Dear Emma,

I so feel for you. I know exactly what you went through when you were already invested in the guy before he introduced a third angle – whether the third angle is a girlfriend, a wife, a new job or degree in another country, my parents don’t agree, my faith etc etc.

Many members have written patient and detailed responses which I hope you will find useful.

I will share my short response.

1. This guy was so not worth you or his gf. He lacks character, courage and any integrity whatsoever. He cheated on both of you. He really really disrespected you. And, he made her a villain in your eyes. Gowd, he is just so not worth it. Its going to be very painful but really sometimes not getting what we want is a wonderful stroke of luck.

2. There is something in you that allowed you to be led by such a guy and be part of a crumbs relationship. Please work on your own healing. If you will work on your own healing, two years from now… you will look back and be surprised that you ever accepted such a guy and such a relationship. The road may be long but you can do it!

3. His gf has her issues to accept a cheater back. Those are her issues, not for you to dwell on or solve. She will dace her demons when she is ready.

Love, if you can empathise with this guy, use your empathy for yourself, for this gal who was cheated on again and again over the last two years, who has been humiliated and made a villain. Take your self respect, hold your head high and start walking…. in the opposite direction….

You can do it!

Cath, I feel so sorry for you, really. Olease don’t beat yourself up. I have been there… not in your exact situation… but in relationship where I closed my eyes to the reality and humiliated my self esteem so badly. Things changed when I did. Do you think you would respond to this man and pursue him or let him pursue you if he comes back again….?

Dear B,

This Indian guy you dated is an a$$hole in simple words. You do not deserve how he treated you. Your daughters do not deserve the example of such a man in their mom’s life.

I am an Indian who grew up in India. I know a lot of Indian men and women who cop out on their love relationship in the name of my parents blah and many who stay true to their relationship.

The guy you dated was lying to you in many ways, playing on and off, not having courage and strength of character. And, your story is more or kess similar to mine. I left mine couple years back and things started becoming better with time, my self esteem returned. Pleasw focus this time on healing yourself and your daughters. You have been through a lot, a divorce and then this.

I know its difficult, I have been there, best option is to go no contact and focus all your energy on understanding what led you to those two relationships – your marriage and this guy – and work on yourself.

Its not your mistake at all. There is nothing that you could have done about it. He knew he had Indian parents and a white girlfriend. Replace white with “taller than me,” older than me”, girl from another caste, girl from another religion, etc etc etc. This is all crap. He is an adult. And why do you want an adult whose parents decide who he will marry in your life….?

The guy was a bad deal anyway. I wish I could have said all this to myself when I had wasted two years of my life on my ex, I wasted many more. But, today, I can’t believe I loved that kind of a person at all. Today, I would never fall for anyone who mistreats me, is immature, parents boy, even if he was nice to me initially.

Sending you love.

And by the way, my therapist is Jerry Wise from Jerry Wise Relationship Systems. He has a YouTube channel on which he has posted some 150 free videos, check those out and if you like him, you can make contact. Even if you don’t hire him, the videos are almost thousands of free therapy. All the best!

Dear Lost cloud,

You asked in one of your posts if others have been in the same boat.

I have been and I gave almost a decade of my life. And then one day, I got up and started moving in the other direction. No contact with him whatsoever, no response, no seeking validation, there was no real remorse or validation he could give anyway or that I could trust.

It was a difficult journey, all the time I had spent in that drama, I spent on myself. He went on with another relationship. Good for him. Doesn’t change a single bit about my decision to move on. I had a similar journey, looking for validation, looking for answers, looking for justice, then came the more difficult but sooooooo much beautiful parts of my journey – knowing about myself, what led me to and kept me in that relationship. And once the pinky rose glasses were broken, they were broken..I realize I had often been surrounded by such assholes men and women in different relationships. The journey counties…there is a lot to be learnt but these years are the best years of my life. I have felt deep shame, regret, guilt, anxiety, depression, hopelessness, anger, rage, compassion, self-love, self-forgiveness, calm, peace of mind and peace of heart.

You will find that too. Just one thing – non negotiable, no contact, leave no way for him to reach you. You will find your way.

Love,

K

Let’s have a party! Do you want to go to Zurich street parade?

Roxysue, if you want a committed relationship and he has not already committed after two years, better leave now. It’s going to be painful, lot of heartbreak and will power to stop you from going back, but you will have to do it someday – today, six months later, one year later….

i read some where – when people tell you the first time who they are, believe them.

Happy Birthday Eliana. Today is your day and atleast here in Tiny Buddha world we are all singing Happy Birthday song for you and sending you lots of wishes and peace.

I hope God listens to your prayers and sends you much love and healing. You make a difference in lives of people here.

May this be a year of healing and lose relationships for you.

love