As I’m reading this, I’m wondering what kind of relationship you would like to have with this woman? Are you looking to be friends with her as an ex or would you like to get back together? It sounds as though she is confused about what she wants and that is something she has to figure out for herself, you can’t do it for her. You best bet here might be to move on and give her some space to figure it out.

Best of luck!
~Jodi

What would you tell your daughter or your best friend in this situation if it were them and not you? Would you tell them to let it go and just forget they saw it? Would you tell them to jut let it go? Or would you tell them to bring it up and work on the issue? Make sure you are treating yourself and advising yourself as you would anyone else you loved and cared for very much. I think it would very hard for anyone to just let it go. Ask yourself how you want this to end? Once you know that answer you next steps will become clearer. Best off luck!

~Jodi

I won’t speculate on the “whys” of what may cause him to behave this way, only that his behavior sounds controlling. As for your question about what is acceptable, you are the only one who gets to decide that for yourself. You know what you want and what feels right for you. It sounds as though this doesn’t feel right and that on some level no matter how much you love him, his behavior is unacceptable. Trust your gut on that and do what is right for both of you.

As for him, his counselors are correct, he does need to focus on his sobriety and not a relationship at this point. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is let someone go to deal with their issues and get well. Maybe think about giving him that gift and if in his recovery, his behavior changes, you can revisit your relationship then.

Best of luck!

~Jodi

• This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Jodi.

If after 10 years, you are still having doubts, the act of getting married will not relieve them. I agree with the previous two posters that sharing your feeling with your GF would be a great start. It does seems as if you love and care for your GF but not in the way you would love and care for a spouse. From that genuine place of love, could you consider letting her go so that she can find someone who does love her enough to want to marry and build a life with her?

You have no control over his decision, but you do have control of your own thoughts and actions concerning the situation. My suggestion would be to invest in doing something kind for yourself. Instead of waiting around for him to figure out what he wants, go out and begin making some new friends and enjoying your life. The more you have going on in your own life, the less time you will have to wait for him to make a decision. If your own life is full and vibrant, you will find that his decision has much less impact on it. Best of luck!

It is very difficult to be in love with someone who is struggling with demons such as alcoholism. And his disease is going to cause any tendency towards manipulation to be that much worse. If he doesn’t want to work on his own issues, you can’t force him to with meditation programs or even AA or treatment for his addiction. In this case, you may have to separate yourself from him. It doesn’t mean you don’t love and care for him, it means that you love and care for yourself enough not to get pulled down with him.. And in some cases, having a love one draw a line in the sand it the catalyst for getting someone to get the help they need and makes changes.

Best of luck to you.

Break ups can be so very difficult and Jasmine’s words are spot on. In addition, I would also recommend that you focus on getting yourself into a new place to live. Look into renting a room if you can’t afford your own place, but do take steps to move out of your current place with your ex. In these instances, taking some time to give yourself space and time to heal are very important for your well being.

~Jodi

Here are some my boyfriend actually came up with:

1. Coffee shop (try a local place rather than a chain for more ambiance/feel)
2. Dog Park (bonus if one or both of you have a dog to walk)
3. Picnic – could even be some cheap takeout in a city square
4. Skating (ice or roller). So what if you’re no good – show some vulnerability
5. Farmer’s market (stroll past the booths, buy a couple pieces of fruit)
6. Bowling (it’s not about the score, unless you both want it to be)
7. Trivia night at a local bar/cheap eats place. Impress him/her with your useless trivia knowledge
8. Carnival/State Fair – Popcorn and cotton candy aren’t all that expensive.
9. Zoo – because who doesn’t love cute little animals
10. Hiking – enjoy nature, pack some trail mix
11. Art galleries – if you catch an art walk night you can even get free wine and cheese
12. Local community theater