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anitaParticipantDear Rising Power:
You are very welcome and I am glad that you posted again. I will read and reply Sun morning (itis Sat evening here).
anita
anitaParticipantContinued journaling:
The feeling of being completely alone, with no one to turn to for support, is a central theme of my childhood and much of my adulthood. This loneliness was synonymous with a sense of being trapped in a sort of death. In this acute loneliness, having a mother who placed me in a …box titled No One, I felt fragmented, as in having no sense of individual, recognizable identity.
I longed for connection and understanding, but none was there for me to have as a child, and as a teenager and an adult, pervasive suspiciousness and distrust of people prevented me from connecting with people who were (although I didn’t know it) worthy of my trust. I resorted to fantasy and imagination as a way to cope with the overwhelming pain and loneliness.
I did not develop social skills. Instead, I developed neurological and behavioral disorders of all kinds (Tourette’s, OCD, ADD and more), which created more suffering.
Fast forward, increasingly over time, I connect with people and there is no experience more delightful than connecting!
But still, the lonely child within me needs more validation, more understanding of her long, too-long life of unnecessary, accumulated suffering, and consequences that are still there. The measure of fragmentation/ self-alienation that still exists, needs to not be there anymore. I need to be .. integrated, all of me being one person.
anita
anitaParticipantDear John:
“I apologize for posting on the same subject twice…“- To err is human: making mistakes is an inherent part of being human. No wrong committed (a wrong= a deliberate action that goes against ethical standards). A tiny mistake on tiny buddha is definitely acceptable, says I 😊
“I was affirmed into the sect many years ago; my sensei gave me the name Shinnen“- your given name is a Japanese name that can have different meanings depending on the kanji characters used to write it: 信念 (Shinnen) means belief or conviction, often associated with one’s principles or faith, and 新年 (Shinnen) means New Year, symbolizing renewal, new beginnings, and fresh opportunities.
“The temple is a very special place for me. I feel like I’m going home; where I can be with people who share the same aspirations and ways“- reads like you feel a deep emotional connection, safety, and a sense of belonging in the temple, a strong communal bond, because of shared values, goals, and practices.
“Normally I feel like a fish out of water”– but in your everyday life, you feel out of place, misunderstood, or disconnected from your surroundings and the people around you..
“But there… I’m at peace”– the temple is a refuge for you, a sanctuary, a place where you can relax and feel at peace with being you. A powerful testimony, John!
“I have had a long history in Theravadin, Mahayana, and Zen Buddhism, and it’s been a very interesting, and often challenging trip“- reads like you spent a considerable amount of time studying and practicing within these different Buddhist traditions, exercising a deep level of engagement and commitment.
Theravadin focuses on individual enlightenment through rigorous practice and adherence to early Buddhist teachings. Mahayana emphasizes the bodhisattva path, practicing compassion and aspiring to achieve enlightenment not just for oneself, but for the benefit of all sentient beings.
Zen Buddhism is a school of Mahayana Buddhism that promotes a simple and uncluttered lifestyle, meditation and direct experience, which means experiencing the present moment fully and directly without the filter of preconceived notions and linguistic labels. It is also known for the use of koans (paradoxical questions or statements).
In your post on another thread less than two hour ago, you quoted from Matthew Arnold’s poem, Dover Beach (first published in 1867).
“The first sentence ‘Ah, love let us be true to one another!’ is really the conclusion“- the conclusion is a heartfelt appeal for loyalty, honesty, and mutual support in a world that seems increasingly uncertain and bleak, seeking solace and security in genuine, honest relationships, a refuge from the chaos and confusion of the external world.
“Ah, love, let us be true- To one another! for the world, which seems- To lie before us like a land of dreams,- So various, so beautiful, so new,- Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,- Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;- And we are here as on a darkling plain- Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,- Where ignorant armies clash by night.”- the world appears to be a wonderful and idyllic place, full of beauty and promise, but despite its (deceptive) beauty, the world lacks true joy, love, peace, and solace. Humanity is depicted as being in a state of confusion and turmoil, engaging in chaotic and senseless conflicts and struggles.
The imagery evokes a sense of disillusionment, hopelessness and helplessness. In response to this disillusionment, the poet emphasizes the importance of mutual truth and fidelity in personal relationships, of genuine connection and support as a source of stability and comfort.
Dover Beach was written around 1851, and first published in 1867 in his collection “New Poems.” I think that the themes and insights of the poem are even more relevant today, 173 years later, than back then because of the negative consequences of advanced technology: climate change, pollution, and a much greater technological capability for mass destruction of billions of lives, a capability which accompanies current chaotic and senseless political instabilities and wars
The poet’s plea for truth and fidelity (being faithful, loyal, trustworthy) in personal relationships emphasizes the timeless importance of human connection. In our current era where digital interactions often replace face-to-face communication, the need for genuine, meaningful relationships remains crucial for emotional well-being.
Thank you, John, for the poem and posts. Your given name fits you well, if I may say so: a man of belief, conviction, new beginnings and opportunities. Here in these forums is an opportunity for genuine, honest relationships, truth and fidelity among ourselves.
anita
anitaParticipantContinued: it is difficult to hold in awareness, for me, the mix of very difficult-to-endure emotions, such that I experienced so many of growing up ad onward. Lots of distressing, depressing emotions and cognitions (thoughts): fear, anxiety, agitation, anger, shame, guilt, more anger, rage, unmet needs, longing, craving, hoping, sinking into hopelessness and depression, trying hard, it’s not working, failure. more failure, too much failure, no longer trying, resorting to fantasy, imagining love.
The need for someone, anyone to be there for me while there’s no one there for me.
The alone-ness, the acute loneliness, the wanting to LIVE and yet not living, craving the experience of life: of love, of comfort, of exploration, of experiencing life.. yet, stuck in a sort of death. Life suffocated, trying to breathe, no air. No Life For Me.
(I am still typing as I think, no editing). It is hard for me to know, to really know that it was me back then and all along. It is as if I broke into thousand pieces back then, and each piece didn’t know about the other pieces.. not holding all these emotions in awareness at any one time. Split. Scattered. Disconnected. Unhinged, falling apart.
Nothing and no one to hold on to. Falling.
Falling.
Screaming: H E L P ! Silently screaming: h e l p !
And there no one there.
It’s the no-one-there that’s the reason no one is stopping my Falling. Failing.
It was me back then, and by me, I mean.. a person, me-the-person.
Not a Thing. Yet, I was treated liken a thing. A thing with no emotions. No emotions to consider.
Mistaken for a Thing would be the title of my Story.
Misunderstood.
How does a person react to being treated like a no-emotions-to-consider-thing?
Closing in, not growing up or out. minimizing, drying out, dying, but not all the way, still alive enough to feel all those emotions so acutely.
This is my story, and I “hear” my mother reacting as she typically did. She’d say: what do you have to complain about? Who are you to complain? You are a Nobody, a Nothing. Look at me: I matter. I am what it’s all about. How selfish of you, anita, to not see YOUR MOTHER, and only your mother. There is no one else! no one else but me!
Ima (this is what you’d call mother where I grew up): Ima, please see me. Please hear me, for I am here.
She’d say: no one is here but me.
How does a person (me) fit in a box titled: No One..?
This is my story, The Girl in The Box, a box. A box titled No One.
Growing not up, but in, shrinking, shrinking, because there was no space for me. She demanded it all, all the space.
It is Friday here, windy, the wind is audible.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Reader:
I just posted in another thread:
” I need to practice the principles of Buddhism every day.. all day, everywhere, with everyone: Right Mindfulness (Practicing awareness of thoughts, feelings, and actions), Right Intention (Cultivating intentions of goodwill and harmlessness), Right Speech (Speaking truthfully and kindly), Right Action (Acting ethically: refraining from taking life, from stealing, from harmful speech, speech that deceives or otherwise hurts, unsettles or harms others..)”.
I want to elaborate on the above here, on my thread, so to promote what I boldfaced in the quote above.. all day, everywhere, with everyone:
I need to be more mindful of my thoughts and feelings, such that lead to speech and action that is fueled by wrong intention. I look within this morning (and I feel distress doing so), and I see that I carry anger within me that has not been resolved, and at times of carelessness, it expresses itself and harms others in one way or another, like it did last evening in a real-life situation.
I feel blocked right now, not open to the intended mindfulness. I feel the tendency to .. go intellectual, so to speak, to explain things rationally so to circumvent the emotional.
I have deep-seated anger at having been left out/ ignored.. left behind in life, starting early. Life was happening elsewhere, for others, not for me, not where I was. Life was happening for others, not for me. By life, I mean joy, companionship, friendship, comfort, togetherness, love, romance, interest, passion.. For me, these happened in my day-dreams, and oh, how lovely those were.
But the daily and nightly experience was that of acute loneliness and isolation, jealousy of others who knew a different kind of life. The insult I felt (and by the way, I am typing as I think-feel, with no editing), for being left out by those who were fortunate was acute: the why me not being them? Why am I not included? Oh, how I craved associations and socializations and being treated like one-of, like.. one of them.
I remember, I think I was an older teenager, watching people my age walking hands in hands, boyfriends/ girlfriends, wishing I had a boyfriend too. But I was always alone. Alone, because I had something they- the others, the fortunate ones- didn’t have and that was my mother, the emotional vampire who feasted on my blood/ my life (I feel the anger building within me as I hit te keyboards with more force). I had a woman-mother-monster vampire whose primary message to me was: anita, your life is not your life. It’s MINE! You must live FOR ME.
I envied those whose lives were not owned.
My every word, my every act (and those were minimal) had to have her in mind. I was watched, ready to be criticized and ostracized and punished at any time the expression on my face didn’t seem right to her, anytime my voice wasn’t right in her mind, anytime I said something wrong in her evaluation. I was not free to be.
I feel that I am approaching going intellectual again, explaining all the ways she was harmful to me. Don’t want to do that.
I was just thinking about all the many people who are suffering terribly, and a voice in my head said to me that I shouldn’t complain and to get over it, over my mother.
I need to get over it, by going through it adequately, so that it stops fueling words such as the words that flew out of my mouth last evening (not name calling or threats and such, but harmful words nonetheless), so I continue:
Anger at my life being STOLEN by my mother, life that includes my whole youth, life that I didn’t get to have.
The above is the Core of my Anger.
I feel quite intense right now.
Last evening, I sat close to two people, one of them is someone who I feel likes me very much. How good it feels to be liked, oh how good. The other person sitting near me, I haven’t seen her for a long time. I’ll call the person who likes me L and the one I didn’t see for a long time, I’ll call her H. So, I am talking to both, H says something in regard to her boyfriend, and I feel the need to challenge her so (in my mind) to get L to keep liking me, taking a position in regard to her attitude toward her boyfriend, that I thought L, who is a man with traditional values, will approve of. That was my harmful talk last evening, which caused her to get upset with me. I ended up apologizing to her.
I don’t know how anger fits into what I wrote just above (and again, I am typing as I think, no editing). Maybe it’s not anger, it’s my desire to be liked, to be included- by L, such an intense desire to-be-approved of, to be accepted, that I .. that to have him on my side, I sort of had to sort of attack her.
For this was how it was at “home” with my mother: there was always someone to be attacked. When she appeared together with someone else, like a sister of hers or an acquaintance, it was always about hating someone else, gossiping about someone else, a 3rd party. Closeness between 2 people meant the two bonding over the demonization of a 3rd party; talking badly about that 3rd party.
Only my mother and her sister, let’s say, attacked the third party outside the 3rd party’s presence. I do this in the third party’s presence.
I’ll continue later. Oh, and if you are reading this, please do not comment at this point. I need to not be distracted or feel criticized by a comment that may be kind, yet, I may feel otherwise.
anita
anitaParticipantDear John:
John: “Years ago, I came across a very simple way of living called ‘Gassho’. It is practiced, or more correctly ‘lived by’, most Jodo Shinshu followers; who live in a state gratefulness for what they have“-
– I read that Jodo Shinshu, also known as Shin Buddhism or True Pure Land Buddhism is the most widely practiced branch of Buddhism in Japan and among Japanese ethnic communities worldwide. It is known for its simplicity of practice and emphasis on faith and gratitude.
The Pure Land is considered a celestial realm free from suffering, filled with beautiful landscapes, serene waters, and celestial music. In the Pure Land, beings do not experience the distractions and obstacles found in the human world. The conditions are perfect for meditation, learning, and spiritual development. Beings reborn in the Pure Land have the unique opportunity to attain enlightenment more easily. The Pure Land therefore serves as a stepping stone to Buddhahood.
Amitabha Buddha resides in the Pure Land. His infinite compassion and wisdom are central to the experience of the Pure Land. Amitabha’s 18th vow, known as the Primal Vow, promises that anyone who sincerely wishes to be reborn in the Pure Land and calls upon his name (Namu Amida Butsu) with faith will be granted rebirth there. This vow is foundational to Jodo Shinshu teachings.
Achieving Buddhahood is considered the ultimate goal in Buddhism. A Buddha has a complete and profound understanding of the true nature of reality, often described as seeing things as they truly are, beyond illusions and misconceptions. A Buddha embodies boundless compassion for all sentient beings, striving to alleviate their suffering. A Buddha has transcended the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth, achieving a state of nirvana where there is no suffering, desire, or attachment. A Buddha adheres to the highest ethical and moral standards, living a life of virtue and integrity. A Buddha often takes on the role of a teacher, sharing the path to enlightenment with others and helping them achieve liberation from suffering.
John: “Without that practice, it’s simply another good idea, a revelation, which will eventually fade from memory, lost in time; as so many revelations have.“-
– thank you, John, for reminding me of revelations I once had regarding Buddhism, revelations that indeed faded from my memory. I need to practice the principles of Buddhism every day.. all day, everywhere, with everyone:
Right Mindfulness (Practicing awareness of thoughts, feelings, and actions), Right Intention (Cultivating intentions of goodwill and harmlessness), Right Speech (Speaking truthfully and kindly), Right Action (Acting ethically: refraining from taking life, from stealing, from harmful speech, speech that deceives or otherwise hurts, unsettles or harms others..).
Again, thank you John and I am glad to read your posts in the forums!
anita
anitaParticipantDear Lisa:
I came across a poem yesterday, and I thought of sending it to you because it fits you too:
“In the quiet of the night, where shadows play, And the silence whispers what hearts cannot say,
Know that even in the darkest of days, There’s a light within you, guiding your way.
Your heart feels heavy, burdened with care, The weight of the world, too much to bear.
Yet in the midst of pain, there’s a spark, A reminder that hope still ignites in the dark.
When love feels distant, and solace is scarce, Remember, dear soul, you are strong and fierce.
In the echoes of doubt, find your inner voice, A whisper of strength, a reason to rejoice.
Though the path seems lonely, you’re never alone, For within you lies a courage well-known.
Take each step forward, with grace and with might, For brighter tomorrows are born from this fight.
Let the tears flow freely, let the heart mend, For in brokenness, there’s a chance to transcend.
Embrace the journey, with all that it brings, For you are resilient, a soul with wings.
In the quiet of the night, hold on to your grace, With each breath you take, find a serene space.
Know that you are cherished, valued, and dear, And with each new dawn, let go of your fear.
May you find comfort in the love that remains, In the strength of your spirit, despite the pains.
For you are a warrior, with a heart so true, And brighter days will come, just for you.”
anita
November 21, 2024 at 12:48 pm in reply to: The phenomenon of “helping someone excessively can make them turn against you” #439601anitaParticipantDear Arden:
I came across a poem yesterday, and I thought of sending it to you because it fits you:
“In the quiet of the night, where shadows play, And the silence whispers what hearts cannot say,
Know that even in the darkest of days, There’s a light within you, guiding your way.
Your heart feels heavy, burdened with care, The weight of the world, too much to bear.
Yet in the midst of pain, there’s a spark, A reminder that hope still ignites in the dark.
When love feels distant, and solace is scarce, Remember, dear soul, you are strong and fierce.
In the echoes of doubt, find your inner voice, A whisper of strength, a reason to rejoice.
Though the path seems lonely, you’re never alone, For within you lies a courage well-known.
Take each step forward, with grace and with might, For brighter tomorrows are born from this fight.
Let the tears flow freely, let the heart mend, For in brokenness, there’s a chance to transcend.
Embrace the journey, with all that it brings, For you are resilient, a soul with wings.
In the quiet of the night, hold on to your grace, With each breath you take, find a serene space.
Know that you are cherished, valued, and dear, And with each new dawn, let go of your fear.
May you find comfort in the love that remains, In the strength of your spirit, despite the pains.
For you are a warrior, with a heart so true, And brighter days will come, just for you.”
anita
anitaParticipantDear John/ Everyone:
The quotes you offered, John, on another thread: “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced”, “Life is NOT about seeking shelter from the storms; life is about learning to dance in the rain”,
Right above: “Gassho… The premise of the practice is that, as humans, we constantly desire: something more, somewhere else, to be with someone else, to be thinking something else, to be someone else, to be feeling something else, to be doing something else. It seems to be our nature, as humans, to be discontent“- very well said, John, if you don’t mind me saying so.
Gassho (online) is a traditional gesture of respect and gratitude used particularly within Buddhism and Japanese traditions. It involves placing the palms of the hands together in front of the chest, with the fingers pointing upwards, and slightly bowing the head. It is a way to show humility, respect and gratitude. The act of bringing the hands together symbolizes unity and connection, both with oneself and with others, acknowledgment of the interconnectedness of all beings, helping individuals to cultivate a sense of inner peace.
I am adding (from online): Radical acceptance is a concept rooted in mindfulness and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). It involves fully accepting reality as it is, without judgment or resistance, even if it is difficult or painful. Key principles of Radical Acceptance: 1. Recognizing and accepting the reality of the present moment, including any pain, discomfort, or unpleasant emotions, without trying to change or deny it. 2. Releasing the urge to fight against or resist the reality of the situation. Resistance often leads to increased suffering and prevents healing. 3. Approaching the present moment with a non-judgmental attitude, accepting experiences as they are without labeling them as “good” or “bad.” 4. Practicing self-compassion and understanding that it is natural to feel pain and distress. Embracing oneself with kindness and patience during challenging times.
By accepting reality, individuals can Reduce the additional suffering that comes from resisting or denying painful experiences, Regulate emotions, Respond to distressing situations more calmly and effectively, Face challenges with greater resilience and adaptability, and Experience healthier relationships by fostering empathy, understanding, and non-judgmental communication.”
I am posting all this because I need to practice all that is mentioned here, today and every day. I want to commit myself to living by these principle and practices. Thank you, John (and I do not expect a reply, so it’s okay either way).
anita
anitaParticipant* I didn’t mean for the 2nd question to appear in bigger print..
anitaParticipantDear Rising Flower:
I want to better address your questions in this post:
* “Now, why I’m unable to move away from him despite he mistreated me several times…“?
Possible answers: (1) Emotional attachment can make it incredibly difficult to move away from someone, even when they mistreat you. This attachment is often rooted in deep emotional connections and past experiences that create a strong bond,
(2) The Hope that L might change or finally leave his marriage can keep you hanging on, despite the negative experiences.
(3) Sometimes, a lower sense of self-worth and the fear of being alone can contribute to staying in an unhealthy relationship.
* “Why I’m still waiting for him to turn up as he is genuinely taking time to break his marriage that he never wanted to be in”?
Possible answers: (1) Belief in His Promises: It’s natural to hold on to the belief that L will eventually follow through on his promises, especially if he has been convincing and manipulative.
(2) Emotional Investment: Having invested so much time and emotion into the relationship, it can be hard to let go and start over.
Final thoughts: It is important for you to recognize that your feelings are valid and that you have the strength and resilience to overcome this challenging period. Healing takes time, but taking small steps toward self-care and personal growth, you can create a better future for yourself.
Seeking support from a quality therapist or counselor can help you navigate this challenging situation. Building self-worth, setting healthy boundaries, and surrounding yourself with supportive people can also make a significant difference in your journey towards healing and finding a healthier relationship.
Here is a little poem for you: “Each step you take, each breath you draw, Reveals the courage in your core. For you are more than pain and fears, A soul that shines through endless tears. With every dawn, a chance to start, To heal and mend your precious heart. Embrace the love that lies within, And let your journey now begin.
“For you are worthy, brave, and true, A warrior spirit, through and through. The road ahead may twist and bend, But know your strength will never end. So rise, dear heart, and take your place, With grace and beauty, embrace the space. For you are more than you can see, a Rising Flower”.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Jana:
It’s been ❄️-ing on the (taller) mountains around here for the last few days, and it’s very cold.
“I am glad that you are happy in the US. Can I ask – do you have someone who can support and protect you?… I mean, someone who treats you kindly today“- thank you, and yest, I do. I am married to a very caring, decent, honorable person, and have been for a long time. Also, I socialize in-real-life with 1-2 dozen people on a regular basis, although not enough. I am very social in-real-life. I crave socialization and can’t have enough of it.
“EFT is great. I am still using… you can find tens of people who teach it online on YouTube.“- being awake last night, I tapped my forehead and it didn’t make a difference. I am going to search you tube for instructions. It didn’t cross my mind that it’s taught on you tube, so thank you for the suggestion!
anita
anitaParticipantInspirational/ comforting words:
“In the quiet of the night, where shadows play, And the silence whispers what hearts cannot say,
Know that even in the darkest of days, There’s a light within you, guiding your way.
Your heart feels heavy, burdened with care, The weight of the world, too much to bear.
Yet in the midst of pain, there’s a spark, A reminder that hope still ignites in the dark.
When love feels distant, and solace is scarce, Remember, dear soul, you are strong and fierce.
In the echoes of doubt, find your inner voice, A whisper of strength, a reason to rejoice.
Though the path seems lonely, you’re never alone, For within you lies a courage well-known.
Take each step forward, with grace and with might, For brighter tomorrows are born from this fight.
Let the tears flow freely, let the heart mend, For in brokenness, there’s a chance to transcend.
Embrace the journey, with all that it brings, For you are resilient, a soul with wings.
In the quiet of the night, hold on to your grace, With each breath you take, find a serene space.
Know that you are cherished, valued, and dear, And with each new dawn, let go of your fear.
May you find comfort in the love that remains, In the strength of your spirit, despite the pains.
For you are a warrior, with a heart so true, And brighter days will come, just for you.”
anita
anitaParticipantDear Rising Flower:
I didn’t thoroughly read your original post yesterday, but I will read and summarize today (your exact words are boldfaced) before further commenting:
You shared yesterday that your spirit is broken and it took courage for you to post your story for fear of being harshly judged. You shared that in your late 20s (ten years ago), you were a naive girl who never was into any kind of relationships. At that time you were arranged to marry a very nice guy who is very kind and caring (H).
Within less than 2 years of marriage, you fell for a family friend (L). If I understand correctly, L was married but separated at the time, but he didn’t share that piece of information. You fell in love, and being true to how you felt, you walked out of your marriage- against the expectations and norms of your parents, friends and greater community- and moved in with L. Facing stress from without (parents, friends) and within (fights over him wanting to have children with you and you wanting to get divorced first, as well as fights over L’s disapproval of who you were speaking with), you fell into deep depression and being that you and L had to vacate the house you were living in, you moved back to your parents’ home. After a short while, you moved back with L.
You felt lots of love from L, but you also felt his extreme anger issues during fights in which he blamed you for not honoring his requests. At one point (you and L were not living together), L started to look for another woman to marry because you didn’t agree to have a child with him (before getting a divorce from H).
Sometime during that time, you found out that L was older than he said he was, and that he was married!!!!! (a 2nd time, if I understand correctly). Almost 10 days into L’s new marriage, he told you that this marriage was the biggest mistake he has done and he blamed you for not stopping him from getting married.
A short time later, you accidently met him, and you melt for him again!!! At one point you got pregnant by him and miscarried. Currently, he says he wants to break that marriage but needs time. Currently, you love him still: Love for him never left me… still love him genuinely, I did always, you wrote.
“Now, why I’m unable to move away from him despite he mistreated me several times… Why I’m still waiting for him to turn up as he is genuinely taking time to break his marriage that he never wanted to be in. Deep down, I knew he is bad for me but unable to kill my love for him, please know that I’m ok to go away from him if he is fine in his marriage and I’m not obsessive for him, I find myself melting my life at every stage for him and bearing and paying for the cost of his mistakes (if not blunders) in his life..“-
– seems to me that this man, L, represents to you (to your heart)- not a strong man who can help you- but a boy who needs you to help him. Seems to me (and of course, I may be wrong), that in your heart: L is different from H and from other adults you’ve known, controlled adults who follow social expectations and norms of behavior.
L is more like you, and you are like him: a free spirit, perhaps (someone who lives according to their own rules, someone unconventional), someone authentic (a person who is true to themselves and expresses their genuine thoughts and feelings), a maverick (someone who doesn’t conform to the usual way of doing things), someone unpretentious (someone who is sincere, without the need for pretense), someone naive, childlike.. like you are inwardly, if not outwardly..?
Sometimes the social pressure to conform, to obey social norms, kills that element within- the free-spirited child within- so much so, that a hunger is born, a hunger to reclaim that which was taken away (by traditional parents and society). Maybe you and L share this hunger (although unfortunately, the two of you don’t cooperate well in the quest of satisfying this hunger)..?
anita
anitaParticipantDear Mahvash:
You are very welcome, and thank you for expressing your appreciation- which I am touched by! It is just a matter of time before you see the ray of light again and stand strong. I hope that it’d be sooner than later. I am here for you!
anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 