Hi Alex,

I get very jealous when I see other people have a father-daughter relationship. I’ve had a great step-father and an amazing father-in-law as well as a doting grandfather… but guess what “It’s not the same”.

Of course I think, “What is the magic formula where if I have X qualities and say Y things and do Z and say Q things at S times and look T ways, THEN he will be a father to me!” But if I have to jump through six hoops and everyone else (seemingly) on the planet has to do nothing, then that’s not a good/true parent’s love, is it? HE has failed YOU!

What would happen (try it, you have nothing to lose) if you:

1. When he insults you say, “I don’t accept that”/ “I am NOT stupid”/”There’s no reason to speak that way to me, you can talk to me respectfully”?

2. When he compares you to your step brother or his friends’ children, YOU compare HIM to your fabulous in-laws and the other fathers you know?

3. Have it out with him. Now, I did, and all my dad said was, “It’s not in my nature” (to be an active father). It might not work BUT it WILL make him THINK!!

Blessings,

Inky

H Zariah,

You might place a lot of importance in other people hoping subconsciously that they’d somehow Make Up for the way your parents treated you, AND/OR to show you by their approving of you that YOU are OK, that THIS is how normal people/the rest of the world REALLY behaves!

Some relative calmness comes with time and age. One day I realized that I was the average age if not part of the older crowd in any room. I can have no Father Figures anymore. Teachers are now sometimes younger than I. Where then, does the wished for approval go?

There’s a Buddhist phrase: “Be like a rhinoceros in the wilderness”. Meaning, you are your own entity. You be you!

Blessings,

Inky

Hi lucylou,

I read your whole post, and for all the very real drama and heartache, I couldn’t help wonder: Does your husband exist??? This reminds me of a story where a wife had not one, but two lovers. The husband was oblivious. It got so bad between the lovers that one murdered the other! Only in court did the husband realize that his wife was living in a whole other Realm!!

It is so easy to get caught up in our own Universe. Some people have many Worlds. I bet your husband might have his own that you know nothing about. Would you consider that a betrayal?

Also: Sadly some men target married friends to get involved with because they are “safe”. He knows you won’t tell anyone, so that means he gets to have many other Lives and Adventures … and you can’t get mad!

If you want petty revenge, sure, you could let his GF know. But I bet this guy WOULD tell your husband.

And yes, Family is what keeps most people together. Even empty nesters with grown children living out of state. After you are divorced and are single for real, no longer believe in that tired “When the kids are grown” line. (Some men never leave because they like the whole Family Legacy/Patriarch thing. As well as not having to go through an expensive divorce to get rid of a wife that’s not half as bad as you’ve been led to believe!) Stick with other single people.

Best,

Inky

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.

Hi Hannah,

What would happen if you change the script. Say, lock your wallet in your car or put it somewhere where it’s not worth the trouble to go after it? Or (if possible) keep a minimal amount of food in your house? Only have veggies around? (Your room mate can help with this).

Then, there will be some horrible, awkward times that you can’t have your “fix”. But you know what will happen? You will find another fix that’s non-food related. Try not to exchange one bad habit for another. I recommend binge watching Netflix, or losing yourself in all of Jane Austin’s novels. Or iPhone games.

Good Luck!

Inky

Hi Brav3,

Some people never move on. (Not you, I’m sure you’ll move on!) But guess what, even if you don’t, that is a testimony of how deep your capacity for love is. Meanwhile, move on even if it’s in the most shallow and surface way. Do things that can’t be undone in the morning. Keep moving! One day you will have peaceful days and restful sleeps!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.

Hi meowtown,

I always wanted four children (go figure) but after the third my DH said, “No More”. I had the exact same feeling you had! Eventually, you know what happened? My 35th/ came and went. Looked at the statistics. Not good. Then DH turned another decade older. Statistics still not good. Do we really want a high risk pregnancy and the potential stress of very real problems down the line? Maybe God/The Universe is doing me and the child a favor. Maybe I’m only meant to raise three blood related children as that may be the limit for this family. Adoption and fostering is not an option as my DH is tired and “done”.

Now other people, places, things and projects are taking the time, attention and energy I would have given to the fourth child. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll have to take care of a nephew or grandchild. Or I will have a mentee close to my heart.

Peace will come with time, I promise you!

Blessings,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.
• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.

Hi Lada,

Yeah, the “Voice” may not be from your intuition or your Higher Self. It masquerades as that though! What would happen if you told it to go away, or be quiet? Or said, “I don’t accept that”?

Try going with your emotions. What courses do you actually love taking? What do you actually love doing? Not what we’re good at, not what we “think” we should like. That is the Golden Path. Follow that path (without alcohol or doing anything bad for you of course). See what happens!

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Inky.