ❤️”- Thank you, Tee, ❤️ back to you.

“I am looking forward to reading more of your interpretation and thoughts I hope that this was helpful and looking forward to chat some more 😊”-

Thank you. I am looking forward to some more chatting with you. I hope this is not too heavy for you..?

My above responses to your quotes, everything I wrote, that’s stream of consciousness, whatever comes to my mind, no editing.. so, there may be seeming contradictions, but none that come from deception. So much of growing up (or growing in, as in stuck- within, more exact), I don’t remember.

I am grateful that you chose to communicate with me after all that’s happened, Tee.

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Q:

I’m glad you’re feeling really positive and confident today 🙂.

Your choice to not contact her makes sense!

It may be a good idea for you to write a message today (from this positive and confident state of mind) to your future self who will have another down moment later on..?

🤍🌿 Anita

Hi Everyone:

Wow, Peter, this is the best down to earth, tell it to me like I’m a five year old explanation of Duality vs Non-duality that I’ve ever read, thank you!

I asked: “Being that the concept of the-other is so instinctually entrenched in nature (all animal species, I think), and we humans are still an animal species.. How can any human undo or redo pre-human nature and not have a concept of the-other?
Or is non-duality about lessening the frequency and intensity of the concept of ‘the other’ in people whose concept of the-other is.. too much, too often?”-

From your reply, Peter, I gather that your answer is that the concept of the-other is indeed instinctually entrenched in nature (“Hyenas, like you said, act from instinct… responding from instinct protecting their space and chase away others. That’s nature doing its job.”), and that non-duality is not about undoing the natural, instinctual concept of the-other but lessening its frequency and intensity (“we can soften our judgments.”).

So, we, humans cannot not judge at all, but we can soften our judgment. Personally, I do need to judge less often, way less. I am opening to this.

“We can notice when we’re sorting the blocks too tightly”- I do need to loosen my sorting 🙂

I am taking a moment to meditate on the above.

“Imagine you’re a child playing with building blocks. At first, there’s just the blocks and the joy of playing. But then, you start sorting them: red blocks here, blue blocks there. You say, ‘This one is mine,’ and ‘That one is not.'”-

“God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.” (Genesis 1:3–4)- the beginning of sorting: light (good); darkness (bad).

Next to be sorted was water below (oceans) from water above (clouds or such): “And God said, ‘Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water.’ So God made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it.” (Genesis 1: 6-7).

.. And the deal-breaker sorting: “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die”. (Genesis 2: 16-17).

Like you said yesterday, Peter, “The story of eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is… the birth of duality”. I would add that it was the birth of the complexity of duality in human psychology.

Thank you, Peter, for this exceptional down to earth reply, for honoring my request for one 🙏

Thank you, Tee, for your reply 🙏

“Now thinking about it, perhaps eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil refers to the state of consciousness when we start seeing ourselves as good and the other as evil? This is the first time that this interpretation has occurred to me, but perhaps it’s a feasible one?”-

In my personal story, in-the-beginning God (my mother) created the heavens and the earth (my core beliefs), darkness was over the surface of the deep, and her spirit hovering over the waters, telling me: You are bad! Shame on you..!

So, I believed (and resisted the idea) that I was bad. Never free of that darkness.

“when we see the other as a threat, as evil”- I saw myself as evil. I saw me as “the other” (self fragmentation, dissociation, alienation). And I often perceived others’ reactions to me.. others’ feedback on what I shared, others’ advice, etc., as re-accusations that I was indeed bad, and that I should be ashamed of myself.

I am making progress in this regard.

I am looking forward to reading more of your interpretation and thoughts 🙂

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

You are welcome, and thank you for.. being you!

You deserve something better than what you had with SS, something more mature, more trustworthy, something you can rest in, feeling safe.

💞🫱🫲🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Q:

I read both your initial posts and I’d like to respond to both here.

“he started to cry and told me that he’s trying so hard to be better because of me. That I’m his inspiration… why can’t I accept and take this as a compliment?… I feel like I’m always helping everyone else. I want someone to be there for me to the same extent and with the same understanding that I give.”-

Maybe, just maybe this role of taking care of others started early on in your life, maybe taking care of a parent so that he/ she will be able (once helped enough, once strong enough) to take care of you..?

And you got really good at helping others.. yet the reward (being helped back) didn’t reach you yet?

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Q::

“More noticeably, I notice myself feeling like ‘Moving on and dating other women feels like I’m cheating on her.”-

To me, this sounds like .. childhood guilt awakening in an adult- romantic context.

You wouldn’t be cheating on her dating other women. It feels like cheating on her because..?

🤍🌿 Anita