Hi Mary899,

You can analyze this, till you are blue in the face, but these are very toxic people. They are narcisists, gossipers, perfectionists and overachiever. They only care about themselves, and find other people They can find who are like them to “add to their clique”. They were most likely raised like this, by parents who themselves were raised to be this way. Critical, judgemental, belittling. Stay as far away from these women. Have no contact at all with them. If you see them, you can give them a brief smile, but move on your way. Don’t make small talk with them. If they want to talk to you, pretend you have a call to make it you have a cell phone with you, or tell them you have somewhere you have to be. These women are still in Junior High School mentality. You are better than this. Make friends with people who bring you sunshine, not clouds, positive people who lift you up, happy people, secure and optimistic. Stay far away from these little girls.

Hi Kelsey,

I can very much relate to your post. I will have a very close friend and then I meet another person, who then becomes close. I too, am a very giving person. I go out of my way to be there for them..to listen to their problems. Then there comes a time, that they are doing all the complaining, and I am doing all the listening..and as soon as I want to talk, they interrupt, and say they “have to go” I feel like a doormat and become resentful. Its usually or always me that calls them and invites them to lunch or dinner. Yet, neither one calls me and invites me out.

Then what happens is I introduce the both of them, and they become close, and suddenly, I am left out. I lost my car due to being on SSDI disability. My one friend bought a car. She would never ask me along. I would go upstairs and watch TV with them, and they would get real quiet and just look at each other. Then one would say, she had to go to bathroom..the other would say she had to call her boyfriend and leave, and I would catch them getting in the car and leaving together. I felt so left out, rejected, like I was not good enough. Then I would get paranoid. I finally had enough and decided I did not want any contact with either of them. This was hard, because we all lived in housing together. They would try to talk to me, I would just give them a quick smile. Instead of watching television with them upstairs, I would watch movies in the residents social room downstairs. I told myself never again, would I introduce two friends too each other, because I end up getting left out. The one girl got evicted, the other girl and I did manage some sort of friendship, but it wasn’t the same. She moved out. Never said bye to me. Haven’t heard from her for a year. Then the other day, some residents told me she came to visit me (I wasn’t here) to take me to lunch. She just left a note in my mail folder at front desk but did not leave her phone number, saying “perhaps some other time”. Having two close friends treat me this way, makes me feel I am back in Junior High School again. It just hurts.

Louise,

I’m not trying to sound mean, but this man is a rude, conceited, narcissist. What an ego. He is so full of himself, he could provide fertilizer to at least 1/2 the worlds farmers!! Please don’t have any contact with this man, he is extremely toxic.

Hi Perfect,

I can understand how frustrating this can be. I too have been in many long distance relationships and it never worked sadly. Unfortunately, no matter how much you care for each other, it’s very complicated. The fact that he has a girlfriend, and he seems unsure if he is going to “Break-up” up with her or not did not sound too convincing. That is a major red flag. Also, it seems, you are mostly communicating by texting, which in itself can be very complicating, because he has to worry about his girlfriend. Although he stated he loved you, and other nice things, he made no firm plans that he really wants to be with you. I will use a quote I often use, because it is so very true: “if a man, really wants to be with you, he would be with you, no excuses, period”.

Also, there is the distance factor. You can’t see each other face-to-face every day, which can really put a strain on any relationship. Even though he stated he loves you (the second time) he did state he wanted a relationship. His communication with you, seemed rather superficial and vague. I also don’t like that when you told him “you loved him” the first time, he didn’t say it back, rather giving you a cheeky response. I see alot of red flags. I don’t think at this time, he is emotionally, or physically available. There is another quote I like to use: “never invest more time and energy in someone then they invest in you” and right now, he is investing 0 percent. You deserve better, a loving, healthy, stable man who lives in your city.

Hi Gia,

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I have lived in apartments a long time and know what a nuisance it can be with neighbors, barking dogs in middle of night, elevator noises, people talking right outside my window (once I got mad, and offered them a drink or cocktail), they immediately took their conversation somewhere else. I know what it’s like to live by swimming pools with screaming kids, or teenagers who “sneak” in after pool hours in the dark and are rowdy and drunk. People coming home in loud cars from bars at 3am, etc.

If I have a problem with a neighbor, I never go to the neighbor, because you never know who you are dealing with. Instead, I go to the landlord or resident manager. They usually keep “logs” of complaints, and if other people are complaining, they go and resolve the problem for you. One time the guy upstairs refused to turn his loud stereo down. I did get a little annoyed and put a note on his door asking him to turn it down. I did not give my name or apt number. Next night, same loud stereo. I called the apartment complex number and dialed the option for resident complaints and left a message. In less than 1/2 I could hear the person on call that evening, asking the resident to turn it down which he did. I am wondering why your landlord was not involved, or the text messages shown to them from that man, or the police being called reported?

Hi Crystal,

I’m sorry to hear about what is happening. Its a difficult thing to go through. Just some thoughts, let’s say you did get back with him, you had mentioned things seemed “stagnant” and he stated “he was not in love with you” If you got back with him, would you truly be happy, secure and content in a relationship that is not moving forward and a man not in love?

Hi NezumiT,

I can relate very much. When I got my BA in the Psychology and Social work profession, I so badly wanted to find an entry level job in that field. Then I applied at Hamilton County, because they often hire people out of school, no luck. Everyone wants the LISW, (Master’s Degree). I got accepted to the School of Social work masters program, but by this time, I was over 50,000 in student (Stafford, Perkins Loans) debt, so I dropped out. No one in my family supported me. I had to get my degree mailed to me, because no one bothered or cared that I was graduating and wouldn’t come to my graduation.

What really hurt, was when my Dad, the person I thought was my best friend, and loved me unconditionally, said “what a waste of a college education” why don’t you go to work for a fortune 500 company, like I did when I graduated from Harvard”. That hurt, because I knew and felt like a disappointment to him. So, I got a call center job as a Financial representative at one of the world’s largest fortune 500 investment firms. Not good enough for my Dad. So, I studied and studied, they put me through school, I hated it to get my series 7 and 63 license to become a trader/stockbroker. My third week out in the floor, we had a snowstorm, blizzard like conditions. I wanted to call off, but figured I was too new..so I had several anxiety attacks driving the 35 minutes, which turned into two hours to get there. Usually there are about 200 people on the trading floor where I worked and because of the terrible conditions, only 30 people showed up for work.

My supervisor/lead in the floor told me to get on the “loop” to take junk bond calls. This is very complex, and new people should not be doing this until a year being there. I got monitored. I was so frazzled and nervous and have the called the wrong information. The supervisor stood up and called me “worthless” and yelled at me, in front of everyone. I started to shake real bad. They came over and told me to pack up my stuff, and I was escorted out of the building.

I don’t really know right now what my dream job would be. I do know I like rescuing animals and animal welfare. But, every time I think about even working again, if I do get better, I’m so afraid to get fired again.