Forum Replies Created
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AuthorPosts
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MarkParticipantRewati,
Your husband is having an emotional affair. With any affair, it is damaging to the marriage. Solution for the affair is to have the two parties break it off. Anything that needs to be shared/said should be done with you present. No more tete-a-tete.
Your husband’s deep emotional connection should go to his wife. Your friend’s deep emotional sharing/help should be with her therapist and/or her friend(s).
Mark
MarkParticipantNellie,
Whenever someone has deep personal issues that are not being addressed then it is extremely hard to have a close, trusting, intimate relationship with him.
Good for him for considering you/the relationship as well wanting to fix himself.
Love cannot fix everything.
Mark
MarkParticipantElle,
Healing takes time. Good for you for being wise enough and strong enough to leave.
Loving yourself is the way to heal.
Mark
MarkParticipantHallie,
I know that whenever anyone (including myself) suffers from clinical depression then anyone but a professional is not going to help. You can feel free to reach out to him to talk, to show your concern. There is no real harm for you or for him if you do.
If you are looking to get back together with him romantically then that’s another story.
Mark
MarkParticipantElle,
I wonder why this man had a marriage that lasted only one year. Have you asked him about that?
I agree with anita about not being with anyone if you feel that you have to walk on eggshells to be around.
I wonder why this successful psychotherapist does not do anything to deal with his controlling insecurity. He has placed the onus on you to deal with that by having you hug him. Not the best long term solution for him to cure himself.
He does not handle his anger well. I don’t see that as good behavior of a good partner much less an enlightened psychotherapist.You say that he fits being a psychopath and yet you still want to be with someone who is quick to anger and blame.
It sounds like he does not take any personal responsibility for any of his relationships that failed.
anita says that he is playing an actor which means he is pretending and not being genuine. Sociopaths are like that.You know the saying: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” You have been fooled by this man. Now it is up to you to love yourself enough to walk away from someone who controls you through charm, blaming and lies.
Mark
MarkParticipantRebecca,
Your relationship was totally virtual. I have found from experience that we tend to project onto the other person what we want to see/hear/know. It is easy to get hooked emotionally. I find that the day-to-day aspects are key in creating a close relationship for you inevitably bump up against each other’s issues and stuff. There is no substitute for in-person interaction in order to create a close relationship. Communication is not just voice. A relationship is not just sitting in front of our respective computer screens to talk to one another no matter how personal we get. Human touch and having a face-to-face connection are key ingredients to make a truly intimate relationship.
Go on and send him a letter. Best to get things off your chest. It takes two to make a relationship successful. Best to leave him be and move on with your life.
Mark
MarkParticipantalexa05,
The key to any relationship is being able to be authentic and compassionately communicate well with each other.
Have the conversation. Be honest in telling you how you feel. Tell him how you feel but not tell him what to do or not do. There is a difference in that communication, i.e. use “I feel” rather than “You should.”
You cannot make him forget her but you can assert on how you want to be treated.
Can you see the difference?
Mark
MarkParticipantK,
You are doing your boyfriend a disservice by not being fully present with him especially while thinking of someone else. You are holding onto a fantasy of T. You had sexual chemistry but little else except for projections of an ideal.
How to get over him? First make a conscious commitment to get over him and never be in contact with him. Acknowledge that this is an idealization of who he is and did not really get to know him enough to see beyond this.
How long have you had this current boyfriend? If you truly respect him then let T go (in your head) or break up with him.
If I was your boyfriend, I would not like it at all that I’m considered a placeholder for T and second best.
Mark
MarkParticipantSofia,
He broke up with you. It sounds like the reasons he gave has not changed. If he wants to get back together then he will contact you.
Mark
MarkParticipantRoo,
In general, men are more casual with sex than women.
Don’t know what to do it with yourself? I am sorry. Chalk it up to life/dating experience. You had a good first time sexual physical experience. Too bad about the possible emotional connection.
Mark
MarkParticipantLadybug,
I am restating from my first posting and echoing anita’s last posting… “this is an unhealthy twist in the concept of intimacy.”
You went from girlfriend to friends-with-benefits, i.e. a convenient sex partner. He gets all the sexual benefits without the emotional intimacy and romantic niceties.
Mark
MarkParticipantLadybug,
he requested that when we go out in public that i dont engage in any indications of interest with other guys infront of him.
Does he suppose to do the same with women?I wanted to go study but i fear he may decide to just discard me and i will be left with nothing,
So you are not financially independent? How did you manage before you moved in together?i devoted so much time to him and hes career and lost track of my own growth.
Are you back on track now?What do you want from this forum?
Mark
MarkParticipantKerry,
I can relate. People change. Friendships change. I have tried to hold onto friends but realize that they don’t want to hold onto me. I have distanced myself from friends because their lives moved in a different direction or that their behavior/attitudes/etc. have diverged from mine.
Life is not static.
I get both sad and angry from those past friends that decide that they are no longer my friend.
First and foremost I would love myself and accept that some people are not meant to stay as friends.
Mark
MarkParticipantLadybug,
You went from girlfriend to friends-with-benefits, i.e. a convenient sex partner. He gets all the sexual benefits without the emotional intimacy and romantic niceties.
I can sorta understand his logic. He wants to focus any emotional energy towards his career and not feel drained or distracted by having to take care of you emotionally.
It’s his way of compartmentalizing. You have no way when he will “get better.” I am with Michelle on this. You are putting yourself aside for him.
Mark
MarkParticipantToday’s news:
Hugh Grant to Marry for First Time at 57 to Longtime Girlfriend Anna Eberstein, 39
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 