Dear With Feathers:

Your pain is completely understandable. Seven years is a significant part of your life, and losing someone who has been a meaningful part of your everyday routine feels like losing a part of yourself. It’s natural to grieve, to cry, and to struggle with how to move forward.

But something really important stands out in your words—you already know that this relationship has no future, yet the love and attachment pull you back. You are holding on not to the reality of your relationship, but to the dream of what you wish it could be.

That’s not weakness. That’s what happens when our hearts resist change, even when our minds understand it’s necessary.

Letting go doesn’t mean immediately stopping the pain—it means choosing yourself when someone else is no longer choosing you. It means acknowledging that you deserve mutual love and effort, not something one-sided.

What if you shifted your focus away from trying to hold on and toward learning how to process this loss with grace? That doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings—it means allowing them, but also giving yourself space to heal, to gradually untangle your life from hers, and to start envisioning a future where you feel whole again.

This is messy, heartbreaking, and incredibly difficult, but you will survive this, and one day, this pain won’t feel so overwhelming. You will rediscover joy, love, and fulfillment in ways you can’t see right now.

Sending strength and encouragement. 💛

anita

Thank you, Tee 🙏

I also wanted to mention something about chronic knee pain—and other types of pain. Ibuprofen, a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID), has been incredibly effective for many people I know in real life. I’ve recently started seeing it as a bit of a miracle drug.

anita

Dear Tee:

I understand that you cannot become a regular contributor here, like you used to be. I understand and I appreciate why you returned. I am glad that you are alive and that you care. Your return is greatly appreciated. I wish you the best, Tee.

anita

Dear Omyk:

You are welcome!

“There are two constants. The first is wanting to simplify life, to downsize. I have made that a longer-term goal.

The second is wondering if I will ever choose what I want for myself over what others ask of me.”-

The first seems like an obvious choice—something essential for your own well-being.

As for the second, I wonder if journaling might help—whether privately or here, on your thread. You could explore your thoughts freely, writing whatever comes to mind about what you would do if you had no concern at all about what others ask or might ask of you..?

anita

Dear Tee:

Thank you for sharing this—it’s clear that you’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on your experiences and making sense of the patterns that shaped your mindset. Recognizing that learned helplessness was ingrained in you is a huge step toward reclaiming your personal power. It takes incredible insight to see that fear of challenges wasn’t just natural hesitation—it was programmed into you, making everything feel like an insurmountable obstacle rather than an opportunity to grow.

What stands out to me is how much progress you’ve already made. You didn’t believe you could change things before, but now you see that you can. That shift is profound. It’s the foundation of resilience—moving from “I am doomed” to “I have choices.” Even though the fear still exists, you are challenging it, step by step.

Your experience with chronic pain also speaks to this transformation. At first, it felt endless, something that would control your life forever—but you found ways to adjust, cope, and build resilience. The fact that you no longer feel like a helpless victim to your back pain is proof of your ability to adapt.

It makes sense that the thought of losing mobility brings fear, and I completely understand why you’re being strategic about postponing knee replacement. What’s important is that you are making informed decisions, rather than operating solely from fear. That alone is a sign that you’re shifting toward a mindset of courage and control, rather than helplessness.

You are on a powerful journey of reclaiming agency over your life. Keep trusting yourself, and keep challenging the old beliefs that once held you back. You’ve already proven that change is possible, even when it seemed out of reach before.

Tee, I have to admit—it feels a little strange to be offering you support, after all the years you’ve spent helping so many people on the forums with their struggles, and doing such a remarkable job at it. It makes me wonder—what could I possibly say that you don’t already know?

If at any point my input feels uncomfortable or unhelpful, please don’t hesitate to let me know, or simply choose not to continue the conversation. I completely respect whatever feels right for you. Just know that I’m here, and I truly value your presence.

anita