looking4hope,

If a friend asks me for a hug and hand hold, I’d be tickled and honored to give that.  I would benefit from the human touch.  Studies have shown that it helps physical as well as psychological health.  There is a saying by Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”  Plus there are so many people who want to help if asked

I would feel burdened if someone comes to me time and again with the same problem, complains, and does not do anything about it.  However I don’t have people in my life like that.  You are not a person who does that.  I encourage you to seek out people who are open to being asked for a hug and hand hold.

I can understand that you don’t want to go back to your old self but you need not swing the pendulum all the way the opposite way either.

Hugs to you looking4hope,

Mark

Lucas,

I understand that fear.  I don’t think I ever really loved someone in my life.  I can love as a verb but to deeply feel that love with a romantic partner I wonder.

I also buy into the concept of needing to love myself first and foremost.  The Metta Meditation is a good technique to help with that.

I have gone on multi-day silent meditation retreats.  I figure this way I get to be with myself and only myself in order to go deep and accept me.  I recommend that.  Perhaps your Colorado work will be that for you?

When you say you cannot be intimate, what does that look like?  That can be many types of behavior or non-behavior.

I look to Bene’ Brown’s work on vulnerability in order to allow people in and reveal yourself to them.  Check out her TED talk on You Tube and her book(s).

I would work on being emotional open and vulnerable with people other than those you want to be a girlfriend with.  Do that with friends, family and even strangers.  Of course having therapy is a good avenue as well in order to explore the core that is keeping you from that.

If intimacy is showing people your flaws, frailties, fears as well as revealing how you are feeling and thinking at the present moment then that is something you can practice with anyone.  This is called being authentic and vulnerable.

What do you think?
Mark

Joanna,

I am glad whatever I said helps.  I admire your persistence in helping yourself.

I am curious; how old are you? is there anything specific you get anxious about?  is there something that makes you more anxious compared to other things that get you anxious?  what do you do?  student?  what brings you joy?

Mark

Joanna,

Even though you are addressing Anita, I thought I’d jump in.

It sounds like your anxiety is the main driver of your other issues.  Your self harm, your sleep and other things as the result of our anxiety.  I see that Anita talked about managing anxiety.  Are you addressing it?

Meditation comes in many forms.  The traditional sitting on a cushion in silence is one way.  There are other ways like chanting or movement or whatever.  You can consider walking in silent mindfulness in the forest as meditation.  Listening to music and/or someone guiding you is another approach.

I am a main believer in exercise in dealing with emotions.  You don’t even have to go to a gym.  Running or walking is exercise.  Jumping up and down in your kitchen is exercise.  Screaming is another way of letting out emotions.

I believe the more we notice and being in touch with our bodies, the more aware we are mindful and the easier it is to deal with strong emotions.  When I am feeling fear, I notice where in my body it shows up and I breath into it.  I sit with it until it goes away.

Breathing is another way of dealing with emotions.  I’ve done Laughter Yoga which is more about the breath than about the physical poses.  Check out You Tube for that.  Chanting is another way of breathing.  Or just taking deep, diaphragm breaths into your belly and/or wherever your anxiety shows up in your body is another way in dealing with it.

Self harm is a habit you have developed to deal with your anxiety.  Find a substitute, healthier behavior that you can substitute when you feel the urge.

Please consider what Anita suggested as a more comprehensive and systematic way of addressing your anxiety for it is a symptom of a core issue that needs to addressed.

Take care,
Mark

• This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Mark.

Everything I have read is that journaling is a great practice for self awareness, spiritual and psychological grown, place to process things in your life, etc.

I also have read the actual physical connection from hand to pen to paper is the best way of bringing your mind-body-soul together.  But if that is keeping you from writing at all then do whatever is convenient for you.

When?  Most experts say it should be daily or at least on a regular basis and “when it is needed.”

What?  There are many books to guide you on that.  My favorite is “Writing Down Your Soul: How to Activate and Listen to the Extraordinary Voice Within” by Janet Connor.  There is “The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity” which talks more overall about creativity but there is an exercise called “morning pages” which tells you to write three pages free hand every morning in stream-of-consciousness style.

I think the key to all of this is that since it is so simple, that it really does not require any elaborate or expensive equipment to do then you just got to do it without overthinking about it.  It is just important to do it on a regular basis.

Having a set time of day and place to write helps to make it easier to make it part of your daily routine to keep at it.

Mark

Victoria,
Being with our tribe where they get us is something most of us yearn for especially for people who grew up feeling that they don’t belong.  I can identify with that.

It sounds like you are highly sensory.  I encourage you to nurture that part of you by finding places and ways to bring that to your life.

In my experience I know that I am not alone for my yearning for community.  I have found that there are many people who yearn for that.  I see that from the MeetUp groups/meetings that are in my area.  You may want to explore that if you have access to those groups.  There is a group called “Highly Sensitive People” here that would seem to fit someone like you.  There are outdoor/hiking groups for those who like being out in Nature which seems that you enjoy.  There is group solely focused on authenticity.  There are meditation groups abound here as well.

Take care,
Mark

Crawford,

I think it is pretty common for those of us who want to be in integrity with themselves and feeling that the outside world does not support that/you.  You want to focus on your art and yet you are feeling that having the friends you have keeps you from doing that?

It is an awareness of what is important to you in your life and act accordingly.  I believe that like anything, it’s a practice.

I think a good measure of what is good for you is to be mindful what feeds your spirit and whatever it is that gives you energy rather than suck your energy.

Mark

Hi Christine,

I swear by my Body Talk practitioner.  BT is an energy healing modality.  What I like is their premise that the body has its own inner wisdom to heal itself.  The practitioner is the facilitator toward that healing.  I also like that they don’t call themselves as healers for that shows the integrity of the practice.

The other principles of BT is that disease is caused by stress and that shows up as parts of ourselves (not only body parts but mind and spirit parts) being disconnected or out of sync.

The practitioner finds out which parts are out of sync or disconnected and sync them up and/or connect them appropriately.

I got my anxiety cured, my ADHD cured, and my low thyroid cured (was on medication for 20 years).  I would not have believed the effectiveness of this process without experiencing it first hand.

The friend who pointed me to this process had her Lyme disease cured.

This process is not connected to any explicit spiritual practice.  This is more of “getting on the table and laying down to receive” practice.

What is the name of the healing you had experienced Christine?

Mark