Men do not express our feelings or let them out. If that happened then people in our lives would look down upon us. People would think we are weak to show feelings. That is the nature of men’s relationships. If you are not happy with him … Or rather if you are not happy with yourself then he will not make you happy. You must be happy with yourself and then his companionship will compliment your life. If you are not happy with yourself then his presence will only gnaw at your ideas of how your world should be. You will have left him before you actually physically leave him.

Most men will do what they can to please the women in their lives. And most men will shut up and take whatever their woman tells them. The man will then change and turn into something that is not the same as before. He will change into something that can survive the demands of his woman. May be short tempered, angry,…. but will take the criticism and the yelling from his woman. In the end, he will still not become that man that the woman wants.

What is the point? You want a perfect partner to you. An ideal man. It doesn’t exist. If you can not find your own happiness then you will not be happy. If you want to feel intimate and close to him then be intimate and close. It is probably certain that he would like to share this too. Being close and intimate with the woman he loves. If you do not show him then how would he know? How would he learn?

Spark? OMG, you want sparks or chemistry or that magic that means the man you have is the right one?? If only the world was as we imagined it to be. How happy we would be?? Reality is truth. No white knight on a magic steed. Looking for spark, you will never be happy. Happiness does not come from outside of oneself. If it does then you will be happy for a short while and then something else will be needed to make you happy again. And so the cycle goes on.

Five years of youth in love is a long time. In the mind of the youth, it is a lifetime. This being the first love means the feelings run the deepest. It really is a shame that you let this continue for so long even knowing that it will not end well. He will not change his mind? He will stay loyal to his family and not you? The message is to move on and forget him? And youth wonders how this can be.

It hurts. Pain when one thinks of the love and the time spent together. So, how does one move on? It takes lots of time and distraction for the feelings to let go. Time to let go. Time to little by little not think or feel the pain and hurt. Distraction is needed to move the mind from its deep well made from 5 years of this toil in love. Distraction in purpose in occupation, or love another. You will need this more than you admit. Please be open to your future and not dwell in the past.

Why does fear control so much? That is a very interesting question.  It is an emotional reaction to events that surrounds us. Emotions are very difficult to control while one is going thru it.

For me to get control of my fear, I needed to recognize the conditions for it to happen. Then, have a plan to not feel the fear. Exercising this control will eventually allow me to stop feeling fear. Well, at least not fear when those triggers or conditions appeared.

I know that I do not have the power to control others nor others reactions. But, have planned what to do in those situations. Sometimes plan to avoid it thru escape or confrontation. It is tough to do. But, if I didn’t change then nothing changes.

Yes, so many times, people with problems come here to just vent. Then they go back to the same old ways. The meaning of life is important because it is what makes us happy and interested. As Anita said, it is the reason to get up in the morning. And not just to go to work or because it is daylight. But, because it brings us more time to be with or do things which makes us happy. That draw our minds and emotions to bear/ direction.

I have often wished to be able to edit my posts and make corrections. And, I wished for the ability to click a like for some post that means more to me. It shows appreciation for people who answer posts and brings light to the darkness in our lives. You know who you are.

Men are not emotionally intelligent. Just not smart as women when it comes to realizing what emotions means to him. He thinks about you all the time but knows it is better to be friends due to the conditions which you live under. He wishes to bring a better life for the girl in his life. And if he sees that you are doing better without him then his courage dwindles. He doesn’t see that he can make you happy. So, all these emotions plays upon his poor male brain. While some men grow out of this and learn how to deal with life and love, this man is not there.

Some women will hide how they feel in a marriage. And then one day come up and ask for a divorce. If there has been no fights then men just do not see it coming. So, in a divorce, the man get cut off from their kids. Women will almost always get the children. Lose the woman he loved. So, basically he has his heart torn out. Then on top of that, must pay child support and possibly alimony. Who would want to do that again? If you got burnt then would you just want to do it again without a second thought? Some men would rather be single rather than to go thru having his life and love disrupted again. So even when loneliness pushes him to meet and talk to other women, he is hesitant. Life is safer staying single after a divorce. So, are you confused about what he is doing?

If you do not want this man then just give him space and he will walk away eventually. Just slowly dis-connect. Do not reply to his texts as often. Spend less time talking on the phone or e-mails or whatever. He will leave you alone. So, what if you want a relationship with him? You would have to make the move as they say. Tell him that you want a romantic relationship. That he could make you happy if … then say your reasons. It is the talking and closeness that makes the difference. I wish you happiness in all you do.

When Buddha was in the midst of his fasting and going to the extreme of denying the body, he heard a someone on the river say that hold on too hard and it get away from you. Hold to loose and it will run away. So, like sand, hold on too tight and the grains fall out of one’s grip. Hold to loose and still the sand will fall out. It was then, Buddha realized the middle way. And so it is with meditation. One experiences life using the internal dialogue. Understanding, comprehension, wants, desires, everything goes thru this mind. To meditate holding on too tight or holding too loose will let everything out of your grip. Meditation is not letting go. And it is not forcefully controlling thought. It is one pointed concentration. It is holding attention and it is breathing in the air. The middle way. The eightfold path. Yeah, too much coffee this morning

No one can give you advice on how to live your life without you having that person to blame for anything to go wrong. Never taking responsibility for your own actions. Regret? Always regret for not having taken the road not chosen. For not doing better. For making the last choice. Looking back means going back. If things were to going good then it would have continued. If things were going bad but have taken a turn for the better then it would have. It didn’t. You are going to have to decide and follow with actions. I give no advice and I give no comfort for your situation. Everyone has their own situations and choices to make. And the only thing one can count on is that everything changes over time. Which ever path you choose, I wish you luck.

[quote quote=427880]Now, even though the issues is resolved and I am studying at my dream place, I keep on getting flashbacks of that situation, and I sometimes keep on ruminating on what ifs like what if that situation would have actually happened. It is taking an emotional toll now and I am sort of tired of ruminating on intrusive thoughts and having breakdowns even though that situation didn’t happen in reality. Please suggest what should I do[/quote]

You know what needs to be done to get you out of this cycle of believing your thoughts more than the reality. You need to release the thoughts of these possible tragedy. To not bring to mind these thoughts. It will take time to make your mind run a routine of being mindful of your thoughts. Control your feelings and what concerns you. Sure it is not an easy thing to do when you are in the middle of the thoughts. Feelings pop up and discord takes over. But, if you keep the practice of being mindful of the present and the things you need to do and think about then eventually you will make progress to living in the present and being happy. But, if you continue to ruminate over the past then all hell breaks loose. You will lose yourself in those thoughts. I wish you strength and a good handle of those things you need to deal with. Good Luck.