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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,996 through 2,010 (of 2,508 total)
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  • January 24, 2015 at 5:45 am in reply to: Verbally attacked by ex, what do I do? #71849
    Inky
    Participant

    Dear Lucy,

    You handled yourself like a lady. Some of us may not have done the same. What you did/didn’t do was perfect.

    Stuff: Sometimes ex’s hold onto our stuff, holding them hostage. When you didn’t contact/didn’t respond, and then you took your stuff away, and wouldn’t even argue with him, at that moment he realized that HE LOST YOU. You are gone. It’s over. Final. No drama. Even his friend could see that he was holding onto all the drama, thus the abuse.

    I think THE best response is for you not to say anything at all. Maybe have a friend of a friend mention that s/he heard about his tantrum/fiasco with an eyeroll and ask if he’s OK. LOL.

    In the future when/if an ex holds stuff hostage, most times it’s best to just give up the things or have THEM send us the stuff IF they want to or give it to charity. Never leave possessions anywhere, honestly.

    You Did Great,

    Inky

    January 23, 2015 at 4:02 am in reply to: Obsessed with his Ex #71811
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Rachel,

    I know what happened. He broke it off and then found himself in a great chasm of a void. So he picked anyone (and I mean ANYONE) to attempt to fill that void. When men do this, break it off and come back, the interim chick doesn’t even have to be pretty. Anyone (and I mean anyone) with the right plumbing will do. Of course he came to his senses and came back to you! Clearly, it wasn’t about the plumbing.

    With this other girl, he swiftly found out what he DOESN’T want, and so he flew back to you, when he figured out what he DOES want! He was just all, “D’uh” about it. It’s like when you take a friend to the city and say, “This is the finest restaurant in town! Roumanian cuisine, your favorite!” and the friend is all, “I bet there’s another Roumanian restaurant that’s even better” and the friend’s all, “Um, no little buddy, Sammy’s Steakhouse is the best (and only), you don’t even need to do a Google search to figure that out.” And friend’s all, “EXPLORE!!” Then he returns starving to Sammy’s Steakhouse eight hours later…. LOL

    You are the It Girl,

    Inky

    January 22, 2015 at 4:31 am in reply to: Does anyone have any experience of ADHD in relationships? #71780
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Scottieflying,

    It sounds like he needs a secretary or a valet. If my dad didn’t have his secretary he would never know when my birthday was. No joke ~ the secretary went on vacation and I didn’t get a call. LOL

    I might have ADD, I never got tested ~ some days I swear I do. Whenever I say I’m going to call/whatever I make a note of it in my iPhone Notes and then put it in my calendar at home as if it were an appointment.

    If he makes his “shoulds” into “appointments” on the calendar, it will become a habit. The trick is not to fill up the calendar or he’ll get overwhelmed. It should be for those “oh by the way” things that come up. Maybe one a day.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    January 21, 2015 at 5:26 am in reply to: what is acceptable what is not.. Help !! #71722
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi yoyo4292,

    Well, this is one of those things that you can put up with for now, but not indefinitely. There is a potential and inevitable clash here. Just don’t move in with him, marry him, buy property with him or start a business with him and you’ll be fine. Kidding, but not really. I’ve been around people like this, they’re not bad, but they are good as casual friends. Because, you never know when you’re “fired”!

    It’s Up to You,

    Inky

    January 20, 2015 at 5:08 am in reply to: In complete disbelief and misunderstanding. Please help me! #71672
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi trusttheflow,

    You dodged an abusive, crazy, manipulative bullet!! Do you know what a gift from God him “dumping” you was?

    First of all, the girl on his bed? I’m sure it was a pic from before you were together. It wouldn’t surprise me. Let’s just be clear. You not moving in with him, and leaving because he wouldn’t let you throw away trash? You dumped him, baby, and he knew it! OK, YAY!!!

    Second of all, him trying to convince you that you’re wrong because you don’t want to be around anything illegal or hazardous? Manipulative! He’s an active criminal and doesn’t take out the trash. Could it be he is trash?? You’re all “This isn’t normal, honey” and he tells you you’re crazy? Manipulative.

    Third of all, he’s crazy. He should be on Hoarders, the show. This is a mental illness. You are not qualified to deal with someone with a mental illness.

    Lastly, you deserve more than being with a drug addict who’s a hoarder. I don’t know, look out on the street, pick anyone, and I mean ANYONE, and they will probably be better than this guy.

    Praise Sweet Baby Jesus you’re Free,

    Inky

    January 19, 2015 at 6:27 am in reply to: I've been married 13 years…and I think it's over #71584
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi raventrue,

    Not to cast doubts, but when he ditches everyone for the holidays, Where Does He Go??? Do you know? Can you confirm?? This is something out of a bad paperback novel, but I see him, Somewhere. Then, when you said “Stay home for Thanksgiving this time” and he did, he got agitated because he was letting down Someone Somewhere. But then the holidays passed and he got over it. But this year he left again for Somewhere. Then when he comes back he looks even worse because it’s not working out with Someone Somewhere.

    That would be my first instinct ~ find out if there is someone else.

    Personally I think that he has done a good job at running away, but if he wants out, he has to do the work of getting out. I think you should get any job anywhere to get back in the workforce and so you’re forward thinking and don’t brood on him all day. Don’t initiate divorce until your ducks are in a row and/or your youngest is independent.

    If he visits, get his butt to a doctor and a shrink. (Good luck with that!)

    Hang in There,

    Inky

    January 18, 2015 at 5:05 am in reply to: Friendship Issues #71522
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Moongal,

    I think it’s best if you contact her and say, “It’s not working”. By saying “It’s not working” you’re saying the relationship is not working. She’s acting in her nature. You’re acting in yours. Neither of you is wrong. But “It” ~ the friendship ~ is not working.

    Or, you can give her boundaries, like, call once a month. But here’s the thing. You would have to reach out to her, too.

    Tell her that you are safe. But that the constant calling activates your anxiety. “Doctor’s orders”.

    I had a friend where it got to a point where I would cringe every time the phone rang. She would want to rehash what was wrong in our friendship to the point where there wasn’t one.

    As we get older it’s not about the quantity of contacts it’s all about the quality of them.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    January 17, 2015 at 4:28 pm in reply to: What Should I Do? Ugh!!! #71498
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jerris,

    All our early life we were put in a “system”, in “a track”, but once school ends it’s every man for himself. Even our old mentors are now competitors or strangers. I wish there was a Program for Life that we can take. But the truth is we’re all just winging it. There is no right or wrong thing or path to do. And that scares me! I would say practice Radical Acceptance for now.

    Inky

    January 16, 2015 at 5:37 am in reply to: Changing my environment for healing #71434
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Voice of Grace,

    Welcome!! And Welcome to you too Klara!

    Yes, changing our environments can be the ultimate act of rebellion!

    To Self Care!!

    Congrats!!

    Inky 🙂

    January 15, 2015 at 7:46 am in reply to: Help me please! Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from extra-marital affair #71378
    Inky
    Participant

    Then maybe he should just delete the app? It’s not about controlling her ~ it’s more about getting rid of the FB icon that triggers him. Know what I mean? It wouldn’t cure anything, but it would sure as heck calm it down for now while he does other stuff. What do you think?

    Inky

    January 15, 2015 at 6:54 am in reply to: Help me please! Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from extra-marital affair #71376
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi mattr,

    This is a band-aide, but it may help calm down some triggers. IMO, your wife should delete her FB account. Other than keeping up with family members and old friends, there’s no reason for it. It will simplify your lives and she will email, call or see the dozen people she actually wants to have contact with.

    And the guy who “Likes” more often than other people? Some people LIVE on FB, even guys. I wouldn’t worry.

    Your ex-wife? Cheating was already in her nature. But with social media it just makes it a lot easier and thus a lot more common.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    January 14, 2015 at 7:20 am in reply to: Effects of Enlightenment (Repost) #71302
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Drikken,

    The Buddhists would say not to get caught up in the effects of enlightenment. I’ve noticed with the degree of mine (still small) that I have impeccable timing, things tend to work out, small miracles happen, and things move by themselves around the house (LOL).

    I’m not a leader as that’s not in my nature, but have been called to lead in certain things. I’m popular and likable around my own “people”, if you know what I mean.

    I still feel emotions as we are all human. I don’t get caught up in them though. However, you can if you want to. I think it’s a choice. You can turn it on or off. Sometimes it’s more fun to have it turned off. That’s very unenlightened of me, but hey!

    Evolving,

    Inky

    January 13, 2015 at 5:38 am in reply to: Write letter to ex or not #71206
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Jeff,

    I would send the letter. Even if it makes it 1% better, why not? If it makes it 1% worse, well, so what, at this point?

    I would let her go but you have three kids together. I would gently explain that the cost, time and energy of attorneys will take away money, time and energy from the children. It would be better if you treat her with polite respect, as you would a nice stranger and co-parent the kids. Remember, she’s “right” even when/if she’s wrong. Let her be the Head Parent, but always be there, always be OK with anything. Maybe when she sees this side of you more often, things can start to turn around.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Inky.
    January 12, 2015 at 5:20 am in reply to: Recovering the Loss of a Very Close Friend #71159
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi terrabrandford,

    For your friend to do that with no warning was simply wrong. A head’s up would have been nice. However, I know how painful associations with bad times can be. The more she avoids you to avoid her tough time, the more the tough time will be entrenched in her mind.

    A great website is The Friendship Blog. If you Google it, it should come right up. They have articles and forums about exactly this kind of stuff!

    Friendships are there for a reason, season, or lifetime, as the saying goes. I think your hurt was mistaking a season friend for a lifetime one. I’m sorry she’s not drawn that way.

    Yes, it gets better, but it really helps to have other stuff going on to dilute the residual feelings.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Inky.
    January 11, 2015 at 5:47 am in reply to: Starting Over after leaving a toxic relationship #71020
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Alyssa,

    I would stay single on purpose. This is the opposite of what everyone else seems to be doing. This year, purposefully stay single. Then when you are “You” again, start dating. You do have to build up your inner core, your inner strength, and your own identity.

    I’m so glad you have a best friend who is letting you stay with her!

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,996 through 2,010 (of 2,508 total)
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