It just occurred to me, Brandy, that the dissonance or weirdness feeling you have about my posts, the inconsistencies, is about my overuse of Copilot (AI). Sometimes the posts I submitted were 100% AI. not mine. At other times, they were mine.. as in two “people” submitting “my ” posts. I decided to no longer involve AI in my posts on this thread and in regard to the conflict.

Anita

Dear Lindsey:

I am reading through our past communication.

In the last post you sent me before yesterday, you wrote (Jan 9, 2023): “Dear Anita, Don’t give up on Kooper- he could show up at your door anytime.”- and indeed Kooper the beagle showed up.. but still anxious.. Canine C-PTSD (CCP) 😔

Back on that day, you wrote: “my mother bought me a very expensive purse for Christmas. For me it was a symbol that I am good enough, I have her respect and admiration. Our relationship has improved so much over the past year. It has started to do wonders for my self esteem”- what happened since with your mother..?

The first time we communicated was on March 20-21, 2019- more than 6 years ago. I hope to read more from you, Lindsey!

🤍🌸 Anita

Yes, Alessa:

I am sorry for referring to you indirectly (not mentioning your name) in negative ways. I should have addressed you directly- that would have been the right thing to do. I wronged you and I sincerely apologize.

I should have told you directly that I felt invalidated by you when I felt that way instead of keeping it inside and then expressing it in ways that were unfair to you.

It will never happen again.

❤️ Anita

Dear PeKaMi39:

You are welcome and thank you for sharing this so honestly. What you wrote is powerful and shows how deeply you’ve been thinking and feeling.

That part about trying to carry everyone’s emotions, feeling like you need to be strong so others can be okay (“I feel like I need to carry everyone’s feelings on my shoulders… If I am happy and strong, they are happy.”)—is something many of us learn early. It often comes from growing up in situations where love or safety felt tied to how well we could take care of others. Over time, it becomes a habit: “If they’re okay, maybe I’ll be okay too.”

But the truth is, trying to fix other people’s feelings isn’t really about them—it’s about calming the fear inside us. It’s a way to feel safe. You’re showing up, helping, being strong. But when it’s coming from fear—like “If they’re upset, I’ll be abandoned” or “If I don’t fix this, I’m not safe”— it’s not really about them. It’s about protecting yourself from discomfort, rejection, or chaos.

It’s actually a survival strategy: your nervous system learned that keeping others okay was the only way to feel okay yourself.

It’s incredibly common. And naming it is a huge step toward reclaiming your energy and choosing care that’s rooted in freedom, not fear.

Starting with a new therapist who understands trauma and OCD sounds like a huge step forward. You’re not just coping anymore—you’re choosing to heal. That’s brave. And you’re not alone.

Warmly, Anita

Hi Alessa:

I did a little research on what you brought up here and I read that this kind of behavior is super common at your son’s age, especially when little ones are overwhelmed or still learning how to express big feelings,

and that it’s not a reflection of your parenting—it’s just part of the messy, beautiful process of growing up.

It sounds like he was navigating a lot: new faces, busy energy, and the challenge of sharing, which is tough even for older kids.

I read that one thing that can help is narrating his experience in the moment: “You really wanted that toy. It’s hard to wait.” That way, he feels seen, and you’re modeling the language he’ll eventually use instead of hitting. You can also gently but firmly hold the boundary: “We don’t hit. Hitting hurts.”

I hope this helps ❤️

Anita

Dear Alecsee:

“I know that I might have messed up in the final convo”- we all mess up once in a while, Alecsee.

“I have to forgive myself”- please do forgive yourself: learn how to do better in the future, do better.. and forgive yourself for the past.

“Love is about actually loving everything about ur partner; the good and the bad. or most things.”- maybe not loving everything about your partner, but giving your partner the benefit of the doubt, considering her intent, her struggles, her point of view- before judging her negatively.

“at the time I am the best version of myself that I can be.”- the key is (I have learnt most recently) is to see that being the worst version of yourself does not include mistreating others.

“I wanna move on”- I hope you do!

“How close do in personality do ppl have to be to grow old together? How close do the hobbies have to intertwine?”- I would say it takes being honest with each other in every step of the way, not expecting perfection, or anything close to perfection- not from her, and not from yourself. Be real with her (whomever your partner is), and encourage her to be real with you.

“I have a type, body type, race that I have gone for and am attracted to.”- understandable. You don’t choose what or whom you are attracted you, do you..?

Anita

❤️ back to you, Alessa!

Hi Alecsee 😊- I will read and reply later