Dear Caroline

I suggest you watch Eckart Tolle on youtube talking about the “pain body”. This may explain in part of what is happening to you.

Most people occasional reminisces about past relationship and what could or can be. Occasionally I bump into a ex and even though my heart flutters & I go all girlie, but after we have chatted for a while I realise that I do not really want to revisit that relationship ( the grass is always greener on the other side until you get to the other side!) Also how hurt do you think your current girlfriend would be if she found out  ( mental infidelity often comes before the physical action).

What ever you choose to do it may help for you to learn more about your internal life and how to become aware of  thought processes and emotions and how nurture yourself so that you can bring your best to any relationship that you are in.

Dear p

I am so sorry that you have to live with such a dysfunctional family. Once you have finished college it will be easier to gain your freedom. There is a site called workaway there are lots of opportunities all over the world you basically work for 20-25 hours and they give you food & accommodation the placements are varied and could give you an idea of what you want to do & where you would like to live.

There maybe not a lot you can do about the way you are spoken to & treated at the moment, but you are in the driving seat when it comes to how you interact with other family members – which I know is much easier said than done  when you probably feel bombarded from all sides and the feelings that that must arise within.  I hope that you can find a support network near where you live such as a church or meditation group or volunteering opportunities. At some point you may benefit from some therapy sessions to help you process your childhood.

Dear Anil

I am glad that you are meditating. I tell my students this. That it takes almost same amount of time to alter the thought/feeling patterns as  we have been having them, so you meditate for say 30 mins you probably feel good for those minutes plus say another 30 after. So it is not a quick fix but more like food & nourishment. So each time you meditate basically you are hopefully undoing a bit of the past and preparing the ground for your future. There are many religions that divide up their day by taking time out for prayer or reflection. This gives one the chance to look back over say the last 4-6 hours in a calm way and see what has been wise & compassionate and what needs tweaking, Then you get the chance to restore things before they get out of hand. ie you skipped breakfast because you woke up late and then was a bit short with a co-worker. First eat something nutritious maybe even offer some to that co-worker with an apology for not being fully there for them. Then in the evening look to see how you can improve your evening/morning routine.

All that we do & think are interconnected and these bounce & ripple out into the world and the world is also impacting on us all the time even if we don’t realise it. So having awareness & patience help us navigate thru this journey called our lives.

Dear Michelle

I am so sorry that this latest episode in your life is not only stressful , but on top of that it rakes up all the past stress around the previous court case. I was entangled in a legal situation for 7 years and still occasionally my mind can react or chew  it over.

Many years of meditation, buddhist retreats & study have helped me build a better more calm & compassionate life.

Loneliness of a single moon beam

A bird wheeling high in the sky

One heartbeat separated from another

The pause, the gap, makes birth, change & renewal possible

my sunrise is your sunset and visa versa

Sit quietly and we can hear others songs carried on the wind

turn to face the sun and smile in away that will warm others hearts

Dear Laelithia

Having watched many peoples relationships collapse over the last 50  years, in general the woman ends up as the full time parent and the man rarely consistently over the years takes an active part in looking after the children.

Although it is physically, emotionally & financially scary being a single parent it is ultimately better than being in a cold loveless relationship.

I hope that your health & happiness will improve.

kind regards

Roberta

Dear Frozenfireflies

It is hard when only one person in a partnership is willing to try and make things easier, peaceful & intimate.

Do you have a quiet space that you can go to so that when things look like they are about to kick off , you can calmly say that you are going to take a short time out and if he wishes to spend a bit of quiet time too he is welcome to join you. If you can do a loving kindness meditation ( loads on youtube) it will help manage the discursive ruminative thoughts from disrupting your quiet time. On returning maybe make both of you a cuppa and maybe a gentle stroke on the back will signal to him that you are now calm and open. Hopefully he will mirror your attitude. Also try leaving the non violent communication book in the toilet and he might just pick it up out of curiosity. Do your children witness his outbursts and are they confined to being verbal?

wishing you all the best

Roberta