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Very interesting article, after my 3 year relationship break up, was not healthy i would always be sad depressed not happy so i let him go because he always treated me bad . I’ve been exercisin a lot! I love nature, i always go jog to the park just 3 days of the week. I will start going more, but I am really proud of myself that i can jog run more than before. For the nutrition part, is hard for me, and I STILL CANT SLEEP 8 HOURS A DAY. I’m always up late and wake up early for work!
I weigh 110 and i AM 5’0. Is protein shakes any good protein powder any good?October 2, 2013 at 10:07 am in reply to: Really Need some constructive advice and insight please. #43113
I agree with Bernadette. I just recently go out of a 3 year relationship. My ex was like that all those years, he always said that he will never change and continue to do things as he likes, yes he would be sweet and gave me his time. But to go out on the weekend or you know like a normal couple he never wanted but to just watch tv or hangout with his family and when he wanted to go out the weekend he would leave me always!
Certain things i didnt like, but i really liked him so much that i continued the relationship, but in those years there was a lot of arguements because he never changed.
I dont want the same thing to happen to you, so you still have time to think about it. The consequences are you hurt yourself a lot at the end, and you loose self confidence and who you are and loose time.
I am also planning to seek a therapist because i am damaged of that relationship.
Good luck to you!
Wow, im sorry to hear about your ex husband mistreating you like that, but glad that you got out of that and survived. I know there are good men out there, but i choose the wrong ones.
When meeting someone and you would like to be more than friends, is it okay to jump in a relationship or be friends first build a friendship take it slow and then be more than friends. I learned to take it slow from now on. It all depend how old the person is right.
Yes we do have similar problems, and this website really helps me and cheers me up to know were not alone to be going through this. My own best friend got tired of all the negative of my relationship with my ex, she would always tell me that he is not good to me and that she sees it but that im blind. I stopped hanging around my friends, because of him. I would always complain and cry to one of my guy friends about my ex. My friends would get mad when i talk about him.
And yes your right, my family and friends tell me to not see it as a wait, that it was about time i let him go and that it worked as an experience for me, and to not let it happen again, and to always listen to my family and obey their rules.
I finally realized that there more downs than ups too, now i know the reason i left him and why he never left me, because i always did everything and try make everything happen and he didnt have to put work in. He always had free sex with me no need to struggle for it. The fighting always happened because he wasnt feeling the same way, i wasnt very important for him to care to see me always happy.
I stopped communication with both of them since that day, and i went to my settings on my phone to set it up as not receiving the messages my ex is receiving.
I left them alone. Thats true people change unless they really want to, ha but my ex is not never going to change i know how he is. Yeah and she seems like a girl, if the guy messes up she will leave. I think she was jealous about me, because i told her that i was with him for 3 years, so now maybe shes thinking she gotta compete, she was telling me things like he wants to meet her mom and he has been to her moms house but that they never had sex. I told her to just watch out, and to be good to him.
Right now i am just spending time with my family and also with my mom. She is awesome. That is nice! I hope you have lot of fun! lol. I was having fun also before i met my ex, with no worries, i was a good girl always listening to my parents. But this relationship brought me down too problems with family friends school ugh! Yes i am focusing on myself i want to work hard to get a better car trade it and get my own place and graduate as soon as i can from college. And i want to make my parents proud. I dont want to fail because they came from mexico to give us a bright future and i dont want to waste just for a guy. Now i see why things happen for a reason.
Thanks for been there. And i am here to listen too! And really proud you are moving on! Do not waste time on your ex either. Only time will tell!
Barbara is right! I will always text crazy to my ex to always ask how come he has not text me back, I would look desperate. So just step back and do something for yourself, distract yourself, if is meant to be he will come around. !
Bernadette i understand you completely.
When my ex got his new place on July, he never took me over to spend time with him when he was there his free time. I was always wondering what he was hiding. i ALWAYS speak my mind and i was always honest but he was never open minded he would tell me that is my mind that i think crazy , he thinks my mind has crazy thoughts. I would tell him to just be honest, he wouldnt say anything.
I read your second paragraph my relationship was just like that too. He would take me out and stuff and he would pay, but few times we went out, he would never take me to bars or clubs or any special event at nights on weekends, we would just stay home and chill or watch tv. Thats why we were always fighting. The reason we didnt go out to clubs or bars is because he is 20, but when he is out with his guy friends that 23 and up he can get in.
We would fight and we never solved the problem, he would just walk away knowing that i wont be mad for a long time, and will be expecting a call from me saying sorry for arguing with him. I am also a person that tries to please ppl but myself. I end up feeling sad and lonely at the end.
But i am glad he found another girl that he is interested in, and he can leave me alone and doing more damage to me. At the same time i do feel sad for just thinking 3 years of waist. I should of let him go a long time ago because i got attached to him. But things happen for a reason.
Now i know on my next relationship.
I was stupid for staying long too, i should of moved on when he broke up with me the first time, but now i know and i can apply it to the next relationship i have.
Yes my family and friends tell me i shouldnt be worried and staying on that kind of relationship cause im not even married to the guy. I always knew i love him more than he does, we were not on the same level, but i dont understand why they stay for so long, my guy friends tell me that he stayed because of the sex and fun.
Im sure he will be on his best behavior since he learned a lot with me!
I also talked to the new girl he is dating, somehow his information transfer to my phone. Since we have IPHONES and we sync our phones to ITUNES. So i had his contacts and he has mine. When i update my phone to the new version IOS7, my phone was like two phones, my number and his number, and thats when i started to receive her messages and his messages . I was watching their conversation, with IPHONES you can see a lot and do a lot haha. So i called her and talked to her for two hours and i explained to her why we broke up. I just told her to watch out, and i was very mature and respectful to her and she was as well.
She also told me the way my ex was to me before she was like that too, like getting caught doing things and then denying them and calling their partner insecure, she said she was like that to her ex partner, and that now she is serious and will not play games with my ex. Oh and i know her, i went to high school with her had a class with her, but never kept in contact. World is small.
Me too!! I adapt myself to his ways. He would tell me to shut up and i would shut up. He always told me go get this and that and i would do it. I at the end would get tired of fighting and he would have his way and i became unhappy and i changed too, i was not the same girl he met in the beginning, i would nagg all the time. I would always see him catching him texting girls and he would get caught, so i had trust issues but i still stick by his side instead of leaving him. My family and friends would always see he was the problem as well.
Im proud i havent contact with him, is pointless now. He is childish ! he would say i was the one childish. My aunt tells me that too, to not hang out with his family. His sister got close to me and she is till texting me that she wants to hangout, his sister is 32, the one living at his parents house. His mom still calls me to see how im doing. And also his brothers baby mama is still texting me to hangout. I would feel bad if i dont accept their invitation. But i have to move on.
Guys are douchebags. Have you ever been married?
Yeah your right, we are used to their crap and think that there the only guy in this world. And I always think about the good times we had and just say to myself how can he move on and forget about all that. But then i start to think all the bad things he has done that for who i became. He would always call me a little girl for crying when he would mistreat me. He would always say that i always start the fights, but not really he would be an ass and i would get upset and start arguing with him. He doesnt respect his mom so why would he respect me. His mom doesnt understand english or maybe she does, but when he would try to talk to him or get on his face he would tell her shut up nigga . I would tell him not to say that.
Well i am the oldest one in my family, so i always look for love in the wrong places !!!!
My parents or other ppl older than me tell me im too young to look for love, to just enjoy life. I feel like im getting old and by the time im in the middle of 20s there wont be someone.
My ex, i think he already made her his girl. I dont know if he wanted me to feel low or hurt, because when i asked him if it was another girl he would avoid the question and asked “why im doing this to myself, regardless if its a girl or not, that i shouldn’t worry about it.” Your right would of been worse if married, or if i had a baby with him!
Once he told me he is talking to another girl, i ran!!! i stopped communication! He told me i can still text him but fuck that. He told me its best if i dont text him so i can move on.
Hopefully one day ill find a guy that never walks away from problems. My ex always walked away and turn his back on me and would leave me upset. I got tired of it. Or we would be mad, but i would stay mad more because we never solve the problem and he would just continue like nothing happened and he would try to cheer me up. I would tell him we need to solve the problem so it wont happen again and he would just get mad and stop cheering me up! He always wanted his way!!!!
And i remember he told me that if i cant put up with him or the way he would treat me, then i should leave him. And i would tell him that is not the correct way to treat a girl, and he said he dont care that is the way he will be with the next girl. I told him she will get tired of it and cheat on you, and he said he would cheat backk! That is not healthy, but why should i care.
There are some good men out there, i would just have to wait!
Thanks for replying B, I hope your feeling better
Wow. That is the worst feeling ever. I am going through a 3 year relationship break up but what your going through is rough. Thats your daughter!!! by your husband. What goes through ppl’s mind. Im sorry to hear that, sound like you had suffer a lot in the past.
Of course is not easy. I always wake up in the morning thinking about my ex. Or i just think about it through out the day when im alone. I am GLAD! There is a man beside you to help you get back on your feet, and dont punish yourself! Your daughter will come around. Try to talk to her! I best advice you to go talk to a PASTOR or THERAPIST to help you out. Talk your past with them or write it down and throw it away burn it. Do it over and over so your brain and heart can be clear.
Enjoy life right now with your new man, the rest is history! And dont forget about your daughter.
But time passed and i am in peace. 🙂
I am sorry to hear that. It is like a mirror. Guys or men are douchebags. I know how you feel Bernadette! I l also have a similar story with my ex too. I am close to his family , he is the youngest and he has Two olders sisters and a older brother that are arond 30’s. After i broke up with him, I still was in contact with one of his sisters, she invited me over to watch Texans football game. I went over and we ate and drank alcohol. She has a boyfriend around 27 years old. I was there having fun that night with them, and my phone died. So thats when i went home all late and my parents kicked me out. So i went to sleep at my ex boyfriends parents house with him.
When i woke the morning, i charged my phone and I received a text message from the boyfriend of my ex boyfriend’s sister, saying that he is him and he wanted to tell me somethig but to keep it a secret. Later some few weeks passed by, my ex boyfriends sister found out by going through his phone my number was saved under other name. I did reply to him saying what does he have to say and i thought he was going to say something about my ex. The only person i showed that he messaged me, was my ex, but i didnt show his sister. I was concerned about other things that day.
So I never told her. Her boyfriend never texted me again till the night when she found out. He was constantly texting me annoying me, I was at her house while him texting me, but he wasnt there. I was afraid to show her the messages because i didnt show her in the beginning so she might think we were hiding something. So i called him to stop annoying me and texting him, i took care of the problem by myself.
But later that night she found out about the call, she called me to get things straight she wasnt mad at first but then later on she was. Her boyfriend told her that i gave my number to him. But i didnt, i dont know how he got my number, but i believe he got it from her phone! My ex found out and called me names! And also said he cant trust hoes these days! But i told him i didnt gave my number why would i be stupid to give my number out to my ex’s sister ‘s boyfriend. I told him that is easy for that guy to blame me since he has been around the family more than me.
Thanks for your reply Bernadette.
I am feeling better, i am trying to stay busy as much i can. Yes I am also a little glad he is gone because I let myself go, and I need some time to myself to think what i want in life.
Right now I keep thinking i will never find someone like him of his sweet funny side. But right now my main concern is my family. They are so hurt. Do you think is just a rebound with that girl. I know I shouldnt worry but i can never get that thought out my head. What can i do to stop thinking about it
Was a 3 year relationship wasted my time. Throught those years bad things happened to me, because i was just focusing on him. I got arrested, my GPA went low, my credit is messed up. :(((((
I agree with Buddhist Wife!
Yes i am getting better day by day, but still the thoughts about “what if” or “what could i have done differently” still haunts me. I learned now that if a guy wasnt happy with you to be stuck in a 3 year relationship then he just tagged a long because of the sex and the fun. Well my email is email@example.com
I really think you should just be yourself and show him how much you care or love him. Little details matter the most. You can tell him how much you love him but you need to show him and only you know how. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Be yourself and take a risk and try to work things out with him without thinking the past. Be vulnerable. It will take time to gain his confidence trust.
1. Communicate with him respectfully.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Try to understand his reasons, even when you disagree.
4. Ask for his help.
5. Let go of the small stuff.
6. Tell him you love and respect him
7. Give him some space for his hobbies
8. Show him that you respect him and trust him.
9. When you go out together don’t bring up problems.
10. Focus your attention on what he’s doing right.
11. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
12. Be happy and positive when he comes home.
13. Give him half an hour to unwind after work.
14. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully.
15. Defend him to any family member who tries to dishonor him.
16. Compliment his efforts above his performance.
17. Seek his advice when you face challenges.
18. Set and work on goals together.
19. Don’t over commit yourself, leave some time for him.
20. Be forgiving when he unintentionally offends you.
21. Find ways to show him you need him. Guys need to be needed.
22. Don’t fill his every spare moment with chores.
23. Peel away your pride and admit your mistakes.
24. Rub his neck and shoulders when he is stressed.
25. If he wants to talk, listen and ask viewpoint questions.
26. Express appreciation for his hard work.
27. Tell him you are proud of him for the person he is.
28. Give advice in a loving way; do not in a nag him.
29. Reserve some energy for him when he wants you sexually.
30. Don’t expect him to spend all his time on honey do projects.
31. Commend him for being a good man.
32. Brag about him to other people even when he’s not there.
33. Share your feelings with him but keep it abbreviated.
34. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
35. Honor him and show your respect in front of everyone.
36. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to.
37. Be his helper in whatever ways he needs it.
38. Accept that sometimes he just wants to be with you and not talk.
39. When he’s in a bad mood don’t crowd him.
40. Help him accomplish his goals.
41. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
42. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
43. Thank him for things he’s done around the house.
44. Don’t expect him to always notice everything you do.
45. Consult him before making important plans.
46. Let him sleep in when he can.
47. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical with him.
48. Initiate sex periodically but be responsive more often.
49. Get to the point in your discussions without endless details.
50. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out together.
51. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he misspeaks.
52. Don’t quarrel over words.
53. Be kind and courteous with him.
54. Don’t blame him every time things go wrong.
55. When he blows it don’t say, “I told you so.”
56. Never argue over money, he already feels responsible.
57. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him.
58. Praise his good decisions and minimize the bad ones.
59. Don’t expect him to read your mind, we’re not that smart.
60. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff.
61. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
62. When you’re angry don’t give him the silent treatment.
63. Look your best for him and make him proud to be seen with you.
64. Be his best cheer leader.
65. Acknowledge his successes in areas of everyday life.
66. Patiently teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
67. Thank him for just being himself.
- This reply was modified 9 years, 12 months ago by Edlin.
Thank you Dharmesh