@Shelbyville As you know I’ve read this entire thread, for a long time I was a silent observer scared to share my thoughts after my own trauma and abuse. Your thread inspires me, so it is so beautiful to read you are in love again. I’m so glad this time the adoration is being expressed and returned. I would love to read more about this man who has made you so happy, do you think he is ‘the one’?  It just really inspires me and gives me hope.

My heart could explode reading your news @Tim. Many congratulations on the baby news!

@Kkasxo We are more than our trauma as the above poster said. We will get there. Stay strong and we too have brighter days ahead.

@Shelbyville It has been an exhaustive week, it’s nice to read someone understands. Thank you very much for the homeopathic suggestions. I’ll try both and I hope they help, I will let you know how I get on. I’ve been eating ginger biscuits @Sammy and although the nausea is there still, it is something I can stomach without heaving.

@Kkasxo it’s wonderful to see you online. I was the one asking about PTSD and any help to cope with feeling nauseous from the anxiety.

I hope you are all doing well. The current pandemic is testing but make the most of what you can. I am trying to concentrate on shifting my focus to realising the things that bring me peace and joy.

There’s many holidays coming up to enjoy Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. What better time to be with our loved ones and grateful for those who never stop caring no matter how broken we are. Wishing you have happy holidays ahead!

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by Lucie.

@Sammy thank you for your response and input. You are very kind, it’s worth a try. Yes, I read @Tim’s message, his insight is missed. Carry on with your progress, you’ve done great!

I’m very patient but I can see why you wait a response eagerly. You have really taken @Shelbyville and @Tim advice and utilized it to better yourself. You have really helped one another. I hope that continues for you.

@Tim

It never ceases to amaze me the kindness of people who are struggling themselves. I do not wish to discuss myself in great detail but to give you some positive news I have started to build bridges with my mom and if things go smoothly it will open up extra avenues of help for me especially for the trauma-related symptoms. I have also started taking St Johns Wort a herbal alternative to Zoloft, it has helped so far. I have found single care coupons that can get me Zoloft for $9 instead of $100 without health insurance if needs be, I finally feel there’s been a break in the dark clouds.

Above all, I really wanted to say I’m sorry to hear you have been experiencing personal woes and such a difficult time with Rupert’s loss. I would like to return your kindness towards me and offer you a shoulder to lean on too. You offer so much of your time and advice and never ask for anything in return. I would like to let you know although I’m not altogether there myself you all especially yourself and @Shelbyville made me feel like there was more to me than my trauma. I’m here to listen and help you too if needed. Before Rupert’s passing, it appeared you needed advice from the ladies, amongst the issues it got dismissed. Is there anything I can help with please as a thank you for the extreme kindness you have shown me.

@Sammy

I know what it feels like to not be physically alone, but mentally feel like there is no one in sight. Being inside your head can feel like solitary confinement, we become prisoners of our own thoughts. So please keep posting, there is a lot of love for you as displayed by @Shelbyville and @Tim. Don’t give up.

@Shelbyville

Thank you so much for Sarah Blondin Insight app recommendation, meditation is calming. Mostly thanks for the continued empathy and encouragement you have shown me. Your last response to me believe it or not made me feel worthy, made me feel like the old me even if it was a fleeting moment. I just wish after reading silently you also reach a place where you tackle your root problem and feel self-worth. I’m sorry that things have become overwhelming but you are a fighter and this is just a small bump in the road. I hope things will begin to look clearer and you’ll realise your worth and stand up for yourself and needs too, make decisions that put your peace of mind first. How are you finding work and your relationship since being back on the drugs? Does it help the anxiety significantly and give you a clear perspective?

Warm hugs to all

@Shelbyville Thank you so much for your reply given how overwhelmed you are lately. I experience the exact same flooding then my heart feels like it’s in my throat and slowly my windpipe is squeezing until I feel I can’t breathe. Sometimes it is so suffocating I feel like this is it, I’m going to die. Strange how at that moment I want it to ease and have a will to live but when the sleep paralysis and flashbacks happen I desperately want to disappear forever. The technique of fading out or greying out the memory of the trauma is something I will try because it is still so vivid.

Thanks to your advice I’m leaning on more people now. I know I can’t go through this alone any longer. I do want to beat this. Reading your experience with medication no longer makes it sound daunting.

I want to say this thread created by you has kept me going. Reading you fight and persevere through years inspired me to keep that little hope.

I haven’t ever commented on your situations because I thought who would want to hear from someone as messed up as me. I want to say I really hope you realise you don’t stay upset for long and you don’t give up.  You deserve someone who wants you and makes you feel special because the most precious gift is time. Invest that time in someone who takes time to reply even when they have so much going on, when someone checks on your wellbeing without you asking. Time and attention are gifts that are priceless. You have given so much of your time back to people like me and you are appreciated and loved for it and that’s why I don’t take it for granted. You deserve to find that person who gives you time too, the one who wants to be in your company and makes you feel special. The right people will want us and love us even if we are broken, and we will not want them we will push them away thinking how can they see something in the real us what is wrong with them. We will chase after the ones who don’t want us to validate our distorted view of us being crazy and unlovable.

Time is so precious.

@Tim I read your reply, touched beyond words by your kindness. At this moment I want you to grieve, my condolences and deep felt sympathy for your loss of your dog Rupert. Hope you meet again in heaven.

@All Thank you so much for giving me your time to respond, listening without judgement and helping me without entitlement.  I will never be able to repay it in person. So the best I can do is fight if not for me but for all those who cared enough to push me to keep hope and helped at a very dark time in my life. I will be forever indebted. 

@Kkasxo @Shelbyville are you still active? Please help me today I tried to do some normal activities and called over a few friends, at night I’ve had these vivid attacks where i feel paralysed but during the day nothing to this extent i dont know what and how. I’m so scared, it felt like the trauma was happening all over again. I tried to tell myself It’s not real but it caused me to feel like i couldn’t breathe. my friends stayed with me held my hand and fanned me until i was able to come out why is this happening during the day too? What do i do? no one knows and ive just been crying all evening. I can’t live my life like this.

@Kkasxo thank you so much for your reply! You don’t know how much it helps. Actually this whole thread by @shelbyville has kept me going. I’ve been trying to cope by this all myself. To read you managed to adapt and survive a combination of PTSD, anxiety and depression without meds has given me so much needed hope. I can’t afford meds or therapy but i was scared i would end up drugged up to my eyeballs to survive. I know it helps so many but I rather try the above recommendation then become reliant on medication. You are such a fighter. Thanks for the advice on the PTSD forum. I’ll definitely check it out.

If any other questions come up can i message you on here?

@KKasxo thanks so much for replying, I do feel like a broken or damaged person seeing a way out is difficult, some days the PTSD alongside the anxiety makes life feel like it is strangling me and I’m gasping for breath, I think these are panic attacks? Sometimes I do think would it be better to just end it here but I can’t let him win. I can’t. Not when all I wanted was to have someone who loved me.

I’ve been suffering for while now, did you find therapy was a big role in getting to a stable place? I suffer so bad with sleep paralysis along with the trauma that haunts me throughout the day and I’m frightened to even sleep.

I do hope it gets a little easier, I don’t know how much more I can take. Its good to read you have made improvement.

Do the flashbacks become less real or are they just as sharp but spaced out?

@shelbyville do you still take medication for anxiety? Does it help with the darker thoughts. any free webinars or online people you can recommend to follow to help ? I live alone, no real support as I left home when i was 16, I have one bestie who earlier months was my saviour but she has her own issues now with a complicated pregnancy etc and not being able to help her back because I’m still caught in my storms hurts so much that I pushed her away.

@Tim i couldn’t ask you to do that, you pay for your therapy to help you. Thanks so much. I will look at Support IV

Tim our circumstances are so different but you seem the furthest through your journey and so wise, if someone hurt you can you really trust or be close to someone again? Is normal to want to return to with someone that hurt you?