Cont.

So this situation he is in began last August. K is in the Air Force so the investigation through the military is long and ongoing. I have not allowed this to effect my relationship for the most part, since I have found out. I didn’t know about this whole thing until the beginning of March, when K told me about it while very emotional and under the influence and he actually only told me (at that time at least) because I was outside the room he was in and overheard a conversation he was having with a friend. We don’t really talk about it, it makes him really upset and I know his character in general, it’s not him so I don’t question him or bring it up until he does. He cries almost any time he does actually talk about it. He has told friends that if the case ends up going south for him when he goes to trial he is going to end his own life, and it breaks my heart. My happy high energy boyfriend being in such a bad situation makes me so sad. I worry for him a lot because of  the chance that I personally think is pretty slim although it’s basically a he said she said deal. I’ve read the reports he has, and everyone including strangers he had just met that day the supposed incident occurred, didn’t even have anything questionable to say about him. I know who K is, a really good and generally positive person. The point I’m trying to get to is that I think he might not be 100% honest and committal due to thinking he is either going to prison in a handful of months, or going to end his life before he gets the chance to go to prison after trial. I feel he thinks his life is going to completely fall apart so he wants to go and have as much fun as he can before he never gets to again. It makes sense to me as someone who has a similar outlook to him. The big part that doesn’t make sense is why he would get himself into a relationship in the first place when he feels the way he feels about the situation, that’s the big thing that bothered me and I had to ask him about. I don’t even remember what he told me. I was also just upset with him since he obviously just wasn’t truthful about what he was going through from the start. As someone who had met him in a non romantic manner and interacted with him months before this incident happened, I just know he didn’t do anything wrong. One of the most generally respectful gentlemanly guys I’ve met.

Sorry if this is too much to be sharing here, any additional insight is welcome and appreciated ❤️

D

Anita,

You are very welcome. I love your honest thoughts and how insightful they are, I imagine people who know you personally really enjoy your company!

If mutual total honesty is one day shared in my relationship.. You are right bamboozled is exactly how I might feel! At the beginning of this one, I thought that’s what was happening, we shared a lot with each other!  But of course there’s always more than meets the eye, right?

It’s definitely true that we don’t want to share one another with anyone else, and not wanting one woman having too much power over him may also be true or at least something like that. Between growing up as an only child with a single mother and past dating experiences I’ve heard from him I’d say it’s the other women that he’s dealt with that might cause him to think that way. I have seen first hand when we went on vacation, how close and influential his mother is to him and not in a negative way I totally love her and she adores me too. From the very beginning he has always said his mother is the most important woman in his life, and now that I’ve come to be right up there with her but of course she is the mom so she has to continue to carry that title and I support it because I feel the same way about my mom. You made a good point with this one for sure. With other girls, he has told me he had been cheated on in both serious relationships he was in at one point, so the guard he created was tough for a long time until he met me. I think a part of his dishonesty could be from potential insecurity/ fear of being hurt, essentially just like me, except in my case I more so think it’s easier to not deal with issues when faced with them, just accept the circumstances and find a sliver lining.

D

Anita,

It is so interesting how spot on you are (for the most part at least ya know). I really enjoy reading your thoughts on everything.

Everything you said is mostly correct I was pretty shocked, up until the end. This is the oddest part for me, usually I would honestly be happiest if being single was really presented to me. I actually really want and desire the current relationship that I have. It’s unconventional and I would prefer that we be more truthful with each other, however there’s so many other details of the relationship that I wouldn’t change for anything! Everyone loves us together and think we have an almost perfect bond. I know he’s a flirt, he knows I’m a bit of a wild child, it works out surprisingly well. I don’t know where this man came from to have made me want to keep someone in my life permanently like this but here he is. I haven’t been 100% honest about all the fine details with anyone close to me, but when I have shared anything slightly off they would ask me if I even really want the whole relationship thing with a nice prospective future, and my truthful answer is yes I really do. No one else in the world I want like this for sure. Now I know I think I said this before but I’m not dating anyone seriously ever again if this isn’t the one for me. Seriously this time lol. I know deep in my heart I would rather be single in any other situation. Not this one though, but you know I would be totally open to trying the open relationship thing because I feel like that would be fitting for us even though we both seem to not want anyone else to have the other, we definitely do still desire attention from other people. So weird. I’m still very happy, and I feel like that’s wrong to say now that I have shared all of the truth. I don’t know where my fear of communication and honesty came from but I know I’ve always been like this and I would sure love to know why. Maybe one day it will all make sense, but either way I carry myself and truthfully am living my almost ideal life.

D

Anita,

Thank you for the well thought out reply. I greatly appreciate hearing what you think. Unfortunately I have yet to do what needs to be done. There isn’t a third party who is able to break the news to him, as we have no mutual friends and I would have to find someone to explain this situation to. I do not trust any of my friends to relay the message in a gentle, kind, and tasteful-ish manner ( although honestly I think the only way for it to be any of those things is if I did it myself in person) so I think I am going to go the route of gradually bringing it up in a conversation about how I feel like I just don’t appreciate him enough and don’t think I ever will so this must come to an end. I’ve come up with so many different ways to go about this Anita, I just struggle so badly taking the initial confrontational step. I have wanted to seek therapy for the last year or two but am not sure how to work it all out. I want to be my best self and I myself am the only thing holding me back.

Hi Anita! I’m an open book and don’t think I’ve got anything to lose here so I will definitely share a bit of my past. I’ve felt the way I feel about relationships now and have for a very long time, since I was a child, because of my parents. I absolutely love them both and have a good relationship with them personally but their relationship was not what I would ever want for myself and I felt for basically the entirety of my life that no relationship or marriage I saw was ideal. So i’ve seen it best to stay single since i was younger. My parents divorced when I was 10. My dad was always out with friends throughout the week and weekend. He would come home late, after we’d all be asleep. My dad has now been with his current partner on and off for 12 years, well really it’s been longer than that. I find out more things as the years pass but even just this year I found out my father had been seeing his girlfriend since 2003! I was 5. My parents didn’t separate until I was 10. My mind was blown when I found that out because honestly he was probably being sneaky from the start of their marriage. Yeah so I don’t trust easily and have major commitment issues. I resent my father because I just don’t know why he would do that considering my mother is an amazing woman. However, after asking my dad for a divorce she started cheating on him before they actually did part ways. Their divorce was a mess and definitely impacted me. But still, I love them both endlessly and wouldn’t trade them for the world.