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MarkParticipantThe Buddhist Noble Truth of attachment: http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/attachment.htm
talks about how we suffer if we stay attached.Nothing is permanent.
As the article says, “You need two things in order to have attachment: the thing you’re attaching to, and the person who’s attaching. In nonattachment, on the other hand, there’s unity. There’s unity because there’s nothing to attach to. If you have unified with the whole universe, there’s nothing outside of you, so the notion of attachment becomes absurd. ”
You will still have unity.
Stopping contact as a way to get over him is taking care of yourself and to let go of that painful attachment to him. Your “truth” that if you do that then you will punishing him. I believe that if you are loving in taking care of yourself and letting him know that then it is not punishment.
For me, first and foremost, loving myself is how I can navigate the world best. I cannot go wrong if I operate that way.
Metta,
MarkMarkParticipantHi and thanks for giving us the opportunity to get to know each other here.
Describe yourself in 3 sentences:
1. I am someone who is a seeker; a learner and to get in touch with my Higher Self, intuition, and heart.
2. I am a practitioner of compassion, of self awareness, of mindfulness.
3. I am trying to figure out how to move into my life’s work as a life coach from my day job as a technology project manager. http://www.markwillhelp.com.How did I come across Tiny Buddha?
I saw a article posted by a Facebook friend.What makes me laugh?
Irony and my children.If you had to show one place where I live to a tourist, where that would be?
My place of residence, Portland, Oregon. I love this place! It is weird, friendly, laid back, beautiful, easy to get around, great food, and cultural.What would I like to learn more about?
I would like to learn more about how to be a clairvoyant, energy healing (Accunect), and NLP (NeuroLinguistic Programming).Mark
February 19, 2014 at 10:26 am in reply to: How to release “ownership” over someone and move on…? #51349MarkParticipantAmanda,
My sense is from what you shared is that you crave attention of men. You cannot be without that. You need attention from more than one man at a time.
Did I capture that right?If that is the case, I wonder how your life would be to be without any boyfriends or dating for a year? that you have to be your own best friend and company.
My guess is that to be so OK by being with yourself then how others live their lives won’t matter.
Mark
MarkParticipantI was introduced to Tabata workouts and that is a variation of HIIT (high intensity interval training) which looks like the 7 minute workout.
I like it for it is proven to be a fat burner and I’m done with my day’s workout in 12 or so minutes (depending how much I do).
I have nice muscles and cardio conditioning from my HIIT workouts.
Mark
February 19, 2014 at 9:34 am in reply to: How to keep self-esteem? Embarrassed with conflicts in intra-team. #51341MarkParticipantIf you are not going to be involved with the project and the other team then best to let it go and move on.
My main point overall is best to get alignment and support from your team first before bringing up such issues.
MarkParticipantChelsea,
I believe that when we are abused when we were young, it imprints the trauma on our unconscious.I would recommend using an energy healer and/or do some psychotherapy to address this.
Sex is sacred and part of our expression of being human and alive.
Metta,
MarkFebruary 19, 2014 at 8:54 am in reply to: How to keep self-esteem? Embarrassed with conflicts in intra-team. #51336MarkParticipantAnyone,
I am definitely the wrong person to ask on anything to do with office politics.Am I right to understand that you meant duplication of work rather than duplicity?
I do suggest that you get alignment especially from your own team lead when it comes to anything to do with raising issues and concerns about your own team or the other team.
You may want to confer with your own team lead to ask for his/her suggestions how best to smooth things over with this visiting lead.
And/Or, how about having you, your team lead and this visiting lead may go into a conference room to address this kerfuffle head on. You would apologize saying that you did not mean to offend but raised the issue with the best interests in mind for the company. You may want to say that you want to have better relations and note that it does neither side no good to point out this in public/team meetings. You made a mistake for doing that. Have an agreement to talk one-on-one about it so both teams won’t get involved with the bickering.
I wish you luck.
MarkMarkParticipantI cannot answer your questions Mike. Only you can do that.
I know myself. I know if someone says it is over then I walk away. I know I have the Avoidant Attachment style though. I have a friend who is an Anxious Attachment style and he hangs on and obsesses long after the relationship is over.
I view relationships are self selecting, i.e. if it does not work then there is good reason why.
I wish you the best.
Mark
MarkParticipantflaca,
I would think having an only child makes it especially painful when you are no longer in her life.I can only offer is to keep trying. If you want to see her then see her.
Whatever relationship issues that you had with her, it is important for you to let her know that you love her.
Best,
MarkFebruary 19, 2014 at 8:10 am in reply to: Just thought I’ve got some enlightenment, then it happens ;) #51332MarkParticipantohwell,
I can relate on finding another woman who is more fill-in-the-blank than my spouse.When I awoke to myself, I realized I craved the spiritual, emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy that I was missing in my marriage.
I keep trying to co-create that with my wife but she was not interested. When I realized that I could not change myself enough not to want it and that my wife did not want to be so intimate with me like that, I divorced.
What helped me to that decision was I kept reaching out to women who could provide that to me. I knew it was wrong but I was a man dying of thirst. I did not like compromising my integrity like that. Later I realized I was trying to be in integrity with my soul.
Now I am single and I have several good male and female friends who provide great spiritual and emotional sustenance. I hug all of them as well.
What I am trying to convey is that it is nice to have an “other woman” in your life to provide that spiritual juice that is missing from your wife however I believe if you wish to stay in your marriage there are other ways to get that without getting into an emotional affair.
Metta,
MarkFebruary 19, 2014 at 8:02 am in reply to: break up again – (decisions post from a while backcontinued) #51331MarkParticipantBarbs.
I wish you peace and love during this time of loss and confusion.
I read your pain on how it is in this turmoil of self judgment, grief, loneliness.I don’t have any wisdom or techniques to give to you to make it better.
I can only offer you my heart and presence to let you know that I hear you and I acknowledge your pain and fear.I do know that everything is temporary, that no matter how bad it is now, things will change.
I love the quote from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel movie, “Everything will be all right in the end… if it’s not all right then it’s not yet the end. ”
Right now I suggest you breath, just breath. Our breath calms us. Our breath keeps us alive and centered.
Also if you can do it, sit in meditation and be with your pain. Sit with it. It is damn hard to do but it does help.
Metta,
MarkMarkParticipantDi,
I would think it is normal to have conflicting emotions at a time like this. You definitely have great insight about your husband and how this relationship has enriched your spiritual learning and self awareness.I can relate to you about how something is right but there is still pain. I believe that for most significant changes in my life, it was painful. Change is painful or at least discomforting for me. So I don’t associate what is right with ease and happiness all the time. I know that changing my life for the better always took a leap of faith out into the unknown, away from my comfort zone.
I am impressed how you have come to the realization that you and he are no different, just that you look at things differently. It is our egos that make us seem different or better/worse.
Yes trusting life is one of the hardest things for me to do as well.
Peace,
MarkMarkParticipantThank you for such a kind response Lily!
My heart is warmed by your kindness and sweetness.
Metta,
MarkMarkParticipantHi mike,
I am impressed with your insights, your turnaround in awareness, and your ownership of your behavior.There is a step in ther 12 Step Program to make amends: http://www.12step.com/12steps/making-amends.html.
I believe in that process to address any harm done, however inadvertent.
A handwritten letter, U.S. Mailed to her would be a significant way of conveying how sincere you are. The words you used here should be a good basis of such a leter.
I do believe that our mistakes in life can be viewed as opportunities for growth even though I say F*CK THAT whenever I do here that phrase, but it is true.
Regardless of the outcome, you have become a more conscious and self aware man from this.
Mark
MarkParticipantsuma,
I am sorry about your depression. Good for you for getting treatment for it. What is the nature of that treatment?I suggest that 6 months is not a long enough time to really to get to know another person to be so deeply in love with them. The first 9 months or so is the honeymoon, stars in your eyes stage of the relationship usually. Love is a verb which goes beyond the goo goo eyes and chemistry. It is like mindfulness. It takes work in good times and in bad. It is caring in the midst of drudgery or pain. That probably does not help you right now.
You ask, how do you get over this break up. Beyond your treatment with depression, I believe in the power of meditation. I believe in facing our pain by sitting with it really helps. This depression, betrayed love, loneliness all are a part of you. I believe that the process of staying with those things that give us pain helps us through it. Robert Frost said, “The best way out is always through. ”
I wish you healing and comfort.
Mark
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