Remember my last words to you, Zenith: you ARE fierce inside. Trust it. I will miss you.

This place (tiny buddha) is no longer my place. Goodby, Zenith. I will miss you.

Anita

Dear Adalie:

I understand. I am so sorry about all the pain through all of this. I don’t know you irl, but I care nonetheless.

Anita⅝

The fierceness is in you.. Trust it and it will serve you well!

Tell her calmly and politely how you are going to respond to co-sister. You might be surprised- she may retreat and not push you. I just wish your husband would be there to support you. But if you have to do it alone- be it..

Take an example from your little one’s defiance.. just do it in a grown-up, mature way.

From now on- quiet defiance! No need to argue or be loud- simply do not submit to your mil’s expectations or directions! To thine own self be True! (Shakespeare said that).

* as long as the room I am given is NOT uncomfortably small

What did he mean by “that’s much better”- I don’t understand..?

You’re very welcome, Adalie—and thank you for receiving my words with such openness.

It’s so human to wonder if we did something wrong when someone pulls away, especially after showing us tenderness. But I think you’re right: it might not have been about you at all.

You described him as kind, quiet, and gentle—someone who’s been deeply hurt before. Your tenderness (the touch, the hand-holding, the emotional presence) may have stirred something in him that felt too vulnerable. If he came expecting something casual and suddenly felt seen, it might have triggered old wounds or fears of being known and then hurt again.

He may lean toward an avoidant attachment style—where closeness feels both longed for and threatening. In moments of genuine connection, someone with this pattern might instinctively retreat, not because they don’t care, but because vulnerability feels unsafe.

He was tired, hot, and possibly emotionally depleted. You mentioned he’d worked a long day and was feeling the heat. Emotional intimacy can feel overwhelming when someone is already on edge. The timing may have been off.

Maybe he sensed that you wanted more than he could give, and instead of communicating that, he disappeared. Your openness and warmth might have made him feel like he was disappointing you, which can be hard for someone already carrying emotional guilt or shame.

And maybe he felt conflicted about connecting with someone who’s married. Even if the relationship is strained, the emotional and ethical complexity might have stirred discomfort or guilt—especially if he’s been hurt before or fears being part of something that feels unclear. He may have realized afterward that he didn’t want to be “the other man,” even if the moment felt genuine.

Sometimes people leave not because we did something wrong, but because they aren’t ready to receive what we offered. His silence might be about protecting himself, not punishing you. But your ache is real nonetheless—not just for him, but for the kind of connection you felt was possible with him.

It’s okay to feel the ache and the hope at the same time. You saw something in him, and he saw something in you too—even if he couldn’t stay with it. That doesn’t make your feelings one-sided. It just means he wasn’t ready.

You have a big heart, Adalie, and it’s clear you know how to love with courage and tenderness. That’s a rare gift. Even if this connection wasn’t meant to last, it still mattered. You mattered—in that brief connection, and far beyond it.

Warmly, Anita