Hi Lloyd!

Sorry I didn’t see your previous reply until now. Please feel free to @ myusername (with no space) and your replies will go straight to my email.

Soap distillery is the name of the company that makes the candles.

I’m glad that you are practicing self-care and it has been helping you hang in there. It’s good that writing and sharing your feelings is helpful too! Please feel free continue to share your feelings.

It seems to me that when people experience loss in any form, as well as grief, there is an opportunity to re-evaluate what you want in life.

My interpretation of finding meaning in life is simply considering what is meaningful to you.

Are there any things that you would like to change in your life? Do you have any goals that you would like to achieve? What do you care about?

Not everyone has lofty ambitions or is in tune with the meaning of the universe. I think the simple things that are meaningful on a daily basis are just as important.

@HoneyBlossom
Congratulations! That is amazing news about the tumour.

I’m sorry to hear that your dog is unwell and having seizures.

I hope your work let’s you know what is going on soon.

Any one of these events is stressful. It seems to me that you have been going through a lot. How are you feeling about it all?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Bee

I’m so sorry for the way that your family treat you. You didn’t deserve it, your sister didn’t deserve it.

It sounds like you leaving was a legal arrangement and not your responsibility. Your sister isn’t significantly younger than you.

Feelings can take time to catch up to what you know to be true in your mind. You have to remember that what you feel isn’t necessarily true.

Your abuse has primed you to abuse yourself.

When you start blaming, punishing yourself and feeling guilty it is important to ask yourself if this is part of your pattern of self-abuse. What good does this behaviour actually do? What harm does it do? Likely, all this behaviour does is harm you.

You can learn to forgive yourself without punishing and harming yourself. What do you think would forgiving yourself in a healthy way look like? I would recommend that you also intentionally do something kind for yourself to take care of yourself when these feelings arise.

Regarding schooling I’m glad you stood up for your needs and came to a reasonable arrangement.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Helcat.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Bee

I’ll point out that your sister is a different person and she was still abused. Any child born to your parents would be abused.

We can create our own misery in life as adults. But as children we are innocent, should be loved and protected by loving parents. Unfortunately, not all children are lucky enough to be born to healthy loving families. Any misery caused by unhealthy abusive families is 100% their responsibility.

We cannot change the past, but I hope you can take solace in the fact that you are doing your best you can to handle things in healthier ways now.

Often, abused children learn abusive habits from their parents. This is an unfortunate reality. But you as have many others are choosing to reject the behaviours that you learned as a child. I think you are not giving yourself enough credit for the steps you have been taking.

I know that while I was being abused as a child I was very angry. I enjoyed fighting with other children. I bullied bullies because I couldn’t defend myself against my bully at home. It made me feel strong and powerful. But this aggression spread, I started lashing out at my friends when they told hurtful jokes. When I noticed that I was starting to hurt my friends I stopped it all because I didn’t want to turn out the same way as my mother.

We can only change when we are fully aware of our actions.

Let me ask you, what good is coming from you torturing yourself over your past behaviour? My concern as I mentioned before is that ruminating on this is a pattern of self-abuse for you.

I would also add that this world is inherently traumatic. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has hurt someone unintentionally. Everyone has experiences of trauma by the time they become an adult. Whilst it is unfortunate that so many people experience pain, it is also a part of life. It is every adults responsibility to learn to manage their emotions and boundaries.

It is my understanding that with a significant amount of practice depression can be overcome.

I have been reading some interesting texts written by masters recently and my understanding of this phenomena is slightly different.

Whilst we all have buddha nature, what I believe this means is not that we are all enlightened. But that we all are inherently good, have the facility to practice and make healthy changes. What practice does is train you to access buddha nature. Whereas for others that don’t practice buddha nature might be accessed infrequently.

As for ego, even masters have ego. It is part of the human experience and how we function.The key is not letting ego drive all decision making. Learning to let ego take a back seat because there is more than ego.

It is helpful to understand various concepts, but at the same time they are dualistic. These ideas both exist and they don’t. Often, what we learn to be true in one moment is no longer true in the next. It is my belief that we need to be fluid and not attach too much to concepts. They teach us lessons, not hard and fast rules.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Helcat.

@anita

I’m feeling calmer too! Things are quiet and peaceful at the moment. Long may it continue.

@anita

Thank you for your kindness! How are you doing today?

Hi David

I’m so sorry I didn’t realise that you’d sent another message! It has been pretty hectic on my end recently. Thank you for sending another message. Please feel free to @ myusername  with no space between the @, if you would like to talk. It will go straight to my email.

How are you feeling at the moment with the calls?

Did the other kids tease or bully you at school?

How would you feel about telling her the whole truth? Perhaps when you do it can finally be over? If you imagine the calls and such ending, how would you like it to end?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Helcat.