From a biological perspective, the purpose of a species is to reproduce and aim for survival of the species. In a modern society this is expressed in a variety of different ways. Largely, employment is focused around service to others in some form. Whether it is providing a service, skill or goods. From a needs perspective, we exist to meet our own needs. See Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

On top of that, we all have free will, unique personalities and preferences. My belief is that who we choose to spend time with shapes who we are as people, as well as our environments.

Personally, I enjoy helping others. I enjoy using my skills at work because it makes me feel useful. Because I have health issues I have an interest in health and fitness. I was very active and grew up in the countryside when I was younger, so I enjoy the outdoors. I love animals because I was raised with them, also they are very pure and joyful. I enjoy learning now that my job as a tutor helped me overcome learning anxiety. Mental health and psychology are important to me because of experiences with trauma. Philosophy has been an interest since childhood because I was often left to the care of the local librarians. Being a child raised in challenging circumstances, I had a lot of questions about the world.

Hi Mr.Ritz

I wonder, do you practice any activities that help you reduce your anxiety? Some common suggestions include; meditation, yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, exercise, hobbies… really anything that you find relaxing.

I have anxiety too and I find that whilst events do trigger anxiety, I tend to jump from event to event. Ultimately, it is a habit for me to worry about something. A habit that I’m trying to break.

It’s good that you can clearly identify some issues. You can plan to resolve them! But bear in mind there will always be new challenges to face.

Hi Soulgazer!

It makes sense that you are experiencing some minor adjustment issues after being alone for a long time. It is good to hear that you are getting used to social interaction again.

If you would like to share your story at some point, I’d be happy to listen.

Wishing you all the best! 🙏

Hi Alexis!

Loving the poetry, thank you for sharing ❤️

Hi Emma

Male trauma therapists exist. Every organisation usually has at least one male therapist on staff. Therapy does bring up a lot of raw emotion. But you have to go through that in order to heal. The mechanism for PTSD is based on avoidance. Avoiding those feelings, memories causes them to become intrusive.

It sounds like you have tried to do a lot for your husband. You have done your best to support him. But you aren’t a therapist, untreat his PTSD will continue to deteriorate.

I think that you are aware that your husband’s view on media is wrong. Otherwise you wouldn’t have watched it secretly throughout the marriage.

Some have no personal connection to violence. On television when you have no personal connection to it, it remains fiction. When you have a personal traumatic connection violence shown on tv it triggers related traumatic memories. You are watching a fictional story, your husband relives his past.

That being said, he needs to get over his need to control what you do in an attempt to make himself feel better and his false beliefs about what it means for people who do partake in media he is triggered by.

You face the consequences of your actions every day. It sounds like he wants to punish you for years of hidden resentments. This is abusive. It’s not your fault that he hid his complaints. One complaint as it arises is easy to bear, easy to resolve. Years and years of complaints… there is no realistic way that you can cope with or make amends for something that happened years ago that you weren’t aware of. He wants to paint you as the problem instead of facing that his resentment is the consequence of his behaviour -his refusal to discuss things that occurred.

He needs to forget the past between you and focus on the present. Bringing up the past in arguments is never helpful.

Nowadays we are taught that we can act however we like, say what we like, do what we want, and other people just have to go along with it, but sometimes there are consequences to being like that and we can hurt people.

Ironically, I think he needs to heed his own words. He treats you however he wants, blaming you for his feelings. Demands that you accept  to his punishment. Demands that you don’t watch shows that he doesn’t like.

You are an individual person, not an extension of him. What you want and feel matters too. Just as much as what he wants and feels.

I don’t think leaving is giving up when the going gets tough. I think it’s about protecting yourself. You have been there throughout all of his pain.

To have a happy life with this man he would need extensive therapy. He would need to forgive you and stop trying to punish you for past mistakes and start fresh. He would need to accept that you are a different person, that you have your own independent needs and desires. He would need to stop relying on you trying to make him feel better and learn to manage his feelings himself.

Hi Alecsee

Like I said before, especially early in relationships it is very common for people to date multiple people at the same time particularly when they haven’t discussed exclusivity. I don’t think she is necessarily attempting to disrespect you. People are looking for a suitable long-term partner and it can take time to meet the right person.

Clearly, you are not compatible with this style of dating. In the future, you should discuss very clearly how you are comfortable with approaching dating.

Aside from that, you two might not be compatible. She has a history of abuse and might be extremely sensitive to arguments. Perhaps this is the reason she hasn’t interacted with you again or discussed the relationship being over?

It sounds like she is moving on, perhaps you should do the same? You are very attached when you have only been dating for a short time. You seem very angry that this relationship hasn’t worked out. The reality is that many relationships do not work out and many relationships end fairly quickly. It takes time to meet someone that you are compatible with. I hope that next time, you meet someone with a compatible dating style.

You mentioned that you feel uncomfortable, I’m curious how your thoughts react to the vibes of others?

Hi Soulgazer!

I’m glad that you had a good experience living in the moment.

Meditation helped me develop this skill. I also practice gratitude. This helps me to appreciate what I experience in a day. Relaxation can be helpful too. I feel like stress can be a factor that encourages us to yearn for things to be different.

Perhaps being comfortable in your own skin helps too? I used to be caught up in my thoughts when I wasn’t comfortable with who I am as a person. Or didn’t feel as capable in coping with challenges in life. Practicing self-compassion and developing boundaries helped me with that. Challenging avoidant behaviours helped me to grow, develop skills and confidence.

Do any of these experiences resonate with you?

I hope you have a wonderful day too! 🙏