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Roberta
ParticipantDear JenGo
May I ask what aspects of buddhism are you drawn to?
Are there several different buddhist groups in your area, if so it might be valuable to check them all out, to see which style and group dynamic suits you best.
I personally watch alot on YouTube my favourite is Srvasti Abbey there short BBC are excellent way to get to see how in my opinion how a good sangha works. My aspiration is to one day to be able to go there.
Wishing you all the best in your spiritual quest.
Roberta
ParticipantDear Addy,
Your work colleague is obviously struggling either with that particular task or something else is putting pressure on her and this is effecting her ability to perform her job in a competent & timely manner. Also when you initially asked her to do this task did you give her a completion deadline and did you also say it was okay to prioritize this task over her other jobs?
Regards Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear Thosedays
I am guessing that your are in your 20’s/30’s.
I agree with Anita about offering to pay for your soon to be ex girlfriends counselling if she wants it.
Then take at least a year out to do some deep work on healing yourself. A fictional book called The Celestian Prophecies gave me insight on relationships and help set me on my path of buddhist enquiry into the human condition. I have had quite a few relationships, but I can honestly say that I am still on good terms with all off them who are still living bar one.
Act with kindness, integrity compassion &and wisdom then when you look back over your life in years to come you will have few regrets.
Roberta
ParticipantDear Hello
Sorry that you are in such a situation. First and fore most you need to stop his access to your bank account immediately and you should also remove yourself from his. I wish you all the best, if you act with integrity remembering that you want to move forward peacefully towards peace.
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear Andypandy499
I am sorry that you have been ill and that you are suffering because you thought you were in a relationship with a decent human being. I will be brutally honest your illness has done you a massive favour ( she could of strung you along for at least another 3 years)it has freed you from a person who it appears that from the beginning they were only out for what they could get and does not care who they use in the process. Looking to get answers from someone who has acted the way she did will only cause you more suffering.
May you find someone kind gentle & honest to share your life with.
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear Aum
I am an only child, but I have dharma brothers & sisters and we are there for each other even though we are now many hundred miles apart ( we mostly first met each other on retreat). Also there is a world wide scheme called adopt a granny. I live in a small community and befriended an elderly lady she became grranny Freya and she got to spend time with my family which brought her great joy in the last years of her life. I ran a drop in Sunday social at our meditation centre and thru that I now have a wonderfully supportive big sister.
You dont have to share the same DNA to be a family.
Try looking out for a retreat that runs over the christmas/newyear I have always found them a good way to shed any burdens of the previous year and give me a good grounded outlook for the next.
Best wishes
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantHi Brian
All beings want to be free from suffering and wish to be happy. Remember this and look upon your fellow human beings with kind eyes, a smile upon your lips & an open heart & try to find something nice to say, that way each and every interaction you have no matter how small will add to the general wellbeing of all as well as yourself . The more seeds of friendship that one scatters without concern whether they bear fruit immediately the lighter & brighter the world becomes
Best wishes
Roberta
October 27, 2022 at 12:13 pm in reply to: 17 year old daughter’s mental health not improving #409138Roberta
ParticipantDear Melissa
I am watching Autumnwatch on BBC they mentioned some research that a british University did where by watching & listening to birds even digital lifted there subjects mood for up to 8 hours,
regards
Roberta
October 27, 2022 at 12:04 pm in reply to: 17 year old daughter’s mental health not improving #409137Roberta
ParticipantDear Melissa
I am sorry that things appear to be escalating. You are doing your best and it is heartbreaking to watch some one you love suffer.
Last year I read an interesting book called ” In case of spiritual emergency” by Catherine Lucas it was a bit of a hard read but it also gave a slightly different slant on things.
I agree with Anita about the hugging & rocking along with rubbing or gentle rhythmic stroking may help soothe a jagged nervous system both hers & yours.
I wish you & your family a safe & serene weekend
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear Julia
Welcome to the club, you should congratulate yourself for recogniseing the problem & wanting to do something about it.
It is also so wise to have an aspiration as to why you want to change those habits.
I agree that boredom loneliness even tiredness/lethargy are some of the factors along with stress can make us fall into less than healthy actions. I first noticed this tendency in me some 30 plus years ago. My husband was away at sea for 5-42 days at a time, I too found the evenings once the children were in bed the hardest – you can’t even go out for a walk!
It may help for you to write down why you dont want to do these things to remind you when the urges come upon you along with goals /ideas/projects to counteract these tendencies.
Crucially be gentle and not critical with your internal narrative.
best wishes
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear Canadian Eagle
The buddha gave teachings on desire and the suffering it causes….
Every one has thousands of thoughts a day and they are transient like everything else but we do like to feed upon some more than others & so they become intense.
If one thinks back to what one was obsessing about 5, 10 years ago & then think that now how you feel about that person or object you probably would not give them a second thought’
I am glad you have brought this up it is nice to know the name and description that way it makes it easier to spot and let it go.
Roberta
October 26, 2022 at 10:56 am in reply to: 17 year old daughter’s mental health not improving #409065Roberta
ParticipantDear Melissa
I am sorry that your family is having a tough time.
Your daughter is on the cusp between childhood/adulthood and many of the usual rights of passage were curtailed by the pandemic. Her needs will be yoyoing between wanting independence and still wanting to be mothered and this will be very confusing both for her & those around her especially if she does not realise this or how to communicate these fluctuating needs.
You have mentioned your daughters lethargy and weight issues – it is possible to be overweight & deficient in vitamins & minerals etc at the same time.
Of course there is no one single answer that fits all as most lives are complex & multi faceted but each positive step no matter how small has a ripple effect.
I hope that you keep on communicating on this forum & that you get insights that help
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear Lindsey
Please can I ask do you not like your photo taken at all? Many people are camera shy & that includes me. Many years ago a good friend was starting to teach himself to draw & paint and asked if I would pose for some photos, I explained that I did not take a good photo and was very self concious, but I wanted to it not to become a phobia and so we spent a couple of hours photographing me – out of over 100 shots there was about 6 that I was happy with. My friend then did a pencil portrait of me and then gave it to me as a present which I still treasure ten years later.
Then there is also the big issues of trust, respect & privacy all of which have probably been severely dented/broken by his actions, which may mean the end of the relationship from your point of view.
He may of just wanted a photo of his beloved and did not think thru the inappropiateness of what he was doing.You may wish to choose an ordinary photo of your self that you wish him to have of you if you choose to continue being in a relationship, this puts the control of your image firmly back in your court where it belongs.
best wishes
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear Janel
I live less than a dozen miles away from a nuclear power plant and a nuclear reprocessing plant (they are in another country) so there are times where I feel very vulnerable, but whilst waiting for something that may never happen, I do what I can to help those around me & my immediate environment to make the best of what is available to me here & now like offering to house Ukranian refugees, plus I am signed up to 38 degrees which can be loosely defined as a political & environmental pressure forum so that I can make my voice heard on worldwide issues.
How did your Quaker meeting go?….at our local meeting we ponder upon one of the advices & queries each meeting .
I hope that your anxiety eases.
kind regards
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear StoutHeartedMen
Do you as a group do any voulantary work or would be interested in doing so? Doing something purposeful is a good way to bond and heal a friendship group especially since normally no alcohol is involved so less chance of bad behaviour, maybe number 4 would excuse her self from such group activity or it could give her a chance to do something worthwhile.
I wish you luck and I hope that the rest of the group is supportive, but they may not be even if they do not like number 4’s behaviour.
Either way be true to your values and ethics.
Roberta
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