Dear JenGo

May I ask what aspects of buddhism are you drawn to?

Are there several different buddhist groups in your area, if so it might be valuable to  check them all out, to see which style and group dynamic suits you best.

I personally watch alot on YouTube my favourite is Srvasti Abbey there short BBC are excellent way to get to see how in my opinion how a good sangha works. My aspiration is to one day to be able to go there.

Wishing you all the best in your spiritual quest.

Dear Thosedays

I am guessing that your are in your 20’s/30’s.

I agree with Anita about offering to pay for your soon to be ex girlfriends counselling if she wants it.

Then take at least a year out to do some deep work on healing yourself. A fictional book called The Celestian Prophecies gave me insight on relationships and help set me on my path of buddhist enquiry into the human condition.  I have had quite a few relationships, but I can honestly say that I am still on good terms with all off them who are still living bar one.

Act with kindness, integrity compassion &and wisdom then  when you look back over your life in years to come you will have few regrets.

Dear Andypandy499

I am sorry that you have been ill and that you are suffering because you thought you were in a relationship with a decent human being. I will be brutally honest your illness has done you a massive favour  ( she could of strung you along for at least another 3 years)it has freed you from a person who it appears that from the beginning they were only out for what they could get and does not care who they use in the process. Looking to get answers from someone who has acted the way she did will only cause you more suffering.

May you find someone kind gentle & honest to share your life with.

Roberta

Hi Brian

All beings want to be free from suffering and wish to be happy.  Remember this and look upon your fellow human beings with kind eyes, a smile upon your lips & an open heart & try to find  something nice to say, that way each and every interaction you have no matter how small will add to the general wellbeing of all as well as yourself . The more seeds of friendship that one  scatters without concern whether they bear fruit immediately the lighter & brighter the world becomes

Best wishes

Roberta

Dear Melissa

I am sorry that things appear to be escalating. You are doing your best and it is heartbreaking to watch some one you love suffer.

Last year I read an interesting book called ” In case of spiritual emergency” by Catherine Lucas it was a bit of a hard read but it also gave a slightly different slant on things.

I agree with Anita about the hugging & rocking along with rubbing or gentle rhythmic stroking may help soothe a jagged nervous system both hers & yours.

I wish you & your family a safe & serene weekend

Roberta

Dear Canadian Eagle

The buddha gave teachings on desire and the suffering it causes….

Every one has thousands of thoughts a day and they are transient like everything else but we do like to feed upon some more than others  & so they become intense.

If one thinks back to what one was obsessing about 5, 10 years ago & then think that now how  you feel about that person or object you probably would not give them a second thought’

I am glad you have brought this up it is nice to know the name and description that way it makes it easier to spot and let it go.

Roberta

Dear Lindsey

Please can I ask do you not like your photo taken at all? Many people are camera shy & that includes me. Many years ago a good friend was starting to teach himself to draw & paint and asked if I would pose for some photos, I explained that I did not take a good photo and was very self concious, but I wanted to it not to become a phobia and so we spent a couple of hours photographing me – out of over 100 shots there was about 6 that I was happy with. My friend then did a pencil portrait of me and then gave it to me as a present which I still treasure ten years later.

Then there is also the big issues of trust, respect & privacy all of which have probably been severely dented/broken by his actions, which may mean the end of the relationship from your point of view.

He may of just wanted a photo of his beloved and did not think thru the inappropiateness of what he was doing.You may wish to choose an ordinary photo of your self that you wish him to have of you if you choose to continue being in a relationship, this puts the control of your image firmly back in your court where it belongs.

best wishes

Roberta

Dear StoutHeartedMen

Do you as a group do any voulantary work or would be interested in doing so? Doing something purposeful is a good way to bond and heal a friendship group especially since normally no alcohol is involved so less chance of bad behaviour, maybe number 4 would excuse her self from such group activity or it could give her a chance to do something worthwhile.

I wish you luck and I hope that the rest of the group is supportive, but they may not be even if they do not like number 4’s behaviour.

Either way be true to your values  and ethics.

Roberta