Hi Noah,

There is Life Itself, and then there is your Life Situation. This other person could never be YOU.

And then there are your Goals and Aspirations. It took me a decade to realize that even your Goals aren’t YOU. If you get hit on the head and wake up with permanent amnesia, you are still irreplaceably YOU.

So let’s say you are both writers. And let’s say you’re still penning notes in your notebook while he got on the NY Times Best Seller List.

Is YOUR book (or metaphoric book) the same as his book? Probably not. Make your book, whether it’s on paper stuck in a drawer, published traditionally, or self-published online, utterly, totally, and completely yours. Therein lies a thumbprint your soul. But only a thumbprint.

And remember life is long. Yes, we can have A Mission. But there are also many Side Missions. There is often no One Reason for you being here, but more like A Dozen Reasons you’re here.

Best,

Inky

Hi Shirley,

Biologically, men are 20% stronger than women. However, it is easy for a strong woman to defeat a weak man! We are strong women. In ancient societies there was a place for us. In Scandinavia lore there were Valkyries and shield maidens. In fact, scientists recently unearthed burial sites where half the warriors were female!

So when an average Joe sees a woman he instinctively knows can “take him”, The Patriarchy rears in his dim-witted head and he (tries) to bully us.

When people would imply about me possibly being a lesbian, (usually because they’re threatened or couldn’t have me) I’d reply, “I know what you mean. I tend to attract very masculine men. Typically I dated people who look like Vikings or ride motorcycles.” And now I can scare them off by adding, “My husband will be here any minute if you want to meet him.” 😉

Blessings,

Inky

When he takes his sweet time getting back to you, say “Sorry, I have to go!”

When you finally meet up (let him do all the planning) bring up that you would be dating other people ~ but don’t want to hurt him.

He will realize that you will not be just waiting around.

Like I said, it will be either Relationship or Bust.

And if he says, “I’m OK with you dating other people”?

Then date other people.

Best,

Inky

Hi Jessica,

You are handling this SO well! The guy sounds like he ultimately just cares about himself.

I am warning you though that after his program/move/whatever in a few years he WILL check on you to see how you “are”. Men do that when they’re betwixt and between relationships. To you this is now good news but I am telling you that when, not if, WHEN he contacts you it is a trap.

You are NOT to contact him. When, not if, WHEN he contacts you, DON’T respond to him. He will go crazy. It is his own fault. Your role in his life now will be to show him the natural consequences of dumping someone so casually. That once you say good bye you can’t go back.

You are to date, travel, hang out with your friends, study, work and have fabulous adventures.

And in your next relationship DON’T move in together! That drives them crazy and you will then be married before you know it!

Blessings,

Inky

Hi helpless,

Ancient wisdom (what our grandmother would tell us) is this:

Men are the best behaved BEFORE marriage.

Here he is chatting up other girls, waffling, etc.

Could you imagine living with that, and worse, for the rest of your life (assuming the marriage lasts)?

You grew up together! Or rather, you grew up. He didn’t.

Cast him loose and catch a mature fish. He’s too small.

Blessings,

Inky

Hi jo1124,

In my opinion, you could have, should have, would have had TWO relationships (and plenty of living the good life) in that time period, at that stage of your life.

It is good you are letting him go.

Yes, seven years is a long time. Yes, the relationship has gone stale.

But you will only regret it when you feel lonely or nostalgic.

Perhaps revisit him after a long absence. That would be the only way to reignite the spark, methinks.

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Hi iamthis,

I could go on and on about conspiracy theories and containment zones, etc. Sometimes it does seem like you’re living out someone (or something!) else’s script.

Try this. Fall in love with the desert. Tell The Universe 100 times a day how you love your life, and you love your environment. And don’t you dare change it, Universe! You are, finally, content. Start a literal Gratitude Journal to seal the deal.

The Matrix (or whatever it is) will simply Plotz. It will have a freaking cosmic stroke. It’s evil plans will be foiled.

You will be out of the desert so fast it will make your head spin.

BTW, this technique is used by people who finally find their soul mates. They stop looking and stop caring. Then they fall in love.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Inky.

Hi tinybuddy,

You were abused and rejected before and by the time you were eight years old! Considering many people’s mental bodies don’t come in until then, it was easy to internalize that you yourself are “bad”. That is the core issue.

Seek ye a qualified therapist! You deserve it! Repeat 100 times: “I deserve it!”

As to the quasi-BF… To ask, expect or hope for him to return (at least in the foreseeable future) is a little over the top. He views you as a wounded bird now. A wounded bird who also cheated on him. I suggest cooling it with the texting with him. Tell HIM that you are taking a break. Then let him pursue you. Like next year.

Lessons Learned?

1. No more moving in with someone.
2. No more booze, drugs and cigs. Go to a support group for that as well. You aren’t text book addicted, but the core issues are still there which makes you do these things.

Blessings,

Inky