Hi elle,

Here are the two possibilities:

1. He’s a guy and literally cannot process, much less respond, to emotionally laden texts.

2. He knows you’re into him and he doesn’t want to encourage you.

What I would do is stop texting him unless he texts first. And in your replies keep it short. As in shorter than his texts to you. The person who writes more (about anything) has more at stake and is in a weaker power position I’ve found. By keeping your communications shorter and only as a response to his, you will change the dynamics on an unconscious level at his end.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Andy,

Well, first off the vast age difference… Don’t get me wrong, I had two amazing friends who were a generation (and a half!) older than me. The difference though, is they would encourage me to go out and have a drink with my girlfriends. And ask what I was doing on my birthday and for me to tell them all about it when I got back. And they would probably set me up with that guy LOL!

They knew I was young.

Are you sure you’re not treating her as a peer with your own expectations?

Maybe make friends with older people. At twenty-five there is a huge pressure to have all the adult things while being forever young. It’s all too much.

Best,

Inky

Hi Miniature Bodhisattva,

I think I would have stood there looking dazed too out of confusion!

If I was feeling exceptionally assertive I could see myself saying, “What am I, a second class citizen? I know I’m a regular, but LOL come on!”

And if she apologized I’d typically say, “No problem.”

So weird! I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

Best,

Inky

Another thought (just read your earlier post)…

I am happily married. But I don’t go on and on (and on!) about how happy I am even on social media.

Is he trying to convince YOU… or himself? He is transferring his guilt and bad feelings onto YOU by bragging in the office about his perfect marriage to his perfect wife in a fairy tale setting. Give me a break!

In fact, if you want to shut him up, ASK him (privately) just that: “Who are you trying to convince? People are talking. Cut it out.” He’ll stammer, hem and haw. And ask you who “the people” in the office are. Don’t say another word to him after that though.

What’s he going to do ~ tell everyone that you guys had an affair? You are in the power position. And in fact he’s the one playing a dangerous game as you could easily tell his wife.

Hi djindjii,

We have to be who and what we are. Buddhism was a nice temporary overlay, but it is not *you*. I feel like you were trying to replace your Default Self with a new improved perfect Buddhist Self.

Sure, some things in Buddhism you could internalize, but don’t feel guilty for reverting back to YOU. Your True Nature.

Best,

Inky

Hi Choccoffeewine,

In our subconscious mind where Mythology resonates, there dwell The Perfect Beneficent Parents. Most of us try to live up to the Great Mother or Great Father Archetype. Your dad, for example, made a good attempt. Your mom didn’t even try. Now, we still have The Archetype that lives in us. And all we can do is forgive our bumbling, imperfect parents for fulfilling, say, 10% of it (they kept us alive after all).

I would stick to a schedule (say, visit her every month and call once a week. And answer texts and calls etc. after 5).

And I would also Throw Money At It.

When everyone calls you screaming, say, simply, “OK, I’ll call tomorrow and will see you next week!”

When your mom throws you a laundry list of chores, errands, etc., say, “I hired this local girl to do that for you.”

You are changing The Script. You are holding fast to your Boundaries. You are Managing everyone else’s Expectations.

This is The Gift your mother is actually giving you!

Blessings,

Inky

Hi Leo,

Your family is special ~ they are modelling what a healthy family is supposed to be! So many people don’t have that. Even though it is somewhat ordinary, every year it is becoming more and more unusual.

How do you think adoptive parents know a particular stranger child is theirs? They “just know”. There IS a certain knowing when you meet your people, blood related or spiritually so.

The monks? I met a Hindu one. His parents gave him away as is the tradition in certain circles. He claimed not to have an attachment to his family, but I could see the “What if” pain/longing behind his eyes.

Other monks enter the priesthood because they don’t have what you have, or they don’t know what else to do. It’s sometimes not for noble reasons.

You are a young man and naturally want to venture out into the world unimpeded. As a mother, give us parents a call once in a while. And make an attempt to see us once a year or so at holidays. That, too, is what families are for! 🙂

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.

Hi marie,

You didn’t finish uni? Is that right? Not wise. It is a cliché, but True Love Can Wait.

Also, If Something Is Too Good To Be True, etc.

He gets to self destruct and act inappropriately. Then when you call him out on it he yells that you are just like his family (The people that have always loved him that are practicing Tough Love because they don’t know what else to do). And you justify this because we all have demons (but some are bigger than others, yes?).

Tell him that you are calling him out on things BECAUSE you love him. If he wants to dump you one day to find an enabler, great. But it’s not true love.

I think you should finish school, he should get therapy and conquer his addictions, then in a few years revisit each other as older, wiser people.

I’m being a little tough because I’ve been there. I had dumped someone who sounds very similar to your BF. Sometimes people need “little hurts” in their life to clean up their act (addiction, behavior, etc.)

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Inky.