Hi Smiley,

Yikes..ooh..boy, right up my alley, with online dating relationships. I have been in so many I’m embarrassed to say. Social media such as Facebook and Google Plus to Online dating sites. And from my unfortunate experiences and warnings from my friends (whom I never listened to), these “relationships” never worked out.

There were alot of reasons why, and most is what you mentioned. Mixed signals, different religious beliefs. Although in my case, alot of the men I met were out of the state, and some were even out of the country, such as Iraq, Pakistan, Israel, Egypt..you name it. Boy, I wanted it to work. I was infatuated, in like, in love, bonded emotionally, fell in love, we would use Skype, WeChat, Facebook Messenger, Hangouts, to videochat, they were the first person I saw in the morning, last person I saw at night. After about two months, I found out this guy was using a fake profile, after asking me for money, after him telling me he was going to come visit me. I did a reverse search image on his profile picture, and he had stolen someone’s military picture. This was after I had fallen for him.

The other guy ended up “Catphishing” me, he did not love me like he said. He just wanted to use me to get out of the middle east and come to America. I still have not gotten over him. I guess what I am saying, is that I saw alot of doubt and hesitancy, uncertainty in your post. There is too much conflict going on with this person and that is a red flag. Not something you want in the long run. Many people on line show their best self at first, but it’s just show, then when time goes by, that’s when you see all the obstacles and hurdles.

I would say go with your gut. I’m not saying everyone online is “bad” but you do have to be careful, so many unknowns. Let me know your thoughts.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Eliana.

Free Moon,

Yes, I agree 100%.

Hi Marge,

I’m sorry, I’m a bit late in replying to your post, and it looks like you have some great replies from very caring, amazing people. One thing that concerned me, was that you had hoped “that he could change” after reading your posts, the saying came into my mind, is that you can’t change someone who’s got so much stuff and troubled inside going on, and there was no mention of him wanting to do any work to want to change. (such as therapy).

Another thing that came to mind is “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” meaning, he is very set in his ways and that is how he wants tto stay, you can try to change him, rationalize with him until you are exhausted, but I am sure this is not what you want for your life. It is best to find a healthy man who deserves you.

Hi France,

I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. Jealousy and suspicioun are not healthy signs in someone, especially, in the beginning of a relationship. Also, it shows a sign of neediness and clingyness on his part to expect you to respond to his text right away, you have your own life to live, and I understand you love him, but you can’t be at his beck and call as soon as he texts.

You may be at work, in the shower, out with a friend, and doing other things, in other words, you have a life, and it sounds, like he may not have much of one and he is making you his life and world. This is unrealistic expectations that No one can live up to. It might be wise for him, to perhaps her some outside pusuits outside of your relationships, such as more frienships, interests, hobbies, etc before you go any further with him.

If he is like this now, imagine how he will be 3 months from now? He may be controlling, demanding to know why you don’t answer his texts, and this tendency will make you miserable And start affecting other areas of your relationship as well. While I am not saying to break things off with him, this is a red flag and he probably needs to back off a bit and give you some breathing room. Maybe have a discussion with him, and see what his reaction is. If he gets defensive or blames you, you may need to reavulate things with him. No one likes to be controlled. Keep us posted.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Eliana.

Hi Macy,

You’re very welcome, No one deserves to be pushed around physically, emotionally, and disrespected. I think you are making a wise choice. Keep us posted.

Hi Macy,

You have been with this man for seven years, it is only natural that his children in one way or another are going to be involved with you, he is certainly not going to hide you in a closet, or prevent you from answering the phone.

I think it shows that you care about his well-being especially on Fathers Day. The fact that they don’t do anything for him for father’s Day is a lack of respect, which they may have learned from him, because he is treating you the very same way.  It may be better for him to give you a hug and thank you for caring, and just say he is sad, but that’s just the way it is, than to be rude with you.

I would have a talk with him, where there are no distractions and ask him where he sees you in his children’s lives, and you would like to be involved more and be treated with respect. No one should be talked down to and disrespected. Let me know your thoughts?

Hi Brittany,

I can relate, as I too had problems, trauma, etc as a child. In my 20’s and 30’s, it seemed, I had no problems. I lived in Florida, has lots of friends, was living the good life, had a better relationship with my father. Had a condo on the beach..everything seemed great. Yet, I could not seem to maintain a long term relationship despite intensive counseling and medication.

When I got older and out of college, I lost my Dad, and everything seemed to go downhill. I was to the point where it a man found me attractive, I had so much anxiety, I had to have a drink or two just to go out on a date. I have not dated in over a decade due to fear. I put too much pressure on myself and Psych myself out, and get extremely anxious where I had to cancel the date. This might be what you are doing. Putting too much pressure on yourself..like “will he like me”? And everything else our thoughts lie to us about. Instead, try thinking instead of “a date” think of it as “meeting a new friend” and just keep telling yourself that. Eventually you Will believe it, and it will take the pressure off. Instead of thinking “will he like me” think “what can this man offer or enhance my life” is he nice? Are we compatible? Am I having fun with him? Is he funny? That will also take the pressure off. Try to go somewhere that is not intimidating, like a comedy club, an athletic event, a video arcade, the whole time thinking “I am out with a friend”. Keep us posted.

Hi Danielle,

I think you should go with your gut. The anxiety you are having, Is trying to tell you something and it might be, that no matter how awesome this man might be right now, the fact is that he was so quick to sleep with another woman, after an argument with you.

A part of you worries (naturally) “what if we have another argument again, and I say something I don’t mean, or screw up, is he going to sleep or hook-up with another woman the next day. The whole I think boils down to trust. Once trust is broken, it is extremely difficult to get it back. I am not saying he cheated on you, but he sure was quick to go to another woman right after a fight, instead of trying to work things out with you.

Also, after you have not been with someone for awhile, no matter how much they have changed, it is hard, to rekindle the chemistry and old flame which is what you are experiencing. I don’t really think you need psychotherapy, you are having natural anxiety, because he was so quick to go to another woman, and your conscious and gut is telling you, he May not be the right man for you. Keep us posted.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Eliana.