Forum Replies Created
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AuthorPosts
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MarkParticipantLouise,
I have found Body Talk as a great energy healing modality. I invite you to look into it. I believe conventional allopathic medicine can only help so much with certain diseases and maladies. There is a whole other field that Western medicine ignores that can help us as well.
Mark
MarkParticipantCoco,
I agree with what Inky and anita recommended. I bet your son does not think much of himself especially if his mother is taking care of him in almost every way.
Ultimately you are not doing him any favors by enabling him, by keeping him from figuring out how to stand on his own two feet. As an Asian growing up as a minority in New Jersey, I can understand but know that self esteem around that can be overcome. You are not responsible to fix that for him.
I believe that there is only so much talking/advice/cannabis can do to help. It takes real life experience for him to figure things out in life and to live as a grown up, independent adult.
There is something to be said about being self sufficient to help in depression.
Mark
MarkParticipantCraig,
You have more patience than I would have but then again I tend to be on the Avoidant side and you are exhibiting your Anxious side by jumping back in and willing to get the tickets again.
She is doing what I call “jerking you around” and my Avoidant style would wish her well and cut off any contact with her because there is no future with her.
You end with a hope of “Maybe there’s a way to work it out with her.” With someone who does not want to talk on the phone but only text? With someone who lives in another country? With someone who does not want to work on herself? With someone who teased you with having you visit her after you cancelled your tickets?
Read your posts about this woman and what would you tell yourself?
Mark
MarkParticipantCat,
Good for you for taking care of yourself and maintaining boundaries with your sister.
No, we cannot rescue our family (or friends .. or anyone for that matter).
It does pain us to watch someone we love to be in negative situations and act self destructively.
Take care,
MarkFebruary 20, 2018 at 10:47 am in reply to: Best friend moves away turns romantic now just hurts #193559MarkParticipantSly,
It can be disconcerting when someone you feel so close to and have communicated on such a frequent and regular basis to have suddenly, without warning stop.
I have had that happen to me several times. I have worked on the Buddhist tenet where the source of suffering is attachment. Plus working on understanding that it’s not about me but the other person. Then there is the anger along with the hurt where there is no closure from my friend when they stopped communicating or returning my messages.
All of that had been difficult and still is for me. I believe that the sooner I accept of reality, of what is, the sooner I will be feeling OK.
Plus there is that belief on trusting that whatever happens, that will all work out for the best.
Remember, it’s only been a few days so self soothe yourself and don’t go into total abandonment mode of thinking.
Mark
MarkParticipantgreenshade,
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I shy away from people who are unreliable because my time is valuable (part of that self-love thing).
I also am obligated to clearly communicate with those I make plans with.
I emphasize that I expect them to meet their commitment in meeting with me with the set time and designated place and if they cannot then they need to let me know at least 24 hrs in advance. Professionals require that else they charge you for a missed appointment. I deserve the same respect.
If they cancel then I let them know of my disappointment and the inconvenience to me since I reserved that time to meet to the detriment of other things that I could have done or other people I could have met.
Everyone has excuses (going through a rough time or illness or whatever). If they really don’t expect to make it then tell them you won’t be making any plans with them until they get their lives in order.
Mark
MarkParticipantJFlow,
before you speak, it’s a good idea to ask yourself three questions:
Is this true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?MarkParticipantMyra,
I recommend Al-anon to help you understand why you want to be with an alcoholic and what it is like dealing with one.
Mark
MarkParticipantCraig,
I find it amazing that the two women you have had a romantic relationship with did not want to see or talk with you. You are totally spot on about how fears and misunderstandings run away from them/you.
Mark
MarkParticipantCraig,
I have no idea how much we can influence each other. The answer I would give “it depends.”
I would definitely have a discussion with the other about your view(s) of having a perfect partner, soulmate, and putting forth no effort into the relationship. You may or may not be able to influence her from those discussion(s).
Mark
MarkParticipantJFlow,
Rule of thumb is not to talk about others. That is called gossip.
You can talk about your own experience without gossiping.
This “talk too much” is not in itself a bad thing in my opinion.
For this incident you talked about someone who works with or for your husband’s boss which is not cool.
This is where mindfulness comes in. I recommend practicing mindfulness.
Mark
MarkParticipantCraig, It sounds like she already decided that you are not “the one” so no matter how hard you try to break your pattern you won’t be able to do so with this woman.
I think your pattern is one of choosing someone who cannot work with you and work on herself. It is before being a relationship rather than having a pattern of once you are in a relationship and therefore trying to make it work.
Don’t you think?
Mark
MarkParticipantJuzzzMeee
I invite you to put you and your relationship in an different context. You matter to yourself. You matter to others. You are not alone. You are significant.
He does not define your worth.
There is a good reason why he is an “ex.”
Mark
MarkParticipantCraig,
I admire that you are trying to break the cycle with your current partner. It can be hard to determine when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em.
I would find it too challenging if I was with someone who expects to read her mind. Does she read yours?
Does she want someone else, a soul mate rather than you?
Mark
February 19, 2018 at 9:14 am in reply to: I love him but my thoughts are telling me otherwise #193323MarkParticipantMichelle,
I thought you might be interested in the difference between worry and anxiety. You might be able to help yourself by knowing what you are experiencing.
Then there is the tried-and-true Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.Mark -
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