Hi yoyo4292,

Well, this is one of those things that you can put up with for now, but not indefinitely. There is a potential and inevitable clash here. Just don’t move in with him, marry him, buy property with him or start a business with him and you’ll be fine. Kidding, but not really. I’ve been around people like this, they’re not bad, but they are good as casual friends. Because, you never know when you’re “fired”!

It’s Up to You,

Inky

Hi raventrue,

Not to cast doubts, but when he ditches everyone for the holidays, Where Does He Go??? Do you know? Can you confirm?? This is something out of a bad paperback novel, but I see him, Somewhere. Then, when you said “Stay home for Thanksgiving this time” and he did, he got agitated because he was letting down Someone Somewhere. But then the holidays passed and he got over it. But this year he left again for Somewhere. Then when he comes back he looks even worse because it’s not working out with Someone Somewhere.

That would be my first instinct ~ find out if there is someone else.

Personally I think that he has done a good job at running away, but if he wants out, he has to do the work of getting out. I think you should get any job anywhere to get back in the workforce and so you’re forward thinking and don’t brood on him all day. Don’t initiate divorce until your ducks are in a row and/or your youngest is independent.

If he visits, get his butt to a doctor and a shrink. (Good luck with that!)

Hang in There,

Inky

Hi Jerris,

All our early life we were put in a “system”, in “a track”, but once school ends it’s every man for himself. Even our old mentors are now competitors or strangers. I wish there was a Program for Life that we can take. But the truth is we’re all just winging it. There is no right or wrong thing or path to do. And that scares me! I would say practice Radical Acceptance for now.

Inky

Then maybe he should just delete the app? It’s not about controlling her ~ it’s more about getting rid of the FB icon that triggers him. Know what I mean? It wouldn’t cure anything, but it would sure as heck calm it down for now while he does other stuff. What do you think?

Inky

Hi Drikken,

The Buddhists would say not to get caught up in the effects of enlightenment. I’ve noticed with the degree of mine (still small) that I have impeccable timing, things tend to work out, small miracles happen, and things move by themselves around the house (LOL).

I’m not a leader as that’s not in my nature, but have been called to lead in certain things. I’m popular and likable around my own “people”, if you know what I mean.

I still feel emotions as we are all human. I don’t get caught up in them though. However, you can if you want to. I think it’s a choice. You can turn it on or off. Sometimes it’s more fun to have it turned off. That’s very unenlightened of me, but hey!

Evolving,

Inky

Hi terrabrandford,

For your friend to do that with no warning was simply wrong. A head’s up would have been nice. However, I know how painful associations with bad times can be. The more she avoids you to avoid her tough time, the more the tough time will be entrenched in her mind.

A great website is The Friendship Blog. If you Google it, it should come right up. They have articles and forums about exactly this kind of stuff!

Friendships are there for a reason, season, or lifetime, as the saying goes. I think your hurt was mistaking a season friend for a lifetime one. I’m sorry she’s not drawn that way.

Yes, it gets better, but it really helps to have other stuff going on to dilute the residual feelings.

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by Inky.

Hi April,

I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time.

The reason why people don’t approach you directly is because they think that they will cause more harm to you if they confront you. At least that’s why I would do it. Gossiping is also a form of bonding. If you weren’t there they’d just find someone else to gossip about! The best you can do is ignore the hens in the office, and silently thank your ex for letting you go with minimal drama.

The schools and life ~ what I do is meet the tough time in advance. So for classes I would do all the reading right away. At the same time I would review my notes every day. And write the papers months in advance. Then I would have two different people edit them. By the middle of the semester I would be going to class and actually learning something rather than be all stressy. Read, Review, Write ~ If you do them right away or every day, it’s not bad at all!

Love Life ~ let the guys come to you. A crush is fun, but just that ~ for entertainment purposes only. LOL

With your friends don’t talk about your problems, get cracking solving theirs! Be positive!

Good Luck!

Inky

• This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by Inky.

Hi Allison,

The good news is you’re out of the country! The bad news is you’re out of the country.

Here’s a thought. Every OTHER year do the dutiful daughter routine and visit them. But every OTHER year insist they visit you! Open your home up but be working during the day. They will sight see. Then make a great dinner and take them to a show. Do activities and go to movies so there’s no room for banality. Pretend you’re a tour guide.

I hear you about having *those* relatives. Everyone goes through this. Holidays, ugh.

So that’s my strategy!

Inky