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JodiParticipant
As I’m reading this, I’m wondering what kind of relationship you would like to have with this woman? Are you looking to be friends with her as an ex or would you like to get back together? It sounds as though she is confused about what she wants and that is something she has to figure out for herself, you can’t do it for her. You best bet here might be to move on and give her some space to figure it out.
Best of luck!
~JodiJodiParticipantThe question to ask yourself is not if you are too demanding, but rather does this man share the same values and is he on the same life path as you? His chosen lifestyle is not “wrong” but it doesn’t sound like it fits with the life you want for yourself. If this is true, the kindest and most loving thing you can do is release both of you to find others who will want the same lifestyle and share the same values without feeling the need to change the other.
Best of luck to you!
~Jodi
JodiParticipantWhat would you tell your daughter or your best friend in this situation if it were them and not you? Would you tell them to let it go and just forget they saw it? Would you tell them to jut let it go? Or would you tell them to bring it up and work on the issue? Make sure you are treating yourself and advising yourself as you would anyone else you loved and cared for very much. I think it would very hard for anyone to just let it go. Ask yourself how you want this to end? Once you know that answer you next steps will become clearer. Best off luck!
~Jodi
February 15, 2015 at 7:08 pm in reply to: I don't know what to do. I really need some advice. #72803JodiParticipantYou wrote “He said he wasn’t apologizing to patch things up or come around me and has moved to another city. He just wanted to acknowledge his poor behavior.” My question would be did he say he wanted to try again in your conversation? If not, it most likely means he just wanted to make amends for his behavior because he does care that he hurt you. The best way to find out what it means is simply to ask him and let him solve the mystery. That is the quickest route to the answers you seek. Best of luck!
~Jodi
JodiParticipantI won’t speculate on the “whys” of what may cause him to behave this way, only that his behavior sounds controlling. As for your question about what is acceptable, you are the only one who gets to decide that for yourself. You know what you want and what feels right for you. It sounds as though this doesn’t feel right and that on some level no matter how much you love him, his behavior is unacceptable. Trust your gut on that and do what is right for both of you.
As for him, his counselors are correct, he does need to focus on his sobriety and not a relationship at this point. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is let someone go to deal with their issues and get well. Maybe think about giving him that gift and if in his recovery, his behavior changes, you can revisit your relationship then.
Best of luck!
~Jodi
- This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Jodi.
JodiParticipantI can understand Sunshiner. I spent 5 years with a man who wasn’t sure. Less than a year after we finally ended things, he married someone else. I realized that it was me that needed to be clear about what I wanted and announce that to the Universe, even if it meant i stopped waiting. I now have a wonderful loving conscious relationship with a man that I could never have imagined before. It can happen! I’m proof! 🙂
- This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by Jodi.
January 18, 2015 at 2:19 pm in reply to: At the same cross roads 10 year in the Making…Need to pick a path Advice? #71541JodiParticipantIf after 10 years, you are still having doubts, the act of getting married will not relieve them. I agree with the previous two posters that sharing your feeling with your GF would be a great start. It does seems as if you love and care for your GF but not in the way you would love and care for a spouse. From that genuine place of love, could you consider letting her go so that she can find someone who does love her enough to want to marry and build a life with her?
January 18, 2015 at 1:25 pm in reply to: I did something 4 years ago that still affects me today #71539JodiParticipantIn order to move past this, you have to forgive yourself. You made a youthful decision t be dishonest and it hurt someone you love. We’ve all been there, but it doesn’t have to figure into the rest of your life. You learned a valuable lesson about how your actions can effect others, take that lesson and that knowledge and put it into practice in a new relationship. That way, the situation is not in vain, but can actually be used to better yourself and the world.
JodiParticipantYou have no control over his decision, but you do have control of your own thoughts and actions concerning the situation. My suggestion would be to invest in doing something kind for yourself. Instead of waiting around for him to figure out what he wants, go out and begin making some new friends and enjoying your life. The more you have going on in your own life, the less time you will have to wait for him to make a decision. If your own life is full and vibrant, you will find that his decision has much less impact on it. Best of luck!
January 16, 2015 at 8:27 am in reply to: Help me please! Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from extra-marital affair #71439JodiParticipantThe first step is dealing with your self confidence issues. The problem is not facebook or any other application. As K Schmidt pointed out not wanting your new wife to be on FB is a way of trying to control a situation that you feel out of control in. The real problem here is that you have attached your self worth to the behaviors of others. A good therapist should be able to help you reframe your perceptions and work on your own self worth and value so that regardless of how others behave or what computer applications they use, you can function without the feeling of panic that you are somehow going to be hurt or embarrassed.
JodiParticipantIt is very difficult to be in love with someone who is struggling with demons such as alcoholism. And his disease is going to cause any tendency towards manipulation to be that much worse. If he doesn’t want to work on his own issues, you can’t force him to with meditation programs or even AA or treatment for his addiction. In this case, you may have to separate yourself from him. It doesn’t mean you don’t love and care for him, it means that you love and care for yourself enough not to get pulled down with him.. And in some cases, having a love one draw a line in the sand it the catalyst for getting someone to get the help they need and makes changes.
Best of luck to you.
JodiParticipantFeeling uncomfortable in this circumstance is natural, so don’t beat yourself up about that. It sounds like a conversation is in order for the two of you to get past this. But first, you have some homework to do on your own. Ask yourself what you are willing to accept in this situation where they want to remain friends. Are you okay with all of you hanging out but not them hanging out alone? Are you comfortable with them talking on the phone or doing activities? What exactly is okay for you? Once you have those answers, have a conversation with your boyfriend about what is okay with you and what is not and see if the two of you can come up with a compromise of how to deal with this. If he is unwilling to have the conversation , that is another red flag.
It is possible for exes to remain good friends and that does happen, but both of them have to be willing to be sensitive to the feelings of new partners brought into the situation (in this case you). If this feels uncomfortable to you, trust that feeling and work towards a solution.
~Jodi
JodiParticipantBreak ups can be so very difficult and Jasmine’s words are spot on. In addition, I would also recommend that you focus on getting yourself into a new place to live. Look into renting a room if you can’t afford your own place, but do take steps to move out of your current place with your ex. In these instances, taking some time to give yourself space and time to heal are very important for your well being.
~Jodi
JodiParticipantYou’ve had some major life changes and took some pretty big leaps. Congratulations for having so much courage! After going through all you have gone through, feeling lonely is natural and normal. Be gentle with yourself as you go through those emotions. Give yourself time to grieve your old life so you can fully embrace the new one you have embarked on.
If you are ready to go out and meet people,check out meetup.com groups in your area. You can join groups that are based on things you are interested in and it will allow you to meet new friends. 4 years ago I uprooted my life in Florida to move to Charleston SC where I didn’t know anyone. I was able to find meet up groups for people interested in spirituality/wine tasting and various other interests I had. I now have a full, rich social circle and a wonderful relationship with a man who has helped me get past a lot of past hurts in relationships. Once you get ready, meet up is a wonderful resource for connecting with new people. And lastly, enjoy the process of reinventing yourself and you’ll be surprised at all of the beautiful things your new life holds for you! Good luck!
~Jodi
October 6, 2014 at 1:26 pm in reply to: Cheap things to do to re-connect with your love – suggestions! #66054JodiParticipantHere are some my boyfriend actually came up with:
1. Coffee shop (try a local place rather than a chain for more ambiance/feel)
2. Dog Park (bonus if one or both of you have a dog to walk)
3. Picnic – could even be some cheap takeout in a city square
4. Skating (ice or roller). So what if you’re no good – show some vulnerability
5. Farmer’s market (stroll past the booths, buy a couple pieces of fruit)
6. Bowling (it’s not about the score, unless you both want it to be)
7. Trivia night at a local bar/cheap eats place. Impress him/her with your useless trivia knowledge
8. Carnival/State Fair – Popcorn and cotton candy aren’t all that expensive.
9. Zoo – because who doesn’t love cute little animals
10. Hiking – enjoy nature, pack some trail mix
11. Art galleries – if you catch an art walk night you can even get free wine and cheese
12. Local community theater -
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