Dear Seaturtle: I will read and reply here and in your new thread in the next 24-48 hours.

anita

Dear Gresshoppe:

“He insisted that we date exclusively and insists that it is meant to be. He is all-in, all the way, even resumed the L-word… Six intense convos in one week..“-

– this is congruent with how you started this thread: “Last year, I had a relationship that was short, but really intense“- he is intense. The relationship last year was intense, and so was the breakup: “the breakup was just as intense as the relationship“.

Did you talk with him about his intensity and speed in the relationship with you?

anita

Dear Seaturtle:

I didn’t yet read your new thread and am looking forward to it!

I wrote to you: “particularly after reading N’s recent talk, I think that he is deceptive, deceiving himself and those who listen to him.”, and you replied to this quote with: “I agree with this.” This is important for my understanding, that you agree with this point.

I wrote to you: “– caring for and listening to a deceptive man… makes the lid over the 3rd eye very heavy, heavier and heavier the longer you listen to him“,  and your response: “It truly, truly does… I agree, a waste of energy“! Okay, so we are on the same page.

“I want to use my life to be in a path to enlightenment… in seeking teachers I found two. But I would also like to have conversation with people about these things… trying to un-identify with my false selves. I also want to learn what blocks my chakras and how to unleash Shakti. Perhaps this is exactly what I should post“- connecting this to the deception topic, you are talking about continuing to un-identify with deception, removing it from your 3rd eye and from blocking/ interfering with any of your chakras. I want to continue to do the same in my life.

In your reply to my first post this morning, you wrote: “He said cleaning as if ‘clearing’ the air….  to get everything off his chest that I had done to not show gratitude, such as leaving my stuff out, a dish in the sink or not talking with him enough when he got home from work… all the things I was ‘unaware’ of… ‘… why can’t you be more thoughtful of me. I have done all of this for you… (does she have any awareness? Does she care about be at all?…”-

– this is what N has been harping on/ using to make you feel bad, with his past “you have no clue what love is” accusatory message, and with his most recent, “I just can’t get over how much of a selfish ass**** you are”. He’s been continuing your father’s abusive work: guilt tripping you, and re-sending you the same (false) accusatory messages.

anita

* Dear Tommy:

If an OP was in your living room, in your private space/ your home, talking and talking, and you don’t want to hear it,  then I’d understand your frustration and valid need to have quiet in your own home. But this is a public forum: you don’t have to enter any thread, read the writings of any member and/ or reply to anyone.

Look at the title of this thread: “The wounds are fresh and raw“. Your words (“OMG, time out. You must stop going over and over this… NOW IS THE TIME TO MOVE ON..”), what do these words do to fresh and raw wounds?

You wrote in your 2nd post: “If you feed them what they want to hear then they will go down with the ship. Kinder way to do this? Do you peel the bandage off slowly to feel every little movement as pain? Which is really more kind? Yeah, this is the last time I post here. I can not help those who chose to live in sorrow and depression.”-

– a little temper tantrum right above, Tommy? I would like to read more from you, in your own thread, if you’d like to start one, about your childhood life experience that’s behind this temper tantrum. Did the people in your early life figuratively peel off the bandages too slowly, or too quickly.. and what wounds are there under the bandages…?

Tommy, I was harsh on people too, from time to time, but I corrected myself, and so can you. I hope to read from you again!

I will close this post with a few quotes that are helping me become a better/ wiser person, in these forums and elsewhere:

“Never reply when you are angry. Never make a promise when you are happy. Never make a decision when you are sad” (A Buddhist quote)

“The Buddha taught there were five things to consider before speaking. Is what you’re about to say: 1. Factual and true 2. Helpful, or beneficial 3. Spoken with kindness and good-will (that is, hoping for the best for all involved) 4. Endearing (that is, spoken gently, in a way the other person can hear) 5. Timely (occasionally something true, helpful, and kind will not be endearing, or easy for someone to hear, in which case we think carefully about when to say it)” (bright way zen. org/ the buddha’s five things to consider before speaking)

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)

“By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned’. (Matthew 12:37).

anita

Dear Laven:

Please do post again, here in this thread, in any of your other 3 threads, and/ or in a new thread. You are welcome to start a new thread any time you would like to.

In the future, when you post again, if you would like readers to offer no analytical commentary on your posts (I happen to be analytical, and analyze OPs’ stories), please state so, and I will respect your wishes. To prevent judgmental replies in the future, it may help to request that readers do not reply to you judgmentally. Clearly, you need empathy, not judgment.

(I will post this message in your April 6 thread as well).

anita

Resubmitted:

Dear gen Z, Millennial, not lazy 99-Seaturtle:

“he made a comment about it, ‘water bottles are way better, the fluoride blocks the third eye.’“- he talks the talk, but doesn’t walk the walk.

“The way he speaks has lead me on many times that he is awake, but then in our conversation, as you witnessed, I don’t even understand what he is saying… I wondered ‘am I sleeping? why is what he saying so hard to understand?’“- too much fluoride in someone’s water.

“I catch myself in daydreams about leaving a book at his door, or writing him a letter that might open his eyes… I not only want him to see me, but I want him to be proud of me.… My dad’s lack of being proud of me?“- particularly after reading N’s recent talk, I think that he is deceptive, deceiving himself and those who listen to him. When he told you that (he feels or believes that) you don’t owe him anything, that’s the opposite of what he truly feels and believes.

You want deceptive men to be proud of you..? Or a deceptive men to rehabilitate?

“I didn’t leave in fear I left because of my gut/intuition“- written on April 11, 2024, six months and five days since you chose the title of your thread: Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships, congratulations!

“At least I didn’t allow him to close my third eye along with his, again“-

– caring for and listening to a deceptive man (“It takes me longer to stop listening because my heart still cares“), makes the lid over the 3rd eye very heavy, heavier and heavier the longer you listen to him.

Why was I so tired… I do believe he exhausted me in some way, and I allowed it to happen for some reason“-

– deceptive talk is exhausting, including your own: “He is supportive, he encourages me to do what I LOVE. We are getting better at communication every day“, Seaturtle, July 29, 2023, in her thread “Please help me, my mind hasn’t rested in 8 months”– unrested, exhausted!

“His desire to make me feel badly is outside the relationship the same way it was inside of it”– living with a person who is actively trying to make you feel bad is also exhausting.

Here are a few quotes on self deception (good reads):

“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”― Fyodor Dostoevsky.

“I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me.” ― S.E. Hinto

“Reality denied comes back to haunt.” ― Philip K. Dick

“A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep.” ― Saul Bellow.

I think that the 1st quote applies to N, and the fourth perfectly applies to you, in regard to not having seen N as he is, 3rd eye having been closed.

anita