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HelcatParticipant
Hi Ashley
That’s a great sign that you have been co-parenting well together! I wish you both all of the best 🙏
January 11, 2023 at 2:04 am in reply to: How can i get rid of this overthinking and insecurity? #413589HelcatParticipantHi Eric
If you’re that stressed you’re vomiting because of anxiety you should probably leave the relationship. Not because she has done anything wrong. She is just very busy. It can be hard to date when you are very busy. You may need to get therapy before you are emotionally ready to cope with a relationship. Your anxious thoughts have now fixated on the relationship. The relationship is not the problem, you have untreated mental health issues.
My recollection is that now you have asked her multiple times if you are annoying her. This along with the call means that you’re starting to seek reassurance from her. It’s not her job to reassure you. It’s your job to do that for yourself.
I’ve had issues with reassurance myself, so I know hard it is. What helped me is realizing that there is an underlying mechanism behind reassurance. 1) Seeking social comfort 2) Anxiety management. There’s nothing wrong with social comfort, it’s important to handle these two issues separately. Use your own anxiety management skills to bring your anxiety down.
January 10, 2023 at 3:00 pm in reply to: I tend to always dislike my friends after a while. What should I do? #413577HelcatParticipantHi Victoria
Of course, you are welcome to share or not share as much as you wish. It makes sense that you have a tendency to beat yourself up over small things. People with very high standards for others often have very high standards for themselves. But you don’t deserve to be beaten up for small mistakes. No one does. Mistakes are natural and human.
It seems like a set pattern, it will probably take time and effort to change. Therapy might be helpful.
I have another question… Please don’t feel the need to answer if you don’t want to.
These people who have said insensitive things. Have they ever treat you poorly or have their comments been indirectly related towards you or people you care about?
January 10, 2023 at 12:39 pm in reply to: I tend to always dislike my friends after a while. What should I do? #413574HelcatParticipantHi Victoria
I’ve learned that even the most amazing people have flaws. There are bad people, and average people and good people.
But human nature is biased. Even animals experience similar emotions. I have a dog that was attacked by another dog. Ever since he has been uncomfortable around big dogs, but is comfortable with small ones. He barks at dogs of the same breed that attacked him.
I wonder do you accept yourself and your own flaws? I’m also wondering if you have a history of trauma at all?
January 10, 2023 at 9:12 am in reply to: How can i get rid of this overthinking and insecurity? #413563HelcatParticipantHi Eric
Please correct me if I’m wrong but I thought you were invited to her brother’s birthday party. I also thought that you said that you didn’t want to go.
Was my recollection accurate?
January 10, 2023 at 7:44 am in reply to: How can i get rid of this overthinking and insecurity? #413560HelcatParticipantHi Eric
It sounds like things are going well so far!
The only thing I noticed was that you opted out of a party that you were invited to because of anxiety.
You should probably keep an eye on this behaviour. If you opt out of too many things you might not get invitations anymore. It could shut you out of parts of her life that she is trying to share with you.
January 10, 2023 at 2:36 am in reply to: My girlfriend broke up with me due to her depression #413551HelcatParticipantHi Joe
I’m so sorry, you must be going through hell right now. My condolences for the passing of your second mother. I hope that your niece’s cancer will be treatable.
I think it’s understandable that you feel numb considering the situation. You are dealing with so much in a short space of time. Everyone deals with grief in different ways, so please have patience with yourself and do your best to take care of yourself during this difficult time.
Would you like to talk about any of this? Please feel free to share whatever you want to.
January 10, 2023 at 1:55 am in reply to: How can i get rid of this overthinking and insecurity? #413549HelcatParticipantHi Eric
You’ve only started dating recently correct? If so, because you don’t know each other very well it takes a while for love to develop fully. Love is built on mutual respect, trust and accepting each other for who they are.
Early stages of dating involve attraction and infatuation.
HelcatParticipantHi Ashley
It sounds like you’re doing all of the right things! Well done on taking care of yourself and your family.
How have you both been managing the parenting relationship between you? Are things going well?
It sounds like you’re on the way to moving on. Like anita said, it will take some time to build that trust.
Do you have any activities that reduce anxiety? When you notice yourself getting anxious. Self-soothing and bringing down your overall anxiety level will help your emotions and thoughts stabilise.
HelcatParticipantAfter reading your most recent reply:
It sounds like there are a lot of issues on both sides. Therapy all around is a must!
Do you forgive yourself for your part in it? Do you forgive him for his part in it? And vice versa?
HelcatParticipantHi Ashley
I’m sorry to hear that he cheated on you. It’s horrible that he betrayed you like that.
I’m curious, why do you still love someone who treat you so terribly? What about him do you love?
Would you mind providing a little more context? How long were you both together for? Do you have any children together?
It’s difficult because as you are probably aware he’s quite likely to do the same thing again if you got back together. Is he still with his most recent partner whilst he has been saying all of these things to you?
A relationship therapist might be a good idea for both of you if he is actually serious about getting back together.
January 8, 2023 at 10:43 am in reply to: Urgent: I have a Crush on my female Boss. Is she into me? #413455HelcatParticipantForgot to add. Just incase you’re ever interested it is possible to claim asylum in countries that don’t persecute LGBTQ+ communities.
January 8, 2023 at 10:18 am in reply to: Urgent: I have a Crush on my female Boss. Is she into me? #413452HelcatParticipantHi Swanky
I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, that wasn’t my intention.
At every stage, when anita or I asked about the dangers you are facing you ignored the questions. What is important to me is your safety, which is why I suggested that it might not be a good idea to feed this crush and why I was curious about why you choose to do so.
Please feel free to continue your discussion with anita about your crush. I’ll leave you both to it.
HelcatParticipantHi Hamza
Yup, those seem like the two options available.
It sounds like the break up shook you quite badly. Was it a surprise to you when it happened? Did your girlfriend at the time attempt to communicate these issues before she broke up with you?
January 6, 2023 at 11:26 am in reply to: How can i get rid of this overthinking and insecurity? #413297HelcatParticipantHi Eric
I’m sorry for my late reply. It was nothing to do with you, I just haven’t been feeling well.
I’d just like to say that I’ve been really impressed by how you have been thinking more positively. It’s a welcome surprise seeing how you’ve grown from 3 months ago.
Yes, sensitivity and self awareness are the good part of your overthinking trait. As you continue to learn how to manage your anxiety you’ll find that your overthinking trait will evolve into a thinking trait. There are lots of benefits to being a thoughtful person.
I think some anxiety about your relationship is expected. It’s natural to be nervous when meeting your partner’s family for example. I was nervous meeting my husband’s family too.
You asked for advise about questions to ask. I don’t think I ask many questions except for “How are you?” or about their job. But I do pay attention to things that I might be able to relate to. For example, if they liked a similar media. Or listening to your partner if she mentions something about them. Jumping into a conversation when someone mentions something relevant to your interests will be helpful. Most of all, what parents really want is for you to treat their daughter well. That is all they care about. Something else I do is try to help out. For example, if they are babysitting I play with the baby. If they need groceries, I help with picking them up. If they’re cooking, I wash the dishes or help with food prep.
I hope this helps! 🙏
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