Hi William

Can you say what bits of being in the  military reserves do you enjoy. Ie the friendship. the physical exercise, learning new things like map reading etc. This may be able to pinpoint where one possible source of joy ( passion) and open up to how that aspect to be brought to your course and career choices.

It has to be noted that one of the biggest regrets people have at the end of their lives is that they did not get to spend enough quality time with family and friends. No one  has said ” I wish I had spent more time at the office”

Dear Eric

I have reread your original post on this current topic.

What a quandary Show off my girlfriend to ward off other possible suitors for her, but by posting her picture now you think the world wants to date her!  The lady in question is not an possession that you own.

I am sure both Anita & Helcat etc have given you much good advice in the past. In not dealing with aniexty and overthinking they will be your companion if you let them.

Dear Eric

I cant answer for your god.

Who knows how you will feel about your decision to post that photo on social media in six months, six years six decades from now.  You were happy when you posted it and now you are not, So the photo or posting is not the source of your  lasting happyness or  lasting anxiety.

I think it is your anxiety that is making you feel that this relationship is hard work & that in turn does make the relationship hard work for you. Get professional help with anxiety as a whole rather than dealing with each little thing that occurs as something major.  Also get professional help to  deal with your attachment of not being good enough and comparing yourself unfavorably with almost everyone else on the planet. No one person has it all or is perfect all the time, no matter how they portray themselves on social media. Spending too much time & putting too much store in social media is not helping with your issues in fact it feeds your suffering.

I get a  daily good email which helps broaden my perspective and I am not on facebook etc.

Dear Swanky

she neither wants to be my friend nor girlfriend and it hurts, but already she told me why though, she claims she wants to keep a small circle and she knows the type of friendship I want. There you see she has already given you the answer. You just dont like it and no one should be forced to have to explain themselves time & time again nor should they coerced into a relationship especially if it is illegal or inappropriate. I am not denying either your feelings for her or the hurt you are presently feeling, but in a way they are a separate issue to your boss as a person. I suggest you read the Dalai Lama’s book the Art of Happiness.

Dear Swanky

I guess part of a managers job is to try to have a harmonious and friendly workplace. This is easier if they are open and approachable, which I guess she was towards you and you may have misread or over emphasized the personalization of her demeanor with you. I guess that once she realised that the work relationship had slipped into something more personal from your side that she had to make interactions with you more formal & professional than before.

Dear Lisa

I am sorry that you had such a bad start to your life. Until we become adults we are at the whims and fancies of the adults who make up our immediate surroundings and this impacts on our adulthood unless we take conscious steps to rectify the mistakes that our carers made (Romanian Orphanage Scandal).As adults we can explore what buddhists call the 8 worldly concerns and their antidotes that help relieve our suffering. As we relieve our suffering using wisdom, compassion & skillful means it naturally expands out into the world in general.

Dear Tricia

It is so hard when you get mixed messages. Our mind likes to hang on to any little sign of hope  and also does not like not having answers/closure. Mindfulness and meditation help you see these mind tendencies as they arrive and help you step back from them so that they eventually lessen in intensity and frequency.

Some may say when you meet your ex imagine him as fat & old!

Are you close to anyone at work who will be at is event as well? if so maybe you could ask them to hold your hand metaphorically. The best way thru is to appear cool calm & confident, look your best without it look like you are trying too hard, so clothing that is comfortable & that you feel makes you look good ie dont were ultra high heals when you are used to wearing flats. If alcohol is on offer,  remember that it hinders our judgement and interferes with the control of our emotions.

Your Ex has not acted honorably and you do not have to be his friend especially since you are living in different locations. polite cordial indifference is the best that he deserves from you.

I wish you all the best

Roberta

Dear Madina

How are you?

I have just read thru this thread & I apologise in advance if I don’t talk about your post sequentially.

Instead of thinking of fixing yourself think that you are nourishing, nurturing & befriending yourself.

Part of meditating is seeing your thoughts for what they really are – thoughts – this is not dismissing them or the power that they can hold over us. I have also noticed that when in deep meditation I am ageless and without gender or sexual orientation.

I remember a conversation I had with a woman I worked with she said she had always been in hetrosexual relationships but when she met her spouse ( a female) it was the person not the gender that she fell in love with.

I hope that you can access therapy that helps you address the issues that surround your childhood and maybe the other stuff around your orientation will fall easier into place.

Roberta