By dating one of his friends or one of her ex’s. It’s only fair. LOL

And women don’t generally go after their friends’ ex’s. Girl Code. Not a very good friend. Or one you could stomach being around if she actually accepts him. Are you sure his ego isn’t getting the best of him? As if he could pick any girl (your particular friend) off the rack? Or he’s not trying to make you upset/jealous/sad?

You could have him promise you to not rebound after your friend and have her make the same promise.

Asking yourself to become OK with this now is a little over the top unless it’s, say, ten years later.

Hi anyonfire,

Well, the fault was hers back in 2012! Think about it. You had to change the status of the relationship to “Just Friends” because she couldn’t behave. Listen, in your 20’s a woman (and her parents) naturally wants to get married and the man naturally wants to build his nest! You were trying to build your nest (studies/career).

I also don’t like how you finally confess very real feelings and the fiancé gets upset to that level. As if knowing someone for a month (??) trumps knowing someone for four years.

Well, what’s done is done.

It is possible to have a job during the day and retake the exam by studying at night (now that you’ve taken it once).

Good Luck,

Inky

Hi xenopustex,

My old friend Alan used to say, “It’s better than a kick in the azz!”

Meaning, bad stuff happens, and people might question him about why he could be happy and keep trying in the midst of failure/chaos… But his attitude was even though Good Thoughts weren’t “deserved”, it’s better than a kick in the azz.

I’d rather be in my own happy Universe. The blown tire means that something worse may have occurred literally down the road. The failed project means that I will use my hard won new skills, contacts and knowledge into something bigger and better. Why do you think there’s religion? Belief in a higher Being calms us the frack down. This isn’t denial. It’s just these thoughts are better than a kick in the azz.

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi decdog,

The parents wouldn’t have said “Come to (freaking) Indonesia” unless they assumed their son was serious about you.

I have a friend who now lives in Bali. I have yet to visit. To me traveling across the world is a big deal. But obviously that has more to do with fear of traveling on my part.

If YOU are uncomfortable visiting, you don’t have to! In fact, I would wait and then the BF can tell them that your parents are sending you later as a graduation present.

But if you’ve already bought the tickets (?) then I would grin, bear it, and go!

Best,

Inky

Hi Scarlet,

Here’s an idea (to get you through, not a solution):

Don’t email/call/text other people. Only email/call/text when someone communicates with you first. But then assume that’s the end of the conversation. And don’t ask anything of anyone.

Example: If you have to call someone leave a message like “I’m having some people over on Friday, swing by if you’re free anytime!” like you’re not expecting them to call. Be all “whatever”-y.

Then you won’t be disappointed.

In the meantime, work with your therapist about your current belief systems (“I don’t matter.” “If I matter people would get back to me promptly”.)

Good Luck!

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Inky.