It is possible that your friend misinterpreted you copying their level of interest as you being uninterested in the relationship.

Hi Debs

Aww thank you, you are an angel! 😇❤️

That is honestly fair if your heart wasn’t in dating before. Dating can be difficult. It is very much a numbers game and there can be a lot of people who aren’t a good match. If you have a clear idea of what you do and don’t want in a relationship that can be helpful.

The good thing is now that you are aware of differences between actions and words that you can take this knowledge with you into other relationships and it will protect you.

I don’t know if you have experienced this? One thing that is a common issue in dating are people who try to bond overly quickly. Some might be trying to impress, some might be trying to keep interest, some might be a bit unstable. The difficulty is that level of effort is generally unsustainable, so you can potentially bond with someone who isn’t going to behave in the original way later on. It is good to protect your heart until you know each other better.

Have fun with your research on schemas! I agree, this forum is a wonderful place to talk to kind strangers.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Clara

The best way to deal with feeling pain about hurting someone is to learn from it, apologise and commit to changing.

Figuring out where you learned hurtful behaviours can be helpful too when it comes to forgiving yourself. Forgiving yourself is important.

Sometimes when a person has habits of blaming themselves they are very sensitive to anything they might perceive as blame. I have had this issue with myself and my partner.

Things happen and sometimes people feel certain things. Sometimes feelings are a result of insecurities that arise. Feelings of insecurity that arose in situations are mentioned and they might see it as blame. The best way I found to deal with this is do directly say “I am feeling this and it has nothing to do with you. I am not blaming you for it, it is just a feeling that arose in this moment.”

I also had difficulties with overreacting. The way I learned to deal with this was by identifying disproportionate thoughts and feelings. Feelings are not always right, they are quite often just there. It is not your partner’s job to make you feel better every time a random hurt feeling comes up. By understanding when a feeling didn’t fit the situation. I found it easier to disentangle those feelings from my partner which enabled me to deal with them myself and made it easier to let go of.

I think it should be pointed out that your partner’s reaction is also part of her pattern, it is not just a result of pain from her interactions with you. A lot of people feel hurt in relationships and not everyone chooses to go on a break.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Peter

I can see the beauty in a cerebral style, as with any other. We are all different and beautiful in our own unique ways. Yet at the same time similar.

Krishnamurti is an excellent choice! My husband is a fan of his. I also enjoy Dipa Ma. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of her?

Ooh I don’t know about right brain and left brain stuff. My brain doesn’t work in a co-ordinated way. It gets confused and mixed up. Just how I’m wired.

I think that things are hard to understand until experienced. Or at least until there is more awareness.

People have such different experiences across the world and it is like Alice in Wonderland sometimes. We imagine that our experience is the only one. Other experiences different from ours are like a television show sometimes, abstract.

I think that esoteric writing can be like that. Reading the Confucian Analects, over the years my understanding changes each time I learn something new I think I actually understand what that means now.

So I wouldn’t worry about judgement. It evolves as we learn. It sounds like you are experiencing these changes of awareness and understanding too.

I enjoy Koans, but I don’t have the patience for them. 😂

It’s good to hear that you weren’t offended. It can be challenging to see through feelings when they get brought up. You handled things well and managed to understand his intent.

I don’t believe that Tommy meant harm. I know lots of people who speak like that. Rough around the edges, direct and speaking his mind honestly. Some might say a bit too honest. 😂

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Talking about enlightenment. I have heard some things about it.

There are multiple stages to it. It involves physical energy cultivation practices. Masters often die once they achieve it. Often royalty or monks. It takes many lifetimes. Ultimately, choosing to end the cycle of rebirth.

These things don’t interest me because they are dictated by karma. A lot of texts are not originally meant for our understanding.

Good health is required for physical energy cultivation and fitness is required for good health. Conversely, energy cultivation practices are good for health.

Calmness might be seen as a state of mind but according to TCM calmness is a sign of good health and correct organ function. Not being calm is a sign of poor health and organ dysfunction. Calmness is needed for energy cultivation practices as it affects qi in various ways.

There are many kinds of meditation which do different things. I’ve only done two kinds of stillness meditation; one to build high quality qi, another to let go.

I hope that you recover quickly from COVID Anita. ❤️

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

These are some psychological theories.

There are some cases, where people are attracted to people who are unhealthy for them. It is called schemas being activated. It creates intense chemistry.

Schemas are unhealthy thought patterns about ourselves. Their purpose is to exist and they entice actions that feed them. It is like people being raised in a difficult home being unhappy once they leave home. The mind seeks normality, even if that normality is unhappy. And resists being happy because it is not considered normal.

You are being quite hard on yourself, you do not strike me as a fool. You are trying to protect yourself, trying to resist impulses, trying to heal. If there is a psychological model for these things it is common behaviour! We are really just animals following our feelings. It is hard work and takes a lot of figuring out. It sounds like your feelings are starting to catch up to your logic, which is pretty awesome. You didn’t need a psychological model to be explained to you to start to figure things out. You managed that yourself. And of course I’m sure it was helpful talking things through too.