Hi Steve,

I admit on your last posts I was lurking a bit but never answered because everyone was saying what I would have said. 🙂

But you choosing between two girls and then them changing their minds reminds me of an old obscure movie. It involved a guy, and a girl, there was a murder, and they caught the killer (the guy) because ~ wait for it ~ she kept a diary. In real life this wouldn’t have been shocking, but in the movie it was. He was truly mystified. He viewed her as a bit of an object and was blown away that she had her own feelings, thoughts and will!

In your old posts it seemed (to me) that you were choosing between two options in the store. But then you go back and both brands have been discontinued! LOL! Now, I could be wrong, but that was the impression I got. Always remember that women are very powerful and are actually the same as men ~ only the plumbing and the hormones are different!

Then there’s the “I wouldn’t want to be part of a club that would have me as a member” mentality. Instead of thinking, “Girl A dumped me and now Girl B wants me, but she must be really bad if she wants me, Girl A sure doesn’t!” Or, you can view her as a Gift. As in “Girl A made a mistake, but Girl B is smart and sure knows how to pick ’em!”

Lastly, view dating as fun! You don’t “Need” to get married. You can just have a good time, meet new people, and of course, Who Knows??? But don’t be attached ~ I think that’s the key to your happiness.

The good news is you will only spend more and more time with him. If he was indeed a serial monogamist, one day, you will easily fly by the “two year mark” or however long his longest relationship was. Then you will fly by the “decade mark”, and have a good laugh. Of course everyone in his past was gorgeous ~ they were all twenty year old kids at the time! LOL.

Grown ups fall in love with depth and soul, which illuminate the beloved from within. It sounds like he is a grown up now. So you have nothing to worry about!

Hi Again!

OK, so as long as we’re meditating on death, consider this: Imagine the eons of time that must have existed before you were born. About how your genes were in your parents, grandparents and relatives. A part of you was seeing out of their eyes. How the cells currently in your body were literally part of something else at the time/s. In/As grass, cattle, plants, water, etc.

Now think about how a part of you will one day see out of your children’s, grandchildren’s, etc. eyes. How your cells will literally, once again, be part of water, plants, air, etc. Sure, your current consciousness will be transformed, but it will change, as it always has.

Humans, eons ago, before language, before “thought”, lived, evolved, “Made it”. Their consciousness simply evolved. Same with the Earth. Same with the Universe. And, at a quantum level, aren’t we, at the end of the day, The Universe? We’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.

Change the meditations from fear to cosmic connection.

As Westerners, we don’t think about death. But the Buddhists would tell small children, “If you want to think about anything, ponder on when the hour will be when you die.” (!) So a Master might say to you, “You’re doing good, kid!” LOL

In all seriousness, though, you are experiencing Existential Terror. I’ve had bouts of that, in the car. (Not good.) It passes.

Instead of blocking it, maybe go all in. Read up on all the Stages of Dying. Know what to do, and what papers to collect, when your parents are leaving this earth. (There’s a great series on this in Oprah Magazine this month). Go to a Buddhist teacher and tell him/her your concerns ~ they will help you. Who better? .. Meditate on the fact that we’re not afraid of losing our consciousness when we go to sleep, and death is no different. Do you remember your past lives? Probably not, but your likes, habits and inclinations can give you a clue! Read The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.

IF you are becoming prone to panic attacks anyway, get a lot of sunlight, and clean up your diet. If that doesn’t help, a physician.

But most importantly, and paradoxical to the laundry list above, give most of your attention to your school, friends and family. That is what life is now all about, and the lesson of death ~ to enjoy life.

Have you met the co-worker? Would you be jealous of any co-worker? Do you have prophetic dreams? Let your intuition be your guide.

I don’t think you’re overreacting, though some may disagree.

When my DH was hiring secretaries I said, “She better be a grandma.” His secretary is over 60 years old! LOL! *Could* something happen? Of course! She’s a very good looking 60! So you see, there are no guarantees. LOL

If you trust him, and if you don’t get any weird vibe from her, it should be OK.

There’s a saying, “As the fruit grows the blossom falls off the tree.” Meaning, you don’t have to suddenly end or stop everything, you simply slowly replace them with something else. And gradually the negative influences will disappear.

Can you go to AA? Get a part time or “hobby” job? Run a children’s program? Meet people at Meet Up’s? Go to a meditation workshop/retreat?

Sometimes a lot of seemingly little things (or one little thing in particular) can “break the circuit” and get you back on a good track.

Blessings, and Good Luck!

Inky

There’s a saying I love: “I believe in Aslan even if there is no Aslan. I am a Narnian even if there is no Narnia.”

So you see, you don’t have to believe in God. But wouldn’t it be nice to Act As If? (And besides ~ Who knows??) And in all the holy texts from all religions there is a common theme: To help others. That rings true whether you’re an atheist, a Buddhist, or just a regular human!

Sadly, it is true that life and/or the planet will continue on, if we drop dead or stop living life. But if you look in the mirror you will see a person crafted and altered through millions of years of evolution. We are made (for whatever reason) to love, help, run, play. Wouldn’t it be a shame if you realize The Meaning and it’s too late?

At least begin. Start by doing exactly what you feel like, something that brings a smile to your face.

Wow, you’re seeing more of him as a friend than I do with my actual friends! LOL

Can you be “busy” enough so that you only see him (as a friend) once a month?

Talk on the phone only once a week?

Text only once a day? (a one line text, no conversations)

As he feels lonely he will seek company. And as/if he misses you, he will start the conversation.

The trick on how to do this is to claim busy-ness and at the same time plan an outing with him a few weeks in advance. I think you need to do this for your own sanity!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Inky.