I will reply best I can, Going Through Life, Sun morning (It’s Sat night here).

🌿 Anita

Dear Alessa:

I have to quote you here because what you wrote only 17 minutes ago hit me strong:

“I think that what is really important and often overlooked in adults is a need for unconditional love.”-

So very, very true, Alessa. This thought didn’t occur to me until I read your words right above.

“Love is given freely to children and pets, but for adults, nope. If they do something wrong they don’t deserve love anymore. I think it’s such a shame and perhaps the wrong approach to life.”-

My goodness, Alessa, you are so right.

“No wonder we all feel so separate.”- I keep quoting you because what you are saying, in my mind, tonight (here, morning where you’re at) is revolutionary.

Let’s give each other, Alessa, the adults that we are- the unconditional love we needed for too long. Here. Now and forward… ❤️

Anita

Good morning (here) Q:

As to why the effect of loving oneself isn’t as strong as being loved by another person, that is, why external validation feels better or stronger than external validation-

I think it’s primarily so because we are social animals who are born to interact with others, to love and be loved by others. But seeking love externally does not preclude seeking love internally. Both can take place at the same time.

When you gave your ex a gift and she received it with appreciation- that’s external reciprocity. When you give yourself a gift and you receive it with appreciation- that’s internal reciprocity. In both cases, love is about giving and receiving.

I think of the part of me that I want to give love to, as the child within me (aka inner child). If I give her a gift and she doesn’t receive it- then mission failed, so to speak. No love took place. There has to be a receiver within.

External receiving is visible (ex’s genuine smile, a loving gaze) and audible (ex saying: “thank you”, “I love you”), but internal receiving is invisible and inaudible (unless you look at yourself in the mirror, or talk out loud to yourself).

I think that many are not in the habit of loving oneself, but it’s a good habit to practice because it makes people less desperate for the love of other people.

in your second post you wrote: “I don’t get to hear a lot of positive motivating words like ‘Things are hard now and you’re trying your best it’s okay keep going.’. So because I rarely heard those things, I think in my head I felt like yea maybe… I deserve to be in my current state”-

Imagine that instead of thinking “I deserve to be in my current state”, you’d be thinking (saying to the boy within Q): “Things are hard now, and I’m trying my best”, and then Q the boy receives this emotional gift, feeling calm and relief as a result..?

🌿 Anita

Will read and reply Fri morning, Going-through-Life (Thurs night here)… Take good care of you!

Adding: Does the above resonate wit you to any extent, Q?

* Forgot to add: I am sorry she cheated on you 😔

Dear Alessa:

It made my day to read that you are starting to feel better and that you don’t want to leave the forums ❤️ ✨❤️ ✨ ❤️

Thank you for your understanding and support and for helping me become a better person ❤️

Nothing for you to apologize for, as far as I am concerned ☘️

Again, I will do my best to promote safety and kindness in all the threads I participate in.

🌿 Anita

Dear Emma:

I am sorry that you’ve been going through a tough time since we talked last 😔

As I read through our communication since June this year, I could see how I heavily I used Copilot (AI) in my replies to you, which explains the perfect grammar and upbeat attitude when I didn’t feel upbeat. I’ve been using Copilot for ten months (in my ten years of participation in the forums) and most recently, I stopped and what you get is just me, back to my imperfect grammar and expressing .. me.

I thought that AI- in the context of replies to members- was working with me as a team, enhancing my intelligence, but what I found out, after 10 months of daily use, is that it dimmed my personal intelligence, so now I am recovering.

You wrote yesterday, “Wow, what you are describing about how healthy boundaries can feel like threats”- I tried to locate where I shared about that but couldn’t find it. Can you tell me what you mean by this sentence?

Thank you for your continued empathy, Emma! In regard to my mother, I don’t feel like talking about her anymore, not at this point anyway.

In regard to OCD.. did we talk about you receiving professional treatment for it? I don’t remember..

Please feel free to express your thoughts and feeling about any part of what I shared here.

Looking forward to reading back from you

🫶🌿 Anita