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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,096 through 1,110 (of 2,508 total)
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  • February 1, 2017 at 4:56 am in reply to: Lagging behind in life… #126526
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Prashanth,

    I have the exact same feeling, because I am convinced I am the only person on the planet who didn’t go to prom LOL! I was nice, I was pretty, yet I saw literally everyone else get “Prom-posals” and I couldn’t manage to scrounge up a date! Even now, a generation later, I see pictures of unattractive or awkward girls in their gowns and that brings back those bitter memories. I went to dances, sure, but Prom, the “Best night of your life” somehow eluded me.

    Now, for other people who did go, it was “just a night”. I question my kids about it. I get “Meh. It was fine.”

    Sometimes we put more importance in events than they merit. Believe me when I say that for most of your classmates 12th/ grade sports and the class trip was just an event. It was “OK”.

    And everyone misses at least one “chapter” from childhood. One never went to camp, another never could go clubbing, etc.

    What you have to do is overcome your embarrassment: Take driving lessons, book a trip someplace and have your friends set you up with nice girls.

    Also believe me when I say that there are homebody bachelors who are totally happy.

    It really is up to you.

    Best,

    Inky

    January 31, 2017 at 7:21 am in reply to: Fear of proposing #126459
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi roshrang,

    I agree that if you’re not fairly certain she’d say yes, then you should WAIT.

    But reading between the lines, it seems like you have a lovely relationship where more things are left unsaid than said, and therein is where the magic lies.

    I would drop a few major and minor hints this year so she can gracefully tell you “no” in so many words (or “YES”!) if you know what I mean.

    Like, “Do you want to be asked an important question before or after the holidays?” If she smiles, blushes, and acts coy and purrs, “What KIND of a question??” your answer is YES.

    But if she grows flustered and stammers while looking for the nearest exit the answer is NO.

    A simple, “So, what’s your ring size?” could do it.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    January 30, 2017 at 10:57 am in reply to: Bittersweet #126401
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi greenshade,

    I never get tired of your posts! We have all “been there”, even if the specifics of a problem are different.

    I also want to second the congratulations! What you did was counter-intuitive to our culture, but if everyone did this practice, the world would be much better!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    January 29, 2017 at 4:46 am in reply to: Relationship #126315
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi samsuddinzaved,

    The rule I have for myself is to be 99% comfortable in a relationship. The 1% that’s uncomfortable? That’s the part that reminds me to say “please”, “thank you”, give hugs and be respectful. If I was 100% comfortable I’d shout, “Yo, Babe! Go wash my socks, would ya?!” That would NOT go over too well day after day!

    Also, if you’re respectful and the other is not, at least they can see the contrast!

    Best,

    Inky

    January 28, 2017 at 6:43 am in reply to: Alone,Lost,scared and unmotivated. #126274
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi a-coleman,

    You have two options. Either dig deep, as venice did with his/her awesome advice. Or regroup.

    I would try to get student loans, or take online or community college courses (take one course at a time, if possible). Maybe you can work in a bookstore, or get a different job. Or hire your services out (driver, tutor, etc.)

    Find a place of worship and/or a rec center. Go for social reasons as well as physical/spiritual reasons. Meet your neighbors. Friends come in all ages when you’re not a student. IMHO it’s healthier to have an eclectic “tribe”.

    Good Luck, no matter what your path/s!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    January 27, 2017 at 5:01 am in reply to: How to base my self esteem on myself #126225
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Sophji,

    Random thoughts here:

    Tiger Woods cheated on his wife ~ the Swedish supermodel. And she wisely dumped him. Because clearly it had nothing to do with her looks. It had to do with his own demons.

    When boys are insecure they look at TV where all the schlubby guys have thin model girlfriends. That’s the ratio they see day after day. “I may bat at 20%, but my GF better bat at least 80%!” Even my dear youngest son (who isn’t on media a lot) has this attitude. “Well she better be hot!” he said unconsciously once. I give him *the look*, he looks at himself in the mirror ~ and then starts laughing at himself!

    And as a mother, yes, I do stare at him. He is beautiful ~ to me! As are all the people I love. I don’t know if they are conventionally beautiful (maybe not) but their souls radiate goodness and beauty.

    Lastly, you will be amazed how good looking you are now when you look at pictures in twenty years. I’m all, “I was so hard on myself and I was so beautiful!!”

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    January 27, 2017 at 4:38 am in reply to: i have been in a very close relationship with this guys past 6years #126224
    Inky
    Participant

    Oh dear. I’m sorry my answers are short. I like to get right to the point.

    I hope others on Tiny Buddha will jump in, it’s also helpful to have many different views!

    Listen, dear, it is not good for you, the man and even his wife for you to be involved in his life anymore. I know it’s painful. I suspect many people reading this have been there. It’s not easy to love someone you’re not “supposed” to be in love with. My advice is to leave him alone. For now. In a few years check in with him. If he has divorced his poor wife and has gotten out from under his parents, then yes, be with him.

    But you must agree that it is bad karma for you to stay in the wings like this. Believe it or not, it will be easier for him to deal with one issue at a time. It will be easier for him to dissolve his marriage without you hanging around. It will also be easier to get away from his family’s influence perhaps if he stays married for a year or two. Let him work things out without you even energetically hanging around.

    You can tell him, “I’m letting you alone to work your stuff out. Contact me when you are legally divorced”.

    January 26, 2017 at 11:39 am in reply to: i have been in a very close relationship with this guys past 6years #126181
    Inky
    Participant

    samira,

    I wouldn’t take his calls anymore. Stop communicating with him. This isn’t good for you, him, or his new wife. Leave that family alone now.

    January 26, 2017 at 7:10 am in reply to: i have been in a very close relationship with this guys past 6years #126175
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi samira,

    Two things are going on here. One is you took your BF for granted and the other is that he is in an arranged marriage. If you said “Yes” the first time would he have been free to marry you? Would his parents have allowed it? Well, what’s done is done at any rate.

    You said, “No, don’t wait for me.” Then his parents set him up with a fiancée.

    Now he is married. It doesn’t matter if it is consummated or not. He is married. He is also under his parents’ thumb.

    I hate to say it, but move on. HE has to get a divorce if you are to have a future. To be honest, I don’t see that happening from the way you described him.

    Best,

    Inky

    January 25, 2017 at 4:47 am in reply to: lying too much #126104
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi babbu,

    I believe that people have to earn the right to know your backstory. So maybe for each time you see someone, tell them one thing about yourself. That’s it. Eventually the ones who matter will know you totally. But the jerks won’t get beyond a polite surface-y “Hi. I’m fine, how are you? Good bye”.

    You have to switch your mindset. THEY have to make a good impression on you too, you know?

    Best,

    Inky

    January 24, 2017 at 5:57 am in reply to: Will he regret breaking up with me and come back? #126042
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi raroholic,

    I think it’s at the point where even if he does come back, you have to let him go. For your own pride’s sake. I’m worried that you are the “One Waiting in the Wings”, the “sure thing” mentioned before. You must never let him think that! So if he shows up at your doorstep, drunk out of his gourd, don’t let him in the house, much less in your bed. In fact, don’t reply to his calls and texts for a while. A while would be a year. yes, a year. No big hot announcements, just don’t respond.

    He broke up with you. But now you have to treat him as if you broke up with him. And to entertain the thought of you two getting back together one day? Wait until you’re out of school and he’s a grown up.

    Just my opine!

    Inky

    January 23, 2017 at 6:30 am in reply to: self sabotage #125961
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi greenshade,

    Last year I did a lot of praying about a certain I-S-S-U-E which was post worthy in its own right. Then my prayer was answered in such a phenomenal way that I got extremely paranoid that it would all be taken away. When you’re not used to things going well and suddenly it does it can do a number on you.

    Time is the natural remedy. Bask in your blessings and be content.

    Best,

    Inky

    January 22, 2017 at 10:31 am in reply to: Dividing opinions #125906
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi mrmoonhead,

    I didn’t participate in the march (but I easily could have!) and I voted for Clinton. Which speaks volumes considering that I usually vote the other way. But our GOP option WAS that bad!

    If Clinton won and half a million Trump supporters marched all over the world, everyone would be shocked and outraged. And rightfully say that Clinton won by our electoral process.

    Well, that’s how I feel. Trump (of all people) won by our process. I didn’t march because if we want to change anything, it should be the process itself.

    To answer your question, to dilute their “Trump is an idiot” vitriol, is to (at first) agree with them.

    Say, “Yes, he is an idiot, isn’t he?”

    OMG, you are hearing them and agreeing with them! That in itself should dampen any further fiery banter.

    Later say, “Hey, what do you think of this slogan for your placard I just thought of?”

    Ask leading questions away from their hatred.

    That’s how I deal with extremism.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    January 21, 2017 at 6:40 am in reply to: About done with Earth tbh #125850
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi wabc,

    Anita is right ~ you will (one distant day) have your wish. You will spend more time in The Universe than you will as a woman on this planet in this incarnation.

    I will say this. As a child of a parent who toyed with suicide (let’s just leave it at that) is: If anything happened to you by your own hands your children will grow up thinking “Was I not enough?” Or worse, “What was wrong with me so my mother chose death instead”?

    And another thing: As the children get older, are in school, and later are out of the house more than they are in it, you will have time to read, create, etc. I have three. What I would do is create and do crafts and read with them. I even had an art show when they were babies and tots. (Nap times and 8 PM bedtimes was when I’d create ~ even if it was for 15 min. a day!)

    This isn’t to make you feel bad. It’s to let you know the power of 15 minutes. They add up. They do! Some of my best writings were when I was “in the bathroom” LOL.

    And see a doctor. In the midst of my Dark Night of the Soul (which was real) was the discovery that my Adrenals were shot and I had zero Vitamin D in my system (even though I was a walker!). I felt pissed that such simple fixes (no stress and Vitamin D pills) could negate or belittle my Dark Night. But my spiritual muck I was in was no less real. But by taking care of myself that is also real.

    You deserve to be happy and healthy for the several decades you are here.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    January 20, 2017 at 5:09 am in reply to: Healing, growth & the present moment #125771
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Poppy,

    I think the main mindset you should have is this: “I’m already powerful and complete, and this is just an occasional flux.”

    I know no one’s “complete”, but I mean Cosmically Complete. You can substitute, “Perfect”, “Whole”, “Divinely Led” or whatever makes you the most comfortable.

    When you go to 100 courses, read 100 books, do 100 exercises, etc. you are sending yourself the shadow message that you are not good enough, that there is something wrong with you.

    You should be content with yourself if you stop doing, reading, etc. And happy DESPITE all the things left undone!

    Blessings,

    Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,096 through 1,110 (of 2,508 total)
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