Hi Anita and All!

It’s hard for me to be totally objective because I am a born-again Christian!

That said, I dislike the term Born Again Christian because of the stigma/implications that can go along with it.

I also dislike when other Christians give Christianity a bad name by: black and white thinking, judging, tossing all other spirituality out the window.

There is a life, a mysticism to Christianity that dies when people try to put it in a box. The Divine cannot be contained in a box! When people crystallize it into a mental construct (“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus”) they SERIOUSLY turn other people off!

Anita, I’m not surprised you are atheist (if I’m remembering past posts correctly!). There’s a lot of “I wish they wouldn’t do that” out there! (regarding proselytizing)

How much better would it be if we did good deeds, sang hymns and had joy and love in our hearts. THEN people say (and I’ve seen it!) “I want what he/she has!” and the realization “OH! They are Christians!”

Well now we’re getting to “What is true”? If it’s not Math, honestly, most of life is subjective. Like if you read a book written a century ago, it’s crazy the flowing language, multiple layers of detailed thought and yet how limited people’s world views were.

There are some people who do honestly think all the world is a wonderful place filled with lovely people. And they literally live in that world and things work out for them! I know some IRL, it’s crazy! Do they create their own reality from their beliefs? Maybe, but that’s another topic for another thread perhaps.

So, my advice stands with or without further clarity and context! 😉

Jack had mentioned Ekhert (sp?) Tolle.. I remember in his books he makes a distinction between your Life Situation and Life Itself. His theory was Life Itself is already perfect. We actually already live in a perfect reality cosmically, energetically and cellularly. But people get hung up by their Life Situations (my job sucks, I’m lonely, I’m sick, I’m broke).

Clear the mind, live in the Now. That’s the takeaway.

Hi Again,

A Life Plan Script is a list many/most people have for you to follow to be socially/culturally “normal”. Usually it is: School, Apartment/House, Work, Marriage and Children by 30. 40 at the VERY latest!! If you don’t have a degree, are unemployed, and still living with your parents and have never been married and have no kids by 40, people internally freak out a little. They don’t know what to do with that information. You may be volunteering abroad, and help local children learn how to read, are involved with the community garden and help run the theatre barn in town. But that’s not on the Script!! Unless of course you are over 65. :p

Inky

Hi Jerris,

I do not envy people in their twenties at all.

First it’s “Where do you go to school?”

Then, “What do you do?” (you’re supposed to have a job one second after graduation)

“Where do you live?” (An apartment in a good neighborhood or a house)

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“Wedding bells???”

I left out Kids. That I’ll leave through for the thirties!

People like you to be on a Life Plan Script. Living with your parents is NOT on their plan! However, it sounds like you would want to move out anyway!

Use the church people to your advantage. I’m sure SOMEONE has a starter job for you, and a rental. Think “Temporary”. Believe me, if the congregation is already asking you a hundred questions, they would be thrilled to help you re-launch!! It’s a bit of humble pie, but what’s the alternative? Practice writing those thank you notes!

And no, it’s totally OK to like being by yourself! It’s good to enjoy your own company. But if you want friends, people of all ages would make good ones. Go to the gym if you want to easily find other twenty-somethings.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Inky.

…. OK, I’m back..

Have you ever had the Too Much Information Hangover the next day? Where you’re at a party and you instantly connect with someone, and you think they’re your new best friend. You commiserate over her divorce. You sob about your daddy issues. You talk about The Universe and God. Then the next day you’re all, “Um, hey.. how ya doin’?” and it’s all Awkward!! Or you run into them a year later and it’s not the same.

Maybe Authenticity means Not Playing the Game. For instance, some people instantly fit into a group. Others are natural azz kissers. I’m not a good actor IRL, so Authenticity is my default setting! Have a nice husband, and a handful of friends to show for it, but honestly, it hasn’t got me anywhere!! LOL

I guess my feeling is there is a reason why people aren’t Authentic. And unless everyone else reads the book, people being authentically Authentic will be a long time coming!

Hi anita,

I myself dislike the blanket term, “They did their best”. Sadly, my own father didn’t try! Sure, he went through the motions, but after we turned eighteen, we had to call him. He was nice enough when we’d visit, but he never calls, visits, or puts any effort in. It’s a one-sided relationship. He checked out. Forget doing his best ~ he never tried!

To me doing your best means picking up the phone, visiting, celebrating the holidays, having pictures in your wallet, that sort of thing. Making an attempt ~ more than once!

Now my mother ~ she drives me crazy! She reminds me of the mother in Everybody Loves Raymond and Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. Very irritating, BUT! She visits every month ~ she spends the holidays with us ~ she wants to see the grandchildren. She IS doing her best ~ now.

Sure, my dad beat on me once and my mom ignored me growing up. They did NOT do their best then! VERY unconscious, reactionary people. They should not have had children, actually. The difference is my mom grew. My father didn’t.

Anita, the only reason why I don’t see a therapist about my dad is because I think, “Oh great, I get to spend an hour and over $100 talking about him! When was the last time he spent $100 on or an hour talking to me!?”

Inky

Hi Theresa,

I’m going to offer the thought that showing your anger is a bad habit. You get irritated because he’s “safe” to show irritation towards. And I bet you don’t even know when you’re doing it half the time! I’m not criticizing you, I actually have the exact same problem!!

What has helped me was to periodically check-in mentally with myself. Then I will pretend that I am on a second or third date with my DH!! Instantly I am polite, calm, soft-spoken, and if he then spills the coffee ~ it’s not a big deal! When I’m un-mindful he can notice it and lets me know ~ and believe me, some of those times I have no idea I even give off that vibe!!

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi lchevy86,

It’s normal for that falling in love feeling to change to “just” love after the second year. He has no control over that. It sounds like he is the same person!

As far as the female friends he’s had before he met you ~ either your intuition is right or it’s a false alarm. Do you sense the other women are interested in HIM? Not actively, but like if you broke up with him would they be happy to date him if he asked? Do you sense he’s looking at other people now that your Honeymoon Phase is winding down? Not actively, but comparison window shopping?

Are you interested in starting a family? Maybe your anxiety is your subconscious saying “When is this going to happen?”

I would make it a blanket rule that if he sees his old female friends then you will go with him. And he goes with you if you see your old guy friends. Whether you’re sensing something or just insecure, it can’t hurt. Example: If I don’t bring my wallet with me in the mall then I couldn’t buy anything even if I wanted to! LOL

Blessings,

Inky