Hi Choccoffeewine,

This is why God created weddings, baptisms and funerals, so people can actually see each other. And holidays for those that live close by! You are/were there for her. Beyond that, there isn’t much else you can do.  What makes it hard is the distance and her personality. Add kids to the mix, and you know, it’s all about the kids, everyone else is a distant 2nd/, 3rd/, 4th/…

Maybe offer them to come up for the holidays (they won’t). Or visit them in 2020.

Best,

Inky

Hi Kareem,

If it makes you feel any better, your friend literally doesn’t think about the box at all. Even that day, he probably perused it, then thought about it for like a minute. The box is probably with new club members or in someone’s attic by now.

I was a Scout leader, and as a leader (or even as an active member) YOU have to be more into the organization/club than anyone else. The average member, the common denominator, is just that ~ common. In that they’ll do the bare minimum and really don’t care (strange but true). Then you have the 20%, the ones who care an awful lot and do most of the work. I remember being made fun of by other parents because I was “SO into it”. Well guess what? If I wasn’t that involved, none of the kids would have successful meetings and earn badges. (Thankfully for the next Den I had very involved parents!) And by you being so into it, that inspires other people to help out and get involved.

So no, DON’T be embarrassed about the box! HE should have actually appreciated its contents as he was the only one actually worthy of receiving it! The next time your thoughts run away with you, flip the script!

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi drew,

All you owe your (half? step?) sibling and her mother is politeness.

Your dad cannot say “Have a relationship with these folk if you want one with me”.

Tell him “I always let people have their own relationship with each other. We do have a relationship, Dad. We’re just not that close.”

It is his choice whether to have a relationship with you and to what extent. If he puts artificial limits on it, OH WELL! This nonsense going on in his head is probably why he got divorced twice!

Good Luck,

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Hi Abhaya,

My reasoning is: So what if you weren’t in your right mind and subconsciously wanted the boy? It’s not about the boy. It was never about the boy. It’s about you. You’re there now. You are successful. You are happier there. Stay there until you graduate.

When people make assumptions, just shrug and say, “Oh, him? This was the best place I got accepted at, we’re not even together!”

Best,

Inky

Hi Julie,

This is my outlook coming as a parent with a rising Senior in college:

Your parents managed to take care of themselves very well even long before you were born. Only they know about their true financial situation, their comfort with it and their stress level over it. For example you couldn’t imagine living on 50K a year. However, they’re so used it that it doesn’t faze them.

They also have a mentality a lot of my peers do. Which is “So what else is the money for?” Of course they don’t want to worry you about paying for college. That is “their job” and believe it or not they are happy to do it! Once you are through school they can truly say “We were good parents”. So they’ll have debt, well, they won’t live forever, and it will be paid off whenever/however, they say to themselves.

Now, your mother SHOULD see a doctor. The bumps on her legs could be nothing, you are not a doctor and you don’t know. The REAL question to ask her is “When was the last time you’ve had a checkup/mammogram/OBGYN check?” Talk to your father and he (or you if you’re bold) can make the appointments for her.

You probably won’t have to take care of your parents for another twenty or thirty years. Please don’t worry about it now!

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Hi Samantha,

I wouldn’t worry about it. His friends and family have already pegged you as his girlfriend. You’ve been going out consistently with only each other for a while now. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if people are all like, “How’s yr. GF?” and he responds, “She’s OK.” It would be very adolescent for him to be all, “She’s not my GF! We’re just friends! Why would you think that?!”

When you bring it up as a question and not as a fact, you’re just making it worse.

Have someone ELSE introduce the two of you to a third party. i.e. “Pierre, this is Samantha and her BF Keith.”

If he doesn’t deny (he won’t) then BOOM! Cannon!!

Good Luck,

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Hi James,

We had such groups in college. The longer it lasted, the more incestuous it would become. I remember one girl who went out with two guys in a group and ended up marrying another. Meanwhile, the ex of the guy she married was also still in the group.

If you simply can’t stand it, try seeing your favorite person in the group one-on-one. Then next year see another. Then in the third year a group of them together. Eventually you WILL run into her, especially at big life events like weddings, etc.

Hopefully what will happen (in time) is when you finally see her it will be years later, and you will feel… Nothing!… We do become different people as we age, and some people don’t physically age well (which does help).

Blessings,

Inky