Hello anita

He did ask me if i hear voices or if i feel like people are talking about me which i told him no. I did have disorganized thinking the first week that happened, i couldn’t easily form sentences and i would forget words/things within seconds.I had some of the number 4 u said and all of number 5. Also, foggy thoughts and feeling mentally overloaded, sometimes lights would feel too bright indeed. Idk how we mean the world is “off” so idk about that.
I did have/still do C/D/E/F.

It seemed weird to me too, but maybe he has experience? I have no idea at this point, but i read that this med he prescribed me with is making you chill/not anxious so your mind can ease off the delirium thoughts. It made me sleepy and heavy when i woke up, it was like my mouth was so heavy that i couldn’t talk easily, but i have no compulsive/delirium thoughts so idk if the meds are correct. I still am anhedonic and numb

I don’t just recognize her positives, she has negatives as well, but she did show me love and her intentions were pure and i liked it very much, was one of the things that made me like her so much.

Well, i returned from the doctor and he diagnosed me within 20 minutes, i was shocked. I told him 3-4 things and he described my situation (and my past behaviors) spot on. He said i went through dissociation/DP/DR and right now i dont just ruminate, i am in the middle of a psychotic episode, not OCD/rOCD, its a delirium of sorts and if i leave it untreated it will only get worse, ending things with the girl won’t help because it’s not the cause, it will just attach on something else. He said it’s good that i spotted it early (because it’s in the beginning stages, but he thinks i’ve always been prone to that). I also told him i relate to many ADHD symptoms and he said that ADHD is in fact kinda in the bipolar spectrum. From what i described to him, he said that i was manic (euphoric) when things were good and then it came to a crash suddenly (the morning i woke up and felt “off”, like i didn’t know who i was talking to), which is now an emotional flatline phase and it i don’t treat it with meds it will only get worse. He also said that talk therapy alone will only make it worse because this has not much to do with attachment styles and traumas the way i was looking at it. He prescribed me 10mg of Lapozan Oro every night and he guaranteed that i will see difference immediately and i will find my feelings again (i’m starting tonight but im kinda anxious). He believes i’m composed and smart so i’m gonna get through this quite quickly. He also suggested that the other psychotherapist isn’t helping because she is focusing on the wrong things (which i was feeling too, since she was focusing on relationship and my issue is general) and she’s too young (she is 26) to be experienced in psychotic situations and maybe i don’t need her. He said i really need meds and perhaps some therapy once or twice a month.

Any of it sounds familiar, anita? 🙂

I think u are right, it might be rocd, i got all the symptoms but i dont wanna self-diagnose. Ive also read about zoloft helping people, i will phone a psychiatrist tomorrow, but it’s not bad at nights idk why (probably dopamine spikes a bit). So idk, it comes and goes but when it comes it definitely does.

Yes exactly, i am numb to the present and i cry for what was, maybe that robs me of joy.

Hello anita, i’m the same as before, just emptier and more tired.. I’ve distanced myself from too much searching (even tho i still use AI)

I hope u’re ok too 🙂

I know u did and videos dont help me at all. All i read about is fear, but wouldnt i be able to feel fear if that was the case?

Yes i saw a lot of similarities, my mother was also kind of “threatening” to kick me out but she never meant it, she was just mentioning it, i know she would never do that.
My father would leave the house after some big fights too, or when he was travelling for work which could last 4-5 days a week. I was also kinda bullied in school.

I dont know anita, i still cant connect my childhood experiences to this one. I was feeling so in-love and suddenly i felt off/repulsed/anxious. She showed no signs of violence/negativity and stuff, how could that be related?

Hey anita

U mean same as the other people here that went through that? I wish they were here to inform us on what happened 🙁

I guess i should accept it, but it makes me question myself on everything, and it will keep happening in the future from now on, even if i get with another girl, i wont allow myself to bond that deep again.

I think we are both relating to the song with thomas 🙂

Hey Roberta

It feels very hard to concentrate and practice for me, idk why. Maybe i have to try harder? My mind wanders elsewhere instantly.

But i see what u mean, by “getting better” i meant being in a more steady headspace, but maybe this is the way now.

Hey anita

I guess those ARE feelings and maybe i miss the dopamine then? I have to redefine my view on feelings/love. Even though i hesitate to text her, i think about her constantly and just 10 minutes ago i was crying my guts out again, thinking of her and calling her sweet words, but then it goes away and i get indifferent, its strange.

No no i didn’t report it and i didn’t see what u wrote.