The great news about parenthood: As the child gets older, they want a party with all their school friends, not their family! Then, older still, they want a sleepover party or going out to dinner/movie with close friends. And, your daughter will be busier with after school activities, so any SIL drama will be relegated to holidays and possibly weekends.

Does she have children? If so, once you had kids, she sees you as competition. If she doesn’t have kids, she sees you as “one up”.

I had this problem with my sister in terms of her being late and flaking out. (She really would, it wasn’t an excuse, she’s just an airhead LOL). I told her, “I want my kids parties to be about them, not about Where’s Auntie? When will Auntie be here?” So I ditched the fam. and just had parties. We would see them on holidays and an occasional weekend. I stopped inviting them to events.

Social Media: It’s true, if you delete or block there is drama. What I do is go on to the sites less and less in terms of posting. I “Hide” most people so I don’t get upset. I just chat privately with the peeps I actually like.

And, nothing creates distance like distance. If you move one day (because you want to, not because of your SIL!) you will be surprised at the sudden serenity!

The other thing is the underlying contempt the partner must already have to even voice put downs. You know what, unless you can change their mind about you, I vote leave.

Here’s how I look at things:

1. EITHER he’s not actively interested in you but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. In which case, forget him.

2. OR, he is indeed interested. But if he can’t show you obvious interest, what is to keep other guys from sweeping you off your feet? He has a lot of work to do. Forget him until he asks you out.

My advice? If he calls, call back. If he texts, text back. But only if you want to. If he doesn’t make the first move, don’t do it for him.

A man pursues, a woman discerns.

I agree with Tiny Butterfly.

Meet him for coffee. That’s about it. If he mentions “Friends with Benefits” say, “That’s not who I am.” It will probably end things, I’m just warning you, as he had already defined your relationship. Tell him that the fling you had usually goes against your nature, that it was a fluke that you did that with him. Clearly, he is special. But so are you, therefore, casual sex is “Not who I am”.

I have a friend (who was more than a friend several years ago) and we have a “competition” of sorts between us. LOL

I laugh about it now, but in the beginning it was all about not showing vulnerability, not needing help, “you don’t have to prove you’re beautiful to strangers” (a line from an old song), that type of thing.

Time, distance, having your own thing, not checking social media, not getting drawn too deep in conversations… All these things will help with that competition thing.

Stop helping him. Welcome him into the house to visit with your daughter but don’t act like his travel agent/secretary/sponsor.

What you are feeling is so normal, it’s text-book! The time line ~ If you were, say, now 30 and weren’t over him after 8-ish years then that’s a problem LOL. But the breakup “just” happened! There are people who carry a torch for decades. I don’t think that’s “you” because you are already having bouts of happiness and normalcy and don’t seem to romanticize this guy. If anything, your competitive spirit will keep you attached.

Keep it up, you’re doing better than I’ve been over break ups!

He didn’t want a girlfriend, he wanted an unpaid, psychic licensed therapist to hold his hand. Oh my goodness, it sounds too much like “work”! Where’s the fun? The romance? Yes, support each other in hard times, but it shouldn’t be a guessing game! You know, I like it when other people make my decisions for me! By breaking up with you, he actually made one of your eventual decisions! Think of it that way. His mistake was your favor. When you are in a new, healthy relationship you’ll see what I mean.