Hi Tnaer123,

Because of what has happened trust is no longer a part of your relationship.  This is not about you being second best, this is about your wife’s betrayal.  You could go to marriage counselling with your wife so that you can explore the way forward and decide whether or not you have a future with your wife or you could end your marriage now.  If you want to stay together then you have to let this affair go and find ways of addressing the issues which were in your marriage before the affair began.  This requires honest communication and a willingness to accept that being married to the ‘forces’ creates fear, loneliness, loss of support etc.

Feeling ‘second best’ is your ego talking.  Is that helpful to the survival of your marriage?  The other guy is out of her life, you are not.  Reclaim your power!

Peggy

Hi Thalia,

Book that “me time” in your diary.  Let people know that you are busy.  The first of the Harry Potter books was written in a cafe by a single parent.  You don’t necessarily have to write in your room is what I am saying.  I sometimes take a writing pad to the park with me for my memoirs and then type them up later.  So far, it’s working.  Give top priority to the things you love to do.  Follow your heart.

Good Luck.

Peggy

Dear Neil,

You write brilliantly with real thought and depth.

You are not a thing, you are a person.  A real, live, thinking, feeling person.  How did you get to this place?  I don’t know.  Who would you cause pain to if you left the planet?  This suggests that there is someone who matters to you enough for you to save them from that pain.   What happened to you that you no longer love or value your own life?

Come alive and tell me who you used to be – the old you isn’t dead, he’s just resting waiting for the time when he can be revived, waiting for the kiss that will breathe new life into him, waiting for the reassurance that he is loved for himself.  He doesn’t need to do or be anything but accept himself exactly as he is in this moment.  That’s love.

Sending you all the love, light and healing that your body can absorb – hope you feel better soon.

Peggy

Hi Aiko,

I’m not the world’s best socialite but I have on many occasions gone to movies, group meetings, concerts etc. on my own.  Conversations with others, women in particular, meet with comments such as “I wouldn’t be brave enough to do that”.  I’ve just taken the view that if I want to see the movie, concert or whatever, it’s what I have to do.  So I sit alone, smile on my face, drink on the table and attempt to look as if I’m enjoying myself.  I might feel slightly uncomfortable but it’s only going to last for about 15 minutes until the event begins.  Sometimes, I would ask to sit at a table that a couple might be occupying and usually a conversation begins.  Being open and friendly is the best way forward and perhaps a simple explanation as to why you have had to go to the event alone could lead to you being included in one of the groups.

A socialite doesn’t really care what people think of him and knows that he has every right to be out in the midst of a social event.  He wouldn’t be embarrassed, would enjoy being the center of attention, and wouldn’t be afraid to leave if he wanted to.

Peggy

Hi Neil,

I am wondering how much better you might be feeling now that you have raised so many heart-felt questions.  I am guessing that most people could relate to some if not all of your questions and might have had similar experiences at some point in their lives.

The only time you have is NOW and dwelling on the past will not help you out of whatever situation you are in right now.  Very few people can tell what you are thinking just by looking at you.  It is just as easy for you to put a smile on your face as it is for anyone else.  You can build your self esteem by focusing on all your good characteristics and reminding yourself how special you are – no-one else was born to be you and it is up to you to polish that diamond.  You can join that running group today – you don’t have to be the best.  You don’t have to mess up your entire life.  You can learn from your life’s experiences and choose a more positive direction in the future.

If you keep doing what you have always done, you’ll keep getting what you have always got!

Have you ever marveled at a beautiful sunset, been in awe of all the stars in the sky, been stirred by the enormity of mountains and their timeless element?  Have you ever looked at a new-born baby and seen the miracle of life?  Have you ever read some beautiful words or listened to some beautiful music and been moved to tears?

You choose!

Peggy

Hi Sapnap3,

Your partner of nearly 4 years ended your relationship a month ago even though plans for your wedding had been made.  This must have been really tough on you but it is far better for him to be honest with you now than to drag you through the divorce courts later on.  It doesn’t necessarily mean that your childhood and your fear of abandonment is to blame.  Two people involved themselves in this relationship and that means that two people are responsible for its survival or otherwise.

Your words are telling you that your parents were victims of their family circumstances – this is the beginning of the forgiveness phase.  Having compassion for their situation brings about forgiveness.  Forgiveness just means letting go.  Resentment keeps you holding on.  It is the opposite of what you hope to achieve.

You need to be able to release all thoughts of resentment.  When such thoughts come up, as meditation teaches you, just let them come and then let them go again as soon as you are aware of them.  Bring your awareness back to the present.  Release such thoughts with love knowing that you don’t need them any more.  I’m not sure what your inner child meditation work is but please be aware that your focus should be on what you want to create such as soothing the inner child rather than on the wounded child.

Love is the greatest healer on Earth.  You now have an opportunity to care for your mother, perhaps in a way that she has never been cared for before.  That can bring its own reward if you let it.

Best Wishes

Peggy

Hi Kevin,

Lovely to hear from you as always – your positive, upbeat messages are a real tonic.   I’m glad the sessions are being well received.  What do you class as energy work?  If you can make enough money (a dirty word in this business sometimes) to sustain yourself, why not put all your endeavors into helping others, thereby helping yourself.  Follow your heart!

I have been writing poetry to express my emotional joys and sorrows, my life in prose, for several years now but have not quite been able to bring them into collectible form for print – would love to get some of them published in the hopes that my experiences might help someone else along the way, or even to give myself a sense of satisfaction and leave that legacy for my family.

I don’t know what exactly tipped me over the edge to begin writing the book but I know it has a lot to do with the errant souls in my head who have taken issue with a couple of choices I’ve made along the way.  Twenty years worth of their non-stop bellyaching is enough to send anyone to their demise.  The warrior in me has declared that if they are going to drive me there, then I’m not going quietly.  The world will know ……………

Wishing you all the best.

Peggy